How to stop being afraid and meet a girl. How to overcome the fear of talking to a girl

Paralyzing fear, coming from somewhere inside and always manifesting itself at the wrong time, breaks the plans created. It would seem that you have found the one you were looking for, here she is standing right in front of you, but uncertainty in words and timidity in the body ruin any chance of achieving female attention.

Fear of meeting a girl is a common disease, characteristic of any age category, and what is most dangerous is that if the main cause of its occurrence is not identified, then there is a very high probability that it will persist for life.

We will analyze the main reasons for the emergence and manifestation of “fear of approach” in order to save you from this illness and give you free communication in any situation!

What is “Fear of Approach?”

"Fear of Approach"– a complex and individual feature that causes fear of communication with the opposite sex. There is only one way to get rid of it once and for all, one, but guaranteed effective method.

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Any fear, not just the fear of girls, is the result of negative experiences in the past. The same experience that brought physical or mental discomfort.

When, showing initiative and courage in anything, you came across “sharp rocks”, an unpleasant imprint remained in your memory, which is then imposed on all subsequent attempts to change the situation.

The reason for its occurrence could be not so much you yourself as the environment, namely: An unpleasant interlocutor who greatly insulted or offended you, a pretty girl who rudely told you off, or a friend who laughed at your idea, which you have since been afraid to implement.

If we strain our memory, then each of us will find in the secluded corners of our consciousness those very “dark” days through the prism of which we perceive the present and even future life.

But how can this be, if everyone has such memories, but the fear of acquaintance, although many, but not everyone? This is an individual matter, depending on willpower, character traits and temperament. You can even strengthen this disease by saying that it is initially inherent in everyone, and overcoming it is your personal duty! But let’s not exaggerate the already dark colors, this is not true, but everything is exactly like that in relation to you!

How so? It's simple! A woman is mysterious and unclear, and the unknown always causes fear, that’s why there is a mystery, so that it can be solved!

Hearing the burning “No” once again means adding plus one memory to the piggy bank that you really want to get rid of. Vicious circle? Before trying to open it, you need to get rid of existing complexes and prevent the emergence of new ones. It's like trying to solve a math problem without going through the topic, and convincing yourself of your stupidity every time you get the wrong answer! It’s funny and naive, but this is exactly how it happens when communicating with girls.

Fear is not a physical phenomenon, but a defense mechanism of the body that makes itself felt every time you strive to conquer the unknown! In our case, the identification of universal mystery is a beautiful girl!

A guy who is ashamed of himself asks the question, how to meet a girl? - instead of asking - What do you need to get rid of the garbage in your head?

How to overcome the fear of dating?

The actual treatment process follows a very simple, but time-consuming formula: To get rid of bad experiences in the past, you need a positive result, at least once, this will be more than enough!

But how can you achieve success in something where you have been plagued by failure for many years? The next time the opportunity presents itself, when the beautiful lady you already have your eye on appears again, you need to “turn off your brain”! It sounds crazy, but now you will understand everything!

When the same or similar situation is repeated, the event or several events that caused your panic complex and fear of opening your mouth, the brain automatically reproduces “unsuccessful takes” in the subconscious. It’s a self-preservation lever that you can’t get rid of, but you have to learn to control. You remember the past, which stops you in the present, again I will hear “No”, again they will not support me, like last time, they will laugh at me again, and so on.

“Turning off the brain” means not thinking about it, just forgetting and forgetting about what once was. Relax, this time everything is new. Another woman, another time and perhaps even a different you, just don’t think about the bad experiences. It sounds easy, of course, but in reality it is not enough.

Until you get it into your head that the new girl is a blank slate, nothing will help. On this sheet you have the opportunity to draw and depict yourself in any way you want, to do and say whatever you want, of course, this is a metaphor, but the essence is clear.

If you don’t stress yourself out too much, don’t think about your own, most often imaginary, complexes, then everything will go exactly as you imagine. For healing, one successful time is enough, and a long list of failures will fade into the background in comparison with the long-awaited success.

A woman can smell complexes, phobias, timidity of words, as well as bodies, from a kilometer away, remember this! To hear “Yes” from the desired lady, you will have to practice on your appearance, manner of speaking and behavior in society.

Fear of girls not only limits your communication, but also reinforces the false idea of ​​personal inferiority. I don’t think it’s worth telling what consequences this might have. No need, they are afraid. You are not going to tame a wild animal that can tear you to shreds. And this is much more dangerous.

As soon as your spiritual world finds the correct and expedient direction, your body will no longer show signs of fear and uncertainty, since there will simply be no fear of women in you.

It all starts with the head, and while there is chaos and confusion in it, there is no point in playing sports in the hope of attracting attention with the body. Even an athletic physique and good looks will not give you confidence, because The reason for the “fear of approach” does not lie in a physical disability, they say, you are too ugly for her, but deep in the subconscious.

• Think over your line, which you will say after the words of introduction. A well-thought-out beginning of a dialogue gives confidence and a state of peace.
• Give a mental countdown from 3 seconds. And then just take it and come over. The brain switches itself off after such a sharp shock and no longer burdens you with unnecessary doubts.
• Have a fight with a friend that you can meet a girl. You will either achieve your goal or lose respect for yourself, which is very unpleasant. You can also make a monetary bet for motivation, so that the desire to retreat from the goal will finally disappear, and victory will also bring money!

Additional techniques: how to tune yourself to the desired wavelength, from a professional pickup artist:

Psychology of communication with girls

To make a conversation with a lady as easy and pleasant as possible, you need to know and understand the peculiarities of their psychology. Learning interesting communication is not difficult, only if you have a goal and desire.

You need to be able to take the right position in any dialogue, namely to be not only a silent listener, but also to complement the girl, clarify and ask relevant questions. This is similar to communicating with a friend, the principle is similar, but has its differences. At a minimum the fact that Unlike a friend who can understand your isolation or silence, a girl is not capable of this. Here you yourself will have to set the tone and vector of development of the dialogue, make it interesting and fun.

Here are some tips that you not only can, but must follow if you want to learn how to attract female attention in communication:

1. Don't complain. Never dump your problems and difficulties on her; no one cares about them except you. Everyone has personal concerns, and that’s why they are personal, since they require independent solutions, and not public discussion.
2. Develop your horizons. Be well-read and erudite; the more information you have, the easier it is to win over those around you. First of all, you need to do this for yourself. As soon as your personal growth begins to differ from what it was yesterday, life will sparkle with new colors. Information owns the world, it is the most valuable resource, being a source of knowledge is always useful and profitable.
3. The conversation must be active. You should sound confident, clear and, most importantly, lively! Nobody wants to listen to mumble, while a good speaker can interest even a boring topic. Having mastered this skill even a little, the attitude and respect towards you will only go uphill!
4. Know how to not only tell an interesting story, but also listen convincingly. The girl should see your interest in her words, understand that she is interesting.
5. always pleasant to everyone. Don’t be shy to talk about the beauty of her figure or hairstyle, a well-chosen accessory and the smell of perfume. This way you will also emphasize your attentiveness.
6. A man must remain a man under any circumstances. It is necessary, if possible, to strengthen your authority with courageous and good deeds, to arouse some admiration for your person.
7. Learn to surprise. This is a good way to show your non-standard and originality. Nice gifts and interesting tricks are what you need!
8. Don't run after a woman, show your independence. Why does she need another errand boy? Be as imperturbable as you are, someone who needs to be conquered. Let her know that you are interested in her, but not by courting her, but by not joining her Fan Club!

General topics for conversation with a girl

In fact, you can talk about anything, as much as you want, anywhere! The question is how to achieve this result? In addition to good and close relationships, you need mutual trust and understanding of each other. You can overcome the barrier of permitted topics only by gradually getting closer to your interlocutor, and then the boundaries will be erased.

If during the meeting you couldn’t even put two words together, then, ultimately, you can spend hours discussing absolutely everything that surrounds you. However, you can start your first live dialogue with the topics given below. They will help you open up emotionally, express your thoughts and establish regular communication.

Examples:

• Cloth. Ask what famous brands she likes, what clothes she prefers and, of course, compliment her taste.
• Almost everyone has pets. A short story about your pet, be it a cat or a fish and why exactly them?
• If your relationship is close enough, you can bring up the topic of sex. Discuss familiar couples, are they really suitable for each other?
• Religion. One of the topics that you can talk about forever and still not move. You will learn well about the views, philosophy and method of life of the interlocutor, in addition, it is very easy to switch to ghosts, spirits and other supernatural phenomena.
• Movie. Talking about films is perhaps one of my favorite topics when dating. We ask what genres she likes, express our opinion and say what we like, explain why, and then invite her to go to the cinema. The topic is very broad, you can touch on the actors and argue in the same way which of them are the most significant.

In addition, when talking about your favorite movie, your words will automatically be supported by feelings and emotions, you will enthusiastically tell what you think about this or that. An interesting and ideal topic, especially recommended by me personally!

• Favorite books. Unlike films, if you express yourself harshly and carelessly, you can offend a girl. Since a negative review of a book is taken personally, as if speaking about bad taste. Of course, these are small things and the topic is certainly excellent. What can characterize a person better than unread books?
• Hobbies. Simple and obvious. Conversation about who does what, likes and why. We ask about plans for the future and get even more interesting things.
• Food. The most delicious, exotic dishes you've ever eaten. What is included in your daily diet? You can also invite you to a cafe or restaurant to try something delicious!
• Favorite holidays and preferred gifts. Surely you will find out her birthday, ask what she wanted, what would be given to her. Favorite time of year, month and why exactly it!

Fear of girls is, first of all, a complex that needs to be gotten rid of immediately! Detailed instructions in the video:

A relationship expert teaches you how to overcome your fears. A must watch!!!

Fear of taking the first step in order to start a relationship. A person who has never done this before finds himself in a zone of severe discomfort. He is acutely faced with the question of what his next actions are and how to start a conversation correctly. Seeing a girl you like, you feel embarrassment, confusion, excitement, loss of self-control, often tremors, confusion of thoughts. This all happens because this girl and her reaction to your words and actions are unknown to the psyche.

"I do not know what to say". Think in advance about what to say and how to keep the conversation going. This will help remove fear and be more prepared to start dating. Experienced trainers will help you “build” a dialogue with a woman in such a way that your acquaintance with her will be successful. With more positive experiences, fear is overcome.

Consequences of all kinds of low-quality pickup training. Unfortunately, situations like this are quite common. A man comes to a training and, instead of learning how to get acquainted, leaves the training in even greater confusion. Sometimes, a young person experiences outright horror at the mere thought of “,” although he had not experienced it at all before the training. Accordingly, a negative perception of women arises, a negative attitude towards communicating with them, thanks to such “mountain trainings”, in which, so to speak, they teach the rules of dating. Choose competent specialists, visit quality ones who will help you become effective in communicating with the opposite sex.

Reason four – not a very happy childhood. Perhaps as a child or teenager, you made your first attempts to make acquaintances. But they were not successful. It is not uncommon for a blow to self-esteem to occur at school or college age. Most often, your parents have a strong influence on the formation of your self-perception. All this leads to the formation of a phobia of dating at the subconscious level. Deep in your brain is the conviction that you are a person who is not worthy of meeting the opposite sex. It is necessary to eliminate this cause, find the age of its occurrence, and resort to hypnotherapy.

The anxiety state lies in a rather serious and difficult period of puberty. Some young people experience failures on the love front, or have negative sexual experiences. Such deeply rooted failures in past experiences usually contribute to the formation of a fear of communication.

In the process of psychotherapeutic work, one often has to deal with resentment towards the mother. There are families where the boy was raised by his father, and females in the house were not characterized in the best way. In some indirect way this affects the fear of starting a relationship. Such people do not want to copy the behavior of their parents. Thus, a person begins to experience discomfort when meeting females. All these problems should be addressed immediately.

The Impact of Low Self-Esteem

Often the reason why your blood runs cold at the thought of meeting a decent woman is low self-esteem. The man considers himself unworthy. As already noted, this comes from childhood. Unsuccessful relationships with the team, which leave an imprint, hurt a man’s self-esteem. The person considers himself not worthy to meet.

People are pack animals. Assessment is necessary to build a hierarchy of relationships in a team. Self-esteem helps you to wedge yourself into society and occupy a certain niche in it. But, in the minds of average guys, treacherous thoughts often arise that they are not worthy of meeting girls, because they do not have the proper social status, attractive appearance and, in general, have many shortcomings!

In reality, stupor upon meeting someone does not depend in any way on your social status. Everything “sits” deep in our subconscious. Social status has absolutely nothing to do with it. There are often cases when young people with low social status approach girls without much fear. They receive refusals. But, at the same time, they are not at all upset, but continue to approach other women.

The place we occupy in society is important to us. Man is a social creature, living in a “huge flock.” We are afraid of losing or worsening the role assigned to us in society. Many people care what people around them think about them. In fact, it is a fear of losing one’s place in society. Fear of saying something “wrong” or making a mistake. Many people are afraid that they will be misunderstood and will be laughed at.

Naturally, if you approach an attractive girl surrounded by friends and receive a refusal from her, you will not be kicked out of society. But becoming a laughing stock in the eyes of those around you means not taking the best place in society. Many people are afraid of this, although sometimes they do not admit it. This is an exaggerated, incorrect understanding of one’s place in society and the consequences that approaching a girl can cause. It is important to understand that because of refusal, your role in society will not decrease in any way!

Approach phobia in this sense is somewhat similar to public speaking phobia. A person is afraid of losing or lowering his social status. After all, speaking in front of the public, you feel embarrassed, blush, and are afraid of disgracing yourself. Some people think that they may be mistaken for being inadequate and will be laughed at and at the words they say.

Preliminary preparation will help solve this problem. It is important to think through the whole situation step by step, what you will say, how you will look. For some, rehearsing in front of a mirror will even help. At the same time, it is important to do this not in shorts or tights with pulled knees, but in decent clothes - a shirt, jacket and jeans.

Do psychological work with a specialist who will help you tune in to a positive result and work with your beliefs. In the end, it is important to realize that this is not scary and is quite acceptable for you. And the people around you are not very interested in what you are doing.

The result of working with a competent specialist will be the incorporation of new beliefs that approaches are adequate, normal, acceptable both for you and for the people around you.

What is low self-esteem?

Underestimation is an inadequate assessment of oneself as a person. Often, inadequate assessment is formed in childhood. For example, parents scolded the child, saying that he did something wrong, and in a rude, accusatory tone. The feeling that you have made a serious and irreparable mistake sinks firmly into the subconscious. In the future, you try not to do this again, or you do it very carefully and with fear that now they will “stick your nose in it” again. But to your parents, you could simply explain what you did well and what could be improved.

Underestimation of personality - when a handsome and muscular man is afraid to meet a beautiful woman, thinking that he is not worthy of her and that she will run away from him at any opportunity. In fact, his appearance is quite attractive to beautiful girls.

Another example is when a handsome man dates not very attractive girls. A not very attractive girl will feel uncomfortable with such a man. She will think that sooner or later he will leave her. Over time, feeling oppressed by such thoughts, she herself will begin to look for a simpler man. The one that will seem more reliable in her eyes. As a result, he will leave someone more worthy. And our man’s self-esteem will be greatly shaken! Not only did he date a fearful woman, but she also left him! In fact, it is important for him to understand that they left him not because he is so bad and unworthy, but because, on the contrary, he is too good for her.

Evaluate yourself adequately; do not overestimate or underestimate yourself. With an overestimated assessment, you can “cut your forehead” in a matter of time, but with a low assessment, you are threatened with loneliness, because you, considering yourself unworthy, may be left alone.

Evaluate yourself competently from all sides. If you are unable to do this on your own, consult a psychotherapist. Having carried out psychological work, you will understand what low and high self-esteem is, and calmly cope with an adequate assessment of yourself.

Why can’t the fear of meeting people be cured by repeating the approaches?

In part, it can be cured by increasing the number of repetitions. But, if repetitions are not successful, then there is a possibility of the opposite effect. The fear will intensify or, on the contrary, it may appear in a slightly different form.

How do they usually operate during pickup training? You come to a crowded place and perform the same type, template exercises that do not lead to results. But they don’t bring you because no one works with you individually. As you were, so you remain. You tell girls all sorts of rote nonsense that causes rejection and negativity.

In a crowded place where you come as a group, guys approach the same girl with the same memorized opener. The girl sees different young people telling her the same routine, of course she wants to refuse! And rightly so! As a result, a person forms a completely wrong belief in his head, there is something wrong with him and there is no way to please the entire female sex!

And the reason is banal - the man uses the wrong method, which does not work for almost anyone. You need to evaluate a woman, take a closer look at her, and then approach her. And if he has a lot of doubts in his head and cannot approach, he uses the so-called three-second rule - he saw, he approached. This rule doesn't always work. Having received a series of refusals, even greater anxiety is formed in the brain.

Many people wonder why this is not cured by increasing the number of repetitions? The answer is simple, a man who has experienced a similar range of sensations once will not step on the same rake. The coach’s task in this situation is to make sure that the man does a series of repetitions, and they turn out to be successful, then all fears will go away.

How to remove uncertainty from your head?

No wonder they say that all problems come from the head. By driving into our heads the idea that we are not worthy of meeting women, we do not realize one important point. We drive these beliefs into ourselves. And then we begin to spread rot on ourselves, driving ourselves into an even deeper corner.

To get rid of obsessive self-criticism, you can work on adjusting your self-esteem in a state of meditation. Also, there is a set of specific exercises. To begin with, thinking through an adequate and working out the structure of the conversation can help. Then rehearsal of the approach in front of the mirror. In the “fields,” you should not rush to the first one you come across, but carefully study the girls before any approach.

Preparatory exercises should be carried out in combination with psychotherapeutic work, under hypnosis, with a deep analysis of the structure of fear. Constant monitoring of changes in a man’s mood is very important. If your mood worsens, immediately change it to a positive one. Only working together will help you finally overcome your phobia.

How to remove unpleasant sensations - kinesthetics?

It is necessary to find out at what kinesthetic level this fear is located. Determine in which part of the body it is located, feel it, in other words, determine in which part of the body it is located. And only then start working with this part of the body.

For example, if you feel fear in your legs, use meditation, direct your thoughts to this part of your body, “breathe into it.” This exercise is somewhat similar to yoga exercises. You will notice how the sensations have become significantly less or completely disappeared. But it is worth remembering that it is important to work in a complex manner, to analyze the psychological aspects of your psyche, combining it with all kinds of exercises. A single exercise will only give a temporary effect.

Scheme of therapeutic work: what is it?

At the very beginning, it is important to look at how a man meets “in the fields.” Will a man be able to overcome his cowardice, come up and ask a question? Will he be able to hold a conversation at this moment? Will it be easy to approach him and compliment him? Will he be able to give an adequate assessment of the girls' reaction? How exactly does he evaluate girls?

The man liked the girl, he begins to imagine how the girl might react to a social issue. He will be rude or respond kindly. Next, approach her, giving yourself an assessment of the communication with this young lady. She simply answers his questions or is not averse to continuing communication with him.

At this stage, you need to look at the person’s behavior. If he has fear in voicing a question, then you need to work with him. If, on the contrary, he calmly completes the task, then it is worth seeing whether he can act directly, and not beat around the bush. For example, approach and directly compliment a young lady you like. If this is done with ease, then half the job is done. All that remains is to figure out the communication pattern.

If a young person requires therapeutic work, then we also work in stages. Listening to sessions of ready-made hypnomeditations. You can listen to them while at home. There is no need to see a therapist in person. Meditations for self-analysis, for relaxation, for self-confidence, for searching for fears that happened in childhood, for searching for an internal resource.

Already, after listening to this set of exercises, some tensions are removed from you, you feel more confident and mentally stronger. It becomes easier for you to get to know each other. For some, ready-made meditations are not enough. Then, we organize a consultation, clarify your needs, clarify what is stopping you and what you want to get in the end, and record hypnosis directly for your tasks.

The next stage is direct therapeutic work.

A very useful exercise that will help you gain understanding of yourself is to immerse yourself in a woman’s state, look at the situation through her eyes. In a trance state, note for yourself what she thinks about you, what emotions she experiences next to you, how she reacts to your appearance and words.

The exercise of talking to your parts is also a hypnotic technique, more from the field of NLP. With its help, we look for the cause of your discomfort. Every person has a set of different contradictions. We need to identify them all and reconcile them so that these contradictions do not exist. Thus, a person, having agreed with himself, already understands what is happening and what he wants from life, and understanding this will make it easier for him. And, naturally, you will find situations that could have traumatized the psyche in the past, and they interfered with dating.

Inner work is always combined with practical actions. It is impossible to heal yourself solely by performing techniques while lying on the couch at home.

Is it possible to get rid of it without a specialist?

As mentioned earlier, it all depends on the person: someone can overcome fear on their own, while others will need the help of a professional. Some people can go to the gym and work out without a trainer, others need a mentor.

Some people are great at getting rid of fear on their own. He will engage in introspection, do preparatory exercises on his own, watch adequate and decent videos on the Internet, learn from them, rehearse in front of the mirror, you can resort to the help of your sister (if you have one). Then he will think about what he will talk about with the girl. He will give himself competent feedback. And everything will work out for him.

If you are pursuing the goal of finding a lady, you can get to know someone on your emotions by listening to meditation that same evening. It's quite normal. 20-30% of men can do without an expert and do everything themselves. The rest will need the help of a professional, long productive work, and accumulation of experience. In any case, there is a way out, and you can achieve success with the opposite sex. The main thing is “not to let this moment pass,” but to start everything right away.

Attemptsintroduce medo not lead to failure -in with his with forging, what to do?

Initially, it is worth looking at what the template he uses is. The second moment, as mentioned above, is the moment of shackling a person. He does not understand whether he is doing this correctly, whether his actions are acceptable, he is guided by strictly relying on the prepared opener and does not go beyond it. And that is why he falls into such a state. Plus, he needs to do something he hasn’t done before.

Don't try to get acquainted if you are afraid of it. Your attempts may not be successful, and you will suffer psychological trauma. You need to find a competent specialist and rehearse with him the pattern of making an acquaintance in good clothes, check how correct the prepared script is.

Action according to a template is no longer good. Of course, it is better to learn to act according to the situation, and not according to a template. Something can always go wrong, and you will again fall into a stupor and begin to mentally beat yourself up. Therefore, anxiety about starting a relationship will only increase.

There are, of course, certain recommendations on what should be said and what should be kept silent. And you can write a ready-made text directly for the client, which he will pronounce when meeting. But in any case, when a person learns to make acquaintances and gains experience in this area, he will already act according to the situation, improvising.

This happens in almost 100% of successful students. Under different circumstances, the disciples said different things. Especially when the acquaintance is spontaneous, and you did not go out into the fields on purpose. From experience, spontaneous acquaintance is best and easiest to achieve this way.

The question here is not that a person is not able to make acquaintances even in good clothes according to a special template, but rather that he is using the wrong script. We need to rehearse longer, and also deal with the psyche. In a word, you should find out the reason for the stiffness.

The main reasons, as already mentioned, are an underestimation of oneself. The guy just hasn't done this before and this is something new for him. And new things are always scary, so we are all like a kitten trying to get into the water. He first dips his paw into the water and tries it carefully. And when you already know that there are no snags there, that the water is warm and there is no danger for him, everything is fine, then you can take a running start and make a confident jump. It's the same here. The person does not know what dating is. And regardless of whether he is in good clothes or not, he will be constrained and ashamed inside.

There are also psychological reasons. You may have problems dating back to childhood, negative experiences and complexes. And this can also bother him. The help of a specialist is desirable so that he can support, set up, calm, rehearse the speech in advance, and do psychological work with you.

By successfully working with a specialist, you will be able to gain positive experience and consolidate your knowledge. This positive experience should be layered in the cerebral cortex, so it is best to carry out preparatory exercises. They will help you acquire knowledge and skills. And it will become easier for you to behave when meeting someone, and in the future - to act more confidently.

Is it really possible to turn from a coward into a ladies' man and a heartthrob?

Really. What is a coward? Let's change the word "coward" to "overly cautious person." An overly cautious person will also be cautious with a woman. What if she is sick with something? What if she has an evil husband? What if something else is wrong with her? And that's why he acts like this. If he answers all these questions in his head and suddenly learns to go beyond the limits, then, yes, he can turn into a ladies' man and a heartthrob. This is a certain psychological therapy.

The most important desire of a coward is to become someone else. This means working out your contradictions in your head. By the way, they may not even be related to women, but are most likely located somewhere deeper.

A specialist can only be a guide and support in your activities. This also needs to be understood. Very often, clients shift responsibility from themselves to trainers, to a training center, to a specialist, to technicians. Just not on yourself! For example, a certain Vasily Petrovich is a mega-specialist, a yoga-terrorist, he has unique “miracle techniques” in his arsenal. Naturally, it is easier for a person to shift responsibility to these magical techniques than to take responsibility for himself and his life. Now I’ll pay Vasily Petrovich money, he’ll do some miracle technology with me, give me a definite plan of action on how to get acquainted, and I’ll be happy. Now I will be popular with girls and can easily get everyone into bed.

So he performed a mega-technique, memorized “effective” - bam, and there was no one in bed. Why? Responsibility has been shifted there.

Dear Sirs! And look at yourself. You seduce, not a specialist, not a technique, not a template. You are seducing! Get to know each other! You are looking for a woman, you seduce her and drag her into bed. Both technology and specialist are a help, a guide, an assistant. That is, it’s a kind of base, and then you build everything yourself.

You won't think about patterns in bed. For example, you want to build muscles. But you don’t go to the fitness club, you don’t listen to the trainer’s recommendations, you eat wrong, you sleep little, you don’t take vitamins. Of course, there will be no result even if you go to the club every day.

What to do? Continue to absorb all the information provided to you in the trainings, but in case of failure, do not shift the responsibility from your shoulders to others.

Remember: if you fail, there is no need to push yourself into limits. Everyone is different, and perhaps you were in the wrong mood when you met. If you didn’t succeed the first time, think about what and how you did wrong and then try again. This way you can gain experience, even if it is negative. And in the future you will definitely succeed.

Will hypnosis help me?

Hypnosis will definitely help. But you don’t need to shift all responsibility onto him, learn to take it upon yourself. Forget about phrases like “I want to get rid of fear.” It is better to use positive language. That is, we are not getting rid of our cowardice, but we are learning to meet women even on the street. You can start meeting girls on the street, on public transport, in cafes.

Is it possible to replace real dating with online dating?

If you are afraid to meet people in real life, you need to continue to work on yourself. We can cite the example of Max Bulgakov, who spent a lot of time making acquaintances on the Internet. He does it very well there. Max corresponds for other people, helping them get girls from the Internet on dates.

And in fact, it makes no difference where you meet. The main thing is to solve your problem. You want to find a girl, you find her. And it doesn't matter where. To some extent, online dating will help you gain experience in communication and overcome fear. You can write to a girl of any appearance that you like. Having gained experience on dating sites, you can easily meet people on the street, in a cafe, in the gym, anywhere. The main thing is don’t be afraid, fight your phobias and start taking action.

We wish you a happy personal life!

Both young and mature men experience fear of girls. This is a type of fear of communication. The cause of the phenomenon is most often complexes or bad experiences in the past.

Fear of approaching a girl

To approach and meet, you need to overcome fear. Sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, slurred speech and ridiculous comments will add even more complexes.

Reasons for fear of dating a girl

The fear of dating for most men arises in adolescence, at school. Then the first personal failures and the first complexes appear. It is difficult to get rid of childhood traumas, so the fear of dating often continues into adulthood.

Psychologists identify the following reasons for fear of meeting a girl:

• dependent personality type (traits – shyness, low self-esteem, fear of public opinion);
• heightened sense of shame;
• long loneliness, lack of full communication with anyone;
• a girl’s refusal or a painful breakup in the past.

Very often, fear is not associated with the dating process itself and not with the possibility of being rejected. What happens if she agrees to a date and gives her phone number? What to talk about? What if she is stupid or, on the contrary, too smart? What if he forces you to get married? After all these questions, the desire to get acquainted disappears. This speaks of both self-doubt and emotional immaturity. It occurs in men of any age.

Unconfident young man

For some, immaturity prevents them from getting to know each other, while for others, on the contrary, they are pathologically serious. It creates a fear of error.

How to approach a girl

You can give advice on how to increase self-confidence, get rid of complexes, etc. But this will take time, and without the help of a psychologist it is unlikely that it will be possible to get to the bottom of the internal reasons. It's much faster to just learn how to get acquainted.

There are several proven ways to approach and meet the girl you like:

1. A promise to yourself. When you see a girl, you need to promise yourself that you will come up to meet her, and you will do it right now. A promise must be kept, otherwise self-respect is lost. Anyone who is afraid of women will not be able to build a family.
2. "Hello". You can say the word “hello” to any girl who is just passing by. This is a workout that gives you confidence and helps you overcome your fear of dating. When you have enough confidence, after greeting you can spontaneously ask the girl you like for her phone number.
3. Three seconds. When you see a nice girl, instruct yourself to come up and meet her. To relieve inner anxiety, simply count to three and then say: “Forward.” You don’t need to think about anything else, come up and say: “Hi, you look great.”
4. Argument with a friend. Even acquaintance is not as scary as shame in front of friends. You need to bet with a friend that you will meet right now. Then there will be nowhere to retreat, you will have to go and get acquainted.

An excellent method to relieve tension in communicating with girls, learn how to get acquainted and show yourself, is express dating. The rules are very simple. An equal number of boys and girls gather in a room with tables. The girls sit at the tables, the guys approach each of them one by one. Allow a few minutes to get acquainted. Here everyone is on equal terms, no one refuses anyone, no one obliges anyone. It is often at such events that you can find true love.

What to talk about with a girl

Many men are afraid of approaching a girl because they don't know what to say. You don’t need to say much the first time, you just need to interest her so that she agrees to come on a date.

What to talk about at the first meeting:

1. Her name. The simplest and most obvious topic is to find out the girl’s name, say how beautiful it is (although if you didn’t like it, it’s better not to lie). You can show off your knowledge of literature and mythology, talk about some heroine with the same name.
2. Study or work. You can ask where she studies or works, whether she likes it there, what is interesting there. You shouldn’t ask about success and salary. You need to talk about your activities as unobtrusively as possible.
3. Hobby. The question about a hobby can be smoothly brought to the topic of a date. If she is into painting, we can say that she just happened to have a ticket to an exhibition lying around, or that a friend works as a gallery security guard.
4. Cooking. When meeting a girl, you shouldn’t ask if she knows how to cook. It is better to ask about your favorite dish, and then say that you know a place where this dish is prepared excellently.

It is indecent to ask about family composition, income, and availability of living space when meeting someone. This will alert and frighten the girl.

Be confident in yourself and you will succeed!

On the first date, you can talk about your childhood, parents, travels, and ask her. The topic of illness, vulgar jokes, and gossip are prohibited.

Typical mistakes men make when dating

Sometimes girls don't give you a phone number or refuse a date because the guy isn't behaving correctly. We can highlight the following typical mistakes that men make when dating:

1. Too many words. When meeting someone, you don’t need to tell everything about yourself; just a couple of phrases that might interest her are enough.
2. Boasting. I want to create a good first impression about myself, but talking about all my merits and achievements is not very appropriate.
3. Creating a macho image for yourself. From the outside, unnatural behavior looks very stupid and causes nothing but laughter or pity.
4. An abundance of compliments, rude flattery. The girl may also be unsure of herself. Praising her too loudly can scare her or even offend her.
5. Alcohol for courage. In a state of intoxication (even a slight one), you can talk and allow yourself too much; few decent girls will like this.

When meeting people, you need to behave naturally. If there is excitement, you can talk about it. This captivates girls, because everyone faces fear.

You can overcome the fear of approaching a girl and start getting acquainted only with practice. You can't learn to swim by standing on the sand. You need to communicate more often with girls you already know, then the tension will go away.

It is important to get rid of the fear of rejection. It should not be perceived as a personal defeat, but only as a useful experience.

Guys have a fear of communicating with girls and the reasons for its formation. The article will give recommendations to those young men who have decided to radically change their personal lives and find their happiness.

The content of the article:

Fear of communicating with girls is an unpleasant feeling that can arise in young people after any life situations that have happened to them. However, in some cases, such a phobia arises solely due to the character of the guy himself. To normalize contact between young men and the fair half of humanity, it is necessary to deal with the problem voiced for its optimally productive resolution.

Reasons for fear of communicating with girls

Note! Guys have no less complexes than girls. In some cases, solely with the acquisition of experience, a real conqueror of women's hearts grows out of a once immature personality.

Types of fears of communicating with girls

1. Fear-numbness. In this case, we should talk about those guys who fall into a stupor at the sight of a person they like. At the same time, they do not experience any fear, but are simply unable to be the first to start a conversation with the object they like. Such an idol will definitely not attract the attention and interest of any coquette, because girls love self-confident representatives of the opposite sex.
2. Fear-panic. Young people with increased anxiety will always feel frightened by the upcoming communication with a girl they find interesting. If an energetic lady herself is able to be the first to start dating, then in the future such an experiment can result in a fairly successful couple. Otherwise, the young man remains a bachelor for life, even if there are a large number of attractive people around him.
3. Fear-demonstration. Guys of this type of character, having any hidden complexes of their own, always show with all their appearance that it is not bad for them to be exclusively in the company of themselves. They can be identified by the phrases “why are those girls needed”, “the female sex is only capable of gossiping and looking in the mirror” or “not a single fidgety girl can ever fool a real man.” Despite all the apparent bravado, such pseudo-macho men, deep down in their souls, want to get acquainted and communicate with representatives of the fair sex, but they are afraid of any mistake on their part, even if the development of acquaintance is favorable.
4. Fear is cyclical. In this case, I immediately remember the animated film, where the pony was very sad that he had to run in circles when he had another dream. Young people with a fear of communicating with the opposite sex often repeatedly refuse the opportunity to meet an attractive person. The reason for such a refusal of personal life is quite banal: the fear of being ridiculed and rejected by another spectacular lady.
5. Hermitage due to fear of communication. The voiced factor can be called the finish line, which determines the impossibility of acquaintance between representatives of the opposite sex due to the fault of the young man. If the fear of being rejected becomes an obsession for a guy, then he withdraws into himself and gives up all attempts to improve his personal life.

Ways to deal with fear of girls

If a guy has firmly decided to get rid of the described complex, then he should seriously engage in self-improvement. This process will not require large financial expenses, but the young man will definitely have to apply willpower in large quantities.

Independent actions to eliminate fear of girls

• Improved appearance. You can even choose an image that is quite unusual for those around you, but your clothes must be clean when going out. Using a good perfume also doesn't hurt when it comes to attracting attention from spectacular girls. In addition, these factors significantly influence the increase in self-esteem of a young man, who will feel more confident when he sees flirtatious glances from ladies in his direction.
• Expanding your horizons. In this case, reading fiction and watching quality cinema will help. Any girl will immediately fall in love with a young man with whom there is something to talk about. Even a silly girl will be fascinated by looking into the mouth of a guy who talks a lot and to the point. This will instantly captivate an intellectual woman, because in our time not every person is engaged in self-development. At the same time, the complex young man himself realizes that he is the initiator of a conversation that can lead to friendship and even love relationships in the future. Hobbies also play an important role in communication. For example, if a guy can play the guitar beautifully or sing songs, or is an organizer of hiking trips or kayaking trips, it will always be interesting to be with such a person.
• An anecdote or an interesting phrase on the topic. The main thing in this matter is to gain initial interest in your person on the part of a pretty person. People are greeted by their clothes, but a pleasant impression based solely on this factor may not last long. You should stock up on a set of interesting jokes to make the girl you like smile. However, in this case, it is necessary to clearly remember that black humor and greasy statements will definitely repel the person you like, who will consider the suitor to be an elementary boor.
• Playing sports. Any manipulations to improve your body will add confidence to every person. Yesterday's "goon" will definitely attract girls if he is in excellent physical shape after training. If there are no health restrictions, then you can even engage in hand-to-hand combat. Young coquettes love boys who can stand up for them. In addition, in the same sports section you can start a conversation with the person you like, based on common interests.

Help from psychologists to eliminate the fear of communicating with girls

1. Learning body language. In order to find out for sure whether the person you like likes the young man or not, you should carefully observe her first reaction. If a girl looks at a young man and smiles invitingly at him, this does not mean at all that something about his appearance made her laugh. You should forget about all the complexes and try to start a conversation with an attractive object for flirting. If a girl constantly adjusts her hair and clothes when looking at a young man, then she is definitely determined to communicate with him and should not hesitate. When the young lady is the first to ask the guy questions and is interested in his life and hobbies, then the acquaintance can be considered successful.
2. Gaze technique. You also need to be able to look at a sexually attractive object correctly, so as not to scare him away with your ridiculous behavior. Firstly, you should not look away when a girl looks a guy straight in the eyes. She can draw the wrong conclusions in the form of the fact that in front of her is a boring, modest person or even a secret maniac. It is also not an option to fixate your gaze on any part of the young lady’s body, which will look like either bullying or outright sexual assault in her direction. You definitely need to look at the girl clearly, as if enveloping her with your gaze. At the same time, she will not feel aggression towards herself, but will definitely notice a frank interest in her person.
3. Autotraining. It is necessary to love yourself and your body, because nature itself endowed the young man with the available data. Therefore, it is worth starting the mechanism of positive thoughts in yourself as much as possible. In this case, phrases like “I can do anything”, “I have no equal” and “all the girls are ready to meet me” will not hurt. With the problem mentioned, you don’t have to be afraid of developing a Narcissus complex, because if a young man has low self-esteem, such a phenomenon is unlikely to happen.
4. Asking for help from a friend. In every male company there is a craftsman who does not see a problem in meeting and further communicating with girls. At first, it’s worth going to all the get-togethers and parties with him to observe his behavior. Moreover, next to such a generally recognized macho, even his silent friend will seem to young beauties more like a mysterious person than a notorious person.

When it comes to meeting a girl, many guys become shy, especially if they have never done it before. Many articles write that you need to believe in yourself, become confident, become a playboy-macho-alpha male in your brain. But it’s clear that all this doesn’t work.

For those guys who are reading this article for the first time, just understand: THIS IS NORMAL! That's how it should be! A person is always afraid of something new. No matter how simple everything looks from the outside (and in fact, dating is a simple matter), the main thing is that you are doing it for the first time and you should be scared. If you are not scared, then somehow all this is strange, you are probably a super person; close the article - there will be nothing further useful for you in it. For everyone else, I will describe ten ways to decide to come up and meet.

But somehow I don’t want to write these methods right away. I would like to tell you about my first acquaintance; this usually motivates people and gives them a boost of self-confidence. So, I'm on the subway after work. An ordinary day, an ordinary mood, and, as usual, a huge number of beautiful girls come and go from one stop to another, as if they specifically want to make you want to meet one of them. And, as you may have guessed, they succeeded. When, at the next stop, a very beautiful girl came in and sat down almost opposite me, with a relatively slight shift to the left, I decided that I needed to meet someone! Of course, I decided that I would approach her. I don’t want, as is customary among pick-up artists, to rate a girl on a 10-point scale... Just imagine: a very, very beautiful girl, who is an order of magnitude more beautiful than all the girls you usually meet on the subway. And this is where the fun begins. A very subtle and difficult struggle that ordinary metro passengers sitting next to you, even if they try, will not see. For this struggle takes place in your brain, full of various doubts, indecision, complexes, etc.

I began to intensively remember: how to make an acquaintance approximately correctly. Yeah! I remembered. It is necessary to make initial eye contact. So let's try. He started looking sideways at her. Now I understand that I behaved insecurely, because... you need to look as if you want her to look at you, and not as if you are afraid that she will catch you doing what you think is such a delicate activity. But it normal! Because I was incredibly afraid. This was my first approach. This is how it should be for you too. But let's get back to my story. After some time (as it seemed to me, after a huge period of time, in fact, after a minute at most), she, as one would expect, caught my shooting glances and answered me with her insanely beautiful, stunning, exciting look. So, so, I thought, what’s next point by point? Yeah, there you go. After some time, you need to repeat eye contact, then you can definitely approach: that means she’s definitely interested in you. Again I cast my uncertain glance in her direction, and, lo and behold, she also looked at me. Hurray, I thought. It is worth saying that when our gazes met, my heart began to beat so hard in my chest that if it were rush hour in the subway and everyone was standing pressed against each other, then my vibrations from the pounding of my heart would certainly be noticed by all people within a radius of one person. But it was a very pleasant heartbeat, very pleasant...

This is how my metro station approached unnoticed. How lucky I was that she came out with me! Otherwise, I think, I would have missed her again and just gotten off at my stop. But apparently I was lucky. And finally, I came to the most exciting and decisive moment. I slowly close the distance between us. The heart beats treacherously hard. Now she is almost in front of me, we are separated by a distance of one elbow. She realized that I had approached her, was looking at me, I opened my mouth and began to say what is probably the most ancient pattern of beginning pick-up artists: “Sorry, I was asked to say hello to you.” She looked at me with a surprised look and asked: “From whom?” I, as the template requires, take a short pause and answer in a slightly more romantic voice: “From my heart.” Here one second passes, which seemed like an eternity to me, during which she comprehends the answer, and this second is followed by her laughter: sincere, beautiful, incredibly attractive. “Fuuuh,” flashed through my head. Happened. The effect has been achieved. Further, as the conversation progressed, it became clear that she was an actress and assistant director for casting. This answered my question: “Why is she so beautiful and why does she have such a snow-white, even smile.” In general, I think that my first approach was a great success. After him, it was much easier to meet girls who were less beautiful than her and of lower status, or I didn’t want to at all... And my first acquaintance constantly pleases me with her charming VKontakte avatar.

Now I want to give you ten ways to overcome this most difficult step in dating: come up and say “hi”! I am sure that if you learn and put into practice all ten methods at once, then fear will disappear, and a smile of self-confidence will appear on your lips. Let's start point by point.

Make a firm promise to yourself that you will come right now

Burn the bridges to retreat

Three Second Rule

Talk to Tom Cruise

Mental image

Fool yourself

Argument with friends

Plan b

First phrase

Any experience, even if it is negative, is experience

So, it's worth summing up. Before approaching a girl, scroll through the ten points above in your head and you will be surprised that you ever had doubts. Good luck in life and be confident in yourself!