What kind of people should not be invited to a wedding? Guest mistakes: what do those invited to a wedding need to know? Make two guest lists

One of the key points when organizing a wedding is the number of guests.

The location of the wedding, the amount of food/drink and, accordingly, the budget depend on this.

The number of guests usually depends on:

your sociability,
your parents' sociability
your reluctance to offend someone.

Making a list

There are people you can’t help but invite: parents, best friends (not those 250 “friends” on VKontakte and Facebook, but the truly best, of whom there are extremely rarely more than three), relatives with whom you have developed warm, close relationships, colleagues .

We invite relatives

If with friends everything is simple: whoever you want to see at the wedding - you invited, if you don’t want - you didn’t invite, then problems arise with relatives... Usually these problems are created by parents: “If we invite the Pukins, then we need to invite the Medvedovs too, because they are the same to us.” relatives", etc. At the same time, there are 3 Pukins, and 4 Medvedovs.

So, different Medvepuks are recruited, whom you have seen 3 times in your life, about 30 people. As a result, 50 people from the groom’s side and the same number from the bride’s side, plus 20 mutual friends.

A lot of questions arise here: in which establishment will these 120 people be accommodated, which of them are vegetarians, and which of them is not allowed by faith to eat spinach?..

Therefore, decide who your wedding is for?! For the Bride and Groom or for relatives from Udmurtia? Don't turn your wedding into a meeting place for distant relatives.

Less is better

The fewer guests, the easier it is to organize a wedding. Because:

the fewer people there are, the more cafes/restaurants can accommodate you,
it is easier for the presenter to control a small crowd,
more opportunities to do something interesting (for example, you want a wedding in the “Medieval” style; explaining this to 50 people is easier than to 150 and a grandmother from the village of Bol. Bzdy),
cheaper,
you know all the guests,
Less people - more oxygen :-) .

The youth/non-youth relationship is also important. The higher this “youth quotient”, the more fun your wedding will be. *In this case, young people are not those who are under 30, but those who are young at heart, who are ready to rock and have fun until the morning, even at 73.

Be responsible when inviting guests! Don't let a random relative ruin your holiday. And try not to exceed the 50 guests limit.

You've been waiting for a long time for the moment when your beloved man gets down on one knee and puts a ring on your finger, and now you've finally got it. What a happiness it is to receive a long-awaited marriage proposal!

However, later, when the first wave of euphoria subsides, you will begin to understand that a wedding is not only great happiness, but also a sea of organizational issues that should be resolved as soon as possible! And the most pressing question that torments young people most of all is the question “who should you invite to your wedding?”

What will the wedding be like?

To answer this question, who should be invited to the wedding, first decide what your wedding will be like. Are you going to organize a magnificent and grandiose celebration or a small modest evening for your closest ones? Both options have their pros and cons.

The first one, of course, is more expensive financially, but you will be able to invite a much larger number of people to your wedding, and you won’t have to think about who to invite and who to refuse.

If you are not rich and are hoping to organize a modest evening “for the elite” in honor of your wedding, you will still have to resolve many issues related to organizing the event. After all, this is where the main “trick” comes to the surface: who should you still invite to this “modest” wedding evening?

Who should you invite so as not to ruin your wedding?

There can be a great variety of situations here. It happens that parents insist that not only all relatives scattered around the world be invited, but also all sorts of “Aunt Lyuba, who nursed you when you were still walking under the table.”

It also happens that distant relatives themselves begin to brazenly “ask” for the celebration, wanting to attend the “wedding” at all costs. After all, “my dear blood is getting married”!

Wedding is your holiday

What advice can we give to young people who are still wondering who should be invited to the wedding and who should not? Firstly, always remember that a wedding is your holiday. It is not done for parents or relatives, but for you.

A wedding is the day you create your family, a day that you will later remember with joy or disgust. And, as they say, how you greet a new day is how you spend it, accordingly, the same rule can be applied to family life: if you remember the wedding as a wonderful and happy event, then the chances of setting yourself up for a happy marriage are extremely high.

If, indulging the tastes and desires of relatives or parents, you organized your wedding according to their wishes, then don’t complain that you had to endure “all this” for the whole evening, and then you also quarreled with your spouse, because you have I was in a bad mood.

Should you invite all your relatives to your wedding?

Invite to your wedding only those whom you yourself want to see: people who are truly close to you, and not “considered” as such simply because they are “native blood”.

Why would you deny your best friend, who has supported you more than once, helped you out in difficult situations and pulled you out of trouble, to attend your wedding? In order to invite a certain “Uncle Vasya” there, who never called you to at least ask how you were doing?

Or Pyotr Anatolyevich, a “respected person”, who systematically refused you any help every time, because “there is no business, work, no time,” and as soon as there was a smell of free entertainment, things were postponed, and he asked for time off from work, and time appeared ? Or Aunt Avdotya, who doesn’t even remember what you actually look like?

I think it’s better to invite a friend, because often friends are much closer to us than relatives and “native blood”.

The same applies to people who are simply unpleasant to you, whom you obviously do not want to see on this day. Let’s say there is a person in your circle, among your relatives, who is extremely unpleasant to you, but according to “etiquette” you should invite him to the wedding. Isn’t it better to just “forget” some traditional rules for arranging weddings if you know for sure that the person will ruin your mood?

Don't be afraid to accidentally offend people

Of course, there is a risk that all these distant relatives will be offended by you. But think about what is more important to you - to comply with all the formal traditions and remain nice and kind to everyone, or to spend one of the most important days in your life the way you and your spouse would like?

And besides, why do you care about the offense of a person who didn’t remember you exactly until he heard about the wedding? His resentment will go away in a couple of weeks or months, but if you invite him to a wedding, the memories of the ruined event will remain with you forever.

What to do if parents want to decide who to invite to the wedding?

But what if parents insist on inviting “all relatives” or want to choose the guests themselves according to their taste? After all, it is extremely undesirable to quarrel with them!

Well, in this case, I can only advise you one thing: arrange your wedding only with your own money, and not with your parents’ money. Even if you have little savings, even if they are not enough for a magnificent celebration, but having your own money, you have the right to “order your own music,” that is, to organize the event the way you want it.

So, if you suddenly decide to link your destiny with your loved one, first check if you have at least some savings or the opportunity to take out money on credit to make this day unforgettable yourself and invite the one you yourself to your wedding you see fit.

How to save money on a wedding?

If you have no savings or very little, instead of having a wedding with your parents’ money, I suggest you just sign it.

And to remember this day, you can use the money you save to rent a dress and suit, hire a photographer and arrange an unconventional photo session, one that would not happen if you had a regular wedding.

After all, there are many ways to make your wedding day an unforgettable day, and for this you do not have to adhere to traditions, which often make any celebration unoriginal and uninteresting.

At a minimum, you can always sign and immediately go on your honeymoon, then you will tell your relatives that you did not have a wedding in this country, and with the money set aside for a modern wedding, you will have a more than good holiday in almost any country in the world, so choose for yourself what is closer and more interesting to you if today your budget can only support one of these unforgettable events.

The first thing you start thinking about when preparing for a wedding event is who you will need to invite to your celebration.

The ideal option is to invite all your acquaintances, friends, relatives, colleagues, neighbors, as they used to do in villages and villages: they set a huge table, all the residents prepared treats, and everyone walked around the village for at least two days.

But the good old days are gone, relationships between people have changed, and many families simply cannot afford to assemble a huge table.

Let's consider together the various possibilities for inviting guests: how many, whom and how. And you decide which method is more acceptable to you.

Classic version

1. Entrust the list to your parents. This option is suitable for couples for whom the family decides a lot (or everything). In this case, the guests are chosen (advised) by the parents, and the approximate number of guests is immediately agreed upon.
Next, the parents decide how the wedding will be financed. The most popular way to pay for wedding expenses is “shared” between the families of the bride and groom. All costs are estimated and divided in half. If there are a large number of guests, the most expensive item will be the wedding table.

Approximately a place for one guest costs:

in a restaurant - from 3,000 rubles;
in a cafe - from 1500 rubles;
in the dining room - from 1000 rubles per person.

Accordingly, 50 people will cost 150,000 rubles, 75,000 rubles and 50,000 rubles. The future newlyweds send out, deliver or distribute invitations to the guests and ask the guests to decide whether they will come or not. A week before the wedding, you need to call the invited guests again and summarize the exact number of places ordered.

In the considered option, relatives, godparents, and close friends are mainly invited.

2. Another classic way of inviting is as follows. Let's say the bride and groom have different numbers of guests who can attend the wedding. Or the families did not agree on an equal number of invitees (for some reason). Then the parents come to the decision to pay for the presence of the guest with the invited parties.

For example, the bride has 40 guests. The bride's parents pay for each of the 40 guests. There are 10 guests on the groom’s side, which means they only pay for 10 of their guests. The remaining expenses are divided in half. Parents also invite guests, but on behalf of the newlyweds.

Youth version

1. The option speaks for itself. A wedding that the young people themselves prepare and decide who will be at their celebration. In most cases, those invited are young people. And the bride and groom try to save money themselves for their wedding expenses.

Who exactly is invited to such celebrations:

close friend and friend;
friends from work or study;
childhood friends (if the relationship is maintained);
young neighbors, if the relationship is friendly;
parents;
brothers and sisters.

On average there are 20 people. A decorated banquet hall, presenters and various “show programs” are ordered for them. On average, the budget for such a wedding can fit into 150,000 rubles.

2. An option when young people do not order a ceremonial registration, but carry out the usual painting and go to a restaurant. In this case, only witnesses are invited. This economical option can cost 20,000 rubles.

The newlyweds perform several ceremonies: they hang a castle, release doves, and tie ribbons on the wishing tree. Photo shoot around the city, and everyone is happy! Parents are informed the next day - already in the role of husband and wife.

3. The newlyweds discuss in advance their desires to celebrate their wedding in some exotic place. They order a gift from their parents (if their parents are wealthy) in the form of a trip to a chosen place, or buy it themselves from a travel agency with the wish to celebrate the wedding day according to local customs.

They inform all their relatives and guests when the day of painting is set and invite those whom they would like to see nearby. Mostly these are the closest relatives (about 10 people). Treats are prepared for them at home or in a small cafe.

The next day, the newlyweds go on their honeymoon, where a ready-made wedding program awaits them. This wedding option will cost from 200,000 rubles.

4. The simplest thing is when the newlyweds invite only themselves or themselves and their children (if any) to their wedding day. Everything is modest: informal registration, rings, a bouquet and home (to the theater, cinema). Why throw money away? A couple thousand for a taxi, flowers and ice cream. After all, there is a whole life ahead with its adventures and travels!

How to invite

Through the Internet

Nowadays, using the Internet has become an integral part of the life of almost every person. E-mail is widely popular, thanks to which you can deliver any information to the intended recipient within a matter of seconds.

Indeed, a very convenient service, especially during busy times and lack of free time. And, of course, this method is the most economical, which is also important to take into account when preparing for the celebration.

1. Email. This mailing form is suitable for more “distant” guests. Perhaps these are work colleagues, business partners, etc. In general, those people with whom you constantly communicate via email addresses.

The letter should be different from regular work letters and have a more “creative look”. Don't forget to check whether the recipient received the message. To do this, you can contact by phone or through the social network you visit.

2. Electronic postcard. The same as a letter, but designed in the form of a postcard. On the Internet you will find a lot of pictures that you can use as the basis for your invitation.

Be sure to use the structure of the message, as in a regular paper invitation, we indicate: to whom; from whom; what kind of event; When; at what time; where it will take place.
By showing your imagination, you will definitely surprise your guests. Don't forget to write that you are waiting for an answer about the opportunity to come to the holiday.

3. Video message. The most unusual, beautiful and romantic invitation via the Internet. Here you need to think through the plot, roles, props, costumes, interior. If funds allow, you can turn to professionals.

The videographer will film the message even without a single word spoken (by staging). The video invitation will prove to your guests that you not only want to invite them to the wedding, but also have a lot of surprises in store for them.

It will create some intrigue, which is very popular at such celebrations. The price of a video invitation starts from 5,000 rubles.

4. Invitation via Skype. Everything is very simple here. If it is not possible to come to the guest in person, the Skype program will help. Get in touch, talk to the recipient, invite them personally and wait for a response. In this case, you can also show your imagination.

Prepare in advance beautiful music, a small poster or thematic flags (if all this is appropriate when communicating with the addressee). Here you have the opportunity to chat, talk about the history of your acquaintance, and plans for the future. Basically, this type of invitation is used as an initial message about an upcoming event. Next they send an electronic postcard - an invitation.

By phone

This type of invitation is also popular among economical methods. What do you need? Just know the guest's phone number! It is best to make the first call 2-3 months before the planned event.

Be sure to name the date where and when the event will take place. There is a big advantage when talking - inviting someone over the phone. Namely, that you can immediately hear the reaction of a potential guest to the news told. You will need this to count the seats allocated to guests.

This type of invitation, of course, may offend some guests because they did not receive postcards - an invitation that many people are accustomed to. Therefore, when planning forms of invitations, take into account the nature of the planned guests and their reaction to the method of invitation. Perhaps after the call, you will need another invitation in the form of a postcard.

SMS invitation It is also one of the cheapest forms of news reporting. If it would be appropriate for your friends, feel free to use this type of message about the upcoming holiday. But still, do not forget to make a couple more phone calls in order to make sure that you received the SMS mailing and the plans of those notified to attend your celebration.

Messages by mail

It is better to use this type of invitation when notifying distant relatives who do not have contact through other sources.

The advantages of mail are: that the recipient will receive a real postcard - an invitation that you yourself signed, and perhaps even made.

There are still more disadvantages. Firstly, mail takes a long time to arrive. Secondly, it is necessary to agree on notification of receipt. And thirdly, it is important to think about how you will receive a response from the addressee.

And one more thing... The main thing when sending invitations (by any means) is that the action turns out to be not a mere formality, but an important step in preparing for the planned wedding event. Guests are an important element in the celebration! And the mood of the guests too.

Therefore, think through in detail your approach to each guest: Which invitation method is suitable? What will cause disappointment? What will make you happy? What will surprise you? How many times should you invite a particular guest? How should I send an invitation? Only you know about this.

In order for the wedding event to be fun and relaxed, you need to make sure that the guests are exactly the right ones. Let's talk about how to delicately resolve the issue with the guest list.
It is unlikely that it will be a revelation to anyone that the success of the celebration largely depends on the choice of the guests. In the pre-wedding bustle, the newlyweds have many heated arguments. Who should you invite? Who is better to avoid and how not to offend? Who should be invited to the registry office, and who to the banquet? How to save on the number of invitees? Head spin! Let's figure it out.
What a wedding - so are the guests
What a wedding, so are the guests.

The first piece of advice suggests itself. Invite only those you really want to see to your wedding! Ideally, a wedding is a celebration of the newlyweds. God himself ordered you to spend this day the way you dreamed of, without regard to anyone’s misunderstandings.
Think about how you see your wedding. If this is supposed to be a celebration of the unity of two large families, invite even the most distant relatives. If you want a fireworks display of emotions and family smiles, invite only those closest to you.
Getting into debt and putting up with unpleasant and even unfamiliar guests at your wedding is an exorbitant price to pay for not offending anyone.
“Controversial” guests: what to do?
Already at this stage, discrepancies may arise. Let's say the groom is determined to invite all his friends, but the bride wants to gather relatives from the most distant corners. Don’t ruin each other’s mood by arguing over this issue.
It’s better to put together a list of “controversial” guests on each side. And then decide how many people each of you can invite. Having determined the number together, choose the lucky ones yourself.
As a rule, the “risk group” includes rowdies, distant relatives, friends of parents, guests with children, work colleagues, former lovers and elderly people. How to resolve the problem with each of them?
Rowdy
If someone from your social circle has become famous for scandalous behavior, try to explain to him that the wedding is your holiday, not his show. However, it is almost impossible to reach people with alcoholism. Not sure about appropriate guest behavior? Feel free to cross it off the list, otherwise the whole day will turn into sheer stress. And here it doesn’t matter whether your anxiety turns out to be justified or not.
Distant relatives
Inviting relatives from all over the outskirts is appropriate only if you are morally and financially ready to throw a feast for the whole world. There is no need to invite Aunt Marusya from Uryupinsk, whom you have never even seen, simply because that is the custom. If patriarchal parents are putting pressure on you, let them understand that a wedding is not the best time to meet essentially strangers.
Friends of parents
It often happens that parents pay the lion's share of wedding expenses and feel entitled to invite their guests. The newlyweds have two options. First: humble yourself out of respect for mom and dad. After all, it is very important for parents to brag to their friends about the happiness of their children. There is a second option - in case you don’t know the invitees at all or know them so well that you don’t want to see them. The following argument may work: “Mom, we didn’t invite so many relatives, but suddenly we’ll invite your girlfriends!”
Guests with small children
If you cannot spend money on organizing separate entertainment for children, it is best to indicate in the invitation that you are expecting only adult guests. It will be especially difficult with children under 7-8 years old. They will either be afraid of crowds of strangers and loud music, or they will attract everyone's attention with their whims and pampering. Make sure that your holiday does not turn into kindergarten.
Colleagues
You should invite co-workers only if you have truly friendly relations. A wedding is a celebration of the union of two lovers and their families. There is no such rule in etiquette to invite everyone you know to it. Friendly relations are a necessary minimum. Some far-sighted newlyweds invite their bosses and other “necessary” people to the celebration. If you are not inclined to build a career at your own wedding, it is best to limit yourself to an office get-together with colleagues you like.
Former lovers
When breaking up, many of us dream of quickly presenting our recent crush with an invitation to our wedding. If you are vindictive, this seditious thought may indeed haunt you until your marriage to another person. And yet, the presence of an ex or ex at the wedding is appropriate in one case: if he or she has become friends without reservations, and your other half has nothing against it.
Aged people
Every family has its own long-livers, and not inviting them to a wedding means showing extreme disrespect. For the older generation, a wedding is an incredibly significant event. Show concern for them, pay your respects in person, listen to their words. It’s a good idea to assign someone to look after older guests. As soon as the grandparents get tired, immediately call a taxi for them.
Invite only those guests who definitely wish you well. It is best to check the lists with each other. According to etiquette, the number of guests from the bride and groom should be approximately the same.
Smart savings
Another important point when choosing guests for a wedding is financial. Focus on your material capabilities: you shouldn’t get into debt at the very beginning of your family life. You can, of course, save money on clothes or travel. But you can only do this for the sake of people who are really important to you.
If you can't narrow down the list, distribute your guests to separate wedding events. For example, someone can be invited only to the formal part at the registry office or to a wedding, and celebrated with the closest people in their favorite restaurant. In this case, indicate on the invitation the exact time and place for each guest.
For many, this option also turns out to be acceptable: after the wedding ceremony and a short buffet, the newlyweds and their friends go to their own banquet, and the older generation of guests go to theirs. That is, parents and numerous relatives congratulate the newlyweds in absentia, but everyone is comfortable and no one is offended.
Whatever difficulties you encounter, try to negotiate amicably among yourself and with your guests. There is no need to overshadow the pre-wedding days with stupid quarrels. The ability to find compromises will lay an excellent foundation for the future family life of the bride and groom.

Last edited by moderator: March 15, 2016

The scale of the wedding is determined by the number of invited guests. Weddings can be with a small number of guests, with a huge number or without any guests at all. Modern youth do not strive to organize a wedding celebration. The main concern for the feast falls on the shoulders of the parents. The parents of the bride and groom organize weddings for their children with songs, dances, an abundance of food and not least guests with expensive gifts. Of course, it is up to the newlyweds to decide who to invite to the wedding.

Guest list

Naturally, the first and most important guests at a wedding are the parents of the bride and groom. Parents do not need a separate invitation, as they act as wedding organizers. After submitting an application for marriage registration, the future newlyweds begin to compile a list of guests. Guests are chosen carefully and thoughtfully. The wedding should take place without incident, so you should invite only trusted and reliable people. It's no secret that guests are invited to a wedding to have a good time and recoup the wedding expenses. After the parents, the guest list continues by adding all close relatives, then friends, colleagues. When the list is ready, but the number of guests does not satisfy the future newlyweds, adding guests continues. Distant relatives, neighbors and friends come to mind. The guest list ends with two witnesses to the upcoming wedding from the bride and groom.

Why do you need a wedding?

The wedding must be organized in such a way that it will be remembered for many years. A wedding should evoke positive feelings and pleasant memories. You need to invite those guests who know how to have fun and relax. The wedding must burst out, burst out in such a way that everyone will envy, so that the given pace of the beginning of the life of a young family and the enthusiasm of the newlyweds will last for many years and remain for the silver wedding.

Why are guests needed?

At a wedding, not only relatives, friends and acquaintances are considered guests, but also people invited to work. Invited guests work for payment and food. Their role at a wedding is to entertain the bride, groom and their guests. The function of capturing the bright moments of the wedding, photographing the newlyweds in beautiful outfits, video filming the solemn registration of the marriage and the wedding celebration is performed by a hired photographer. This guest should be invisible and not interfere with the wedding, but at the same time be in full view of everyone. A toastmaster is hired to entertain the assembled audience. The toastmaster prepares a script for the evening, which includes interactive games, jokes, toasts, congratulations to the newlyweds, fun competitions, and presentation of gifts. The host of the program or toastmaster constantly forces guests to take an active part in the entertainment. A good toastmaster will lead the wedding in such a way that the guests will have no time to eat.

Why are artists needed?

In addition to the photographer and the host of the program, artists are invited to the wedding, who will also entertain the guests with a concert program. Live music is required throughout the evening. A singer or music group hosts a disco for those who want to have a blast dancing. Musicians also help the toastmaster with musical accompaniment of competitions. If possible, you can invite dancers to give their own demonstration performance. Several fiery dances in bright costumes in the rhythm of tango, cha-cha-cha, and oriental themes will appeal to both adults and children. Don't forget about the spectacular shows that will not leave the wedding audience indifferent. The famous bartender show with a champagne fountain or chocolate slide will be a big hit with the audience. A soap bubble show, a life-size puppet performance in underwear with a humorous skit, a neon butterfly show, a dancing caterpillar show - the list of entertainment for a wedding can be endless.

wedding ceremony

Recently, it has become popular to order a beautiful imitation of marriage registration under an arch decorated with flowers or balloons outdoors or in a restaurant. The registrar and several relatives are invited there, that is, registration takes place in a narrow circle. This additional wedding ceremony will add a little zest and romantic mood. You will get wonderful photos against the backdrop of an arch, nature or a beautiful interior.

Wedding staff

All that remains is to invite the staff who are directly hired by the wedding preparations to work. These are designers who decorate the hall where the wedding dinner is planned. They allocate a place at the table for the newlyweds with beautiful tablecloths, bouquets of flowers, special packaging for champagne, and place a couple of rings or doves. The walls and windows of the hall are decorated with inscriptions with wishes for prosperity and a happy family life. Chefs are also invited to prepare treats and pamper guests with exquisite banquet dishes. Waiters are needed to set tables, serve dishes and clean up dirty dishes. Handymen will wash the dishes and clean the hall after the end of the celebration. If you go to a restaurant and order a celebration there, the entire trained staff will be happy to organize a wedding for the bride, groom and their guests.