Pamir wedding. Secrets of Tajik customs and traditions

I have lived in Moscow all my life, my parents, brother and many friends had their wedding here. For us, a usual holiday is a painting in the registry office, a walk and a restaurant. There are usually few guests: all the weddings I have attended were almost intimate.

Recently I was lucky enough to see a completely different story. I attended a real Tajik wedding (in Tajik - “tui”) in Moscow. Bridal preparations, nikah (wedding) ritual, important traditions and ten hours of endless fun, coupled with Tajik hospitality. I hasten to tell you how it was.

Tajik holiday for everyone

Sputnik / Stas Eotvos

The wedding celebrations began early in the morning in the southeast of Moscow in the bride’s apartment. Everything is in order: first, getting ready for the future wife, then the excited anticipation of the groom, the nikah ceremony, a walk in the park nearby and, at the end of the evening, dinner at a restaurant.

I'm a little late, and my fellow photographer is already there. He sent a photo of the festive dastarkhan and said that the first thing he was invited to the table. No wonder: who doesn’t know about the famous Tajik hospitality! In Moscow, no one has canceled it either, and it starts right from the doorstep.

The fun in the entrance can be heard right from the first floor: a Tajik wedding is easy to find by the sound of music and cheerful voices.

The bride meets me on the threshold: a wide smile, expressive eyes, long dark hair - the dazzling Tajik beauty seems to knock me off my feet, but I quickly come to my senses. There are a lot of people in the Moscow apartment, and everyone is trying to get to know each other and invite them into the house as soon as possible.

Inside, wedding preparations are already in full swing: something is boiling in the kitchen, a sweet smell can be heard, men are laughing in the hall and the festive table is set, children are running back and forth along the corridor with balloons in their hands. I am invited into the holy of holies - the room where the bride's preparations take place.

The room is a festive mess, I immediately draw attention to the large package in the corner - this is the bride price. In Tajikistan, the groom “buys” his beloved according to custom: he purchases everything from a wedding dress and jewelry to small household utensils and furniture.

Hangoma and Halim decided not to abandon this tradition, but in Moscow the ransom of a Tajik woman would be much more modest.

As often happens in Tajikistan, the future newlyweds were introduced by relatives. Everything was as it should be: the bride’s parents were asked for permission to marry, and the girl herself was asked for consent.

The couple didn’t think twice: they planned a magnificent wedding in Tajik style, but with one caveat - they decided to go out in Moscow. According to the bride, a wedding in the Russian capital is cheaper, and you can celebrate longer.

“After the wedding celebrations in Moscow, we will definitely go to Tajikistan to visit all our relatives and friends. In the meantime, we are celebrating here; we also have our own in Moscow,” says the Tajik woman.

Waiting for the groom

Sputnik / Stas Eotvos

On this important day, the girl is helped by two friends. They fuss around the bride, do her hair and makeup, encourage her in every possible way and carefully hold her hand. First, the future wife is dressed in a nikah outfit.

For the ceremony, the Tajik woman chose a red velvet suit, embroidered with gold, a bright skullcap and traditional Pamir jewelry, which the girl made with her own hands.

I feel that Hangoma is very nervous before the wedding, but tries not to show it. At first glance, she is more worried about her witnesses and is constantly interested in whether they have managed to put themselves in order and whether they are tired of the business that has piled up in recent days. She also worries about us, the guests, constantly offering tea and other treats.

To defuse the situation a little, I invite the bride to plunge into memories and tell how the preparations for the wedding in Moscow went.

“Oh, it wasn’t at all difficult to organize,” the girl says animatedly. “They’ll help their friends everywhere. There were a lot of preparations; yesterday we were preparing white halva until nightfall. It was fun.”

Making white halva is one of the main pre-wedding Tajik traditions. It is believed that the faster the sweetness can be prepared, the easier life will be for the newlyweds after the wedding.

“I know one case when it took eight hours to make halva. Now they have invented all sorts of “life hacks” so that it wouldn’t take so long,” says the bridesmaid.

There, in the kitchen, the spicy herb “bui” is set on fire in a patterned saucer, which means “smell” in Rushan language. With the help of this ritual, the house is “cleaned”, driving out evil spirits.

Flavored flatbreads are already languishing on the table, generously sprinkled with melted butter. This is the first thing that the future husband will be treated to when he crosses the threshold of the bride’s house.

The tension is rising. Everyone is waiting for the groom to appear. Hangoma looks out the window more and more often.

After some time, a car drives up to the house, Halim and his witnesses get out - all in bright red ties and skullcaps. Hangoma sighs with relief and takes her friends' hands.

“Our little fox has arrived,” they exclaim joyfully.

Nikah in Moscow

Sputnik / Stas Eotvos

The task of the bride's relatives is not to let the groom into the house. Halim's task is to break through to his beloved. A few minutes of persistent struggle, and the groom and his friends win the fight. They go into the living room, the women bring flatbreads to the young people.

Nikah ritual will begin soon...

I modestly step aside, thinking that the presence of strangers at such an important part of the holiday would be unnecessary. However, the photographer and I are invited to observe the ceremony, but are asked to sit on our knees and not take pictures.

Mullah reads prayers and blessings. His ringing and clear voice reflects off the walls and fills the entire room. Goosebumps run through my body, I look at the bride.

Hangoma sits motionless, her head covered with a red shawl, her hands folded in her lap and trembling slightly. The mullah becomes silent and picks up the documents that the young people must sign. A few minutes to sign, congratulate, and it’s time for Hangoma to change clothes - there’s still a walk and a banquet in the restaurant ahead.

The friends take the Tajik woman to her room. The girl seems a little confused with excitement, but very happy. Changing into another red outfit, Hangoma turns to me with a wide smile:

“That’s it, we are husband and wife now,” she says.

Pamir House and Skullcap Exchange

Sputnik / Stas Eotvos

All the guests are already hurrying to the park. We are seated in cars.

The “Tajik wedding procession” can be heard several blocks away: we are driving with the windows wide open and loud music. There is a cameraman in the hatch of one of the cars, filming a report at full speed.

A traditional Pamir wedding song is played in the car. Photos of happy newlyweds replace each other on the tablet screen. Quite quickly we arrive at Kuzminki Park in Moscow.

The newlyweds chose this place not by chance: this is where the Pamir House is located. The structure was built last year for display at the Russia-Tajikistan - Pamir-Moscow festival. The management of the Moscow museum really liked the Pamir House and it was decided to leave it in Kuzminki so that the newlyweds would come to take photographs. And so it happened.

After taking several dozen photographs against the backdrop of the Pamir House, the husband and wife go for a walk in the park. Hangoma and Halim look beautiful and attract the attention of visitors: their luxurious red wedding dress and light floor-length veil delight both adults and children.

At some point we meet our fellow countrymen: another Tajik wedding is taking place in Moscow's Kuzminki park.

“Wow, now the grooms can exchange skullcaps. This is our wedding tradition in Tajikistan,” the bridesmaid whispers in my ear.

Everyone is waiting with bated breath to see what Halim will decide. As a result, the “native” skullcap remains with him.

The young people shyly step aside.

“We wanted to do it in Tajik style,” Hangoma’s friend tells me, smiling. “We do it so often. Like a neighbor.”

Dancing, braids and candy for good luck

After the park, we get into our cars again and head to the restaurant, where more than three hundred guests are already waiting for us.

As soon as Hangoma and Halim enter the restaurant, the place literally explodes with applause and whistles. Tajik music sounds from everywhere. Guests dance as they accompany the newlyweds to their places at the head of the table. Everyone takes their seats. There are so many guests that the waiters set up several more tables for new arrivals.

Dishes on the table change very often; a Tajik wedding is a real celebration of the belly. Shurpa, numerous snacks, several types of meat dishes and, of course, aromatic pilaf - everything for our dear guests. When there is not enough space for plates on the table, the next batch is simply placed on top.

But it seems that Tajiks are more interested in dancing than changing dishes. Guests at the wedding (and the newlyweds themselves) do not miss any opportunity to start dancing.

The Tajik mood fills the restaurant: guests enthusiastically take to the dance floor, children have already taken a fancy to the stage, one congratulation follows another, the artists perform national melodies.

For wedding celebrations, the restaurant in Moscow is booked from 13 to 19 pm. This means that you can walk for six whole hours, which for today’s Tajikistan is an unaffordable luxury due to the adopted law on rituals.

“This is also why we chose Moscow to celebrate the wedding. Here we can make some noise a little longer,” Hangoma admits to me.

The fun does not stop for a minute, Tajik hospitality envelops me, from the first minutes I feel comfortable, even with so many guests.

Towards the end of the wedding, guests begin to gather in the main hall of the restaurant. One of the most important moments of the evening - "shai" - is about to happen.

Hangoma is taken to a special room. There, women braid her traditional hair and wear seven colorful scarves. Each of them has its own meaning, for example, white - purity, red - love.

It is important that the hairstyle is done by a woman whose parents are alive and who is happily married. This promises a happy life for the young too.

Then the bride’s head is “sprinkled” with sweets to make the couple’s life together easier. Then these sweets are distributed to the girls present, one of the sweets goes to me - for good luck.

Hangoma is led into the main hall. Now the newlyweds and their witnesses will go home. There, the groom's friend will remove seven scarves from the bride. From that moment on, he undertakes to be her named father and must take care of Hangoma. But the guests will no longer see this; for us, wedding celebrations in Moscow have come to an end.

We are walking in a friendly crowd towards the Moscow metro, everyone is discussing what a good and sincere holiday the Tajiks turned out to be. And so it is. Tajik music will sound in my head for a long time.

The Tajik people carefully preserve and pass on marriage rites and rituals to the younger generation as part of the cultural heritage of their ancestors. Modern marriage includes traditions that have been maintained for centuries along with the current attributes of a Tajik wedding

Often parents or the oldest respected family members find a bride or groom for their beloved child. Sometimes young people can only learn about the choice of their elders a month before the wedding. Of course, there are more and more couples making independent choices, but the word of the parents and their blessing are still respected.

At the matchmaking ceremony, families get to know each other, the day of engagement and the size of the obligatory bride price are agreed upon. The next stage of a wedding according to Tajik customs is engagement. This is a more solemn ceremony, during which many beautiful “layli” trays are brought to the bride’s house. Their number must be even. Traditional gifts are laid out on the trays, each of which has its own symbolic meaning. On one of the trays intended for the bride, in addition to shoes, fabric for the dress and other things necessary for the girl, there should be a white scarf - a symbol of purity. Neighbors and relatives are invited to a tea party to share the good news that their daughter is being married off. The guest of honor must break the cake and read a prayer for the happiness of the newlyweds. The bride price is paid on the appointed day to the girl’s father, this is also accompanied by various rituals. The girl, in turn, puts the long-prepared dowry into two chests. All the women of the bride’s family help sew the dowry, while they read prayers, wish happiness to the newlyweds, sing and have fun. According to legend, this will protect a young family from the evil eye and help them have a prosperous and peaceful family life. An obligatory gift for a young couple for a Tajik wedding is an embroidered suzani bedspread. Each pattern on it has its own magical meaning.

On the wedding day, the groom goes to the bride's house in a chapan embroidered with gold thread, with friends and relatives, as well as musicians playing folk musical instruments. Friends bring the bride out in national dress, holding a carpet over her head. A young couple is escorted behind a chimilik blanket. Parents bless them, surround them with candles three times and treat them with honey to drive away evil spirits and wish a sweet and prosperous life for the new family.

It is time for the Muslim religious ceremony of Nikoh. It's like getting engaged. The mullah reads the Koran and, removing seven scarves from the bride, asks the guy seven times if he agrees to marry this girl. After this, the newlyweds drink from a bowl of holy water, cementing their union.

Now you can pay tribute to modern traditions and hold an official wedding. The most long-awaited festive evening “tui arusidomod” is coming, which used to be held in the bride’s house, and now more often in a restaurant.

The national wedding dress of a Tajik girl is always very colorful. The color and ornament of the dress depends on the region of residence. For example, Tajiks from the Pamirs dress up in dresses and trousers of traditional red and white colors and cover their heads with a scarf to protect themselves from the evil eye. If previously only guests had fun at a Tajik wedding, and the bride and groom were only modestly present at the celebration, now more and more often newlyweds dress up in modern suits and white fluffy dresses, and enjoy the holiday with everyone.

The main event in the life of a Tajik family, for which they prepare from the birth of children, the owners of the holiday strive to share with a huge number of relatives, friends, neighbors, acquaintances and colleagues. The oriental restaurant 'Caravan one' will create the atmosphere of a luxurious holiday in Asian style. For a larger number of guests, the Banquet hall "Lefort" is suitable. Up to four hundred guests will be able to have plenty of fun in the spacious, richly decorated hall. A Tajik wedding is when everyone is a guest from seven to seventy, when “everyone is dancing!”, songs alternate with toasts and congratulations, and on the table are favorite national dishes familiar from childhood. In the large banquet hall there is a huge dance floor, a stage for performances and a large selection of oriental dishes. Well-trained staff will help to hold a wedding celebration with oriental cordiality and attention to each guest. From the very beginning of the celebration to the very end, all those present will be enveloped in an atmosphere of hospitality, fun, beauty and pleasure.

Getting married and having at least two children is the dream of every woman from Tajikistan. But before becoming a happy wife and mother, they have to go a long way.

In many Tajik families, parents begin to prepare for the wedding celebrations of their children long before the wedding itself, often immediately after the children are born. From their birth, parents, worrying about the happiest and most long-awaited day, begin to collect a dowry for their daughter and think about bride price for their son. Despite difficult times and poverty (more than half of Tajiks live below poverty), residents of the country try to observe the basic traditions and rules of wedding events.

Patriarchal traditions are strong in Tajikistan; young people are still not independent in choosing their other half. Finding a life partner, as in the old days, is a matter for the entire family, clan and even community. Gathering in a teahouse or at some event, the elders discuss which of the young people is about to get married. Suitable candidates can be proposed here. Then the information spreads further by word of mouth, and messengers from the grooms' families begin to contact the parents of potential brides.

Today, new technologies have come to the aid of those looking for a second half - dating sites, social networks, instant messengers. True, Tajiks are still wary of dating in the virtual space, giving preference to firmly rooted national traditions.

At the same time, in Tajikistan there are more and more young people whose parents agree to waive the bride price - once a mandatory condition for a wedding, and in cities they refuse the ransom. But the demand for dowries remains. Admirers of traditions are confident that the ancient heritage has practical benefits; thanks to adults, couples entering independent life are less dependent on circumstances and more prepared for real everyday life. Opponents of pomp believe that wedding expenses become a burdensome burden, because of which Tajiks, trying to celebrate on a grand scale, go into debt and leave to work.


Several years ago, the Tajik authorities adopted a law to streamline national customs, celebrations and rituals. The new law strictly outlines the rules and requirements for those who are about to have a wedding or perform ritual ceremonies. The authorities strongly recommend that citizens reduce expenses for religious ceremonies and weddings, as well as divide wedding expenses between the families of the bride and groom.

Young people must have medical records with timely examinations by doctors and not have hidden diseases. The law also regulates the time of celebrations, the number of invited guests, the number of refreshments and the celebrations themselves. Bride shows, hen and stag parties, as well as memorial meetings common in Tajikistan every 20 days, every Thursday, and other similar events have been completely cancelled. Now the celebration should be celebrated on weekends from 8:00 to 22:00 and on weekdays from 18:00 to 22:00. The duration of the wedding celebration is set to three hours.


Any Tajik matchmaker knows where to go in search of brides. First of all, they are looking at girls - students of universities and secondary specialized educational institutions. Using the example of the city of Khujand, traditionally, in the unspoken popular ranking, the most sought-after and popular place for choosing brides is the Faculty of Tajik Philology, followed by the Faculty of Foreign Languages ​​of KSU. In third place is the Khujand Medical College, followed by the Khujand branches of the Tajik Technological University and the State University of Commerce.


Everything has been thought out for a long time. Those who do not have great ambitions and career plans for the future come to the Faculty of Philology. Such daughters-in-law are expected to work in schools or be good housewives and be able to raise children properly. On the contrary, the Faculty of Foreign Languages ​​is mainly attended by those who count on career growth - rich families and those whose sons study or live abroad are looking for brides here. Those who also have doctors in their families are often drawn to medical college. The other two universities come for brides from wealthy families, those who want to have not only a housewife at home, but also an educated person who can bring income to the family.

The financial issue also plays a role here. Many girls study on a contractual basis. The cost of the contract in the first three educational institutions is relatively low. The groom's families also take this factor into account and adjust it to their financial capabilities, since the burden of paying for their daughter-in-law's education will fall on their shoulders. Matchmakers ask teachers about this or that girl - how modest, well-mannered, and polite she is. In terms of appearance, the criteria are as follows: they ask for white (that is, white-skinned), slim, tall, handsome or pretty, with long black hair. Nowadays girls with exactly these signs are in demand. And so that the potential bride is from the city.

A wedding, as you know, is one of the main events in the life of every person. And today we would like to tell you about the traditions and customs of a Tajik wedding. Unlike other Central Asian peoples, the Tajik wedding ceremony takes place in a very original and unique way. But first things first. Let's start with the most important ceremony - matchmaking. Here, as a rule, the parents of the bride and groom meet, and the size of the bride price and the day of the engagement are also discussed.

Engagement implies the following meanings: kabuldoran (consent to possess), oshkhurakon (treating pilaf) and oklik (purity, whiteness). The latter signifies the purity and purity of the bride. On this day, the groom's relatives bring trays with various delicacies to the bride's house, which are of a ritual nature. The first tray with wedding cakes is presented for a happy family life, the second is full of ingredients for wedding pilaf, the third is intended for sweets, therefore, so that the life of the newlyweds is just as sweet. Mandatory gifts also include wedding accessories for the bride, all of which are white, including white fabric for the dress, white shoes and a scarf. Traditionally, a Tajik wedding is celebrated at the bride's home. Guests are received here and festive tables are set. After the end of the celebration, the newlyweds must live in the house of the bride's parents for three days and only after that can they move to the groom's house.

So, let's move on to the main ceremony - the wedding. On this day, the groom, dressed in national clothes, and his relatives come to the bride’s house, where all her outfits are hung in a place of honor, next to which lie a knife, a wooden spoon and a pod of red pepper. A knife is a symbol of masculinity, a spoon is placed so that a girl is born first as a future housewife and helper, and pepper is a talisman against the evil eye. The bride's exit occurs as follows. A gold-embroidered carpet is held above her head, symbolizing the happiness of her new home. Then she goes to the “chimlik” - (a curtain designed to hide the newlyweds during wedding ceremonies), where the groom also enters, accompanied by friends. This is followed by prayer and blessing of the newlyweds, after which the couple is given honey to taste for a future happy life. The main wedding ceremony is “nikoh”, during which the mullah reads suras from the Koran and serves holy water to the newlyweds. This ritual is carried out in order to confirm the husband’s consent to protect his wife, and she, in turn, to honor and respect her husband. At the end of all the rituals and ceremonies, the newlyweds go to the registry office, after which a real feast follows with entertainment programs, dancing and plentiful refreshments. For residents of flat areas, wedding celebrations are accompanied by various sports competitions and games.

Getting married and having at least two children is the dream of every Tajik woman. But not everyone knows what she needs to go through to become a happy wife and mother. But a Tajik wedding is not only a bright and unforgettable event, but also a set of rituals that you simply cannot ignore.

Nikah in Tajikistan

Let's start right away with nikah (marriage). Without nikah, of course, you can’t go anywhere. No nickname - no family. The wedding ceremony is mandatory and has several conditions, the most important of which is the bride’s response. This is where chaos always sets in.

According to Islamic traditions, to perform a nikah, the consent of the guardian is sufficient, but for greater persuasiveness, in secular Tajikistan, the consent of the bride is also asked. And at this very important moment, Tajik women become stubborn and intractable.

Once they ask her, she is silent, twice - she is silent, on the third, relatives and friends join in with persuasion, who pinch the hand of the silent beauty painfully, but she does not make a sound. Silence is golden, of course, but in this case it is just a sign of embarrassment and also a Tajik tradition: the bride should not immediately give consent and throw herself on the groom’s neck. All this is not Tajik.

And here the most interesting thing begins: in order to “sweeten” the girl, the groom’s witnesses put expensive gifts and then money on the festive dastarkhan. Otherwise, you won’t be able to squeeze out a positive answer from the beauty, and the persuasion process will drag on for a long time.

And finally, once again, when the mullah is already quite nervously asking the question whether she agrees to become the wife of that same guy at the dastarkhan, the beauty, sitting with her head bowed under a veil, under the pressure of her relatives, says in a low voice: “Yes.”

From the outside, this may seem feigned, since she would hardly have said “No” already: if she had been against it, the matter would not have come to nikah at all. But no matter what the traditions say, a true Tajik woman is still ashamed to answer such an important question so quickly.

Tukuz and the rite of obedience in Tajikistan

So she confirmed her desire and should, in fact, go to her husband, but it didn’t work out that way - now the neighbor’s kids are no longer allowing her to leave, who pulled a cable before the wedding procession and are demanding a ransom for the beauty. Yes, it’s so hard to take in a Tajik woman!

In the big cities of Tajikistan, this is, of course, no longer practiced, but in remote areas the custom has been preserved.

They ask a lot for the bride. There must be enough for everyone. However, adults still disperse those who are particularly insolent. Otherwise, the groom’s side may in the future remind her how dearly she cost them and not entirely pleasant days will await her...

But long before all this “struggle” with moving in with her husband, the future wife also needs to report to her friends and neighbors in a couple of days. On this occasion, her parents call everyone to a mini-party called "Tukuzbinon".

At this event, everything that the groom's parents brought as a gift to the bride is valued. Basically everything goes into a chest. By the way, they give a lot of things - from underwear and cosmetics to expensive dishes and gold. And yes, all this is shown to guests.

This is done, by the way, not for fun, but to show into what hands the daughter is leaving. If the gifts are good, then she will not be in poverty, she will live in abundance, and if not, then she will share everything with her husband: both difficult days and good ones.

Further, when the bride finally comes to the house of her future husband, a suzani (hand-embroidered wall carpet) stretched across half the room is waiting for her. An interesting event should happen behind it. Not what you think, but just a rite of obedience.

A girl tastes honey from the hands of family elders, and then must allow her betrothed to step on her foot. This is how she makes it clear that she is going to be an obedient daughter-in-law and wife and that her husband is the head of the family. Sometimes this process, of course, turns into a fun game when the bride removes her foot. But it is advisable not to do this. This again will not be Tajik.

And only after all this does she live with peace and love in a new family, where love for the younger and respect for the elders is the basis of all foundations.

Wedding ceremony in Tajikistan

It just so happens that a traditional wedding in Tajikistan is an event that requires serious financial expenses. In addition to standard expenses on a wedding dress, groom’s suit, flowers, renting a car, a banquet hall and, of course, organizing a rich festive table, in Tajikistan you need to take care of gifts for the bride and groom.

Thus, it is assumed that the man will provide his young wife with living space - a house or apartment. And she, in turn, must furnish their family nest - make repairs, buy furniture. All this, of course, requires a lot of money.

In addition, you need to invite all your friends and relatives to the wedding. The number of guests can easily exceed two hundred people.

Sometimes a wedding costs up to 5 thousand dollars. For many in Tajikistan, such expenses are an unaffordable luxury. Tajiks often cannot afford to celebrate on a grand scale, but, as they say, in order not to lose face, they take out loans.

To stop negative practices, the President of Tajikistan signed a law on rituals. Now restrictions have been introduced on lush and pompous weddings.

Now the celebration should be celebrated on weekends from 8.00 to 22.00 and on weekdays from 18.00 to 22.00. The duration of the wedding celebration is set to three hours.