The guy did something wrong, how to punish him. How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect: advice from psychologists
Hello dear readers of the Samprosvetbyulleten blog!
“How to take revenge on a man for an insult? We had a relationship, and at that time he met on the site and met girls! I found out this after we broke up. He suddenly disappeared and did not respond to text messages, then admitted that he had met a woman. At that moment I was ready to do anything with him!” — Nadezhda shared with me.
“... as a psychologist, tell me what kind of revenge would be most terrible for a man? I don’t want to leave him without punishment so that he can live in peace after hurting me! I won’t rest until I do something to my ex,” Julia shared with me.
In my practice, I often encounter similar situations when a woman feels and wants to take revenge for an insult. If a man has deceived a woman’s expectations, then it is quite natural for her to experience negative emotions, despair, pain, and feel wounded. There may be a strong desire to restore justice and return all the negativity back to the man - to take revenge.
Sometimes it causes very strong emotional reactions, which in psychology are called affect. This reaction usually does not last long, but can be the cause of inappropriate actions and suicide attempts. Affect completely takes over the psyche, and an obsessive desire to perform some action appears. This emotional reaction may not even be fully realized by the person himself, so he cannot control his condition and loses his sense of reality. Often, attempts to take revenge on a man for an insult in the form of harming him or oneself are made under the influence of passion. If you are a very emotional woman, then in moments of strong feelings you need to switch to activities unrelated to relationships and allow your psyche to adapt to the situation. Whatever you want to do, do it only in a calm state and with a “sober head.”
If the desire to punish a man persists even after the first strong emotions have subsided, then most likely it is associated with attitudes received in childhood under the influence of the parental family. Research in positive psychology and psychotherapy has shown that forms of revenge and punishment in relationships have their own backstory and are associated with how parents treated their child, each other, other people and the world around them, and what their worldview was.
The desire to punish and take revenge for grievances can arise not only after a breakup, but also in the relationship itself, affecting various areas of life. In my practice, I noticed that some women tend to use “punishment” in relationships.
In the “bodily” sphere - refusal of tenderness, cruel treatment, restriction or refusal of sexual relations.
In the area of achievements: refusal to run a household, financial restrictions, spending all the time at work.
In the sphere of contacts: refusal to communicate, leaving for another relationship.
In the sphere of the mind: retreat into fantasy, slander, disrespect for opinion.
When inventing revenge for your ex, remember if you tried to punish a man when you were still in a relationship with him? Do you have a tendency to use punishment in your relationships with loved ones? Have you ever been “punished” by a man? If you notice that this behavior is typical for you, you can avoid making similar mistakes in the future. If you realized that this behavior was typical of a man, you will make a better choice next time. Use your desire for revenge positively, as a reason for self-improvement.
Now let's figure out how your revenge can affect you and the man, and then you decide for yourself how best to proceed.
From a psychological point of view, revenge is always a trap that ultimately has a negative impact on the avenger, even if he seems to have received some kind of relief. When we love, we want to share joy and sorrow. After a breakup, if the feelings are still strong, this desire partially persists. Only if before we wanted to share joy, now we want to share grief, even if we ourselves suffer from it. Revenge on a man, all the negativity that you will prepare for him will still be divided between him and you. You cannot take revenge, punish and remain unaffected. Moreover, practice shows that revenge often depletes a woman’s energy potential, and gives a man a reason to see “how bad she is and it’s right that he broke up with her.”
Even if a man does not show it outwardly, he is, to one degree or another, responsible for his actions and feels guilty. Women just think that men are not emotional and they don’t care. But research has shown that women and men experience emotions in the same way, but may express them differently. So the best revenge is not to show negativity in response to an insult. You will save your resources, give the man the opportunity to take full responsibility for his actions, leaving them only on his conscience. Your revenge will only remove the burden from his soul. A man himself may unconsciously provoke you into negative actions in order to relieve himself of some of the guilt.
It is also important to take into account that it is important for a man to feel valuable and important for a woman. When he offends you, breaks off the relationship, he expects to see that this will unsettle you, because you will lose him - valuable and important.
If he sees that you are not unsettled, but, on the contrary, feel great, he begins to feel, to one degree or another, a loss of his value. He understands that he is not so important to you in order to feel happy. This can hurt a man so much that he may even make attempts to win you back.
What will you choose: succumb to negative emotions and do petty dirty tricks to your ex, or accept the situation as it is and become happy without him? You decide!
For further reflection, I will give you a parable that was chosen by my client, who really wanted to take revenge on her former friend.
Parable "Divided reward"
A traveling preacher came with important news to a strange city. He only wanted to tell the king himself important news. And no matter how the ministers tried to convince him to tell them the secret, he remained adamant in his decision. Soon, after talking with the vizier face to face, he was admitted to the king. The king was very happy with the news and said that the preacher could choose any reward for himself. To everyone's surprise, he demanded 100 strokes of the stick as a reward! After the preacher received 50 blows with a stick, he shouted: “Stop, the remaining 50 blows are for the vizier. I promised him half the reward!”
The parable helped my client understand herself and the motives for her behavior better, and she gave the following interpretation: “ The traveling preacher is me. The king is my dreams about our relationship. The vizier is my friend who was supposed to lead me to fulfill my dream (to the king). The vizier's demands to give him half the reward was my friend's behavior, which hurt me. Choosing a reward is choosing a life path. My choice of reward (strikes with a stick) is a desire for revenge. Having given some of the blows with sticks, I took revenge. I refused a good reward and exposed myself to blows just to take revenge. When you take revenge, you always get some of the blows».
Everyone interprets the parable based on their own situation and experience, and perhaps you interpret it a little differently.
Good luck to you and see you soon on the pages of Samprosvetbyulleten!
Family relationships are, unfortunately, not only mutual understanding and love. These are also quarrels, scandals, insults, disappointments. In general, anything can happen. So what should we do? How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? Advice from psychologists will help you understand this situation. After all, under no circumstances should we let such a situation take its course.
It is, of course, unpleasant for every woman to hear insults addressed to her. Naturally, there is a desire to insult in return or completely stop communicating with this person forever. The situation is completely different when humiliation and insults come from one’s own spouse. Firstly, his words hurt much more painfully. After all, he knows perfectly well how and where to “hit” you with a word in order to hurt and hook you more precisely. Secondly, leaving and not returning is much more difficult. You are still connected by marriage, children, friends and relatives, common living space, financial dependence. Thinking about what to do in this situation, a woman, as a rule, begins to rush from side to side. But he can’t decide on a certain rational action. This can go on for years. But this is simply unbearable. You need to figure out how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect. The advice of psychologists in this case will be very helpful. First of all, you need to decide not “what to do,” but “what will happen if you do something, but incorrectly.”
What is the reason?
So, let's act! How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? The advice of psychologists may be different, but all experts unanimously say that it is necessary to identify the essence of what is happening, the reason for such behavior.
In most cases, women believe that the reason lies in themselves. Either they “didn’t have time” for something, or they “didn’t do it,” or they “didn’t please.” Either they are “bad mothers,” or “bad cooks,” or “unkind wives.” In fact, this is not the case at all. These are just reasons for the spouse to find fault and throw out his negativity. The real reason lies in the fact that the husband is sadistic in this couple on purpose. He takes pleasure in humiliating the weak. It is impossible to confuse a sadist with any other person. We are all human, of course. Everyone can sometimes swear and be rude. However, in the case of a sadist, everything is completely different. His insults are filled with horrific filth. The vocabulary contains expressions intended not just to call a person, but to offend, cause pain, and humiliate.
The main thing is to act!
As soon as you start thinking about how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect, the advice of psychologists will become your best assistant. In principle, it is impossible to change such a spouse either with the help of persuasion, or with the help of conspiracies, or with the help of coding, or with the help of hypnosis, and certainly not servility to him will help. Accordingly, it makes no sense to expect that everything will work out and get better on its own. That is, it is necessary to take active action. It is not the husband who needs to be changed. It is necessary to seek protection for yourself and your children.
Fatal mistake
Not every woman thinks about how to teach her husband a lesson for disrespect. The fact is that representatives of the fairer sex are accustomed to adapting to different situations. To adversity in life as well. In addition, our women, due to the peculiarities of their mentality, are much more patient than elsewhere. It is not surprising that they are so simply and easily ready to accept humiliation and insults from a man, slowly getting used to them. And this, of course, is their fatal mistake.
By insulting and humiliating his wife, throwing nasty things at her, the husband deals a painful blow to her psyche. Even if she endures all this, it will not bring anything good. But the worst thing is that each time these attacks “take an upward course.” If initially this was the only rude word, then over time there will be a dozen of them. And then blows may follow. As a result, a woman cannot realize herself in life, hobbies, work, or feel joy and love. She can only expect further attacks every day.
A blow to children
But our children suffer the most from such violence. Unfortunately, among many women there is an opinion that for a child the presence of absolutely any father is very important - even a tyrant and despot, even a name-caller and humiliator, even an alcoholic, as long as there is one. Women console themselves with the fact that he is still their own father. They are even more confident of this if men do not touch children. They endure everything for the sake of marriage and financial assistance.
Naturally, this is a huge misconception. For a child, the mother is always the person who provides him with protection. If they yell at her and cause pain, it means that the baby loses his sense of security. Accordingly, he gets stressed. And this is fraught with negative consequences. Some children begin to steal and lie, others begin to fear death, and still others begin to torture animals.
People rarely connect problems with a child on the one hand and humiliation from a husband on the other. And in vain. The connection is the most direct. Therefore, a woman who wants to maintain peace in her family must definitely figure out how to teach her husband a lesson about disrespect. There are a lot of tips. The main thing is to choose exactly what you need. Stop at the best option.
Most negative outcome
The most dire consequences can be expected if your children have a sound vector. The ears of such children are hypersensitive. That is, they generally require quiet sounds and calmness. If the father yells at the mother, and even throws humiliating words, such a child not only loses the sense of security like other children - he also receives a powerful blow to the most sensitive area. Hearing terrible screams, he may gradually lose contact with the outside world and withdraw into himself. This sometimes even leads to autism or schizophrenia.
In general, a woman, especially if she is a mother, needs to take care of her family. Take the necessary actions that could help in the current situation. In a word, do everything to ensure that the husband respects and appreciates his wife.
Excessive attention
So, the next stage. You figured out the reasons and made conclusions. Now you need to decide how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect. Psychology offers several methods. The main thing is to correctly define the task. If you still love your husband, you should not make him suffer. This task is so that he can realize his guilt, understand what mistake he made and what pain he caused.
Start giving him undue attention. Most likely, this will not be easy at all. However, it's still worth a try. Give compliments, pleasant surprises, have romantic dinners. For what? Looking at your efforts, your spouse will be able to understand that he really was wrong, that you are the best, and that no one will ever take care of him the way you do. Having realized all this, he will begin to suffer from remorse and repent in the depths of his soul. And self-flagellation, as you know, is the best punishment. If your spouse only slightly offended you, do exactly that.
Inattention
Next method. How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? An effective method, the opposite of the one described above, is inattention on your part. If your husband doesn’t see how you try to please him and forgets about important dates, naturally, this is very offensive. However, do not shout or swear. Just keep quiet. He will definitely remember everything he forgot about.
Let's say your husband promised to be back for dinner. Without warning, he goes with friends to a cafe or bar. Do the same to him in revenge. Let him feel like he is in your place.
Has your spouse stopped thanking you for the food you prepared? Think fried potatoes are ordinary? Stop cooking for him altogether. Leave several times without breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Constantly talking about how you are doing nothing while sitting at home? Why endure slander? Sit at the computer or sit in front of the TV. Don't actually do anything. Let him know what it's like.
Do you want to teach your husband a lesson because he claims that you are “resting” on maternity leave? Leave it with your baby all day. Well, have a shopping day with your friends or visit a spa. It is unlikely that after this he will be able to say that caring for a child is simple and easy.
In case of betrayal
This is probably how one of the most terrible troubles manifests itself, when a husband does not respect his wife. What to do in this case? Someone cannot forgive their spouse and simply breaks up with him. But many loving women, who cannot imagine their lives without insidious traitors, are not ready to take this step.
The easiest way is to declare a boycott. Stop washing and ironing his things, cooking, and helping with something. In general, ignore your husband completely. Communicate with him only in case of emergency. Just remember that this method is quite risky. With this attitude, the spouse can simply leave for another woman. However, think: do you really need such a husband?
One of the most difficult ways to punish a faithful person is indifference. Pretend that his betrayal is completely indifferent to you. Surely he expects scandals, screams, and hysterics from you. And you will act as if nothing happened. Make fun of him from time to time about the fact of his betrayal. In this case, he will definitely begin to be tormented by remorse. He will ask you for forgiveness and try to justify himself. Any man will be shocked by such a reaction. Thoughts will appear in your head that you have stopped loving him, that you need to somehow atone for your guilt. According to many psychologists, this will serve as an excellent lesson for the future for your spouse.
In case of drunkenness
Another big problem. Why does the husband not respect his wife, driving her to nervous breakdowns with his daily drinking and partying? Perhaps he cannot cope with this addiction? Or maybe he doesn’t even try, doing it out of pure selfishness or, even worse, out of spite for his wife?
What to do? To begin with, take into account absolutely all the consequences that his drunkenness affects. If this happens regularly and ruins your plans, he definitely needs to be taught a good lesson.
It is best to present your husband in the most unflattering way possible. Show him how stupid he looks when he's drunk. Give free rein to your imagination by choosing your punishment. You can cover his fingernails with a bright polish and hide the nail polish remover away. Give it only when he asks you for forgiveness. You can draw a mustache with a waterproof marker or write an obscene word on your forehead. You can paint your lips. Or you can even cut the clothes he came in so that in the morning you can ask where he was wearing it.
Results
Let's summarize. How to teach a husband to respect his wife? Just love yourself. And respect yourself. Don't let your spouse be rude to you, offend you, cheat on you, or beat you. But if this happens, be sure to teach it a lesson first. Perhaps this was the first and only time... And do not forget to talk frankly with your husband after that. Try to find out what motivated him in a given situation. Who knows, maybe this will make you look at the situation with different eyes?
At the beginning of the relationship, you were both inspired, enjoyed the candy-bouquet period and made grandiose plans for a future together. But time passed, you noticed that your partner stopped showing due respect. Is the situation familiar? If yes, read on.
Disrespect is a word with many meanings. This action can manifest itself in different ways: deception, neglect of family responsibilities, harsh words, humiliation, inattention and betrayal.
Women are impressionable people who often make mountains out of molehills. Before accusing a man of disrespect, analyze the situation.
You said you wanted to go somewhere for the weekend - your partner took you to a restaurant. But the problem is that you wanted to go to the cinema. This situation is not proof of disdain for you: men cannot read minds (neither do women).
But if your partner insults you, ignores your requests and deceives you, this is already disrespect that needs to be nipped in the bud, otherwise the guy will think that this is in the order of things and will continue to do so.
What to do
There are several ways to teach a guy a lesson for disrespect.
Negotiation
Disrespect is manifested in insults, in making fun of the girl, in humiliating her in front of friends and acquaintances.
The problem will only be solved if it is discussed. The more you “swallow” the insult, the worse it becomes. Unpleasant feelings accumulate inside and literally eat you up. Over time, out of anger, you will humiliate your partner in response, ruining the relationship completely.
Tell your man about your experiences. Don’t speak abstractly—give specific situations that upset you.
Wrong:
I'm tired of putting up with such disrespect!
Right:
Yesterday I found out that you were talking to your friends about our intimate life. This was very unpleasant for me. Please try not to do this again.
Wrong:
I'm fed up with your friends. If our relationship is an empty place for you, then great, live with these idiots, let them feed and water you!
Right:
I love you very much and I want us to spend time together more often. Let's go to the match with your friends this Saturday, and next weekend you'll spend time with me.
Pause
Sometimes it can be helpful to take a break from a relationship. It's like leaving your favorite job for a vacation, but then returning to it with renewed vigor. The longer you are together, the more you get used to each other and discover flaws in your partner that you had not noticed before. Invite the man to take a break from each other. Traveling, visiting relatives or relaxing with friends will help with this. After spending some time apart, you will have time to get bored and enter into a relationship with renewed vigor.
A single deception is not a problem, since we all leave things unsaid or withhold some information. But if your partner is caught lying several times, it’s worth thinking about.
Perhaps the problem is your excessive strictness? Do you remember how, as children, we didn’t want to tell our mother about the offense, knowing that a scandal would follow? There is a possibility that you behave the same way in a relationship, and the man decides to hide something, so as not to cause a quarrel.
Don't try to punish your partner for lying - it's a lost cause. Better create comfortable conditions. Explain that honesty in relationships is important to you. Don’t scold your man for every wrongdoing, otherwise what’s the point of being surprised that he hides everything?
At the beginning of the relationship, he showered you with gifts, brought you flowers for no reason and repeated how much he loved you several times a day, but now this is a thing of the past? The candy-bouquet period is over, and a serious relationship has taken its place. Most men believe that they have won the lady and no longer need to pay attention to these little things.
You need flour. You go to the store and say to the saleswoman: “flour, please.” But it wouldn’t even occur to you to stand around the corner of the building and shed bitter tears of resentment at the seller who doesn’t think to run out of the store and hand over that very flour. It's the same with men.
Peacefully, gently and affectionately explain to your partner that romance is important to you, small gifts and a sincere “I love you” in the morning are important. Do not reproach the guy under any circumstances. Most likely, he didn’t even think about it, and then you attack with claims and push him away from you.
Under no circumstances should you throw accusations at a man if you have no evidence. You need to make sure your partner is unfaithful. His sweet communication with any woman does not mean at all that they have a secret relationship - why exclude the option of simple partnership?
Secretly tracking your partner's letters, reading messages on your phone and computer, checking your pockets - this is low. No girl should lower herself to such behavior.
If you do any of the above, thereby humiliating your partner, then why do you expect respect from him?
Having found, in their opinion, “evidence”, women throw their fists at their partner, accusing him of treason. A harmless message from a stranger turns into a real weapon in the hands of a jealous wife. We often exaggerate a lot, take one fact and embellish it beyond recognition. Better gather credible evidence before accusing a man. Otherwise, you risk ruining the relationship through your own stupidity.
If the fact of betrayal is proven, determine for yourself whether you can forgive the infidelity or not. If not, then break off the relationship. There is no need to plot against your partner and try to make him suffer. Think about your own comfort. What's the point of wasting your nerves and energy teaching a man a lesson if the result is the same - separation?
Think: what do you want to achieve? “His suffering!”, repeats the subconscious. Throw these thoughts away - these are just emotions that will soon pass.
If you are not so categorical about betrayal, then try to understand what caused it. Didn't you satisfy him sexually? Have you been too rude and strict lately? Behaved like a mommy?
It is important for men to see a beautiful woman next to them, who can cook delicious borscht for lunch and make the night unforgettable. It can be difficult to stay beautiful due to household chores, but it's worth it. If you try, a man will do everything to make your life easier.
Try to understand what your partner lacked in the relationship and fix the problem. If a man feels comfortable, then the desire to look for other women will disappear by itself.
Forgiving betrayal is very difficult. Such betrayal can shake strong relationships and instill mistrust in even the most loving heart. But, if you are ready to fight for family life, make every effort.
Finally - an unusual technique
Let's do a thought experiment.
Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any problems in your relationship at all.
And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.
We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her technique has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.
If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.
There are several effective ways to punish a guy for lying or for ignoring him. If a girl wants to teach her man a lesson in a dirty way - handcuff her with soft handcuffs to the headboard during intimate caresses and spank her other half with a leather whip gently and lovingly, force her man to dress in women's clothing, ask him to fulfill a vulgar sexual fantasy, or use other methods of intimate punishment.
Important! Today, taking care of yourself and having an attractive appearance at any age is very simple. How? Read the story carefully Marina Kozlova Read →
Methods of comic punishment
You can punish your boyfriend as a joke in the following ways:
- If your beloved has forgotten an important anniversary or other significant date, repark his car while he is sleeping, having previously written and left a note on the steering wheel with the following content: “Darling, you have been experiencing memory lapses lately, you even forgot that you moved your car to another place, it’s no wonder that our date slipped your mind... But I’m not offended at all and I really hope that you also like my innocent prank :)”
- While your lover is sleeping, give him a bright make-up and paint his toenails and fingernails in all the colors of the rainbow.
- If a man has a very sound and healthy sleep, he can also undergo depilation of his legs, abdomen and other parts of the body.
- Play role-playing games in bed: the girl will be a strict and demanding mistress, and the young man will be an uncomplaining slave who must immediately carry out the orders of his mistress.
- To please yourself and your lover, you can order a foot massage without using your hands, apply cream all over the body, and the guy must lick it off, passionately kiss 10 times in different parts of the body and other punishment options with sexual overtones.
- Ask to buy a non-existent medicine at the pharmacy, come up with some name, for example, “Shaliben” and say that this is a medicinal herb that will help get rid of a serious illness and is quite rare. You need to be convincing and beg to get your lover this particular medicine.
It is strongly not recommended to use threats and blackmail regarding the lack of sex and food as punishment for a guilty man, since there is a high probability that the young man will look for an object to satisfy his physical needs on the side.
Should you text your guy first?
Other methods
A pleasant “punishment”: when your lover is at a great distance, you can send him intimate photos or an audio recording with ambiguous languid sighs over the Internet, have heated conversations on Skype or have sex on the phone.
As a punishment for smoking or other minor missteps, a message from an unknown number or sent from the Internet, about writing off a large amount of money from his credit or other bank card account, is suitable. After a few hours, you need to admit that this SMS was a joke, but this amount must be paid as compensation for the act committed.
Relationships are not always ideal, or rather never. We need to work with them together. But beyond the framework of decency and honesty, there are times when a woman needs to resort to a little trick to make the relationship better. Just as there are white lies, the woman herself must direct the man and his behavior in the right direction. Without thinking, a man can offend us with his words, actions, non-verbal manifestations, and wrong signals. The soul of a stranger is darkness. Even if the man did not intend to offend you, but did it anyway, and continues to repeat the same mistake over and over again, you still need to think about how to punish the man for the offense.
Of course, it’s good to directly express all the grievances that arise, but only when the man is ready and able to listen to criticism, perceive you as a person with his own rights and desires, and as a beloved woman who is in pain. In other cases - everything is like peas against the wall. Think about when we grow? It's right when we learn. How do we learn? When life teaches us a lesson. We must do the same with our man in order to teach him to respect us.
The usual manifestations of women, as usual, and how our psyche reacts, have always been deprivation of attention and physical contact from a man. If some acquaintance offends us, we simply stop communicating with the boor or move away. We can do this both physically and psychologically, because this person means little to us, and is also unpleasant. But with our man we experience vague feelings, because we love him and are offended, irritated, angry, and maybe even hate him, at the same time. The woman immediately moves away, moves away and does not want to touch or allow herself to be touched. Because there are no more emotions and tenderness in the soul to make everything look believable. This is one of the manifestations of how to punish a man for an offense.
In addition, a woman should always be smarter than her chosen one, wiser. Show him that you are a person. There is no need for loud words and actions - just let him know that you are worth something and you have your own opinion. A man who doesn't respect that doesn't deserve you. If you don't like something, tell him directly. For example, “I don’t like it when you make fun of me in front of my friends.” A man understands our directness, not our hints. Save games for other occasions. In addition, it is worth reminding him that you are a desirable woman, that there is any other candidate if you only allow him to give him a chance. A man must learn to appreciate what he has, and you must learn to choose such a man among all the “worthy” candidates. If you are wise and reasonable, you will understand how to punish a man for an offense, how to guide him, or, for starters, how to choose the best one for yourself, who himself will understand what and when to do.
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