If you love a friend, what should you do now? It’s corny, but: I fell in love with my best friend. What to do? I like my best friend what should I do

Sometimes in life it happens that from early childhood your best friend helps you in everything, sharing with you his deepest secrets and secrets, you go to school together, and you tell him everything about your boyfriends at the university, share your secrets, and he is always ready to help, because he is your best friend. And after some time, and sometimes even after your whole life, you realize that all the men who were in your life meant nothing to you, and you love exactly the one who was always ready to help, to lend a hand in difficult situations. situations.

How to recognize love

If you are not sure that you have feelings for your good friend, then it’s worth checking it out, maybe you won’t have to waste time and effort looking for your soulmate, because you already have one, you just have to open up to her.

Look around, is there a man next to you who saw you without makeup, when you are sick or crying, remember what exactly he did. Surely, your friend always helped you, and he didn’t care what you were wearing, what hairstyle you had, or what time of day it was.

It’s not for nothing that they say that there is no friendship between a man and a woman. In relationships between two opposite sexes there is always room for at least sympathy, but what it will develop into depends only on you.

In order to understand what feelings you truly have for your friend, try to analyze your behavior with him, how often you think about him, what you are ready to do for him. You will not be able to hide true love from yourself.

Conduct an experiment on yourself to see how long you can do without your lover, who you will think about when you go on a trip or go to bed after a hard day at work. If there is only one person in your thoughts, then you have fallen in love.

It will be difficult for you to remember negative moments in communication with the person for whom you have feelings. Only cheerful and kind memories will always come into your head; you will definitely want to repeat them.

How to deal with the friend you love

Don't try to escape your feelings. If you admitted to yourself that your friend means something more to you. You cannot live without him and always want to be close to him, then confess to him, open your heart, because he also has the right to know about it.

Talking about your feelings is always difficult, and telling someone you're friends with about them is even more difficult. But it is worth remembering the fact that a friend will never betray and he is friends with you for a reason, it means that he has sympathy for you, he just, like you, does not have the courage to admit it to himself. You can take matters into your own hands and tell the person to his face how you feel about him. Your friend will always understand and support you, even if your words scare him. Give him a little time to think about what he heard, he will most likely understand that he is in love with you, because he cannot be far from you for a long time and sooner or later he will come to you.

You shouldn’t be afraid of your feelings, because because of fear, you can lose the person you love and won’t be able to get him back.

Question for a psychologist:

I have been dating a young man for 3 years, we live together. At work, my boyfriend began to communicate well with the young man, and later I met him. At first, this young man did not evoke any feelings, but then he began to pay more attention, he comes to visit, I constantly catch his glances, he is shy, he brings chocolates, buys fruits, when I am at work he brings them to me. After our last conversation with him, he was interested in our personal life with my boyfriend, because... Our relationship with him is not the best, constant scandals, insults, hatred of each other, jealousy (on the part of the guy), he is watching me, I am thinking about leaving him. And this friend advised me to do so, after all our communication with him, incomprehensible behavior, a conversation with me can only be started in the absence of my boyfriend. Worries, when I was sick, he brought me a big chocolate bar. He constantly reprimands my boyfriend that he treats me wrong and at the same time constantly repeats the phrase “I’m the same as him.” Over time, I began to understand that I liked him. Now, when a lot of time has passed, I am beginning to understand that I have fallen head over heels in love with him, I constantly think about him, I want to be with him, I miss him madly. I've never had such feelings before! Ask him a direct question? It will be stupid and ridiculous, I want to figure it out, I’m suffering. Help me please.

Psychologist Olga Valerievna Platonova answers the question.

Elizaveta, hello!

Do I understand correctly, you want to figure out how to tell or ask about your boyfriend’s friend’s feelings about you, directly?

In this case, suggest options for your possible communication. What do you want to know? What answer or information do you want to hear? And, given what answer options, what will you do? And what do you want?

Suppose a friend says that he also has feelings for you, sympathy, then what?

Or will he say that the attention on his part is just a friendly expression, and that you are a very good, pretty girl? What then?

Those. suggest options for communicating with this person.

If you don't take into account the concern for you from your boyfriend's friend, are you ready to continue your current relationship? If it were not for attention from a friend, how would your current relationship develop?

What's missing in your current relationship? What still keeps you together if you swear, quarrel, etc.?

To find the answer and make a decision, start from the goal - what do you want?

There is no better guide than a clear, specific, correct goal.

Life is such an unpredictable thing that sometimes it presents us with many surprises. For example, a person who has been just a close friend for you for a long time becomes something more. In such a situation, most girls are lost, because they simply do not know what to do if they like a friend. In this case, we offer you a list of tips on how to act in order to please your friend and build a closer relationship with him.

Friendships are sometimes much more valuable than all steel ones, so ask yourself: “Why do I like my best friend?” and “am I ready to sacrifice the relationship that we have now?” If the sympathy is much stronger, then go to battle!

Psychological technique

When puzzling over how to please a friend, you should turn to the laws of psychology. According to Freud's works, there is a so-called "swing effect". The use of this method involves a constant radical change of stimuli. The person is either rejected or abundantly encouraged with affection and approval. When a friend expects praise from you, scold and reject, but when, on the contrary, there should be a reproach, praise and encourage. Such behavior, as a rule, shakes the person’s psyche and forces him to obey the experimenter. This method is quite strong and does not have 100% results. If you fail, you will arouse in your loved one hatred and violent denial of everything connected with you.

Appearance

Pay attention to your figure, especially the parts that your friend likes in girls. Choose clothes that highlight all your strengths and hide your flaws. Give preference to the color red, it will speak about your natural sexuality and send subconscious signals to the young man.

Sight

If you want to please your friend as a girl, and not as a comrade, learn to play with your gaze. It should be attentive and intimate to some extent. Try holding your gaze on the object of desire a little longer than usual. Just don't do it provocatively, otherwise you will scare off the victim. The most successful option is to lower your eyelids slightly and look sideways, as if furtively. As soon as your friend notices your observations, immediately look away. Such behavior will give a man a signal that he is being spied on, and this teasing sensation simply cannot leave anyone indifferent.

Hair games

Throwing your hair back from your face, gracefully straightening your hair and shaking your hair are signs that you are preening for a man, so do them in front of your friend, he will definitely not leave them unnoticed. But be careful, such gestures focus attention on your hair, so it should be flawless.

Flirting

No girl, if she wants to attract the attention of a guy, should forget about her main trump cards:

• make sure that your lips are always moist and attractive, and keep your mouth slightly open;
• When speaking, show your wrists unobtrusively;
• try to make your voice slightly languid and erotic;
• Don't forget about the cat's gait with swaying hips; the best assistant in this matter will be high-heeled shoes.

Flaws

Show the friend you like your little flaws in appearance or character. This is a kind of manifestation of your feminine weaknesses. A guy will feel comfortable next to such a girl, as he will feel superior. Small flaws and shortcomings give the image of a woman a certain warmth and humanity.

Focus your attention

Direct your attention to the object of desire, rather than focusing it on yourself. This method will increase a person’s self-esteem and develop in him a certain reflex that the mind is comfortable and good with this girl. Thus, he will strive to spend more time with you and be around you more often.

Before starting your actions, test the ground under your feet - find out from your friends how this or that person treats you. Ask your friends the following questions: “how does he feel about me?”, “What does he think about me?”, “Does my friend like me?” Once you have the information you need, take action.

As you can see, there are many ways to make your friend feel more than just friendship. But everything is much more complicated if you periodically catch yourself thinking “I like my boyfriend’s friend.” But you can’t tell your heart what to do. Use the same methods, but the main thing is not in the presence of your boyfriend. It may also happen that the object of your desires will experience similar feelings, but will not be able to express them due to male solidarity and friendship. In such a situation, there is only one way out - break up with your boyfriend and begin to actively show signs of interest to his friend. In this case, you have a much greater chance of reciprocity.

Very, very often I come across such revelations on various forums and groups: “I like a guy’s friend. What should I do???”...By the way, this also often happens to middle-aged women: I met a man, started dating, the relationship develops into a serious one, and suddenly in one of his companies I meet a friend of my man and...falls head over heels in love. Panic, stress, bewilderment - what to do in such a situation?.. Let's ask the experts this question and find out what recommendations they give in this regard.

Here are the tips experts give for the least painful resolution of the situation for all participants in the love triangle (for the girl, her “ex” and the guy’s friend):

Foremost

You must immediately end your relationship with a guy if you happen to fall in love with his friend. No matter how wonderful your boyfriend is. You know that he sincerely loves you, that he is a reliable and strong person, that he will never betray you... But if you start to like his friend, this means only one thing - you DO NOT LOVE your boyfriend. Perhaps it seemed to you that you were in love with him when you met, perhaps you met him for some other reason - this is no longer important. The point is that you made a mistake and chose the wrong person with whom you are ready to build a serious relationship. If you truly loved him, you would never pay attention to his friend, even if he were a prince in a white Mercedes!

Do not cheat

If you like a guy’s friend, under no circumstances start dating him “on the sly” behind your boyfriend’s back! At the same time, continuing to pretend that you still treat him well... It is clear that you do not want to upset him. Just as the friend you started dating doesn’t want to upset him - after all, he is dear to him too. (Although, it’s not a manly thing to deceive your friend by secretly dating his girlfriend). Don’t think that such meetings will remain your secret; sooner or later everything will come out. And the longer such a secret relationship continues, the more painful the news about it will be perceived by your boyfriend. As a result, he will lose both his lover and his friend (and according to psychologists, guys value male friendship above love!) So there is no need to cause him double pain.

Don't rush things

It's understandable that you can't wait to dive headfirst into a new relationship! After breaking up with your ex-boyfriend, do not rush to immediately start dating his friend. There is no need to traumatize your ex with the news that you left him for his friend. And especially since you are not yet sure how seriously his friend will take you, how serious his feelings for you are. It’s better to wait and see if he himself starts looking for opportunities to meet with you after you break up with your ex? Or maybe you will understand that the outbreak of passion for him was temporary and your feelings were superficial, then it makes no sense to start dating him. In the end, you will all be better off: you will understand that you did not love your boyfriend and are not in love with his friend, your ex-lover will not suffer because you left him for his friend, his friend will not feel like a traitor to to your ex.
If you have mutual sympathy and are planning a serious relationship, then the guy’s friend himself will take the first steps towards rapprochement. In this case, there will be no great threat to male friendship - after all, then it turns out that you left your ex not for his friend, but simply broke up with him. And only then his friend became interested in you, when you were already free from the relationship.

Drawing conclusions

The big advantage in a situation where a guy’s friend likes you is that this happened at that stage of the relationship when you are not yet connected by more serious ties. It would be much worse to fall in love with another when you have lived part of your life, when you have a family, common children. Breaking off a relationship will be much more painful and painful. So it's good that you realized you don't love your boyfriend now and not years later. Break up with him for his own sake - after all, he did not deserve an unhappy fate and it is not his fault that you met him without loving him.
And the saying “if you endure it, you fall in love” does not work in this case. It's not normal for a future wife to look at another guy before the wedding...

Learn to be responsible for your actions and decisions, don’t cause pain to others, and then everything in your life will be fine!
I wish everyone to meet their true love!

A little humor at the end:

“Love can exist without sex.

I love chocolate cake, but I’m not going to make love to it.....”

Girls, I don’t know what to do - I’ve fallen in love with my best friend. We met more than a year ago, and immediately became strong friends, based on our common stupidity. For almost a year we communicated online exclusively as friends. Now we work together almost every day, and I realized that I like him as more than just a friend. Attractive, charismatic, smart. I felt that I was drawn to him as a man, his smell, his smile, the warmth of his hands... But he treats me like a friend - the best, but still a friend. We know a lot about each other - this is, of course, a plus on the one hand, and a considerable minus on the other. We always have something to talk about, there are a lot of topics for discussion, in almost all areas of life. I am impressed by his character - ambitious, disruptive, purposeful, honest. He is happy with my character from a purely friendly point of view, but he likes girls of the opposite type to me - cute daisy girls who are capable of creating family comfort and warmth. And I, according to him, am a predator, a vamp in whom family warmth is not visible at all. (Although this is not true). In general, he admits that I am attractive, prominent, BUT: (don’t take it as bragging) he says that with my intelligence, any man, including him, would simply be uncomfortable. In general, communication in life couldn’t be better, but as the woman of his dreams, I obviously don’t qualify. And I don’t show in any way that I like him. Today there was a case, I was frozen and I told him - “Are you warm? Come on, warm me up!” He took my hands in his and I was no longer shaking from the cold. I really like him as a person, and as a man I want him. But - he is too dear a friend for me. Is it worth putting friendship to such a test? On the one hand, I’m unlikely to find such a friend again, on the other, the attitude has already changed. Otherwise it will turn out like Okudzhava’s “Why did we switch to you, for this we received a penny of love and simplicity, but something important was missing”