How to be able to liberate yourself if you are painfully shy. How to loosen up in bed: advice for shy women. Bold actions to loosen up.

• Think about what you are good at. Identifying your own strengths will help you increase your self-esteem. Therefore, in a situation when doubts come to you about your own account, or a feeling of shame arises, you can always quickly remind yourself of your strengths.
• Focus on what benefits your habits give you. For example, you may prefer one-on-one conversations and time spent together. This kind of solitude with yourself or with another person can make you a better listener and allow you to become more aware of your own feelings. Such qualities are difficult to cultivate when being a popular speaker in a large social group.

Get shyness under control. See yourself as someone who has a lot to offer others, even if you don't see yourself as the life of the party. Thinking about yourself this way will allow you to form more realistic expectations of what will happen if you are able to open up. You may find that as you unwind, you create stronger connections with select people rather than filling your phone's contact list with barely memorable names.

Don't dwell on the mistakes you've made. Try not to waste time analyzing awkward and uncomfortable situations and not reproach yourself for causing them.

To be sexually confident means to be the master of your sexuality, to be able to make the right decisions on your own, and to respect your needs and desires. Sexual liberation is expressed differently for different people; for everyone this path is individual and unique. To become confident in yourself, you need to move away from the stereotypes that society imposes on people and confront negative thoughts about sexuality that you may have.

Steps

Part 1

Learn as much as you can about safe sex. To be sexually literate, it is important to know about the possible unwanted consequences of sex and how to protect yourself from them. The more you know about sex, the more options you'll have when it comes time to make the right decision.

Learn about your rights. In many countries, by law, a person has the right to give or not consent to any sexual acts performed towards him. If someone violates this right and forces you to have sex without your consent, it is considered rape.

• You don't have to do anything you don't like, no matter how much your partner wants you to. Being sexually liberated and literate means being able to make decisions that are best for you.
• In many countries, the law protects any person not only from unwanted sex. If someone touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you also have the right to say no. Statements of a sexual nature addressed to you that are unpleasant to you will also be an act of encroachment on your personal integrity.
• If you have been sexually assaulted or raped, never assume that it is your fault. No matter what you wore or how you acted, you did not ask to be attacked.

1. Be able to recognize gender stereotypes. Gender stereotypes are society's views on how individuals or different genders should look or act. These ideas are mostly not true and can cause a lot of harm to those who do not fit into the framework of “correct” behavior and “correct” appearance. Many people are taught these beliefs as children, so it's important to challenge what you know (or think you know) about gender roles.

   • Such stereotypes create beliefs that people should only be attracted to members of the opposite sex, or that the man should always be the one in charge in heterosexual relationships.
   • It is important to be able to see double standards in such gender stereotypes and independently form your own opinion about them. A simple example: a man having a large number of sexual partners is often welcomed, while a woman with the same number of sexual partners is likely to be universally condemned for being “promiscuous.”
   • Those people who do not fit into the Procrustean bed of traditional gender stereotypes often feel rejected and misunderstood. If you are in a similar situation, look for support among like-minded friends and loved ones, or start attending a thematic support group. For example, there are many support groups and hotlines for LGBT people.

2. Understand what free choice itself is all about. You don't have to be sexually active to be considered sexually liberated and literate. This path is individual for each person, and the most important thing here is that only you decide what you can and cannot do with your body. If you choose not to be sexually active, then that is your choice and you should not let anyone talk you into doing something you don't want to do.

Part 2

Accept your body and learn to love it. Many men and women are embarrassed about their bodies, and some have not even seen some parts of their bodies! To become sexually liberated, you need to learn to look at your body and love it.

Understand that sexual attraction is normal. It is completely natural to feel sexual desire and you should accept it. If it weren't for sex, we wouldn't be here now! If you feel shame or guilt about being sexually attracted, understand that no one has a real reason to make you feel that way.

1. Be the master of your gender identity and sexual orientation. People may be discriminated against for not fitting gender stereotypes or for not being heterosexual. Of course, it is very difficult to resist such discrimination and accept ourselves for who we are, but it is very important to become sexually liberated.

   • Don't let others dictate your role in the relationship and tell you who you should be attracted to. This is solely and entirely your decision.

2. Don't take criticism to heart. Many cultures, religions and people judge those who do not fit into their norms of behavior. If others do not accept you, you will have to face many difficulties on the path to sexual liberation. Finally, you will have to make a choice: conform to the generally accepted norms or ignore everyone who does not accept you because of your views.

   Part 3

   How to become the master of your sexuality?

   1. Maintain control of the situation. For sexual intercourse of any kind to be your initiative, the choice must be made by you. If someone forces you to do something, you become the object of that action, not the master of the situation.

      • If you feel pressured by a particular person or society in general to perform a sexual act, you no longer have power. For a choice to become a result, a manifestation of your power over the situation, it must be voluntary.
      • Remember that you always have the right to say no as soon as an act you previously agreed to becomes unacceptable to you.

   2. Form your own ideas about sexual confidence. Everyone has their own opinion on this issue. What some find confidence in, others see as objectification. Because of these variations, you need to take time to decide what you personally consider sexual liberation and confidence.

      • Your decisions about sex should always be based on your own ideas about sexual confidence. Just because you want to be sexually confident and liberated does not mean that you should have many sexual partners. It just means that you can make those choices if you want and not feel guilty about them. However, if you feel physical discomfort while doing this, you are unlikely to feel confident.
      • In addition to deciding for yourself what your sexual preferences are, you will need to decide whether you want to show off your body. For example, some women feel confident striking sexual positions and dancing in a seductive manner, while others do not feel that such behavior gives them power over the situation.

   3. Talk to your partner about your desires. When you enter into a sexual relationship, you should talk to your partner about your sexual desires and preferences. If you both understand what the other needs, you will be more likely to both be satisfied with the sexual experience.

      • Don't be shy about telling your partner what you don't like.
      • Remember that your pleasure is just as important as your partner's, and no one should be satisfied at the expense of the other.
      • Never demand something categorically or threaten your partner in any way. He or she also deserves to have power over his or her sexuality, and you should not get your needs met at the expense of your partner's needs.
   • Always respect yourself and remember that you deserve the respect of others.
   • You are likely to meet people who disagree with you on issues of sexual confidence, liberation and literacy. They have a right to their opinion, but don't let them make you feel guilty about your decisions.

   
   The question of how to become uninhibited is asked by many girls, lost in the shadow of bright friends or in a team where they could be a star. In fact, sometimes there is nothing good in excessive brightness and looseness: the star has more control, and minor mistakes are not forgiven. In addition, sometimes looseness is just an appearance, and such girls go too far and overact.

   In addition, they may not be entirely correctly understood and perceived by the team. And sometimes they are not perceived very correctly by men. It’s just that looseness and vulgarity are two different things. But no one canceled inner freedom. It is with its acquisition that a girl who wants to be truly uninhibited should begin.

   Start with the body

   This is the container of our spirit: an uninhibited and free person lives in an uninhibited body. You can work with the body in dance class. Over time, the body will become obedient and flexible, and this will give a lot of freedom and pleasure from life. You can also go to theater speech classes or just a theater studio. When you learn to express your own thoughts correctly and beautifully and move well, many communication problems will go away on their own. This will help you select the timbre and intonation to suit the nature of the situation.

   Stop focusing on yourself when communicating

   Instead of thinking about what people will think about you and how not to seem funny, it is better to remember everything that your interlocutors tell you. And let us know that you remember everything you were told about. So one day you will realize that you enjoy communicating with any person and that you are comfortable. Don’t forget Carnegie’s simple rules, which are not manipulation at all, but a completely necessary thing: smile (especially if you want to), call your interlocutors by name and ask questions.

   Experiment with communication

   Not only with different people, but also with companies with diametrically opposed interests: from businessmen to role players. This way, you will not only learn to feel comfortable communicating with any people, but you will also understand that any people and lifestyles have the right to exist in their own way. How can you become more relaxed in communication if you consider yourself inferior or uninteresting?

   Try mirroring people

   Don’t repeat like a monkey, but be a little in “tact” with the movements of your interlocutor and his speech. If you are on the same wavelength with a person, you yourself will feel comfortable and comfortable next to your interlocutor.

   Have intimate conversations with yourself more often

   To do this, we sit in front of the mirror and talk to ourselves (preferably praising our loved ones), but at the same time we monitor all our gestures and facial expressions.

   The ability to listen does not mean the ability to remain silent

   You can interrupt your interlocutors so that the conversation does not turn into a monologue. The ability to be interesting in communication is another guarantee of freedom. If you learn to carry on a conversation, you will become a less uptight person. So, expand your horizons and vocabulary (reading the classics and ... dictionaries will help you here, no matter how strange it sounds. Try it!), follow the news and trends not only in music and fashion, but also in a variety of industries: medicine, science, etc. develop a sense of humor and learn to see the funny in any situation. You can prepare several expressive phrases for communication, greetings and farewells.

   Observe how other people behave

   This is necessary not only to mirror, but also to understand that everyone has cockroaches in their heads, all people are imperfect and vulnerable, how many complexes and difficulties they have. You are not the only one who is so unhappy and stressed, which means you can feel more comfortable.

   Don't be afraid to look ridiculous

   Firstly, anyone can get into a stupid situation, especially someone who works with people and not with pieces of paper. And even if you find yourself in such a situation, react adequately: if this is possible for others, then they simply do not have the right to ridicule you.

   Think about what you don't like about yourself

   Not to others, but to you. You can outline a plan on how to work with this. This applies to appearance, behavioral problems, and much more. But if you don’t like many things about yourself, your self-esteem is more to blame than you. Include it in your priority list of work on yourself.

   Understand that being yourself is best

   If you put on the mask of a relaxed person, then over time it will become noticeable. And if you are real, it will definitely make you an interesting person. Note that sincere and genuine people are more charismatic. So look for yourself, and not a comfortable mask to please society.

   How to become relaxed in bed

   Many ladies are concerned about this question. First of all, you need to like your own body. Look at it in the mirror more often, because what we like most about ourselves is what we see most often. In addition, our perception of our own extra pounds or too thin and crooked legs is too subjective and men simply do not see this.

   In order to like yourself, you need to be confident in your appearance, no matter what it is. So, we take care of our bodies, buy ourselves only the best and most beautiful lingerie that highlights your strengths, go to beauty salons and use the most fragrant lotions and balms with glitter, even if you don’t plan to make love today.

   Secondly... Do not strive to be liberated in bed. This will come naturally when your loved one is nearby. With him you will feel free. Therefore, you should not experiment in bed matters and change lovers regularly - this will only lead to disappointment and even greater tension.

   Do not disdain porn films, and the Kama Sutra too. It may seem disgusting to you, but no one forces you to repeat everything you saw. But this way you will understand that in bed all means are good and everything has a right to exist.

   Don't be afraid to ask your loved one what he wants and talk about your own desires. You don’t tell them to the whole city over a loudspeaker, but to those closest to you.

   Being free and uninhibited is a great pleasure. Give yourself the opportunity to experience it.

   You constantly doubt your capabilities and cannot decide on seemingly simple actions such as meet another person, or argue to defend your opinion? Then the question of how to liberate yourself emotionally is relevant for you.

   Expecting failure is one of the typical mistakes of a shy person; by choosing the best behavior and constantly doubting, he wastes precious time. There is no need to try to think through everything down to the smallest detail - just go for it..

   For many people, the problem of isolation comes from adolescence or an even earlier period of life. The sooner a person realizes this problem, the greater the chances of solving it faster - and it definitely needs to be solved!!!

   Shyness does not allow people to earn more, change jobs that do not suit them for one reason or another, and asking for an increase in salary or position is something out of the ordinary. Various life difficulties and problems seem to shy people much more difficult than it actually is, and accordingly, they tolerate them more difficult than others.

   At the same time, any unpleasant little thing, like the rudeness of people on public transport, or a salesperson in a store, is experienced as an extreme situation, leaving behind a feeling of loneliness and depression.

   How to get rid of stiffness? How to liberate yourself emotionally?

   You should start with simple exercises, for example, ask people about time– is it difficult for you to say “what time is it”? Then do it on purpose! By expanding the boundaries of your behavior, you can cope with shyness.

   As soon as you can do the first thing with ease, set yourself another task, go to another level with a more difficult task, for example, talk to a stranger in line or on public transport. Ask about something, about the route for example - many people love to advise and explain.

   Is it difficult to start a conversation with a stranger? Dial a random phone number and ask a question, think of it in advance. Express your opinion over the phone at a local radio station - then you can move on to face-to-face communication. As you deliberately work on yourself, you will become more and more naturally able to cope with uncertainty and shyness.

   A good exercise for dealing with emotional stiffness is to become the life of the party for at least a few minutes, telling a funny joke, playing the guitar, performing a magic trick, etc. After you will feel the sincere interest of those around you in yourself, your stiffness “will be lifted as if by hand”.

   A few more exercises will allow you to relax emotionally.

   1. In front of the mirror.

   Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself about your positive qualities, not so much in appearance, but in your soul - “I can empathize,” “I am kind,” “I am interesting.” For obvious reasons, you need to do this alone with yourself, so that your confidence is not shaken by the giggles and jokes of others. Each time the exercise will be accompanied by increasing self-confidence.

   2. Imaginary dialogue.

   For this exercise, you can use an empty chair or just your imagination. Imagine a person opposite you who causes a particularly strong feeling of constraint - tell him about your problems, and then, imagining yourself in his place, try to answer yourself.

   3. Everyone is naked.

   An old and proven way to deal with inner tightness is to imagine that your opponent is standing in front of you completely naked. Even experienced speakers use this technique. It relieves stiffness and makes you smile.

   I suggest you download an excellent audiobook that will help you truly liberate yourself, allow you to understand how to overcome shyness, and also teach you effective self-analysis and awareness of existing problems, while at the same time teaching you how to liberate yourself emotionally, getting rid of complexes, fears and phobias.

   Author Karen Horney describes in an accessible form the typical internal conflicts of a person that do not allow him to free himself from constraint and constriction. Finding out the reasons and studying this mechanism will help you find ways to solve many psychological problems and finally bring harmony into your life.

   If you think that embarrassment is only your problem, then you are deeply wrong. There is no person who, under any circumstances, can easily relax and stop being shy about people, who is not nervous and is not afraid of anything in the world. But many people can cope with embarrassment no worse than they can cope with a headache or symptoms of a mild cold.

   Shyness is normal. Just don't make it a tragedy.

   This article contains the most popular ways to come to your senses and master the situation, many of them can be found in business communication trainings and courses to improve personal effectiveness. Just apply them and you will learn to overcome any embarrassment, be it fear of the camera or confusion in the company of beautiful girls.

   Switch attention

   Shyness by nature is the attention you pay to your appearance, the way you move, speak, act, etc. You've probably noticed that many people who look stupid are not at all embarrassed about their body. This is not because shyness is alien to them. Most likely, they are simply absorbed in something more important and do not care about such little things as appearance. Try to switch your attention to those around you and, firstly, you will become a much more interesting conversationalist, and secondly, you will not have time to look for your own shortcomings, and you will be able to stop being embarrassed on stage and your voice in public.

   To be honest

   

   When the famous showman Larry King came on the first radio broadcast in his life, he was so worried that he could not speak. During the first three minutes of the broadcast, radio amateurs listened to silence, after which Larry blurted out:

   “Hello, I'm Larry King. This is my first broadcast on the radio, I rehearsed the text all night and all morning, now my throat hurts terribly, and I’m worried so much that for three minutes I couldn’t bring myself to speak.”

   After he honestly told the listeners about his situation, he felt better, and until the end of the broadcast he no longer felt embarrassed.

   Increase self-esteem

   There are many ways to learn to relax when communicating with strangers. You can do this yourself, for example, keep a list of achievements or list all your best qualities in front of the mirror every morning. You can sign up for an acting class or training in communication psychology. Or you can simply ask your husband or girlfriend to introduce you to a company of previously unfamiliar people.

   Relax

   

   Nervous tension is closely related to physical tension. When nervous tension occurs, your body also tenses, and when physical tension is relieved, nervous tension also goes away. Here is an effective relaxation exercise.

   • Take a series of deep breaths.
   • Try to visualize the relaxation of each muscle of the body sequentially, from the legs to the top of the head.
   • Feel like a light cloud swaying in the wind.
   • Smile at yourself and you will feel confident and calm.

   To stop being shy about the guy you like, just relax and just be yourself.

   Imagine that you have already achieved success

   The great strategist of the past, Sun Tzu, wrote that victorious warriors first win and only then enter into battle. Modern psychologists believe that there is nothing that can be imagined and cannot be repeated in practice. Visualize, consistently and in detail, how you will achieve what you want, and then just do it.

   Step forward

   

   We are all afraid of cold water, but we know that jumping into the water is easier than diving into it centimeter by centimeter. After all, when the body is suddenly plunged into water, it:

   1. There is no way back
   2. The process of getting used to the water temperature proceeds much faster.
   3. There is no need to experience this dive for a long time, you can relax and swim for your pleasure

   The same is true for a situation in which you are embarrassed to act. If you simply and thoughtlessly step forward, then in the next second embarrassment will cease to interest you. So, a man can stop being shy about girls, and a woman can stop blushing in the company of guys.

   Play a confident person

   As stated above, physical tension is mutually dependent on nervous tension. The same can be said about your inner experiences regarding actual behavior in society.

   Not only do your feelings influence your actions, but your actions can influence your feelings.

   In other words, no matter how shy you feel, start acting like a calm and confident person. To do this, observe confident people, study and try on their plasticity, gestures, facial expressions, manner of speaking, etc. Rehearse if necessary, practice every detail of the image and soon you will see how easy it will be for you to stop being afraid of everything and be more confident in yourself. This is the Stanislavsky method used by theater actors to immerse themselves in a role. You can master it in more detail by enrolling in an acting club.

   Breaking stereotypes and habits

   

   An adult is squeezed into the strong psychological grip of public morality, norms of behavior, all kinds of stereotypes: what life should be like, how one should dress, what one should talk about, etc., etc. It’s funny that the easiest way to fail is to try strictly follow any of these stereotypes, and the first thing successful people advise is to get rid of them.

   Start doing things that are unusual for you, change your image, experiment with clothes and hair color. Start a conversation in a way you would never start, do something you would never dare to do, regularly say affirmations and you will soon find that your fears have disappeared without a trace - you can stop being ashamed of yourself.

   Set yourself a challenge

   This works the same way as switching attention. If you have a specific goal that you have clearly defined, then it will be enough to concentrate on achieving it. Keep in mind that a goal like “I want to please everyone at the disco” is not suitable. But the goal “I’m going to dance 3 dances in a row in the center of the circle, then go to a bar and treat the most beautiful girl I see there” will do. This eliminates the questions of “to dance or not,” “to get acquainted or not,” and the like, because the goal has already been set in advance.

   Do everything against yourself

   

   Embarrassment and uncertainty are insidious advisers; they will offer you thousands of reasons why it is better to abandon your plan. As soon as you notice that you are looking for an excuse to sneak away, know that this is exactly what you cannot do. Go against yourself every time you notice signs of embarrassment, make it a habit.

   It is not surprising that acting courses for life in Moscow came out of the cliché of professional training for actors. People have increasingly begun to understand how often acting skills are applicable to achieving daily goals: communication skills, work on speech, self-confidence - a minimal bonus from acting courses.