Overcome your fear of a girl. Getting rid of the fear of dating on your own

When it comes to meeting a girl, many guys become shy, especially if they have never done it before. Many articles write that you need to believe in yourself, become confident, become a playboy-macho-alpha male in your brain. But it’s clear that all this doesn’t work.

For those guys who are reading this article for the first time, just understand: THIS IS NORMAL! That's how it should be! A person is always afraid of something new. No matter how simple everything looks from the outside (and in fact, dating is a simple matter), the main thing is that you are doing it for the first time and you should be scared. If you are not scared, then somehow all this is strange, you are probably a super person; close the article - there will be nothing further useful for you in it. For everyone else, I will describe ten ways to decide to come up and meet.

But somehow I don’t want to write these methods right away. I would like to tell you about my first acquaintance; this usually motivates people and gives them a boost of self-confidence. So, I'm on the subway after work. An ordinary day, an ordinary mood, and, as usual, a huge number of beautiful girls come and go from one stop to another, as if they specifically want to make you want to meet one of them. And, as you may have guessed, they succeeded. When, at the next stop, a very beautiful girl came in and sat down almost opposite me, with a relatively slight shift to the left, I decided that I needed to meet someone! Of course, I decided that I would approach her. I don’t want, as is customary among pick-up artists, to rate a girl on a 10-point scale... Just imagine: a very, very beautiful girl, who is an order of magnitude more beautiful than all the girls you usually meet on the subway. And this is where the fun begins. A very subtle and difficult struggle that ordinary metro passengers sitting next to you, even if they try, will not see. For this struggle takes place in your brain, full of various doubts, indecision, complexes, etc.

I began to intensively remember: how to make an acquaintance approximately correctly. Yeah! I remembered. It is necessary to make initial eye contact. So let's try. He started looking sideways at her. Now I understand that I behaved insecurely, because... you need to look as if you want her to look at you, and not as if you are afraid that she will catch you doing what you think is such a delicate activity. But it normal! Because I was incredibly afraid. This was my first approach. This is how it should be for you too. But let's get back to my story. After some time (as it seemed to me, after a huge period of time, in fact, after a minute at most), she, as one would expect, caught my shooting glances and answered me with her insanely beautiful, stunning, exciting look. So, so, I thought, what’s next point by point? Yeah, there you go. After some time, you need to repeat eye contact, then you can definitely approach: that means she’s definitely interested in you. Again I cast my uncertain glance in her direction, and, lo and behold, she also looked at me. Hurray, I thought. It is worth saying that when our gazes met, my heart began to beat so hard in my chest that if it were rush hour in the subway and everyone was standing pressed against each other, then my vibrations from the pounding of my heart would certainly be noticed by all people within a radius of one person. But it was a very pleasant heartbeat, very pleasant...

This is how my metro station approached unnoticed. How lucky I was that she came out with me! Otherwise, I think, I would have missed her again and just gotten off at my stop. But apparently I was lucky. And finally, I came to the most exciting and decisive moment. I slowly close the distance between us. The heart beats treacherously hard. Now she is almost in front of me, we are separated by a distance of one elbow. She realized that I had approached her, was looking at me, I opened my mouth and began to say what is probably the most ancient pattern of beginning pick-up artists: “Sorry, I was asked to say hello to you.” She looked at me with a surprised look and asked: “From whom?” I, as the template requires, take a short pause and answer in a slightly more romantic voice: “From my heart.” Here one second passes, which seemed like an eternity to me, during which she comprehends the answer, and this second is followed by her laughter: sincere, beautiful, incredibly attractive. “Fuuuh,” flashed through my head. Happened. The effect has been achieved. Further, as the conversation progressed, it became clear that she was an actress and assistant director for casting. This answered my question: “Why is she so beautiful and why does she have such a snow-white, even smile.” In general, I think that my first approach was a great success. After him, it was much easier to meet girls who were less beautiful than her and of lower status, or I didn’t want to at all... And my first acquaintance constantly pleases me with her charming VKontakte avatar.

Now I want to give you ten ways to overcome this most difficult step in dating: come up and say “hi”! I am sure that if you learn and put into practice all ten methods at once, then fear will disappear, and a smile of self-confidence will appear on your lips. Let's start point by point.

Make a firm promise to yourself that you will come right now

This is probably the most powerful remedy for approach fear. You made a promise to yourself! If you don't come up now, then it turns out that you deceived yourself. Think about it. If you make a promise to your friends and don't keep it, then shame on you. You are ashamed in front of your friends. But not in front of you? Do you disrespect yourself to that extent? If you are going for an interview with a large company, you must remember the answer to the question: “Who is the most important person?” Your future boss? Director? No! In any situation, the most important person is YOU! I am sure that if a boss or director gives you a task that you have not done before, then you are a little scared, but, as they say: the eyes are afraid, but the hands do the work. The same should be true in our case. When you realize the importance of a promise to yourself, you will realize that you will be very disgusted with breaking it and deceiving yourself. It's better to be rejected than to deceive yourself! Train yourself to have this sense of self-responsibility.

Burn the bridges to retreat

One day one of the generals burned all the ships of his army before the decisive battle with the enemy. He said: “Either we win this battle now, or we all die.” As you can guess, they actually won the battle. was very strong. It is known from psychology that the fear of death is the most powerful fear of a person. It makes the instinct of self-preservation awaken and a person does things that in a normal state he would not have thought that he was capable of doing such things. This feature of the psyche will help us a lot when we first meet. Imagine in your mind that after you promised yourself to come up, a huge fiery wall grew behind you, a deep fiery ditch appeared, and besides, they are slowly but surely approaching you, forcing you to go forward as quickly as possible. To make the wall disappear, you need to say a simple word to the creature nearby, which is beautiful, but at the same time scares you. This word is “Hello”

Three Second Rule

A very commonly used rule. I can't pass it up because it's very, very effective. The point is that you mentally promise to come up, then mentally reprimand “three, two, one - go” and go and do it. After the word “went,” the brain should turn off and not turn on until you reach your goal, namely the word “hello.” A very simple rule. Suitable by the way in many life situations. In combination with the above methods, it is amplified many times over.

Talk to Tom Cruise

I came up with this rule myself. The fact is that I really like the famous Hollywood actor Tom Cruise.

His style, the way he behaves in public, speaks, his behavior, manners, facial expressions, gestures, etc. And when I want to approach a girl, an inner voice begins to dissuade me. But what if this inner voice speaks in the voice of Tom Cruise? He will say: " No, you won't succeed, you're not as handsome as me. I would have approached two minutes ago, but you are a weakling- and at the same time laughs with his years-honed smile. I always feel funny and start approaching. And Tom Cruise is dissuading me more and more, saying: “ Stop! She is mine! Do not do it, Please!" And in the end I come to spite Tom Cruise. But not entirely out of spite... Enrique Iglesias also encouraged me and said that he believed in me. In general, this is a very strong way to motivate yourself and overcome subconscious fear. One of the main pleasant effects is that a smile appears on its own while you imagine all these dialogues. And the girl thinks that you are smiling at her. Well, let him think so. Our tasks are much more interesting and deep. So see, if you have an idol or a person you like, try to talk to him in your mind.

Mental image

Speaking of fear of approach, we are mainly afraid of what others will think? And the answer to this question is simple: imagine yourself to those around you. Imagine that you have inhabited the body of another person who is sitting or standing next to you. You look at yourself from the outside. And so you get up from your seat, take a couple of steps, start talking to the girl, you smile and everything seems fine. “Oh, what a great guy,” you’ll think with the brain of the person you’ve possessed. “But I didn’t approach her, even though I was glaring at her like the last maniac killer...” Now rewind time, return to your body and forward!

Fool yourself

Promise yourself that you will fit in. Use the above methods and then chicken out and break your promise! How bad you will feel. You will want to fix everything, but it’s too late - she’s gone. Then, at the peak of self-hatred and deep confidence that this will never happen again, approach the next girl you like. It worked flawlessly for me.

Argument with friends

If you still cannot respect yourself more than others, then make a promise to your friends that you will meet a girl right before their eyes. Then, I think, you will either have to embarrass yourself in front of them, or come up and meet them. A very strong product for beginners. But then try to shift the focus of respect to yourself, and not to your friends.

Plan b

Are you afraid that she will refuse you? No problem. Just figure out what you will do if she says no. I advise you to simply say that it seems that today is not her day, since she clearly does not see what she is losing. And then just leave. Nothing special. A person cannot be liked by everyone. This is fine. There wouldn't be so many genres of movies and sports if everyone liked the same thing.

First phrase

Just figure out in advance what you will say to her after the word “hello.” This gives you confidence that you have everything under control. You can use the template from my first meeting. But I advise you to improvise. But the most effective, simply destructive in its power, phrase is: “Hello, my name is Vasya.” Of course, if your name is Vasya. After it, you don’t feel like racking your brain. Why reinvent the wheel if you can’t find anything better and simpler than this phrase. It shows what girls value most in guys - your self-confidence.

Any experience, even if it is negative, is experience

Understand the important point, gentlemen - people learn from their mistakes. It has always been like this and will always be like this. We learned to walk by falling. Write while making mistakes. Not a single invention in the world appeared immediately. In the beginning people were wrong. Only at school for some reason we were made to feel ashamed of our mistakes. They gave bad marks, scolded me, etc. Unfortunately, since then we have treated mistakes differently. But once you realize the importance of negative experiences, you will simply be inspired and want to have them again and again until something good comes out of it. Remember, Edison made thousands of unsuccessful attempts before inventing lamps! Just imagine. Thousands.

So, it's worth summing up. Before approaching a girl, scroll through the ten points above in your head and you will be surprised that you ever had doubts. Good luck in life and be confident in yourself!

Gynophobia is a very interesting disease, the main symptom of which is a panicky fear of women. This condition is also called gynecophobia. This fear usually occurs in men, but can sometimes occur in women. Men who are afraid of girls feel fear inside their souls and understand that all this is wrong. But they cannot change the situation in any way.

When a man meets a girl, he begins to behave inappropriately: he is afraid to approach the girl he likes. Creating harmonious and trusting relationships is simply impossible. Sometimes such fear is confused with hatred of the female sex, however, the nature of these states is somewhat different. Although it is worth noting that sometimes a phobia can develop into hatred of girls. Why are men afraid of beautiful girls and how to stop being afraid of girls?

Gynophobia is a serious disease that you are unlikely to be able to cope with on your own.

In addition to gynophobia, there are also other phobias. These include fears such as:

Gravidophobia is a panic fear of pregnant women. Both men and women are susceptible to this condition. It occurs as a result of the death of a loved one, a difficult relationship with a mother, or the birth of a stillborn child. In childless men, this disease can be severe. When they see a pregnant woman, they experience extreme fear, begin to panic, and sometimes even feel disgust. If a girl is pregnant, then she may experience panic fear of childbirth;
Venustraphobia is the fear of beautiful women. The basis for the appearance of this condition is negative moments from the past. For example, in adolescence a man was humiliated by a beautiful girl. Sick people begin to develop various complexes. Hence the fact that they do not consider themselves worthy of such women. Venustraphobia can be corrected, but this requires consultation with a psychologist;
Parthenophobia is a panicky fear of virgins. Due to the fact that parthenophobia is a psychological and not a physical disease, treatment should be psychological, but not medicinal. This is due to the fact that there will be no benefit from taking medications. Hypnosis is used for treatment. Parthenophobia can be treated, but for this you need to see a good doctor.

Causes

On the Internet, on various forums, you can often come across various statements, for example, “I’m afraid to meet girls. What to do?" - the answer is quite simple. In order to answer this question, you must first learn about the reasons why this condition may occur. So why are guys afraid to meet girls?

As a rule, a man’s fear of a woman comes from distant childhood. For example, if the family had a strict upbringing.

The emotional state of a child is quite easy to control, which is why manic responsibility towards one’s little son can partially or completely suppress his will. In addition, the development of gynophobia can occur in single-parent families where there was no father. In families where the child is raised only by the mother, the formation of a man is also negatively affected, and also complicates the relationship between the sexes.

As children, they are more likely to be friends with girls and are afraid of losing contact with them. Such guys are most susceptible to any mental disorders.

Tense relationships, failures in bed - all this gives rise to the fear of a repetition of this event.

In addition to this, there are also other social factors that cause the appearance of this condition:

Watching pornographic films at a very young age;
Incorrect understanding of the role of sex in family life;
Violence in family.

Often, gynophobia in men begins to manifest itself towards a girl after she becomes pregnant. Lack of sex, unusual behavior of a woman, misunderstanding of the nature of pregnancy - all this forces a man to reconsider his attitude towards a pregnant woman. However, you should understand that pregnancy is not a death sentence and you can live a full life.

Other reasons

Why might a guy be afraid of ladies? How to stop being afraid of girls? In answering these questions, I would like to mention the symptoms that appear in a sick person. Very often these are soft-bodied people who, due to their character, cannot defend their opinion or stand to the end. Such fears of women force many men to live with their mother for quite a long period of time.

A man's fear of women can pose a danger to everyone around him. This is due to the fact that a person experiences uncontrollable attacks of aggression and cruelty.

Based on the severity of gynophobia, this condition can appear for a number of reasons:

Fear of women. Whenever he tries to speak, the man begins to panic. Such fears are felt especially vividly if men are trying to get acquainted. “I’m afraid to go up and ask a girl out for a walk, why?” What's stopping him? The reason lies in self-doubt.
Why are guys afraid of beautiful girls? They experience an obsessive feeling of defenselessness. When the guys meet, they praise her greatly in their heads. This all makes them refuse to communicate with girls. Women next to such men feel unnecessary, without attention, and they, in turn, unconsciously begin to be rude. Men with this phobia try not to look their partner in the eyes.

If you are terrified of talking to girls, asking them out on a date, or writing to a girl on VKontakte, then we are most likely talking about a phobia such as panic fear of women.

Symptoms

This disease can be identified if symptoms appear. This includes:

If you experience sweating on your body, especially your hands;
If there is nausea, especially if it is accompanied by vomiting;
If there is a rapid heartbeat;
If urinary incontinence occurs;
If sexual intercourse ends quickly;
If a person experiences shortness of breath or difficulty breathing.

The severity of gynophobia directly depends on the stage, as well as the symptoms in which this disease occurs. A severe form of this phobia can cause a man to completely reject a woman. In addition, this fear can lead to a person starting to drink alcohol or drugs, or persuade a man to become gay. Sometimes, in the presence of serious disorders, this fear can turn into a syndrome that is manic in nature, which ultimately leads to the guy becoming a maniac.

The most common phobias

Consider the list of the most common fears:

"I'm afraid to approach a girl." If you are experiencing panic fear of meeting a girl, then you can overcome it by communicating with her on VKontakte or on any other social networks. Write to her about your sympathy. When you are ready for face-to-face communication, you can send her an invitation for a walk, where you can start talking to the girl.
“I’m terrified that the girl will refuse me.” Under no circumstances should you be afraid. Believe me, girls are also people who are also afraid of being rejected. If the fear is very high, then you can find out about her sympathy for you from the same social networks; for this you just need to write to the girl. If you take this step correctly, then success awaits you.
“How to ask a girl to meet” If you have been corresponding for a long time and are already communicating in person, then you can ask her to meet. To do this, invite the lady for a walk or to a restaurant, where you propose to her in an intimate setting. If she agrees, then you can safely kiss the girl.
“I’m afraid of girls because I worry about what others will think of me.” Today, each person is immersed in his own problems. That's why they don't care about you at all.

Treatment

How to make a guy stop feeling panicky fear of the female half of humanity? It will take a certain amount of time to not be afraid to talk to a girl. To eliminate this problem, drug treatment with psychotropic drugs may be necessary. However, the most effective method of therapy is psychotherapy, carried out using special procedures, namely:

If the reason for the panic does not lie on the surface, and the guy does not know not only how to ask a girl to meet, but how to even get to know her, then treatment begins with hypnosis. The effectiveness of this method is due to the fact that women or men are immersed in a trance state and begin to remember all the vital moments in life that could have caused this fear. During such a procedure, the brain acts as a shield for the psyche, so you should under no circumstances be afraid that the doctor will have a negative impact. The action of such a session is usually aimed at correcting old memories.
“I liked the guy. What should I do?" Group classes will help him. A whole group of people who suffer from these or other mental disorders.
Patients do not feel alone in their problem. During these sessions, depression is suppressed, anxiety goes away, and the psyche calms down.
“Why does the guy have these fears?” It is also worth paying attention to cognitive psychology. Why is this necessary? This is necessary in order to further correct human behavior. As a result of such actions, the guy ceases to be afraid not only of talking to the girl, but also of kissing her.

Gynophobia has been very well studied by many specialists and it refers to psychological diseases. Due to the fact that not all patients associate this fear with a phobia, turning to specialists occurs in the later stages, when the situation has already started. “How to make a teenager stop being afraid of girls who are shy or inexperienced.” The answer lies on the surface. First of all, you should consult a doctor. Only he can adequately help you. The same applies to men who have strained relationships with women in adulthood.

The doctor can not only explain the cause of this disorder, but also prescribe the correct treatment that will be beneficial. It is better to start getting acquainted with this condition immediately after the first signs of the disease appear. You need to understand that fear of girls is by no means a death sentence.

Among all phobias, fear of women is the most common. And its treatment must begin at the initial stages of development, but not when the situation has already started.

Fear of dating a girl- This is one of the most common fears among young guys. In life, it manifests itself as a complete inability to approach an unfamiliar girl and start communicating in a relaxed manner. This leads to the fact that the young man is generally unable to have a normal relationship with a girl.

You've probably found yourself in this situation: you see a beautiful girl, you want to talk to her, take her phone number and invite her for a walk. And it seems that everything is simple! Come and speak. But something inside doesn't let you do it. You follow her and still can’t make up your mind. As a result, she leaves, and you begin to scold yourself for weakness and for missing out on such a doll. After all, there was such a great chance...

Fear of acquaintance manifests itself not only as fear of approach. It also appears as:

slurred muttering when talking to a stranger
increased sweating when communicating
slight trembling throughout the body
weakness in legs
and so on.

How is it that attractive guys who are healthy, well dressed, smart and have money have problems meeting and communicating with girls? Where does this very fear of a girl come from?

The root of the problem

It's no secret that modern society is clearly matriarchal. Boys are raised by women from childhood, and male education is virtually absent. The mother looks after the child, the kindergarten teacher is a woman, the school teacher is also a woman, and so on. All this leads to men growing up unmasculine.

Initially, the behavior of a little boy is significantly different from the behavior of a little girl. Boys are more confrontational and aggressive. This behavior is provided for by nature, because this is a future man who will have to extract resources and fight against others. But since women are the ones who do the upbringing, they usually suppress aggressiveness, competitiveness, and the ability to fight and resist.

Of course, this comes from good intentions. The mother is worried about the child, afraid that he will get injured. And there is much less hassle with such children, because parents are not called to school, the child’s clothes are clean. In general, such a good boy is growing up. The mother looks at such a son and is touched...

But it doesn’t even occur to her that she is introducing a female model of behavior into the boy’s brain. Such a good boy will turn out to be, at best, a loser pick-up artist who has no success with girls and in life, and at worst, a gay guy whose masculinity will be completely blocked.

Here are the consequences of matriarchal upbringing:

1 Fear of a woman. In the process of education, all rewards or punishments come from the woman. Accordingly, the child develops dependence and fear towards his mother, sister, teacher, and so on. After the boy grows up, such fear is projected onto other women. Why? Yes, because the child associates the mother with all women. Through fear of the mother, fear of girls in general is formed.
2 Fear of meeting girls- follows from the first problem. On the one hand, the guy’s masculine instincts push him to take active actions, but on the other hand, he is simply afraid of the girl. It jams my psyche. The moment of dating turns into a very stressful situation.
3 Fear of relationships. Even if a man has somehow overcome the fear of meeting people and has already decided to approach, the thought comes to mind: “Here I’ll come up, say the prepared phrase, take the phone number. But then you will need to call, invite her on a date, talk to her, try to get closer, and so on. But I don’t know any of this and I can’t…”

As a result, the guy is afraid to approach the girl, and if he does approach, he freezes and stands dumbly, making incomprehensible sounds. At this moment, various fears are spinning in his head, he is shaking, his lips are trembling, he turns red and simply panics. There is no normal communication.

It’s good if you come across a girl who understands and doesn’t immediately send such a guy far away and for a long time. But more often than not, girls also have their own fears! And it is the guy’s confident behavior when communicating that should relieve the girl’s fears. But if the guy himself is afraid, then his fears run into the girl’s fears and no communication comes out at all. And the loop of negative experience keeps growing. A big problem arises. And the guy is trying to solve this problem by attending various trainings on pickup trucks...

But the pickup doesn't help

If you have a fear of meeting people or being approached, then under no circumstances go to a pickup truck! Never! The techniques that pick-up artists use are still very raw and undeveloped. If you're interested in learning more, check out "Why Isn't My Pickup Working? "A pickup truck cannot remove the fear of a woman as such! But it can definitely make the problem worse.

The whole problem is that the guy who attends such trainings seriously thinks that he will be given a 100% working methodology, using which he will simply erase the old behavior model and replace it with a new one. In principle, everything sounds logical. But you need to understand one very tricky thing: the human psyche works holistically. She remembers a complete tackle. That is, the more you approach girls, overcoming fear, the more firmly the “approach = overcoming fear” model becomes established. That is, what is happening is not one model being overwritten by another, but an even greater twisting. And the more you approach through force, the more your old model of overcoming will become stronger in your psyche.

This happens because during the approach itself there is no psychological work to reduce the fear itself!

The psyche uses the pattern: I’m afraid - I overcome fear - I come up to meet people. And this pattern becomes stronger and stronger each time. Pick-up courses do not remove a girl’s fear itself!

Fear of taking the first step in order to start a relationship. A person who has never done this before finds himself in a zone of severe discomfort. He is acutely faced with the question of what his next actions are and how to start a conversation correctly. Seeing a girl you like, you feel embarrassment, confusion, excitement, loss of self-control, often tremors, confusion of thoughts. This all happens because this girl and her reaction to your words and actions are unknown to the psyche.

"I do not know what to say". Think in advance about what to say and how to keep the conversation going. This will help remove fear and be more prepared to start dating. Experienced trainers will help you “build” a dialogue with a woman in such a way that your acquaintance with her will be successful. With more positive experiences, fear is overcome.

Consequences of all kinds of low-quality pickup training. Unfortunately, situations like this are quite common. A man comes to a training and, instead of learning how to get acquainted, leaves the training in even greater confusion. Sometimes, a young person experiences outright horror at the mere thought of “,” although he had not experienced it at all before the training. Accordingly, a negative perception of women arises, a negative attitude towards communicating with them, thanks to such “mountain trainings”, in which, so to speak, they teach the rules of dating. Choose competent specialists, visit quality ones who will help you become effective in communicating with the opposite sex.

Reason four – not a very happy childhood. Perhaps as a child or teenager, you made your first attempts to make acquaintances. But they were not successful. It is not uncommon for a blow to self-esteem to occur at school or college age. Most often, your parents have a strong influence on the formation of your self-perception. All this leads to the formation of a phobia of dating at the subconscious level. Deep in your brain is the conviction that you are a person who is not worthy of meeting the opposite sex. It is necessary to eliminate this cause, find the age of its occurrence, and resort to hypnotherapy.

The anxiety state lies in a rather serious and difficult period of puberty. Some young people experience failures on the love front, or have negative sexual experiences. Such deeply rooted failures in past experiences usually contribute to the formation of a fear of communication.

In the process of psychotherapeutic work, one often has to deal with resentment towards the mother. There are families where the boy was raised by his father, and females in the house were not characterized in the best way. In some indirect way this affects the fear of starting a relationship. Such people do not want to copy the behavior of their parents. Thus, a person begins to experience discomfort when meeting females. All these problems should be addressed immediately.

The Impact of Low Self-Esteem

Often the reason why your blood runs cold at the thought of meeting a decent woman is low self-esteem. The man considers himself unworthy. As already noted, this comes from childhood. Unsuccessful relationships with the team, which leave an imprint, hurt a man’s self-esteem. The person considers himself not worthy to meet.

People are pack animals. Assessment is necessary to build a hierarchy of relationships in a team. Self-esteem helps you to wedge yourself into society and occupy a certain niche in it. But, in the minds of average guys, treacherous thoughts often arise that they are not worthy of meeting girls, because they do not have the proper social status, attractive appearance and, in general, have many shortcomings!

In reality, stupor upon meeting someone does not depend in any way on your social status. Everything “sits” deep in our subconscious. Social status has absolutely nothing to do with it. There are often cases when young people with low social status approach girls without much fear. They receive refusals. But, at the same time, they are not at all upset, but continue to approach other women.

The place we occupy in society is important to us. Man is a social creature, living in a “huge flock.” We are afraid of losing or worsening the role assigned to us in society. Many people care what people around them think about them. In fact, it is a fear of losing one’s place in society. Fear of saying something “wrong” or making a mistake. Many people are afraid that they will be misunderstood and will be laughed at.

Naturally, if you approach an attractive girl surrounded by friends and receive a refusal from her, you will not be kicked out of society. But becoming a laughing stock in the eyes of those around you means not taking the best place in society. Many people are afraid of this, although sometimes they do not admit it. This is an exaggerated, incorrect understanding of one’s place in society and the consequences that approaching a girl can cause. It is important to understand that because of refusal, your role in society will not decrease in any way!

Approach phobia in this sense is somewhat similar to public speaking phobia. A person is afraid of losing or lowering his social status. After all, speaking in front of the public, you feel embarrassed, blush, and are afraid of disgracing yourself. Some people think that they may be mistaken for being inadequate and will be laughed at and at the words they say.

Preliminary preparation will help solve this problem. It is important to think through the whole situation step by step, what you will say, how you will look. For some, rehearsing in front of a mirror will even help. At the same time, it is important to do this not in shorts or tights with pulled knees, but in decent clothes - a shirt, jacket and jeans.

Do psychological work with a specialist who will help you tune in to a positive result and work with your beliefs. In the end, it is important to realize that this is not scary and is quite acceptable for you. And the people around you are not very interested in what you are doing.

The result of working with a competent specialist will be the incorporation of new beliefs that approaches are adequate, normal, acceptable both for you and for the people around you.

What is low self-esteem?

Underestimation is an inadequate assessment of oneself as a person. Often, inadequate assessment is formed in childhood. For example, parents scolded the child, saying that he did something wrong, and in a rude, accusatory tone. The feeling that you have made a serious and irreparable mistake sinks firmly into the subconscious. In the future, you try not to do this again, or you do it very carefully and with fear that now they will “stick your nose in it” again. But to your parents, you could simply explain what you did well and what could be improved.

Underestimation of personality - when a handsome and muscular man is afraid to meet a beautiful woman, thinking that he is not worthy of her and that she will run away from him at any opportunity. In fact, his appearance is quite attractive to beautiful girls.

Another example is when a handsome man dates not very attractive girls. A not very attractive girl will feel uncomfortable with such a man. She will think that sooner or later he will leave her. Over time, feeling oppressed by such thoughts, she herself will begin to look for a simpler man. The one that will seem more reliable in her eyes. As a result, he will leave someone more worthy. And our man’s self-esteem will be greatly shaken! Not only did he date a fearful woman, but she also left him! In fact, it is important for him to understand that they left him not because he is so bad and unworthy, but because, on the contrary, he is too good for her.

Evaluate yourself adequately; do not overestimate or underestimate yourself. With an overestimated assessment, you can “cut your forehead” in a matter of time, but with a low assessment, you are threatened with loneliness, because you, considering yourself unworthy, may be left alone.

Evaluate yourself competently from all sides. If you are unable to do this on your own, consult a psychotherapist. Having carried out psychological work, you will understand what low and high self-esteem is, and calmly cope with an adequate assessment of yourself.

Why can’t the fear of meeting people be cured by repeating the approaches?

In part, it can be cured by increasing the number of repetitions. But, if repetitions are not successful, then there is a possibility of the opposite effect. The fear will intensify or, on the contrary, it may appear in a slightly different form.

How do they usually operate during pickup training? You come to a crowded place and perform the same type, template exercises that do not lead to results. But they don’t bring you because no one works with you individually. As you were, so you remain. You tell girls all sorts of rote nonsense that causes rejection and negativity.

In a crowded place where you come as a group, guys approach the same girl with the same memorized opener. The girl sees different young people telling her the same routine, of course she wants to refuse! And rightly so! As a result, a person forms a completely wrong belief in his head, there is something wrong with him and there is no way to please the entire female sex!

And the reason is banal - the man uses the wrong method, which does not work for almost anyone. You need to evaluate a woman, take a closer look at her, and then approach her. And if he has a lot of doubts in his head and cannot approach, he uses the so-called three-second rule - he saw, he approached. This rule doesn't always work. Having received a series of refusals, even greater anxiety is formed in the brain.

Many people wonder why this is not cured by increasing the number of repetitions? The answer is simple, a man who has experienced a similar range of sensations once will not step on the same rake. The coach’s task in this situation is to make sure that the man does a series of repetitions, and they turn out to be successful, then all fears will go away.

How to remove uncertainty from your head?

No wonder they say that all problems come from the head. By driving into our heads the idea that we are not worthy of meeting women, we do not realize one important point. We drive these beliefs into ourselves. And then we begin to spread rot on ourselves, driving ourselves into an even deeper corner.

To get rid of obsessive self-criticism, you can work on adjusting your self-esteem in a state of meditation. Also, there is a set of specific exercises. To begin with, thinking through an adequate and working out the structure of the conversation can help. Then rehearsal of the approach in front of the mirror. In the “fields,” you should not rush to the first one you come across, but carefully study the girls before any approach.

Preparatory exercises should be carried out in combination with psychotherapeutic work, under hypnosis, with a deep analysis of the structure of fear. Constant monitoring of changes in a man’s mood is very important. If your mood worsens, immediately change it to a positive one. Only working together will help you finally overcome your phobia.

How to remove unpleasant sensations - kinesthetics?

It is necessary to find out at what kinesthetic level this fear is located. Determine in which part of the body it is located, feel it, in other words, determine in which part of the body it is located. And only then start working with this part of the body.

For example, if you feel fear in your legs, use meditation, direct your thoughts to this part of your body, “breathe into it.” This exercise is somewhat similar to yoga exercises. You will notice how the sensations have become significantly less or completely disappeared. But it is worth remembering that it is important to work in a complex manner, to analyze the psychological aspects of your psyche, combining it with all kinds of exercises. A single exercise will only give a temporary effect.

Scheme of therapeutic work: what is it?

At the very beginning, it is important to look at how a man meets “in the fields.” Will a man be able to overcome his cowardice, come up and ask a question? Will he be able to hold a conversation at this moment? Will it be easy to approach him and compliment him? Will he be able to give an adequate assessment of the girls' reaction? How exactly does he evaluate girls?

The man liked the girl, he begins to imagine how the girl might react to a social issue. He will be rude or respond kindly. Next, approach her, giving yourself an assessment of the communication with this young lady. She simply answers his questions or is not averse to continuing communication with him.

At this stage, you need to look at the person’s behavior. If he has fear in voicing a question, then you need to work with him. If, on the contrary, he calmly completes the task, then it is worth seeing whether he can act directly, and not beat around the bush. For example, approach and directly compliment a young lady you like. If this is done with ease, then half the job is done. All that remains is to figure out the communication pattern.

If a young person requires therapeutic work, then we also work in stages. Listening to sessions of ready-made hypnomeditations. You can listen to them while at home. There is no need to see a therapist in person. Meditations for self-analysis, for relaxation, for self-confidence, for searching for fears that happened in childhood, for searching for an internal resource.

Already, after listening to this set of exercises, some tensions are removed from you, you feel more confident and mentally stronger. It becomes easier for you to get to know each other. For some, ready-made meditations are not enough. Then, we organize a consultation, clarify your needs, clarify what is stopping you and what you want to get in the end, and record hypnosis directly for your tasks.

The next stage is direct therapeutic work.

A very useful exercise that will help you gain understanding of yourself is to immerse yourself in a woman’s state, look at the situation through her eyes. In a trance state, note for yourself what she thinks about you, what emotions she experiences next to you, how she reacts to your appearance and words.

The exercise of talking to your parts is also a hypnotic technique, more from the field of NLP. With its help, we look for the cause of your discomfort. Every person has a set of different contradictions. We need to identify them all and reconcile them so that these contradictions do not exist. Thus, a person, having agreed with himself, already understands what is happening and what he wants from life, and understanding this will make it easier for him. And, naturally, you will find situations that could have traumatized the psyche in the past, and they interfered with dating.

Inner work is always combined with practical actions. It is impossible to heal yourself solely by performing techniques while lying on the couch at home.

Is it possible to get rid of it without a specialist?

As mentioned earlier, it all depends on the person: someone can overcome fear on their own, while others will need the help of a professional. Some people can go to the gym and work out without a trainer, others need a mentor.

Some people are great at getting rid of fear on their own. He will engage in introspection, do preparatory exercises on his own, watch adequate and decent videos on the Internet, learn from them, rehearse in front of the mirror, you can resort to the help of your sister (if you have one). Then he will think about what he will talk about with the girl. He will give himself competent feedback. And everything will work out for him.

If you are pursuing the goal of finding a lady, you can get to know someone on your emotions by listening to meditation that same evening. It's quite normal. 20-30% of men can do without an expert and do everything themselves. The rest will need the help of a professional, long productive work, and accumulation of experience. In any case, there is a way out, and you can achieve success with the opposite sex. The main thing is “not to let this moment pass,” but to start everything right away.

Attemptsintroduce medo not lead to failure -in with his with forging, what to do?

Initially, it is worth looking at what the template he uses is. The second moment, as mentioned above, is the moment of shackling a person. He does not understand whether he is doing this correctly, whether his actions are acceptable, he is guided by strictly relying on the prepared opener and does not go beyond it. And that is why he falls into such a state. Plus, he needs to do something he hasn’t done before.

Don't try to get acquainted if you are afraid of it. Your attempts may not be successful, and you will suffer psychological trauma. You need to find a competent specialist and rehearse with him the pattern of making an acquaintance in good clothes, check how correct the prepared script is.

Action according to a template is no longer good. Of course, it is better to learn to act according to the situation, and not according to a template. Something can always go wrong, and you will again fall into a stupor and begin to mentally beat yourself up. Therefore, anxiety about starting a relationship will only increase.

There are, of course, certain recommendations on what should be said and what should be kept silent. And you can write a ready-made text directly for the client, which he will pronounce when meeting. But in any case, when a person learns to make acquaintances and gains experience in this area, he will already act according to the situation, improvising.

This happens in almost 100% of successful students. Under different circumstances, the disciples said different things. Especially when the acquaintance is spontaneous, and you did not go out into the fields on purpose. From experience, spontaneous acquaintance is best and easiest to achieve this way.

The question here is not that a person is not able to make acquaintances even in good clothes according to a special template, but rather that he is using the wrong script. We need to rehearse longer, and also deal with the psyche. In a word, you should find out the reason for the stiffness.

The main reasons, as already mentioned, are an underestimation of oneself. The guy just hasn't done this before and this is something new for him. And new things are always scary, so we are all like a kitten trying to get into the water. He first dips his paw into the water and tries it carefully. And when you already know that there are no snags there, that the water is warm and there is no danger for him, everything is fine, then you can take a running start and make a confident jump. It's the same here. The person does not know what dating is. And regardless of whether he is in good clothes or not, he will be constrained and ashamed inside.

There are also psychological reasons. You may have problems dating back to childhood, negative experiences and complexes. And this can also bother him. The help of a specialist is desirable so that he can support, set up, calm, rehearse the speech in advance, and do psychological work with you.

By successfully working with a specialist, you will be able to gain positive experience and consolidate your knowledge. This positive experience should be layered in the cerebral cortex, so it is best to carry out preparatory exercises. They will help you acquire knowledge and skills. And it will become easier for you to behave when meeting someone, and in the future - to act more confidently.

Is it really possible to turn from a coward into a ladies' man and a heartthrob?

Really. What is a coward? Let's change the word "coward" to "overly cautious person." An overly cautious person will also be cautious with a woman. What if she is sick with something? What if she has an evil husband? What if something else is wrong with her? And that's why he acts like this. If he answers all these questions in his head and suddenly learns to go beyond the limits, then, yes, he can turn into a ladies' man and a heartthrob. This is a certain psychological therapy.

The most important desire of a coward is to become someone else. This means working out your contradictions in your head. By the way, they may not even be related to women, but are most likely located somewhere deeper.

A specialist can only be a guide and support in your activities. This also needs to be understood. Very often, clients shift responsibility from themselves to trainers, to a training center, to a specialist, to technicians. Just not on yourself! For example, a certain Vasily Petrovich is a mega-specialist, a yoga-terrorist, he has unique “miracle techniques” in his arsenal. Naturally, it is easier for a person to shift responsibility to these magical techniques than to take responsibility for himself and his life. Now I’ll pay Vasily Petrovich money, he’ll do some miracle technology with me, give me a definite plan of action on how to get acquainted, and I’ll be happy. Now I will be popular with girls and can easily get everyone into bed.

So he performed a mega-technique, memorized “effective” - bam, and there was no one in bed. Why? Responsibility has been shifted there.

Dear Sirs! And look at yourself. You seduce, not a specialist, not a technique, not a template. You are seducing! Get to know each other! You are looking for a woman, you seduce her and drag her into bed. Both technology and specialist are a help, a guide, an assistant. That is, it’s a kind of base, and then you build everything yourself.

You won't think about patterns in bed. For example, you want to build muscles. But you don’t go to the fitness club, you don’t listen to the trainer’s recommendations, you eat wrong, you sleep little, you don’t take vitamins. Of course, there will be no result even if you go to the club every day.

What to do? Continue to absorb all the information provided to you in the trainings, but in case of failure, do not shift the responsibility from your shoulders to others.

Remember: if you fail, there is no need to push yourself into limits. Everyone is different, and perhaps you were in the wrong mood when you met. If you didn’t succeed the first time, think about what and how you did wrong and then try again. This way you can gain experience, even if it is negative. And in the future you will definitely succeed.

Will hypnosis help me?

Hypnosis will definitely help. But you don’t need to shift all responsibility onto him, learn to take it upon yourself. Forget about phrases like “I want to get rid of fear.” It is better to use positive language. That is, we are not getting rid of our cowardice, but we are learning to meet women even on the street. You can start meeting girls on the street, on public transport, in cafes.

Is it possible to replace real dating with online dating?

If you are afraid to meet people in real life, you need to continue to work on yourself. We can cite the example of Max Bulgakov, who spent a lot of time making acquaintances on the Internet. He does it very well there. Max corresponds for other people, helping them get girls from the Internet on dates.

And in fact, it makes no difference where you meet. The main thing is to solve your problem. You want to find a girl, you find her. And it doesn't matter where. To some extent, online dating will help you gain experience in communication and overcome fear. You can write to a girl of any appearance that you like. Having gained experience on dating sites, you can easily meet people on the street, in a cafe, in the gym, anywhere. The main thing is don’t be afraid, fight your phobias and start taking action.

We wish you a happy personal life!

Guys have a fear of communicating with girls and the reasons for its formation. The article will give recommendations to those young men who have decided to radically change their personal lives and find their happiness.

The content of the article:

Fear of communicating with girls is an unpleasant feeling that can arise in young people after any life situations that have happened to them. However, in some cases, such a phobia arises solely due to the character of the guy himself. To normalize contact between young men and the fair half of humanity, it is necessary to deal with the problem voiced for its optimally productive resolution.

Reasons for fear of communicating with girls

Note! Guys have no less complexes than girls. In some cases, solely with the acquisition of experience, a real conqueror of women's hearts grows out of a once immature personality.

Types of fears of communicating with girls

Fear of meeting and further relationships with representatives of the fair sex can be classified as follows:

Fear-numbness. In this case, we should talk about those guys who fall into a stupor at the sight of a person they like. At the same time, they do not experience any fear, but are simply unable to be the first to start a conversation with the object they like. Such an idol will definitely not attract the attention and interest of any coquette, because girls love self-confident representatives of the opposite sex.
Fear-panic. Young people with increased anxiety will always feel frightened by the upcoming communication with a girl they find interesting. If an energetic lady herself is able to be the first to start dating, then in the future such an experiment can result in a fairly successful couple. Otherwise, the young man remains a bachelor for life, even if there are a large number of attractive people around him.
Fear-demonstration. Guys of this type of character, having any hidden complexes of their own, always show with all their appearance that it is not bad for them to be exclusively in the company of themselves. They can be identified by the phrases “why are those girls needed”, “the female sex is only capable of gossiping and looking in the mirror” or “not a single fidgety girl can ever fool a real man.” Despite all the apparent bravado, such pseudo-macho men, deep down in their souls, want to get acquainted and communicate with representatives of the fair sex, but they are afraid of any mistake on their part, even if the development of acquaintance is favorable.
Fear is cyclical. In this case, I immediately remember the animated film, where the pony was very sad that he had to run in circles when he had another dream. Young people with a fear of communicating with the opposite sex often repeatedly refuse the opportunity to meet an attractive person. The reason for such a refusal of personal life is quite banal: the fear of being ridiculed and rejected by another spectacular lady.
Hermitage due to fear of communication. The voiced factor can be called the finish line, which determines the impossibility of acquaintance between representatives of the opposite sex due to the fault of the young man. If the fear of being rejected becomes an obsession for a guy, then he withdraws into himself and gives up all attempts to improve his personal life.

Under no circumstances should you cultivate the described phenomenon in yourself, because being alone when it is possible to correct the situation that has arisen is illogical behavior for guys. People in the prime of life should flirt and communicate with each other, which is considered natural during youth.

Ways to deal with fear of girls

If a guy has firmly decided to get rid of the described complex, then he should seriously engage in self-improvement. This process will not require large financial expenses, but the young man will definitely have to apply willpower in large quantities.

Independent actions to eliminate fear of girls

Representatives of the fair sex do not immediately mock and attack young men who behave correctly towards them. Therefore, a young man with a problem raised should take the following actions to overcome the fear of communicating with a girl:

Improved appearance. You can even choose an image that is quite unusual for those around you, but your clothes must be clean when going out. Using a good perfume also doesn't hurt when it comes to attracting attention from spectacular girls. In addition, these factors significantly influence the increase in self-esteem of a young man, who will feel more confident when he sees flirtatious glances from ladies in his direction.
Expanding your horizons. In this case, reading fiction and watching quality cinema will help. Any girl will immediately fall in love with a young man with whom there is something to talk about. Even a silly girl will be fascinated by looking into the mouth of a guy who talks a lot and to the point. This will instantly captivate an intellectual woman, because in our time not every person is engaged in self-development. At the same time, the complex young man himself realizes that he is the initiator of a conversation that can lead to friendship and even love relationships in the future. Hobbies also play an important role in communication. For example, if a guy can play the guitar beautifully or sing songs, or is an organizer of hiking trips or kayaking trips, it will always be interesting to be with such a person.
An anecdote or an interesting phrase on the topic. The main thing in this matter is to gain initial interest in your person on the part of a pretty person. People are greeted by their clothes, but a pleasant impression based solely on this factor may not last long. You should stock up on a set of interesting jokes to make the girl you like smile. However, in this case, it is necessary to clearly remember that black humor and greasy statements will definitely repel the person you like, who will consider the suitor to be an elementary boor.
Playing sports. Any manipulations to improve your body will add confidence to every person. Yesterday's "goon" will definitely attract girls if he is in excellent physical shape after training. If there are no health restrictions, then you can even engage in hand-to-hand combat. Young coquettes love boys who can stand up for them. In addition, in the same sports section you can start a conversation with the person you like, based on common interests.

Help from psychologists to eliminate the fear of communicating with girls

Specialists are always ready to help those who need their help. If a problem arises, they advise following the following program in order to get rid of the voiced complex forever:

Learning body language. In order to find out for sure whether the person you like likes the young man or not, you should carefully observe her first reaction. If a girl looks at a young man and smiles invitingly at him, this does not mean at all that something about his appearance made her laugh. You should forget about all the complexes and try to start a conversation with an attractive object for flirting. If a girl constantly adjusts her hair and clothes when looking at a young man, then she is definitely determined to communicate with him and should not hesitate. When the young lady is the first to ask the guy questions and is interested in his life and hobbies, then the acquaintance can be considered successful.
Gaze technique. You also need to be able to look at a sexually attractive object correctly, so as not to scare him away with your ridiculous behavior. Firstly, you should not look away when a girl looks a guy straight in the eyes. She can draw the wrong conclusions in the form of the fact that in front of her is a boring, modest person or even a secret maniac. It is also not an option to fixate your gaze on any part of the young lady’s body, which will look like either bullying or outright sexual assault in her direction. You definitely need to look at the girl clearly, as if enveloping her with your gaze. At the same time, she will not feel aggression towards herself, but will definitely notice a frank interest in her person.
Autotraining. It is necessary to love yourself and your body, because nature itself endowed the young man with the available data. Therefore, it is worth starting the mechanism of positive thoughts in yourself as much as possible. In this case, phrases like “I can do anything”, “I have no equal” and “all the girls are ready to meet me” will not hurt. With the problem mentioned, you don’t have to be afraid of developing a Narcissus complex, because if a young man has low self-esteem, such a phenomenon is unlikely to happen.
Asking for help from a friend. In every male company there is a craftsman who does not see a problem in meeting and further communicating with girls. At first, it’s worth going to all the get-togethers and parties with him to observe his behavior. Moreover, next to such a generally recognized macho, even his silent friend will seem to young beauties more like a mysterious person than a notorious person.

How to get rid of fear of girls - watch the video: