Another life with my mother and sister. Relationship problems with mom and sister

2 weeks have passed since the maramoyka moved into our house...

In the evenings, the children run to their father on the 11th floor for all sorts of boyish questions, played table tennis with dad and “his new aunt” a couple of times, and spend the second Sunday with them while I work...
In my opinion, everything is quite acceptable so far: the children are not anxious, not upset, they themselves say, “they didn’t think that everything would be fine, my aunt cooks deliciously, she doesn’t intrude, she only asks about school, they are going to go on vacation during the winter holidays, they suggested making them company" :)
The children just flatly refuse to walk with them before bed (they don’t want neighbors and street friends to see them together) and go to “our country house” (they don’t want to see their aunt THERE)
I conveyed this to the soup, he understood and did not insist... Our relationship is smooth, yesterday he even sent a photo from the BI-2 concert, he keeps me informed of events... And the children and I are not bored, the weather is warm and dry, so we are leaving cycling further and further from home... :)

But my mother and sister were all exhausted:
"Why do you let them communicate?! This is perverted!"
“She is a nobody, and there is no way to call her, forbid her to be present at meetings between the father and the children!”
“She will teach them bad things, she will corrupt them, are you crazy or what?!”

When I object:
“This is their father’s “new love”, they live together, the children communicate with their dad, they feel normal, why bother?!”
“When I get a new man, will that also be a perversion?! What kind of nonsense!?”

My sister and mother answer in unison:
“Until the children grow up, you can’t bring a man into the house! You must devote all of yourself to the children, and only then take care of your personal life!”

What should I do?! Am I actually behaving abnormally?!
What are the right words to find so that my family will calm down and stop bullying me?!

+++)) +++)) 10.20.2013 12:30:13, boring

IMHO, but your model is normal if YOU → IMHO, but your model is normal if YOU also arrange your personal life. What's wrong with OAK?

Mom and sister are wrong. 10.20.2013 10:30:00, tYulka

Firstly, I’m tired of hormonal → Firstly, I’m tired of hormonal contraception, I’ve been taking COCs for 8 years now, and recently I switched to Nuvaring... :(
Secondly, I test my fertility and oak fertility experimentally... :/
Thirdly, I want a daughter with eyes the color of the surf in Nice... :) 20.10.2013 13:26:22, NafNury

I dreamed of a daughter for a long time, I put it off until → I've been dreaming about having a daughter for a long time, putting it off until the construction of a country house was completed... I got it! :(
I’m 35, he’s 40, where to go... Come what may! :) 20.10.2013 13:35:57, NafNury

Don’t know... A boy with those eyes too → Don’t know... A boy with such eyes will also be irresistible... The oak tree will not abandon his son in any way, he even trembles all over when he talks about the heir...
And I want a girl! Thoughts are material, I will imagine my sweet daughter! :)

I don't tell anyone in the real world this...
Maybe this is a defensive reaction to divorce, getting pregnant by someone else and breaking away from the past... :/ 20.10.2013 14:31:52, NafNury

Good luck:)) Eyes the color of the sky - simple → Good luck:))
Eyes the color of the sky - just super :))
I meditated on the older one’s eyelashes, and the smaller one’s eye color was my husband’s.
Flick on you??? 10.20.2013 16:57:14, tYulka

It’s too early for me to go there...(T3) I’m only 3 → It’s too early for me to go there...(T3)
So far I’ve only read 3 conferences: “Family Relationships”, “About Yourself, About Your Girlhood”, “Independent Travel” :) 10/21/2013 10:36:27, NafNury

Thank you for understanding and support! :) From → Thank you for understanding and support! :)
I’m gradually getting rid of my addiction, I’m very afraid of becoming “an appendage of that family,” as they predict for me here... :/ 20.10.2013 12:19:48, NafNury

when my couple with “aunt” communicated with → when mine and my “aunt” communicated with my children, it felt like a sickle to my genitals. But I hid my feelings and tried to let go as often as possible if the communication was fruitful.
What am I talking about?
You probably don't like it when he's there either. Well, deep down. But if you are overcoming selfishness for the sake of your children, then why the hell will strangers (yes, in this situation, strangers, even your sister and mother) tell you who your children should communicate with.
What motivates your relatives?
Mom - resentment and anger (everything is not like people), sister - banal envy. I would generally advise my sister to improve her personal life as soon as possible, otherwise she’s been stuck in the maiden for too long..
So, if I were you, I would say: my dear people, if you harass me like this, I will soon stop communicating with YOU, is that what you want? 10/20/2013 10:53:19, Olsik

"and my sister wants revenge..." I would → "and my sister wants revenge..."
If I were her, I would take care of MY personal life, then I’ll have no time to crave 10/20/2013 12:25:42, Olsik

don't give a damn about your neighbors, just like you do → Spit on your neighbors, as well as on unfriendly words in this conference.
Why are you sad, what will people think? 10/20/2013 12:37:54, Magician Viagra

Everything is fine with you. As I understand it, topics → Everything is fine with you.
As I understand it, all topics have been exhausted, enjoy life. 20.10.2013 10:57:22, Antre

no, well, what are relatives like, huh? Not → no, well, what are relatives like, huh? I don’t understand this desire... for everything to be “on the way”, at any cost 10/20/2013 11:06:31, Olsik

Don’t worry, convince your mom that it’s → Don’t worry, convince your mother that this is our whole life, and she knows exactly how everything is around her, and so that her sister doesn’t cheat her. Every mother wants special happiness for her daughter. 10.20.2013 14:45:34, boring

What can you say about children? They're over there too → What can you say about children? They also don’t want to go out for a walk with maramoyka.

You can also ask about your husband. For some reason, he also doesn’t want to advertise his official life with maramoyka to his colleagues. 20.10.2013 14:21:51, 2x2

So, we need to reduce conversations to a minimum 10/20/2013 15:12:44, Gallor

Our “auntie” has been communicating like this for seven years → Our “auntie” has been communicating like this for seven years now. I cannot blame her globally for anything in relation to children. Maybe sometimes she’s a little intrusive, but she’s nothing, active, and cares) How much she needs my children, I don’t know, I don’t think they do. But the husband is needed and important, and for his sake she tries 10/20/2013 12:00:39, Olsik

Well, I can’t admire maramoyka yet → Well, it won’t be long before I can admire maramoyka... :/
But I'm only interested in other people's children - small ones - up to 3 years old, female, for 10-15 minutes... :))) 20.10.2013 13:16:41, NafNury

Let the children only feel good when → Let the children only feel good when everything is nearby and the world is reliable and friendly for them. And don’t be offended by your own people, we are all different, they think in their own way, and simply cannot yet accept your way of life. 10.20.2013 12:13:23, boring

What does it mean that he doesn’t want to live in his own house? 10.20.2013 12:15:46, Magician Viagra

Hehe. Let me try to guess. House from Ur...ba? → Hehe. Let me try to guess.
House from Ur...ba? 10/20/2013 22:52:59, also from Ufa

++)) ++)) 10.20.2013 12:19:46, boring

I tried to edit photos, pictures → I tried to edit the photo, the pictures fell off, basically... :) 20.10.2013 15:34:53, NafNury

I don’t talk to my people about the future → I don’t talk about the future with my people... The day has passed, and okay... :)
I can’t even really plan a vacation... :(

Time will put everything in its place... I agree! 20.10.2013 13:08:52, NafNury

Thanks for support! :) I try too → Thanks for support! :)
I also try to behave as civilized as possible... It doesn’t always work out, of course! :/ 20.10.2013 13:07:11, NafNury

Everything is very good with you! And there will be more → Everything is very good with you! And it will be even better!

I have a friend who often went on vacation with families with a bisexual: himself with a bisexual + a bikini with her NM + a common child from a bisexual + a common child from a bisexual + a child of a bisexual from her first marriage. BZ went to another country, their common child lived either with his mother or with his father, where he wanted and for as long as he wanted, naturally everything was sorted out with school, and then college.
Those. 2 full-fledged families have formed, relations between the former spouses have settled down to friendly ones, everyone is happy in their new families and loves all the children of both families. So anything can happen!

And your mother and sister are worried about you, well, this is the model in their head - don’t argue now, when the time comes - you will still do it your way and they will accept it :) Just now avoid talking about this topic or assent "of course, of course ")))
Loved ones have all sorts of cockroaches in their heads)), but you won’t breed them in your own home
This is your life and only your choice, the opinions of others are heard and taken into account, no more than 10/20/2013 14:05:58, 3131

Everything is fine! And don’t spoil the situation → Everything is fine! And don’t spoil the situation by letting other people’s cockroaches in :) 20.10.2013 14:13:48, Solar Wind

Can’t you see it from the photo?! O_O With a height of 165 → Can’t you see it from the photo?! O_O
With a height of 165 cm, I weigh 70 kg, so it’s better to get rid of 8-10 extra kg...
My sister’s situation is a little worse, and losing weight together is more interesting, like a competition... :) 20.10.2013 15:43:59, NafNury

Nobody said... I myself know that it’s mine → Nobody said... I myself know that my optimal weight is 60-62 kg, I was overweight during construction, I was a lot nervous... :/ 20.10.2013 16:57:15, NafNury

if “friends are against”, then what reaction → If “friends are against”, then what reaction did you expect from her?
You yourself turned them against her, or rather, added fuel to the fire, and now you expect them to support your current position? 20.10.2013 16:26:57, Oker

No, don’t blame everything on me → No, don’t blame everything on me... They tuned in on their own, I tried not to drag them into my squabbles... :/ 20.10.2013 16:55:00,

Difficult relationships with sister and mother

Hello Valeria.
You are all adults, everyone has their own life and you need to intervene and help only when they ask for help. Yes, I understand that you love your family and want to be closer to them, but as they say, the further you go, the closer you get. We must accept them as they are. Whether your sister wants to live with her mother is Her choice. Often we help our loved ones with our understanding and faith that everything will be the best for them.
Seraphim of Sarov said /Save yourself and thousands will be saved./
Changing someone's life is neither possible nor right. We can only change ourselves.
We can and should meet with our relatives, come to visit each other, but at the same time not violate their personal space. Talk about general topics, do nice things for them. At the same time, without imposing your opinion.
Treat your sister and mother with love and understanding, do not react to their insults, and everything will work out.
I wish you joy and good luck. Sincerely, psychologist Valentina Veklich.

Question to a psychologist:

I'm 17 and just graduated from school. The problem is my mom. She went to another city to work when I was 6 years old, so I got used to being without her. She came once a month or I went to see her. Mom herself is from the line of “don’t be friends with him, don’t go there,” i.e. she forbids me to communicate with my only friend, let alone guys, and relationships in general, she asks me to show all correspondence and photographs, to come home at 6-7 pm, not to travel to other cities, even relatives, she tries to control every step and takes care of me like a 10 year old child. When I tried to somehow hint that I should have my own personal space and that although I was no longer an adult, I was also not small enough to bother with me like that, then everything turned into a scandal in which she only claimed that I don’t have my own opinion and someone persuaded me to say so, because my mother is better than others and takes care of me, while she distorts my words and makes a face, thereby driving me out. Since childhood, she forbade me everything, so I’m embarrassed to talk to strangers, I’m afraid to talk to adults, such as doctors, sometimes my eyes start to water, I can keep silent about communicating with guys. I’m closed and shy and it’s hard for me to overcome this in myself, but I’ve been trying for a year and a half and I’m succeeding. A young man appeared, about whom mother, of course, does not know. I ask for advice and other things from another adult woman, a family friend who understands and supports me. Many people tried to talk to mom: this family friend, her sister, and dad, but it was all in vain, because... she still stands her ground. Based on all this, it is clear that it is easier for me to live not with her. Now the question is about admission. Dad said that as soon as I leave to study, he won’t pay for me, as if he had already “paid back” his due. My financial support remains with my mother, but during other scandals she always insists that I am ungrateful, although I myself do not ask her for anything. I don’t argue with her, but she does with me. More often than not, I just remain silent or cry, which she hates and can hit me in the face with a towel for this. Then he calls his sisters and friends and says what a terrible child. I wanted to go to study in Poland (I’m from Belarus), but then my mother can again reproach me with money, she can even go with me to live there, and she can also come with me if I go to the capital. She explains this by saying that “I didn’t live with you before, but now you need me to be close.” It will be difficult for me to be with her and it will be difficult for me to exist on her money. There is an option to go to another regional city to go to college, where my uncle is studying, where my mother will definitely not go. The opportunity to earn money has just arisen, and I will not depend on my mother. But she will take it with hostility that I won’t be around and that I will do as I want. Therefore, I am tossing around in two options: to enter Poland, which will fulfill my dream of leaving here, but for my mother’s money, and besides, there is a high probability that she will follow me, so I will have to endure her, but without a huge scandal, or go to Gomel, where relatives already have an apartment, study and live there, earn money at this time, but a huge scandal will follow that I am ungrateful, how is this so, etc. I don't know what to do next.

Psychologist Almira Miralievna Golodova answers the question.

Hello, Natasha!

It’s great that you are working on the problem of isolation and embarrassment and you are succeeding!

Let's try to figure out why your mother behaves towards you like the parent of a 10-year-old child: “asks you to show all correspondence and photographs, comes home at 6-7 pm, tries to control every step and takes care of you, makes scandals”?

Your mother raised you until you were 6 years old. Then I was forced to leave for another city for work. Now she is trying to compensate for her “motherly responsibilities” in her own way. Therefore, she NEEDS this. Your mother is emotional + feels guilty before you (she may not admit this to anyone, including herself) + believes that you belong only to her (forbids you to make friends, communicate with others, is afraid of losing your attention). She justifies her behavior to her sisters and friends by saying that you are a “terrible child” and you still need to be educated. Personal space and a young man are out of the question (you cannot accept the fact that you are 17 years old, you are growing up).

You are used to doing without your mother for a long time. You understand that you are not little, you tried to “hint” this to your mother.

How do you react to your mother's behavior? Be silent or cry, do not sort things out (constructively). Many people spoke to mom: dad, and a family friend, but not you.

Now, Natasha, you have further training ahead of you. Are you facing a “stumbling block”: Poland or Gomel? Depend on mom or earn money on your own?

In fact, you depend on your mother only financially, since you receive support, understanding and advice from a family friend.

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