My best friend left, how to forget someone. How to forget your ex-wife, lover, girlfriend: advice from psychologists and practical trainings

Good afternoon

Everyone writes about love, sex, betrayal and the search for the other half... And here I am with my completely ordinary problem. But I can’t cope on my own.

We also had a love triangle. But friendly.

I had a friend A. We were friends with her for more than 2 years. The friendship was wonderful, real. Moreover, we were connected by the fact that we have very unusual thinking, we always dream of the impossible and together we make our crazy dreams come true. Everyone twirled their finger at their temples when we told them what we dreamed about, what we wanted. At the same time, we have an unusual view of the world, we are both real optimists, and optimists to the point of madness, we are also both creative personalities, we make jewelry, alter clothes, change something in shoes, we love all sorts of cards and surprises very much. We were also connected by our love for the same music group. We went to concerts together. Besides this, of course, we did everything together and knew everything about each other. That is, we were very similar, one was a mirror image of the other in terms of hobbies and worldview.

It’s worth telling about another mutual friend of ours. Before me, A had a very good friend, S. They had a completely different relationship, constant quarrels, but at the same time they also communicated wonderfully. I was also friends with S, but she was not my best friend. When A began to communicate closely with me, S was very jealous and as a result, A and C had a scandalous quarrel. I’ll be honest, I didn’t do anything for this. Moreover, S abruptly stopped communicating with me and even began to hate me, apparently, she considered me a homewrecker.

My friend A endlessly told me how unbearable it was for her to be friends with S. She literally threw mud at her. Although I convinced her that she should only remember the good things.

Two years have passed.
Somehow, little by little, it turned out that I stopped communicating with A. There was silence for two months. Then she emailed me. We started to figure out why this happened. It turned out that it was unbearable to communicate with me and that I was a terrible person (her words were exactly similar to the insulting words addressed to our old friend S). That is, history repeated itself.

And now, as you may have guessed, I don’t communicate with A at all. And she returned safely to S, forgave her everything and now they are best friends.

My problem is that I’m offended that A poured a bunch of crap on me, even accusing me of something I didn’t do. Well, why can’t you just break up, forget and let the person go? Why is it necessary to insult him and bring him down below the plinth? It hurts me so much... I loved A very much... She was my second loved one, my family...

And probably now I really want people to feel sorry for me, to tell me how good I am. But I know that this is not necessary. I just want to figure out if I’m really that bad and forget about everything.

Thank you for reading to the end.

The situation is banal, but maybe someone had something similar, how did you cope with your feelings?

Ending a friendship is a very difficult emotional and psychological stage. Friendship may end due to betrayal or because friends moved to different cities or became different people. It takes everyone different amounts of time to come to terms with the end of a friendship, depending on the length of the friendship, the degree of intimacy, and the reason for the relationship ending. Take your time and find time to be sad so that you can forget your ex-friend and live a full life.

Steps

Part 1

Cry if you need to. After accepting that the friendship has indeed ended, you may feel intense sadness at the loss of your friend. Crying is a very natural reaction to this situation, as it is a healthy way to express sadness. If you don't want to cry, you don't have to. Be that as it may, you must recognize and accept all your emotions.

Go for a walk or exercise. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which makes you feel better. Also, during a walk you can breathe in fresh air and soak up the sun, which will improve your mood.

Discuss your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor. A conversation with someone you trust will help you “digest” your emotions and see the situation from the outside. Your friend or counselor can help you look at the problem from a different angle and ease the sadness of ending a friendship.

• If your ex-friend has left for another city, then you can call your mutual friend, who also misses him. Talk about your ex together to help you cope with your sadness. You can say: “Hello, Masha. I'm so sorry that Zhenya moved to another city. I really miss her jokes. Do you miss her too?”
• If you have a fight with your ex-girlfriend, call someone you trust to tell them that you are angry and feel betrayed. Share what happened between you, ask to express an objective opinion from the outside. For example, you could say: “Natasha and I had a big fight last week. I asked her to return 200 rubles to me, to which she began to shout and claim that I was petty. Do you think asking me to return my money is a petty thing to do? Or was her reaction too strong?”

1. Spend time with other friends. Chat and have fun with other friends to make it easier for you to cope with the loss of your friend. If you're sad about the end of a friendship with someone, call another friend and ask her to meet you. Offer to go to the cinema, cafe, listen to music or play games. Choose an activity that you really enjoy.

   Meet new people. If you broke up with a friend because you moved to another city, then you simply need to find new friends. In a new place you will very quickly feel loneliness. Go to places where you can socialize and meet new people.

   • Look for various events on the Internet. Residents of many cities gather in clubs based on interests such as board games, knitting or music and arrange meetings on social networks. Search for information that interests you to find out about upcoming events.
   • Do volunteer work. Do community service that interests you. This way you will not only meet new people, but you will also be able to learn new skills and have fun.
   • Become a member of a sports team. Parks and gyms often host sporting events in which you can take part. If there are no sports clubs near you, there should probably be basketball courts or football fields where you can play with others, since the players are usually quite friendly and will gladly accept you as part of their team.

2. Do things that bring you joy. Find a hobby, play sports or other enjoyable activities. If you don't know what you want to do, then try to learn a new hobby. This could include arts and crafts projects, sporting activities like biking or kayaking, playing a musical instrument, or making birdhouses.

   Write a goodbye letter to your ex-girlfriend that you won't send. Write down all the anger, disappointment and pain you feel in a letter. List all the reasons why you will miss your old friend.

Instructions

Soften the shock. Some people prefer to wait out the most acute and sad time by overeating on chocolate and watching soap operas, others spend hours playing online games or surfing YouTube in search of love songs. This is normal, but up to a certain point. It’s okay if such a period lasts from three days to three weeks. But if it drags on, you need to turn on your willpower and pride: “I’m too good to be smeared like that.” Depression must mature in order to move into the next phase, when the interest in life awakens, and the person tries to comprehend what happened.

Give an outlet for energy. When parting, the unhappy lover falls into melancholy, hates himself or others, and shifts the blame for what happened to others. This is also a form, but it needs to be controlled. There is no point in suppressing negative thoughts or pushing them into the subconscious. If it hurts, then you need to admit it and feel sorry for yourself. But at this time it is better to practice yoga, tai chi, qigong. Gymnastics for the body will calm the mind and give “endorphins” - natural hormones of happiness and the best antidepressant. If everything is correct, then one day after training the question will arise in your head: “Am I really killing him?” Life is too good for tears!

Go out to people. Love gives you a feeling of emotional comfort, the opportunity to express your feelings, your inner world. Many lovers become so obsessed with each other that they lose friends. And then they find themselves in a vacuum. Therefore, it will be useful to focus on who needs your help, do charity work, and sign up as a volunteer. Warm emotions, tenderness, gratitude will help cope with the feeling of loneliness. And you can get the usual norm of communication in a new one. It will be very useful to learn a new hobby, study languages, and finally create your own website. A new circle of acquaintances and interests will crowd out memories of a friend.

Turn everything upside down. A month and a half after the breakup (and for some even earlier), you should do the following exercise: write down in a column everything negative that the collapse of love brought, and next to it - draw positive conclusions. For example, “I felt bad for two weeks” - “But now I’m a level 80 elf, I watched all the melodramas and threw out all the trash from my room.” “He betrayed me” - “He gave me an experience that would save me from a more dangerous situation.” We don't suspect that we gain from separation.

Understand what is happening to you. Lovesickness is akin to poisoning. If you get sick and continue to eat poisoned mushrooms, death is possible. It is much smarter to throw out the mushrooms, take a sorbent that draws toxins from the body and rest. It's the same with feeling. It destroys the mind and soul.

Good afternoon

Everyone writes about love, sex, betrayal and the search for the other half... And here I am with my completely ordinary problem. But I can’t cope on my own.

We also had a love triangle. But friendly.

I had a friend A. We were friends with her for more than 2 years. The friendship was wonderful, real. Moreover, we were connected by the fact that we have very unusual thinking, we always dream of the impossible and together we make our crazy dreams come true. Everyone twirled their finger at their temples when we told them what we dreamed about, what we wanted. At the same time, we have an unusual view of the world, we are both real optimists, and optimists to the point of madness, we are also both creative personalities, we make jewelry, alter clothes, change something in shoes, we love all sorts of cards and surprises very much. We were also connected by our love for the same music group. We went to concerts together. Besides this, of course, we did everything together and knew everything about each other. That is, we were very similar, one was a mirror image of the other in terms of hobbies and worldview.

It’s worth telling about another mutual friend of ours. Before me, A had a very good friend, S. They had a completely different relationship, constant quarrels, but at the same time they also communicated wonderfully. I was also friends with S, but she was not my best friend. When A began to communicate closely with me, S was very jealous and as a result, A and C had a scandalous quarrel. I’ll be honest, I didn’t do anything for this. Moreover, S abruptly stopped communicating with me and even began to hate me, apparently, she considered me a homewrecker.

My friend A endlessly told me how unbearable it was for her to be friends with S. She literally threw mud at her. Although I convinced her that she should only remember the good things.

Two years have passed.
Somehow, little by little, it turned out that I stopped communicating with A. There was silence for two months. Then she emailed me. We started to figure out why this happened. It turned out that it was unbearable to communicate with me and that I was a terrible person (her words were exactly similar to the insulting words addressed to our old friend S). That is, history repeated itself.

And now, as you may have guessed, I don’t communicate with A at all. And she returned safely to S, forgave her everything and now they are best friends.

My problem is that I’m offended that A poured a bunch of crap on me, even accusing me of something I didn’t do. Well, why can’t you just break up, forget and let the person go? Why is it necessary to insult him and bring him down below the plinth? It hurts me so much... I loved A very much... She was my second loved one, my family...

And probably now I really want people to feel sorry for me, to tell me how good I am. But I know that this is not necessary. I just want to figure out if I’m really that bad and forget about everything.

Thank you for reading to the end.

The situation is banal, but maybe someone had something similar, how did you cope with your feelings?

Not every friendship lasts forever. In fact, there are many reasons that can lead to the end of a friendship. Regardless of the reasons for breaking such a connection, losing a friend can turn into a rather painful process. Luckily, there are several things you can do to help you move on with your life after losing someone who was once an important part of your life.

Steps

Part 1

Don't look for someone to blame. Blaming only breeds anger and does not lead to anything good. Both you and your ex are responsible for the demise of your friendship, and you cannot control each other's feelings, thoughts, decisions, and actions. Understand that you both played a role in the end of the friendship - this will help to consider the potential reasons for the breakup from different perspectives.

Deal with your negative emotions. You may feel angry, guilty, sad, or upset about the loss of your friendship.

• This is completely normal. It is very important that you sort out all these feelings on your own or even with the help of a psychologist. Try expressing your emotions using one of the following images:
• write about your feelings;
• talk about your feelings;
• pour your emotions into art;

1. direct your emotions into some other productive direction. Allow yourself to go through this emotional process.

   You may experience a range of emotions when dealing with loss. You need to allow yourself to sort through these feelings and understand where these emotions come from. Do you miss him? Do you miss his support? Or perhaps you miss spending time together? To come to terms with your emotions, you need to understand why you feel the way you feel.

   Allow yourself to feel the full depth of your emotions. Don't try to block out the negative or painful emotions that accompany the loss of your friendship. Feel your pain and negativity and eventually you will be able to overcome these feelings and heal.

   Remember that time heals. To heal from your loss and move forward, you will have to be patient. Take your time, everything has its time, haste can only aggravate negative experiences.

   Understand that people grow and change. You are no longer the same person you were when you met your friend, and your friend has also changed since then. Over time, changes occur in all of us, our interests and hobbies change, which in the future can cause disagreements and distance between friends. Understanding that this is a normal fact of life will help you better accept the end of your friendship.

   • Think about who you were when you met your ex-boyfriend.
   • Think about who your ex-friend was when you met.
   • Think about how you became friends with this person.
   • Think about who you are now. How have you changed over the course of your friendship?
   • Think about who your ex-friend is now. How has he changed?
   • Make a list of significant changes that have happened to you and your friend over the course of your relationship.
   • Please read this list carefully and understand that changes, although not noticeable without careful study, are inevitable. Both you and your ex-friend have changed, and perhaps as a result you are no longer compatible as friends. Understand and accept this fact without blaming anyone, it will help you move on.

2. Accept that your friendship is over. It is not easy to accept this, but it is necessary so that you can move on in life.

   Moreover, accepting the situation means that you have come to terms with it and no longer torment yourself with “what if” thoughts, think about the details of the breakdown of your friendship that cannot be changed, and do not become depressed.

   Part 2

   1. Focus on other things Focus on what you can control.

      • accept your own emotions and work on them;
      • try to treat others kindly, including a former friend;
      • devote more time to friends and family;
      • move on in life.

   2. Cut off all contact with your ex-friend. This will allow you to distance yourself from the person and focus your time and energy on something else. You'll be less likely to think about your old friendship if you stop interacting with your friend. Finally, by stopping contact with your ex-friend, you will avoid unnecessary negativity between you. To do this you can:

      • block a friend's phone number;
      • ignore and/or delete his emails;
      • do not respond to messages;
      • remove from friends list or block on social networks;
      • avoid personal meetings.

   3. Do something that will take your mind off the loss. Go shopping, go to the cinema or go for a walk if you want to get away for a while. If you think you need a longer activity, consider taking up a new hobby or dedicating your time to helping others. Whatever activity you choose, it is important to somehow fill your time in order to direct your emotions and energy in a positive direction. Here is a list of activities that will help you take your mind off things:

      • dancing;
      • Music Creation;
      • reading;
      • workout;
      • sport;
      • creative project;
      • volunteering for a charity;
      • teaching others.

   4. Work on yourself. It will take you time to process and accept the end of the friendship. While you are grieving your loss, you need to take care of yourself. Be sure to eat healthy, get enough rest, work on your emotions in a healthy way, and don't isolate yourself. Remember that sometimes you need to put self-care first. You can improve your well-being in the following ways:

      • connect with friends and family when you feel lonely;
      • eat healthy and don't overeat;
      • spend time alone with yourself to relax and recharge;
      • make time for activities that you enjoy.

   Part 3

   Connect with others

   1. Share your experiences with someone you trust. Keeping your emotions bottled up will only hurt you. Talk to a friend or family member, someone you love and trust, because they can support you, even just by listening.

   • All of these benefits will undoubtedly be a huge plus for anyone dealing with the loss of a close friend.
   • Losing a friend can be an extremely difficult experience. Be kind to yourself and your ex-friend.
   • When you run into your ex-friend, be generous and act like an adult. Avoid attacks, humiliation and insults towards this person. He once meant a lot to you, and perhaps still does. Remind yourself why you valued this person so highly if you feel the urge to say or do something rude or cruel.
   • When reminiscing about old friendships, refrain from negative memories and think about the joyful moments you spent with your former friend.
   • Don't say anything negative about your ex-friend on social media as it will be hurtful and will make you look very bad.