How to overcome the fear of communicating with a girl.

Consequences

Fear of dating: overcoming the irrational fear of new relationships

Fear of making acquaintances, both with people of the opposite sex and with those of a similar gender, is a phenomenon inherent in many contemporaries. The fear of starting a new relationship can overcome both mustacheless youths and gray-haired elders. Moreover, intense anxiety is not a picky feeling: emotional tension before contacts with unknown persons occurs in people, regardless of their social status, level of education and marital status.

Causes

• Why does the prospect of dating reward a person with stiffness, anxiety, and confusion? As sociological research shows, for half of humanity, intense anxiety before new social relationships is based on three pillars. Such a foundation is the presence of one hypertrophied feeling in an individual or a combination of all three of the following factors. This:
• an overwhelming feeling of shame;
• illogical beliefs in one’s own guilt;

strong resentment.

• For the second group of people, panic fear of an upcoming acquaintance is based on an irrational, uncontrollable, obsessive fear. This panicky fear of dating is a kind of social phobia. The nature of this disorder is based on a combination of various factors that, when unfavorable circumstances occur, provoke excessive manifestations of fear reactions. The culprits behind the emergence of uncontrollable fear of dating are:
• genetic predisposition to the development of pathologies of the psycho-emotional sphere - the presence of similar disorders in the family history;
• congenital features of the functioning of the central nervous system, which determine the type of human temperament;
• disruptions in neurotransmitter metabolism, deficiency or excess of certain hormones;
• anxious personality type;

special characterological constitution.

The basis for an abnormal fear of dating is the individual’s low self-esteem, lack of confidence in his own abilities. The subject assumes that contact with a new person will lead to a deterioration in his social status, loss of existing authority in society. An individual who experiences fear of dating is characterized by excessive suspiciousness, impressionability, vulnerability. He reacts painfully to criticism addressed to him, and in making decisions he often relies not on his own opinion, but on the point of view of the people around him.

He expects some kind of catch from relationships with an unstudied public, he is overcome by distrust and wariness. Such a person denies the existence of his individuality and is afraid that he will be criticized, humiliated and rejected in society. His behavior is controlled by internal attitudes that do not allow him to reveal his true essence to people.

The fear of starting a new relationship stems from a lack of ability to understand the psychology of people. Before an upcoming meeting with a stranger, such a person is afraid that he will not arouse interest and sympathy. The person is convinced that he will definitely receive a refusal and will not be able to cope with his emotions. He believes that he is not good enough to communicate with another subject. Has no idea how to start a dialogue with a new interlocutor and what topics can be discussed.

Manifestations

Fear of dating manifests itself as a “cocktail” of painful sensations. Among them:

• increased heart rate;
• headache and dizziness;
• feeling that there is not enough air;
• internal trembling, tremor of limbs;
• chills and hot flashes;
• feeling that your legs are giving way;
• difficulty expressing your thoughts, stuttering.

Fear of new relationships brings difficulties to the existence of the individual and limits a person’s capabilities. With his “I’m afraid,” an individual justifies deliberate inaction, the absence of a wide circle of friends, thereby depriving himself of prospects for building a career and often dooming himself to loneliness. Years fly by, and the onset of a midlife crisis reveals the real state of affairs. A person begins to feel that his youth was wasted, and his fear threatens to maintain his bachelor status for the rest of his life. Such dissatisfaction with personal history further increases irrational anxiety.

The main symptom of an obsessive fear of dating is compulsive actions aimed at preventing and protecting oneself from new encounters. These behaviors are aimed at blocking perceived fear responses. The types of ritual actions that a person who is afraid of dating resorts to are varied and original. For example, in a circle of strangers, a kind and well-mannered person can put on the mask of an aggressive rude person and, through his indecent behavior, completely discourage the desire to make acquaintance with him.

A subject who is afraid of dating will not turn to strangers for help, even in a critical situation. Even if there is a real threat to life, he is able to reject the help of others and endure pain, so long as there is no need to interact with unknown persons.

How to get rid of fear of dating: methods of overcoming

How to overcome fear, become a happy, active and confident person? The most important step is to establish the true cause of your crazy fear. For this, psychotherapists recommend using hypnosis techniques.

By immersing yourself in a trance state and performing hypnoanalysis, it is possible to identify the real culprits in the development of anxiety. At the same time, the statute of limitations of the traumatic event is absolutely unimportant: a hypnotic trance opens access to information that was recorded in the subconscious in early childhood. That is, thanks to it, it is possible to establish information with a negative context that a person cannot retrieve from memory in a waking state.

The next step to overcome your fear of dating: relive the unpleasant situation. Only this time, an encounter with psychotraumatic factors is not at all dangerous and does not cause moral suffering to a person. Such re-experiencing of the drama allows you to react correctly to the event - to express all your feelings in a constructive form and prevent the accumulation of negative emotions.

As a result of hypnosis, the intensity of stress emotions in the subject decreases, that is, the upcoming acquaintance ceases to be a “dangerous” and “terrible” event. This allows us to further begin to develop adequate communication skills necessary for harmonious interaction with various representatives of society.

Hypnosis techniques and psychological trainings allow a person to achieve that internal state and create such an external shell, the presence of which gives a person self-confidence and an understanding of his exceptional individuality.

functioning of body systems and complete liberation from aerophobia.

Educational program on hypnosis

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Tattoo under hypnosis. Induced anesthesia. Self-hypnosis training.

Hypnosis: a review of the treatment of skin diseases (lichen ruber) with hypnosis.

When it comes to meeting a girl, many guys become shy, especially if they have never done it before. Many articles write that you need to believe in yourself, become confident, become a playboy-macho-alpha male in your brain. But it’s clear that all this doesn’t work.

For those guys who are reading this article for the first time, just understand: THIS IS NORMAL! That's how it should be! A person is always afraid of something new. No matter how simple everything looks from the outside (and in fact, dating is a simple matter), the main thing is that you are doing it for the first time and you should be scared. If you are not scared, then somehow all this is strange, you are probably a super person; close the article - there will be nothing further useful for you in it. For everyone else, I will describe ten ways to decide to come up and meet.

But somehow I don’t want to write these methods right away. I would like to tell you about my first acquaintance; this usually motivates people and gives them a boost of self-confidence. So, I'm on the subway after work. An ordinary day, an ordinary mood, and, as usual, a huge number of beautiful girls come and go from one stop to another, as if they specifically want to make you want to meet one of them. And, as you may have guessed, they succeeded. When, at the next stop, a very beautiful girl came in and sat down almost opposite me, with a relatively slight shift to the left, I decided that I needed to meet someone! Of course, I decided that I would approach her. I don’t want, as is customary among pick-up artists, to rate a girl on a 10-point scale... Just imagine: a very, very beautiful girl, who is an order of magnitude more beautiful than all the girls you usually meet on the subway. And this is where the fun begins. A very subtle and difficult struggle that ordinary metro passengers sitting next to you, even if they try, will not see. For this struggle takes place in your brain, full of various doubts, indecision, complexes, etc.

I began to intensively remember: how to make an acquaintance approximately correctly. Yeah! I remembered. It is necessary to make initial eye contact. So let's try. He started looking sideways at her. Now I understand that I behaved insecurely, because... you need to look as if you want her to look at you, and not as if you are afraid that she will catch you doing what you think is such a delicate activity. But it normal! Because I was incredibly afraid. This was my first approach. This is how it should be for you too. But let's get back to my story. After some time (as it seemed to me, after a huge period of time, in fact, after a minute at most), she, as one would expect, caught my shooting glances and answered me with her insanely beautiful, stunning, exciting look. So, so, I thought, what’s next point by point? Yeah, there you go. After some time, you need to repeat eye contact, then you can definitely approach: that means she’s definitely interested in you. Again I cast my uncertain glance in her direction, and, lo and behold, she also looked at me. Hurray, I thought. It is worth saying that when our gazes met, my heart began to beat so hard in my chest that if it were rush hour in the subway and everyone was standing pressed against each other, then my vibrations from the pounding of my heart would certainly be noticed by all people within a radius of one person. But it was a very pleasant heartbeat, very pleasant...

This is how my metro station approached unnoticed. How lucky I was that she came out with me! Otherwise, I think, I would have missed her again and just gotten off at my stop. But apparently I was lucky. And finally, I came to the most exciting and decisive moment. I slowly close the distance between us. The heart beats treacherously hard. Now she is almost in front of me, we are separated by a distance of one elbow. She realized that I had approached her, was looking at me, I opened my mouth and began to say what is probably the most ancient pattern of beginning pick-up artists: “Sorry, I was asked to say hello to you.” She looked at me with a surprised look and asked: “From whom?” I, as the template requires, take a short pause and answer in a slightly more romantic voice: “From my heart.” Here one second passes, which seemed like an eternity to me, during which she comprehends the answer, and this second is followed by her laughter: sincere, beautiful, incredibly attractive. “Fuuuh,” flashed through my head. Happened. The effect has been achieved. Further, as the conversation progressed, it became clear that she was an actress and assistant director for casting. This answered my question: “Why is she so beautiful and why does she have such a snow-white, even smile.” In general, I think that my first approach was a great success. After him, it was much easier to meet girls who were less beautiful than her and of lower status, or I didn’t want to at all... And my first acquaintance constantly pleases me with her charming VKontakte avatar.

Now I want to give you ten ways to overcome this most difficult step in dating: come up and say “hi”! I am sure that if you learn and put into practice all ten methods at once, then fear will disappear, and a smile of self-confidence will appear on your lips. Let's start point by point.

Make a firm promise to yourself that you will come right now

Burn the bridges to retreat

Three Second Rule

Talk to Tom Cruise

Mental image

Fool yourself

Argument with friends

Plan b

First phrase

Any experience, even if it is negative, is experience

So, it's worth summing up. Before you approach a girl, scroll through the ten points above in your head and you will be surprised that you ever had doubts. Good luck in life and be confident in yourself!

Many men ask the question: “Why am I embarrassed to approach and meet a girl I like and what to do about it?” You can overcome your fears if you step by step acquire communication skills with representatives of the fair sex. To do this, you need to learn how to properly leave your comfort zone.

How to overcome shyness when communicating. Simple tips

If you want to be relaxed when communicating with girls, you need to communicate with them as much as possible. Communication cannot be learned from books. Ability to communicate comes with experience. There are no other ways.

Finding a new hobby

A great option to start with is to sign up for some group classes, clubs or meetings of like-minded people, where, one way or another, you will have to communicate with people.

Here are some suitable examples:

• Morning jogging.
• Yoga classes.
• Workouts in the gym.
• Cultural events: literary meetings, concerts, etc.
• Charity events.

The more girls you manage to establish contact with, the more confidence this rewarding experience will give you.

Chatting in Internet

Communicating in absentia is much easier. Therefore, it is better to start with dating on the Internet.

A successful virtual acquaintance can always be turned into a real one. If you find a common language with a girl, invite her on a date.

You can read a detailed article on how to meet a girl on the Internet. It is also useful to learn how to do the right ones.

Here are some useful tips on how.

You can read about the best place to invite a girl on a first date.

Here's how to spend your first date.

Experience of successful people

People who have achieved success in their business do not suffer from a lack of attention from women. Girls prefer dating men who know how to achieve their goals.

When communicating with a couple of successful acquaintances, you need to observe their behavior in the presence of women, look at their gestures, manner of conversation, ability to choose clothes, etc. This will be an invaluable experience that will definitely come in handy in establishing communication with the girl you like.

In order to learn how to confidently meet girls, you also need to learn from masters who have been dating and seducing girls for years, and teach others how to do this. In our article we have collected the most useful ones for becoming more confident and successful.

Positive visualization

You can get some communication experience at home. To do this, you need to pronounce phrases with different intonations in front of the mirror.

Mentally imagine the meeting scene in every detail: your behavior, posture during the conversation. This is what great sages and famous speakers did, and the authors of many books on psychology give this advice. Positive visualization, supported by real actions, will allow you to achieve great success in a short time.

How to overcome fear and approach a girl. Expanding the boundaries of your comfort zone

The comfort zone is an internal state of comfort and calm, when nothing causes a feeling of discomfort or constraint. If you are constantly in this state - You are not developing.

To feel relaxed when meeting a girl you like, you need to constantly leave your comfort zone: overcome your fears, stop being shy.

At first it will be difficult, but over time the acquired skills will work automatically, and you will have no time to think about your shyness. She will stop worrying.

You need to expand your comfort zone gradually - step by step. The smaller these steps are, the more comfortable it will be to move forward.

First, you need to make a list of tasks. You need to start with a task that you can do here and now, which does not cause insurmountable fear. For example, you can ask a girl how to get to the city library.

Each next task is more difficult than the previous one. The last point is that your goal is to meet a girl and ask her out on a date.

A sample list of tasks might look like this:

1. Ask the girl how you can get to the desired place (museum, theater, train station, street, etc.) And don’t forget to smile. You should not keep your hands folded on your chest. No chewing gum or stupid grins. Calm and natural demeanor.
2. Hold the girl's attention for 5 minutes.
3. Make a girl smile.
4. Start a casual dialogue. Hold on for 10 minutes.
5. Persuade the girl to accompany her to the metro, to the bus stop, to the place where she needs to go.
6. Get a phone number.
7. Invite a girl on a date so that she agrees.

Prerequisites

1. Number of steps to the goal unlimited.
2. You need to move on to the next step only when the previous one does not cause any discomfort.

Don’t be upset if at first not much comes out of your plans. Persistence in achieving what you set out to achieve and the firm belief that everyone deserves the best in this life will definitely lead to results.

With girl . Although it is customary to call men the stronger sex and a priori ascribe to them decisiveness in relationships, for many of them meeting a woman turns out to be psychologically extremely difficult. And the reason for this phenomenon lies to a large extent in the male way of thinking.

Society puts it in the heads of men from a very young age. A representative of any gender can fail, but for some reason failure for a man is considered a much greater shame. And this psychological attitude is so deeply rooted in the mind that a man is ashamed of his own failures and even fears the risk of failure.

And as a result, only the fear of being rejected turns into an insurmountable obstacle to getting closer to a pretty person. Moreover, the more attractive the beauty is in the eyes of the gentleman, the stronger the fear of being rejected turns out to be.

But to deal with any problem, you should know it as best as possible. What is this emotion that so greatly interferes with the establishment of social and personal life? Let's define what fear is, determine the meaning of this concept and the reasons that can cause such a feeling.

Let us divide the types of fear according to the reasons by which they can be caused: subjective, directly related to the personality of the person who is experiencing emotions, and objective, depending much more on external circumstances than on the individual.

Objective ones have an easily noticeable cause: criminal situations, natural or man-made disasters, other difficult or insurmountable events.

Subjective ones are based on personal experience or information received from various sources, processed by the consciousness not always logically and reasonably. Subjective, often without a real basis, is cowardice in the presence of a romantically attractive girl. A strange contradiction arises: if a woman is not interested in a man in terms of love, he calmly approaches her with a conversation, but approaching the object of sympathy turns out to be prohibitively difficult.

In such cases, there is a useful technique available to any adult: imagine the worst that will happen in case of failure. What can happen? The beauty will refuse you in a harsh manner, showing only flaws in character or upbringing, but without causing you any real damage. And possible damage to self-esteem can be easily overcome with the help of a specialist.

How can a man overcome fear and resistance when dating?

Each of us is a unique, perfect individual personality, the manifestation of which forms our communication with people and our reputation in their eyes. Psychological complexes that develop in almost every person throughout life interfere with the manifestations of individuality, distort or suppress them. Negative experiences, low self-esteem and, as a result, self-doubt become the basis for the development of fear.

Important point

It is much easier to communicate with people you already know. You know what to expect from them, you can count on understanding and even moral support from loved ones. But how to overcome cowardice and tightness?

It is easier for us to communicate with loved ones, because... we know that they will treat us with understanding and support. However, when it comes to strangers, our confidence disappears, and getting closer to a beautiful lady will already require certain moral efforts. And worrying about what strangers around you might think would be especially undesirable. Therefore, you should start having romantic meetings in uncrowded places where you will not be a constant object of outside attention.

How can a young man overcome the crippling fear of meeting people?

• Start your fight with proven theoretical knowledge with the help of an experienced specialist in the field.
• The next and especially significant step is the practical application of acquired knowledge and the active acquisition of new skills. The more often you try to approach, the less it will bother you. But the results achieved are also important - at the practical stage, one should regularly analyze the attempts that have taken place, marking successful moments for further use, and unsuccessful ones for elimination. The accumulating base will allow you to create new models of behavior that are effective for you.
• Don’t devote your free time just to looking for ways to overcome the feeling of being intimidated by girls! Relieve stress in useful simple ways: sports, music.
• If the listed methods are not enough, hypnosis will be effective, or rather hypnotic relief of mental stress, getting rid of negativity, and opening your perception to something new and positive.

• The most important criterion will be your psychological attitude. Positive thoughts will move you towards achieving your goal, negative thoughts can harm you.
• Strive for the top! Try to establish contact with a truly impressive and beautiful woman. If the communication is successful, it will deservedly increase self-esteem; if unsuccessful, girls of modest appearance will no longer seem unattainable.
• Try your hand at talking with unfamiliar people - this will become an intermediate step in the question of how you can overcome the stupor when approaching.
• A modest but useful psychological technique: just try to communicate with unfamiliar girls without romantic goals, just to hone your skills.

Gynophobia, or the fear of approaching a girl, often plays a cruel joke on the stronger sex. Having doubts when meeting someone is normal, but sometimes this develops into real panic just by looking at a woman.

Gynophobia - fear of approaching a girl

Overcoming this fear and learning to react calmly when meeting a girl is quite simple. To do this, you don’t need to visit psychologists or psychotherapists at all, but you can destroy your fear yourself.

Causes of fear

The fear of approaching a girl can appear in a young man’s head for various reasons. They are purely individual, since the main role in the development of a phobia is played by one’s own bad experience or someone else’s stories about it.

The most common reasons are:

• an authoritarian, domineering, overly strict mother who suppresses the will of a small child;
• an incomplete family without a father or when the father had no authority, weak-willed and too soft, taking on the role of a woman in the house;
• lack of self-confidence due to past failures;
• low self-esteem, which arose in childhood or appeared for some other reason in adulthood;
• fear of women themselves;
• lack of certain knowledge to maintain a conversation, etc.

Contrary to popular belief that only young men suffer from the fear of approaching a girl, it is also difficult for mature men to overcome this fear.

Previous negative experiences, such as divorce, mistrustful relationships with mothers, betrayal of a lover, difficult relationships in the family, force a man to be careful with representatives of the opposite sex.

How to overcome fear

In order to overcome fear, you first need to understand its cause. Most often it lies on the surface. It may take some time to realize this, but it will definitely help get rid of the obsessive fear of approaching a girl. If you cannot find the root cause, then at this stage it is still recommended to contact a specialist for qualified help.

NLP stands for neuro-linguistic programming. This technique allows you to use so-called “anchors” to combat obsessive fears. An anchor in NLP is a certain stimulus or marker that evokes and holds for some time a certain subjective state of a person, an emotional association.

It could be:

• the smell of perfume;
• a certain turn of phrase;
• some special gestures, etc.

All these factors are deposited in a man’s subconscious if they are associated with a particular woman in the past. A person may not even realize that it is somehow familiar to him and he is attracted to or repulsed by a particular girl.

In order to bypass these anchors and create new, positive ones, you will need to notice pleasant factors in the women around you and record them in your memory.

This method can also be effectively used to attract the attention of the girl you like. In a conversation with her, marker words are used that spark interest in the interlocutor.

NLP will help a man feel more free with a girl

Cognitive method

You can get rid of the fear of meeting a girl using the opposite method. Cognitive methods of dealing with phobias are based on the ability to overcome fear by experiencing the factors that provoke it.

Psychoanalysis

The fear of meeting a girl certainly has its origins. This fear is irrational and does not pose any real threat to human life and health. If a guy is afraid to be the first to approach or write to a representative of the fair sex, then a psychotherapist will support him in his fight against this.

A specialist will help:

1. Understand the reason for fear of dating. If it lies in childhood psychological trauma, then it may take a lot of time to find it.
2. Accept this fear and overcome it. In order for girls and women to cease to be something frightening and unknown, the patient is offered to take pickup courses or attend blind dates.
3. Secure the result with positive markers. If fear creeps in again, the man can mentally return to the positive anchors set by the psychotherapist. This is nothing more than a starting point.

The fear of approaching a girl is not an insoluble problem and can be successfully corrected over several sessions of psychotherapy.

But there are also difficult cases when one or two meetings with a specialist will not be enough. In this case, the fear is the result of other deeper fears and phobias.

Drug treatment

Sometimes the fear of being the first to meet a girl is a consequence of neuroses and prolonged stress. Constant workload at work or troubles in personal life make a person downtrodden and insecure.

In order to get out of this state, it is recommended to take sedatives or sedatives. Only a doctor can prescribe a treatment regimen; you should not self-medicate, as this can lead to negative consequences.

Most often, herbal preparations are used. They have virtually no side effects and are better absorbed by the body. Decoctions, infusions and alcohol tinctures are prepared from these herbs:

• mint;
• Melissa;
• motherwort;
• valerian;
• chamomile;
• St. John's wort;
• Linden;
• thyme.

If there is severe emotional stress, the doctor may prescribe tranquilizers or antidepressants. Their huge disadvantage is that they are addictive, and if the dosage is exceeded, they have strong side effects.

Herbal decoction is an excellent sedative

Conclusion

The fear of approaching a girl is a problem for many men, regardless of age, social status and financial situation. Lack of self-confidence most often occurs in adolescents, as well as men after 35 years of age.

You can meet a girl and start some kind of relationship with her only after overcoming your own fears and concerns in this regard. Positive experiences are often the best cure for a phobia.