My husband doesn’t want me to be. By what signs can you understand that a man does not love and does not want a woman? My husband said he doesn't want me

Wife doesn't want sex

Difficulties in relationships

Wife doesn't want sex

One of the main problems of men over 30 is the lack of desire from their wife to have sex. Or rather, this state of affairs is when a man comes home in the evening and sees a woman who treats him with contempt. She responds to any attempts and hints at making love with a refusal, which infuriates the man and makes him extremely angry.

And then some begin to look for love and female care on the side, and they succeed quite successfully. And others withdraw into themselves and begin to gradually destroy their male pride and health. Here we are talking about evening beer, get-togethers with men and a complete reluctance to go home and see this sour and insipid wife, who still won’t say anything good.

This situation will sooner or later lead to the destruction of the family or more serious conflicts based on nervousness. Since a man cannot live without a woman’s affection and love. He begins to go crazy, becomes irritable and decides to leave the family. And we can say with confidence that this state of affairs needs to be urgently corrected.

It's completely normal to want sex with your wife.

Although the problem affects your wife's head, you yourself suffer from it. If she really doesn't want to have sex and has no desire to be with you, it will take you time and effort to get to the root of this behavior.

The mistake of many men is that they begin to look for the reason in themselves, which is categorically wrong. Remember: It's normal for people to want to have sex. If you want sex, but your wife doesn’t? - then this is your wife’s problem.

Therefore, there is no need to read magazines and articles about how fatigue and work affect sexual desire. A normal marital relationship includes regular sex with your wife. If this does not happen for some reason, this is a clear sign that your union is under threat. It's not your fault, you want a normal marriage.

It is difficult to say the real reasons, but if your wife makes you feel like a maniac and a sexually preoccupied person, she clearly does not respect you. This state of affairs cannot exist for long. Sooner or later, your dissatisfaction will accumulate and you will find another woman.

Why doesn't my wife want to have sex?

She's getting tired. Some women are really tired at work or at home with children that in the evening they only have enough strength to get to bed and plop into it. Such wives can be easily distinguished by their sleepy state, sluggish gait and sound sleep. In other words, a person gets so tired that he really doesn’t need anything.

And if in the evening she has enough strength to sit and watch TV series, sit in classmates or contacts, chat with her friends or go for a walk with the girls, then this is definitely not fatigue.

She recently gave birth to a child. Girls after childbirth experience a decreased sexual desire, which can be described as follows: “You’ve already given birth, so keep an eye on the baby. You don’t need another one yet.” And no matter how hard a man tries and tries to get his wife, nature puts a stop and that’s it.

There are even girls who themselves understand that their husband is feeling bad, but cannot overcome themselves. This condition can last from 2 months to 2 years, and the woman practically cannot do anything about herself.

You don't excite her. Women want to see strong and successful men next to them who have charisma and masculinity. And it’s difficult to grasp the line when you stop being the man of her dreams and turn into a boring roommate who brings money and occasionally surprises. Most often, it is this reason that becomes the stumbling block that destroys the family.

She found someone else. If a woman stops loving her husband and finds a new boyfriend, she will not say so right away. She will hide, squirm, and gradually accept the idea that her marriage is over. She, in essence, makes the separation softer and calmer for herself. And sex is not the part that will help her wean herself off her man. That's why she doesn't deal with it.

What to do if your wife doesn't want sex

How can we change the situation? If your wife says that she is too tired, and when you show your affection and desire, she begins to swear and say that you are preventing her from resting. You still need to try to change this situation and take action.

Many men begin to show care and affection, giving flowers and having dinners with candles. They also help with housework, taking care of children and similar things. Yes, this will really give results. You will have sex. But it will be due to female gratitude, and not attraction and desire. After a while, everything will return to the situation without sex.

She can justify such behavior that at this stage of her life, her career, family, parents or children have become more important. This sounds plausible, but is a pure lie that hides the real reason.

You need to understand male sexuality. A woman wants and desires to have sex with a successful and strong man. The problem is not with you, but with her. She doesn't find you sexy anymore. Therefore, you need to become more independent, self-confident and, of course, get your body in order. When you do this, she will come to you herself, and you will have to choose whether you want it or not.

You don’t get offended by your wife, you don’t quarrel with her, you just start taking care of yourself and making yourself better. And then she herself will run to you, because she will want and fear that someone else will desire you.

Do not believe the person who says that intimacy is not the main thing in family relationships. After all, sex is what provides emotional and spiritual connection, provides physical release, strengthens relationships and establishes an overall favorable atmosphere in the family. Because of this, the problem when a husband absolutely does not want his own wife physically cannot be left to chance.

As everyday practice shows, the reasons for indifference can be very different. To make it easier to find the one that applies specifically to you, they are all divided into blocks and presented in this publication.

Taking care of children

It is a completely predictable situation in which a spouse does not want to have sex after a recent birth, especially if it was a partnership. For some men, the sight of the pains of childbirth causes fear and even disgust, which they find difficult to cope with. In the case of ordinary childbirth, sometimes there is neither energy nor time left for intimate life. The baby requires constant attention, and often sleeps and lives in the same room with its parents, if not sleeps in bed with them at all.

In such conditions, it is quite difficult to fully relax and get maximum pleasure. In addition, chronic fatigue of both parents automatically dulls physical attraction.

Problems and stress

Another option for why a man does not want to fulfill his marital duty is the difficulties associated with his professional activities. If at work he is pestered by his superiors, difficult tasks and goals are set, there is no normal schedule or a full salary, then you should not even dream of intimacy with him.

All a husband needs is peace, solitude and the opportunity to protect himself from all possible irritants. Believe it or not, now sex for him is a routine, a duty, and in order to maintain good family relationships, you need to correctly navigate the situation.

No love or attraction

In the life of every married couple, there may come a period when the husband realizes that the woman is no longer attracted to him physically, he no longer likes her internally and externally. There may be several reasons for this, but the main one is that the spouses have already gotten to know each other well, do not expect anything new from sex, their feelings are absorbed in everyday and everyday problems.

Again, desire may be absent if the spouse constantly walks around the house in shabby slippers and a greasy robe, does not take care of her appearance and simply causes sexual apathy.

In the latter case, the man loves her, appreciates her, respects her, but does not want her.

Mistress

The presence of mistrust in each other, the same everyday life, difficulties at work and other problems are a direct path to the appearance of a mistress. If your spouse refuses to sleep with you in every sense, then it is likely that he is getting sex on the side.

Health difficulties

In medicine, there are two categories of diseases that negatively affect a man’s sexual activity. Special pathologies cause sexual dysfunction, while general pathologies simply provoke pain and discomfort during sexual intercourse. All of them can be resolved with appropriate therapeutic techniques, but the situation is complicated by the fact that the representatives of the stronger sex themselves even talk about their sexual impotence, preferring to ignore their partner.

Carrying a child

The answer to why a husband does not want his pregnant wife is simple fear.

Harm the baby, cause uterine tone or provoke premature birth. A pregnant woman should be reassured by the fact that pregnancy does not last forever, and the man is worried about her well-being and the health of the future heir.

However, you don’t have to wait for a happy moment, but convey to him the specifics of having sex during pregnancy, look for comfortable and safe positions, or engage in alternative options for satisfying each other.

Options for solving the problem

Having considered all the most common reasons for lack of desire, it’s time to move on to what needs to be done urgently if the husband does not want his wife.

Depending on the provoking factor, the tactics may be as follows:

• Analyze your family life together, down to how you look at home, how many blankets you sleep under, and how often you have dinner together. Find the source of difficulties in sex and try to eliminate them;
• According to the recommendations of a family psychologist, a frank conversation cannot be avoided. It’s better if you can talk calmly and heart to heart, find out the desires and claims of your man;
• Stop nagging your spouse, put things in order in your home, make it cozy and warm, create a comfortable atmosphere and stop openly “blowing your brains out”;
• The reasons for a husband not wanting his wife after childbirth usually go away on their own as soon as the child’s biological rhythms improve, or part of the care for him falls on the shoulders of relatives or a nanny;
• If the lack of sex is the result of your unkempt and unattractive appearance, you will have to do everything to correct the situation. Hairdressers, cosmetology centers, fashion stores and even plastic surgeons and nutritionists will come to help you;
• When a husband does not want a wife, the advice of a professional psychologist will not bypass the issue of intimate and general diversity of life together. Travel, new acquaintances, impressions and even unusual sexual experiences are what revitalize the sexual side of relationships.

Classic tips look like this:

• Organize a romantic dinner with candles, lace lingerie, a bubble bath and aphrodisiacs for appetizers;
• Kiss, hug and caress a man more often, proving your love for him;
• Do not hold back the desire to write or call your husband to say something pleasant or erotic. But be warned. What if you have never done this before, your behavior may be slightly discouraging to your significant other;
• Watch films with erotic content and learn from them new techniques on how to turn on a man and bring him to ecstasy;
• Learn how to give a sexy or relaxing massage.

As you have already understood, even a long-term marriage that threatens to fall apart due to lack of sexual attraction can be saved if you put some effort into it.

“My husband stopped going to work,” the sad woman pronounces this phrase doomedly. And we are not talking about a person who lost his job as a result of a financial crisis or poor health. How to help a man get out of such a state and is it possible to see in advance a tendency towards parasitism in the chosen one?

In one family, a young pianist husband worked part-time in a restaurant in the evenings, but he was tired of this occupation, and he announced to his wife that he no longer wanted to play for “chewing moneybags”, and that he would not exchange for another job, because he was going to prepare for a competition named after P.I. Tchaikovsky; The competition will take place in 4 years. As a result, the wife became the breadwinner, and the husband calmly picks up the child from kindergarten, spends evenings with him, does not do anything that he considers beneath his dignity, does not earn money, but does not suffer from the lack of it. In another situation, a man admits that he is “tired” of work; he also sits at home and happily helps the nanny with the children, cooks dinner for his wife, and cleans the apartment. Despite the fact that he used to devote himself to work with rapture, he is currently very happy with the state of things. He believes that he is doing "real things and living a real life." True, for some reason he began to actively notice his wife’s shortcomings - he either blames her for being a bad mother and doesn’t spend enough time with the children, or she doesn’t take care of the house the way he wanted - she doesn’t cook food, doesn’t wash the floors.

Can a “normal” man not want to work? Isn't conscious withdrawal into family life and household a sign of some hidden problems?

Alexander KOLMANOVSKY, psychologist, Head of the center for socio-psychological rehabilitation “Our Life”:

– A man’s desire to stay at home appears when the possibility of self-realization is impaired. For example, when a person’s claim is greater than the basis for it, as in the case of a pianist who has very great claims to success, but he has to start with a restaurant pianist. Or when a person is minding his own business and does not understand it, when he is not pulling his weight - he works as a manager, but should be a teacher, etc. I would not say that men not working is a trend, but the changing times themselves contribute to this, because women have become freer, more protected, and the family is not as dependent on one man as it was before.

What to do with it, how to live with it? To comment on situations with husbands who do not want to work and to give advice to wives, we asked Archpriest Maxim PERVOZVANSKY, cleric of the Church of the Forty Martyrs in Spasskaya Sloboda, editor-in-chief of the magazine “Heir”:

The reasons for men's “non-work” are varied; and in one situation this is justified, but in another it is “not curable” at all. Let's say a wife has the opportunity to get a good job, earn more than her husband, and the spouses, by mutual agreement, decide that it is more convenient for the husband to stay at home with the child, and for the wife to go to work. And there is nothing wrong with this, especially if the personal qualities are such that the wife does not become the administrator of the family, the commander who gives orders: “You sit at home, do this and that!” But if the husband is basically “too lazy to work,” the situation requires professional intervention. True, you cannot forcefully help a person, just as you cannot cure an alcoholic unless he himself wants to stop drinking.

In any case, if the “non-work” has been prolonged, only a specialist can figure out whether this is a temporary situation associated with depression or a midlife crisis, or a “normal” and comfortable state for a man. But we will not talk now about such extreme situations when professional help is needed. Let’s listen to the advice that our experts give if the reluctance to work is “treated at home.”

Brainstorm: how to remove Emelya from the stove?

There lived a husband and wife, she constantly scolded him, at least behind his back - and his job, they say, is stupid, and he doesn’t earn any money at all, and doesn’t do anything around the house - he can’t drive a nail into a wall properly, she has to do everything. “Why do we need such a man!” – each time the wife finished the monologue. She endured and endured, and divorced him. But he was not left alone, as his ex-wife later said: “a certain young lady picked him up,” he got a job, began to earn money and take care of the house. This situation is quite common.

The first wife suppressed any initiative of her husband, and the second, on the contrary, made her feel that he is the head of the family, bears responsibility, hopes are pinned on him, and he is a support. With his first wife, the man constantly felt a sense of guilt, they constantly demanded something from him, scolded him for doing everything wrong.

Father Maxim Pervozvansky:

In a situation of continuous reproach, the man becomes constrained and, unable to bear it, leaves. Everything greatly depends on the type of psyche - there are people who are driven, they are comfortable when people decide for them what to do and how, and there are those who strive for something, but their wife “does not give it”, and they become lack of initiative. But women often behave this way simply because they don’t know any other way. In a situation with a lack of initiative husband, a woman is often not happy with the current situation - she asked, the husband did not comply, she demanded, the husband refused on principle. We are all principled to the point of disgrace, we do not know how to give in. But it was necessary not to demand from the husband, but to try, on the contrary, to ask his opinion: “What do you think, dear, let’s think together, dear...”

Gives even more specific advice Alexander Kolmanovsky:

Often a man’s refusal to work is caused by a crisis or loss, and the man himself may not realize this. It seems to him that he is just tired or that no one understands or appreciates him. You don’t need to pay attention to his explanations; in this state, he doesn’t say what he really thinks about life and work; he just says something to fend off reproaches. Such emptiness of a man is most often accompanied by an unconscious feeling that he is bad, wrong, unpromising. Therefore, in order to “rehabilitate” him, he must be placed in an atmosphere of unconditional acceptance. He must be taught that any of his manifestations, actions, even negative ones, evoke sympathy from his wife and not condemnation. Let's say my husband spent the whole night on the Internet. The sympathetic wife will say in the morning: “Poor thing, how come you didn’t get enough sleep.” And the condemning one... well, there’s a lot of room for creativity.

As for his, my husband’s, work, we must understand the difference between self-affirmation, on the one hand, and self-realization, on the other. If a wife calls on her husband to “finally become a man, a breadwinner,” this makes him feel in constant neurosis. But if she helps him truly find himself, even at the temporary expense of his earnings, he will feel better and trust her.

You can brainstorm with your husband. “Tell me, if you had a magic wand, what would you like to do?” - “Ah, nothing, it would be lying on the stove.” They retreated, and two weeks later again: “Well, you’ve been lying on the stove for a long time, you’ll get bored; what would you like to do? The goal of this approach is not to force a man to finally make up his mind, but only to stimulate his inner search.

Without cutting off oxygen

Both the priest and the psychologist advise: take a closer look at your chosen ones even before the registry office. We must pay attention to how a man behaves with his parents, how he behaves in a quarrel, in conflict, what conclusions he draws from this experience. Alexander Kolmanovsky suggests evaluating your future spouse as follows: “The right chosen one is not the one whose merits delighted you, but the one whose shortcomings touched you.”

Oddly enough, from the advice of male experts, the conclusion follows: the main responsibility for establishing a peaceful and mutually respectful existence in the family falls on the fragile shoulders of women. Again and again we need to learn to restrain ourselves, endure and negotiate, not make claims and support our husbands in every possible way, in no case without cutting off their oxygen.

Men who find themselves without work can be helped by the words of a person who has lived through such an experience. Arseny, 40 years old, was unemployed for about a year: “All my life, from the age of 18, I worked. I simply could not imagine my life without work. But in 2008, during the crisis, I found myself sitting at home. At first it was a shock, but then gradually I began to get the hang of it, in a good way. I started doing things I had never done before. My wife went to work, and I prepared breakfast for myself and my son, who was one and a half years old at that moment, and went for a walk with him. We made snowmen and sledded down the hills. Then we had lunch together, I learned how to cook soup, and read books. All this time I was looking for a job, sometimes even went for interviews, but I really liked “staying at home”. I think that if at some point I had not made an effort on myself and agreed to go to a job that was not “the dream of my whole life” - not in my specialty, with a small salary, much less prestigious than the one I worked at Before this, the house could have drawn me in. Over time, I again found what I was interested in, so I think it’s wrong to sit at home without getting a job because it’s below your self-image. On the other hand, remembering that period, I understand that the Lord sent me an excellent vacation; it was perhaps the happiest time of my life.”

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Where to start if you notice that your husband doesn’t want you and you have a long pause in bed? Of course, you rushed in a little late, but better late than never! It’s worth figuring out where and when this crack appeared, which led to the fact that both spouses have, at best, only respect for each other, but sex and passion have disappeared somewhere.

Rejuvenating relationships and bringing passion back requires comprehensive measures. You should start with a heart-to-heart conversation with your spouse. Try to figure out where the former passion went.

Psychologists say that a joint vacation in another country makes relationships stronger. And the new situation forces you to look from a different side at your spouse, whom, it seems, you already know like the back of your hand.

Intimacy in a new place is more varied, and upon arrival it continues at home. Since sex still plays a major role in family life, it is worth starting to solve the problem from there.

If your husband doesn't want you, reconsider your attitude towards your husband. Perhaps you are exaggerating in some way, and in fact there is no such problem. You just lost interest, not only from you, but also from your husband. Try to surprise each other more often. For example, go to a beauty salon and buy an erotic costume.

Your spouse has definitely never seen you in this role before, and imagine how his eyes will light up again. Add a romantic candlelit dinner and a bath with rose petals. Although this is all banal, over time, romantic evenings completely leave the family, taking with them interest in each other.

If a man does not want sex, and family relationships become fraternal, psychologists also advise changing his place of residence or making renovations. Firstly, the whole process takes more than one day, and during this time you can get closer to each other. Secondly, a new environment means living with a clean face, which is exactly what you need.

A good option, if the husband does not want a wife, would be to visit a sexologist or family psychologist. Experts come across such stories very often and certainly know the best tips for solving the problem if your husband doesn’t want you.

Respect for each other is of course good, but it is much more important to have a passionate attitude and love, on which the foundation of a strong family is built. The wife’s goal, if her husband doesn’t want you, is to make sure that not only do you look at your spouse with different eyes, but also that your spouse becomes the same again: he gives unexpected gifts, makes surprise dates and does everything to ensure that there is only harmony and passion in the bedroom . Without her, no family will be truly happy.

Go skiing together. Joint hobbies are no worse for recharging old feelings. Or sign up for both extreme driving courses, adrenaline has a positive effect on the brain. And lastly, after you are happy married again, have another child. Caring for and caring for a small baby does not separate everyone, but rather brings them together.

"Hello! My name is Vladlena. I really believe that you will help me deal with the following situation.

The fact is that I have been married for 1 year. I am 29. My husband is 5 years older than me. Our characters are very different: I am an impulsive Aries, who rushes forward everywhere, I have many hobbies, my husband is Cancer, who always moves back, and when difficulties arise, he always hides his head in the sand like an ostrich or hides behind me.

He is a romantic. He has very low self-esteem, in almost everything, no matter what he does, he needs the support and approval of someone: first - his mother and sisters, now - mine. He constantly doubts everything, is very indecisive, and is afraid of making the wrong decision.

But the main problem, because of which I decided to write to you, is that we have not had any sexual relations for six months. My husband does not want his wife, that is, me. He says that he is afraid of me, that he feels my pressure.

During these six months there was almost not a single day that we spent without quarrels. We are constantly annoyed with each other, we are calm only when we are far from each other: we start to get bored, call each other, but as soon as we find ourselves together...

I understand and realize that I myself am partly to blame for the current situation and for the fact that the man does not want sex. Before the wedding, and in the first months after the wedding, we had a wonderful sexual relationship. Now my husband says that problems are piling up on him one after another, he cannot calm down or relax.

I suggested that he go to a psychologist, but he refuses, saying that everything is fine with him, that I have problems, but he doesn’t. He says that everything will be fine with us as soon as he calms down, but he doesn’t succeed.

When I start to caress him, he pushes me away. He immediately begins to boil and cannot speak calmly. He says it's better for him to stay like this than to tell me about his fears.

I gave him a massage, a bath with aromas, and gave him sedatives, and I try to take him out for walks more often, and I caress him, hug him, but he doesn’t react: my husband doesn’t want me. I ask him to at least hug and kiss, but he doesn’t want me. The only “sexual contact” we had was during vacation on my initiative, but my husband lay there like a log and didn’t even caress me.

Unfortunately, I think he wants me to be a mom who will take care of him, not a woman who will be taken care of by him. I ask him for male attention, start a conversation about the child, which he does not want to hear about (for which he is not yet ready, in his words, “not mature”).

I gave him books on psychology, but he doesn’t want to read them, he says that I tell him fairy tales. I have never set conditions for my husband, but yesterday I told him: either we go to a psychologist or sex therapist and solve our problems together, or I divorce him, since I see no other way out.

I understand that a person must decide for himself and go to an appointment, but I have already tried everything, but my husband does not want me as a woman. This is the situation. Vladlena Savritskaya.”

What to do if your husband doesn’t want you, answers psychologist Elena Poryvaeva

From your letter I understand that you are concerned about the situation in your family. You and your husband have not had sexual relations for six months now. You explain this by saying that the husband takes troubles at work too seriously, that, due to his personal characteristics, he needs a mother rather than a wife, that he is weak and is accustomed to retreating from difficulties, etc.

You, being an active person, are trying to find a way out of this situation yourself. You offer your husband different ways - see a specialist, read books on psychology, you give him a sedative, give him a massage, initiate physical intimacy, in short, you do a lot to correct the situation.

The more active you are, the more passive your husband becomes. His activity is expressed rather in resistance to everything that you propose. He refuses everything, as a result of which you came to the conclusion: “my husband doesn’t want me.”

Desperate, you resorted to the last option - you set a condition for your husband: either he goes with you to a psychologist, or you divorce him.

First of all, I would like to tell you that there are different forms of work, including those in which one of the spouses turns to a specialist. I am convinced that in your case we are not talking about a sexual problem, but rather a relationship problem.

You have your own assessment of what is happening with your husband. Being an active and strong person, you strive to help him based on your vision of the situation and offering your solutions. I would venture to guess that you consider yourself more competent in matters of relationship psychology than your husband. You know better what to do...

This position makes you a mother, an older sister, or simply the main one, while he remains in the role of a subordinate. On the one hand, you just want to be a desirable woman with a strong and reliable husband, but on the other hand, it often happens that you feel smarter and stronger than your husband, so you expect him to agree with what seems right to you . This means that you are offering him a relationship in which he submits and you lead.

It looks more like a power struggle than a romantic relationship between newlyweds. It’s not surprising that your husband doesn’t want you and feels not attraction and tenderness, but fear. You are very strong, Vladlena, but in your relationship with your husband, your strength turns against you.

In conclusion, I would like to support you by expressing my confidence that your love for your husband and desire to improve your relationship with him will help you realize your role in the current problem and see new horizons in solving it.

"Hello! I have a big request to you to help me understand the situation that has developed in my life at the present time. The point is this: I’ve been living with a young man in a civil marriage for a little over a year and a half (I’m 24, he’s 29), we live peacefully, with virtually no quarrels.

There have been no major quarrels for six months, no less. We suit each other perfectly in everything, we are interested together, we have many common hobbies, common goals, plans for the future, we try to spend all our free time together, while introducing as much variety as possible into our joint vacation...

In general, everything is wonderful, complete love, harmony and mutual understanding. And against the backdrop of all this splendor, I am constantly tormented by one problem, which has recently acquired more and more distinct features and is growing exponentially. The thing is that my husband doesn't want me.

In the last 7-8 months, we have been having sex less and less often, at first - once every 7-10 days, then once every 2 weeks, now - once every 2.5-3 weeks. You know, I am sure that he is not cheating on me, since we are together everywhere, I have never cheated on him either, but I can no longer live in such a rhythm.

Not only am I not satisfied with him (although experiencing an orgasm alone is not a problem for me), but now we almost don’t have this mediocre sex in all respects.

I have become nervous, I get irritated for any reason, I feel how my immunity is weakening (at the beginning of our life with him, with a regime of 2-3 times a week, I never got sick, but now the sores stick one after another, and they are completely ridiculous: colds, rubella, tracheitis...), and all because I feel that my husband does not want me as a woman, and my body has become indifferent to everything.

I love my husband, but because the man doesn’t want sex, I’m starting to be torn between physical and spiritual needs. I began to talk to him about the future less and less, and more and more often I think that I will most likely have to break up, because I don’t want to cheat on him, and my body is tired of waiting for tenderness and affection...

Lately, my husband has been reacting more and more sharply to my words that “I should do it more often...”, since, in his opinion, everything with me is turned in one direction, that is, towards sex (it would be strange to say so for my needs a couple of times a week...).

And I feel like I’m tired of fighting and not only does my husband not want me, but I also want him physically less and less. I am gradually forgetting what games in bed are, what tenderness, kisses, caresses are... And one more thing: when my husband now kisses me in bed so quickly, dryly, I realize that he is doing this only because of my whim, without any kind of pleasure for myself, and I already have a purely psychological barrier against it. This is the beginning of complexes, neuroses... I'm afraid that now, even if a miracle happens and he changes, I will have to be treated. Christina Grell."

What to do if the husband does not want a wife, answers psychologist Elena Poryvaeva

Unfortunately, it is very difficult for me to understand in absentia, without talking with your husband, what is really happening to him. The reasons can be anything: by nature a person is without fantasies, not endowed with sufficient sensuality; selfish and lazy (at the same time very confident that you will not go anywhere); self-satisfaction (in parallel with sexual life) and therefore there is no need for frequent sex; concerns about sex (prohibitions), instilled in a puritanical, sanctimonious upbringing; external communication; physiological sexual problems.

Perhaps he feels incompetent in some way, but is so afraid to admit it even to himself that he “throws” the problem onto you, calling you “obsessed with sex.”

I don't know your husband's character. If a man doesn’t want sex, I would try to gently talk to him without offense or complaints about the fact that not everything is in order in your close relationships, and it’s not about your “troubles and fixation” on sex, but about the fact that you worries about your health and your marriage.

If a direct conversation is not possible, then you can write him a letter. But just be extremely soft, tactful, and you need to make him feel that you value love and family. Tell him that you don’t have enough sex, but don’t reproach him “my husband doesn’t want me.” And there is nothing wrong if you both consult a psychologist and sex therapist.

No matter how far we go from nature in everyday life, its instincts usually take over. Hormones present in our body are responsible for this process. But, surprisingly, recently we have heard a lot of complaints from women that men are increasingly refusing sexual pleasures. Why doesn't a man want sex? Should we sound the alarm in this case? We are ready to answer these and many other questions on this topic. Stay with us!

Why a man doesn't want sex - reasons

The first option why a husband does not want his wife is that he is cheating. Yes, when a mistress appears in a person’s life, it is quite natural that he has sex with her, and not with his wife. Therefore, if suddenly your intimate life has ceased to be the same, and your husband’s behavior in general has changed very much, be wary. By the way, as for behavior, a man may begin to ignore you or, on the contrary, become very gentle and attentive. In any case, he will behave differently than before.

A man may have health problems. Today our lives are full of stress, and bad habits can make the situation even worse. It may turn out that a man is experiencing difficulties in the sexual sphere, and they are associated with the presence of some serious illness. Naturally, in this case it is stupid to demand affection from your husband. Better help him overcome his illness and your spouse will be grateful to you for it.

Sometimes a husband does not want his wife because the love has passed. Man is not an animal, and he cannot live guided only by instincts. So, it is not surprising that if there are no feelings, a man will not have sex. Don’t hush up the problem, but be sure to discuss it. You will need to decide whether it is worth saving your family or whether it is better to get a divorce. The sooner you discuss this issue, the better.

It’s interesting that sometimes women don’t even know about the real reason why men don’t want sex. It turns out that this is how a man wants to punish his soulmate! For example, you were inconsiderate or rude to your spouse. In this case, the husband may feign illness or fatigue, just so as not to fulfill his marital duty. If you see that your husband is using sex to manipulate you, talk to him and solve the main problem that has become a reason for resentment.

Another circumstance that also leads to the fact that the husband does not want his wife is the situation. If it does not contribute to love pleasures, many men lose all desire to have sex. For example, such cases occur if you plan to make love in a public place, or children live in the apartment with you in the next room, and the sound insulation in the house is not the best.

Reasons for refusing sex

Once married, a woman rightly believes that she will no longer need to look for a partner for sex. And suddenly, at some point, she begins to feel as if she was deceived or, even worse, she ceases to be confident in her feminine attractiveness. And really, how can you not doubt it if even your own husband stops showing sexual interest in you and you begin to frantically search for an answer to the question of why your man doesn’t want sex with you. You should not panic, but rather try to find out the reasons.

Oddly enough, a man can also get tired or feel unwell. Nothing human is alien to him, this is not a machine and he cannot turn on on demand. Moreover, in the modern world, when every day you have to prove to others that you are the coolest and the strongest. Take your husband and go with him for a weekend out of town. As soon as he sleeps off, he will certainly remember why a wife exists in the world.

If his problems are related to physical illness - for example, the husband does not want his wife because his blood pressure has increased or an ulcer has opened, then this disease itself should first of all be treated. Men rarely complain about their health, because they believe that they simply must remain strong and healthy in our eyes. Try to ask him what is happening to him and take him to the clinic.

Alas, in our troubled world, a new nervous disease has appeared, which is called manager syndrome. This happens to a person who is too busy at a responsible job and cannot even relax at home, constantly thinking about the flows that he controls. Such constant stress has the most negative effect on a man’s desire to have sex.

But it also happens that people who live together for a long time really cease to be interested in each other sexually. Over the years, the relationship of such spouses begins to resemble a tender friendship, but all other feelings leave them. Not only men, but also women find themselves in this situation. Perhaps you're really better off just staying friends?

Now you know why the husband does not want his wife. Knowing about them, you can always influence your spouse and do everything to make your intimate life complete.

Differences in male and female sexuality

In general, women need more romance than men to experience sexual attraction. A woman feels excited when someone takes care of her - they say nice things, hug her, kiss her.

Male sexuality is built largely on imagination and visual sensations. The sight of a pretty woman, an attractive naked body, or erotic dreams may be enough for a young man to feel aroused and have sex.

Many men find it difficult to understand why women are always sad after sex and why they need long, affectionate foreplay before it, just as women often don't understand how men can jump straight into bed.

In marriage, a man's attachment to visual stimulation often leads to an erotic crisis if the woman gains too much weight. This is why sometimes a man does not want sex with his wife.

Women, whose sexual feelings do not have such a visual orientation, often remain attached to a man even when he loses his outer form. At the same time, a recent study by sociologist Lyn White, who examined about a thousand married men, showed that it is important for a man that his wife remains graceful.

Dr. White found that marriages are more likely to experience sexual problems when women gain weight. This is something you should take seriously because research shows that when husbands judge whether their marriage is working, they pay more attention to appearance than wives. This is why sometimes a husband doesn't want a wife: if they don't like what happens in the bedroom, they often consider themselves unhappy.

Women, on the contrary, focus more on the emotional aspects of relationships. For example, when your husband doesn't talk to you or doesn't want to listen to you, you may feel that your marriage is very far from ideal.

The reasons men and women give for cheating reflect differences in what they each place the most importance on.

When men are asked about the reason for their infidelity and why a man does not want sex with his wife, they mostly point to sex. Women say they cheat to satisfy their emotional needs.

According to various studies, men characterize. Extramarital affairs between men and women follow the pattern of their behavior as singles: men may have sex during a date without being emotionally involved, while single women become more emotionally involved.

Differences between the sexes are persistent and important both in and before marriage.