Reluctance to have children can be treated with love, psychologists say. Reluctance to have children Desire to be trendy

According to statistics, about 5% of couples who want to have children suffer from infertility. Of these, approximately half of the cases are explained by some abnormalities in physiology. The reasons for the rest lie in psychosomatics, or, more simply, in the psychological mood. This applies to both partners - both women and men.

“Psychological infertility is considered as the result of a woman’s conscious or unconscious reluctance to have a child. Sometimes it is fear of pregnancy and childbirth, sometimes it is reluctance to have a child from a given man, sometimes it is resistance to changes in appearance that pregnancy can lead to, etc.”

How does this happen

The human brain is an amazing thing. If for some reason he considers something wrong, he can “prohibit” other organs from performing certain operations. For example, if you have a lot of doubts in your soul about your upcoming pregnancy, then your brain is able to take advantage of this and signal your organs to prevent conception or even get rid of an unwanted embryo.

Psychological problems, stress, silent doubts of even one of the spouses can lead to the fact that a healthy couple does not have children. That is why in modern reproductive medicine psychological counseling is given a very important role.

Causes

What Causes Psychological Infertility? There are many reasons: a side effect from taking medications, worries about money, an incompletely resolved dilemma between family and career, a phobia that a child will be born sick or that a spouse might leave the family. In the end, even the shameless psychological pressure already established in our society: “Well, when are you planning to have a baby?” from close and even unfamiliar people can do its job.

At particular risk are overly impressionable people and people who, on the contrary, keep everything to themselves. The former suffer from exaggerating their difficulties, while the latter simply do not give vent to their own emotions.

One of the most common causes of psychological infertility is that a couple begins to worry about problems conceiving when in fact there are no problems. Statistics show that with an active sexual life, 85% of women become pregnant within a year, and 95% within two years. Therefore, there is no need to label yourself as “infertile” if you and your partner have only been trying to conceive a child for the last few months. Such experiences cause unnecessary stress, and where there is stress, there is a risk of psychosomatic diseases. In my practice, there have been cases when, due to unnecessary emotional experiences, the patient experienced unpleasant changes in the body. Therefore, when they say that many diseases are caused by nerves, these are not empty words.

According to a survey of 200 couples observed in reproductive clinics, 50% of women and 15% of men recall waiting for pregnancy as the most depressing time in their lives. Another study found that women suffering from infertility were at about the same level of depression as those suffering from cancer or the effects of a heart attack.

The reproductive and endocrine systems, under such serious pressure from psychological factors, may not restore their functions at all without special help.

How to understand that you have psychological infertility

Here are the main reasons that can provoke psychological infertility:

• you regularly experience severe stress at work;
• you blame yourself for infertility or perceive the absence of children as a punishment for your previous lifestyle (a large number of sexual partners or termination of a previous pregnancy);
• you don't trust your partner or think that he is not quite ready for the birth of a child;
• You haven’t fully answered the question of whether children are needed right now. Or, for example, you were recently promised a promotion and you don’t want to give it up because of maternity leave;
• you have at least some signs of depression;
• you have not fully resolved financial and other everyday issues related to the birth of a child;
• Recently you have experienced a serious psychological shock (loss of a loved one, accident, flood or fire, major financial setbacks);
• you are subject to serious psychological pressure from others due to the lack of pregnancy and children.

Analyzing your life for unspoken problems and thoughts is only the first step. The second is to ask about your partner's possible concerns. Men are usually less inclined to have heart-to-heart conversations, but it may well turn out that the reason is not so much in you as in your partner’s secret anxieties. If there is even a suspicion of depression, you should definitely consult a specialist - not only for the sake of the unborn child, but also for the sake of your own well-being.

How to treat

The best way to protect yourself from worries about conception is to make sure that everything is in order with your health as a couple, and... relax. The less you think about the fact that a child is your goal, the faster you will be able to conceive. If you've been suffering from a lot of stress at work lately, then the ideal option is to take a long vacation and get away from your worries with your spouse. Busy yourself with a new project - for example, start learning foreign languages ​​or sign up for some hobby club. The main thing is not to let thoughts about a possible pregnancy take up all your attention.

Diagnosing the real cause of psychological infertility without the help of specialists can be quite difficult. Sometimes it’s enough just to relax, and sometimes you need to use the “heavy artillery” - psychotherapy, relaxation techniques (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, massage) and even medications.

I can give two illustrative examples from practice when the patients’ problem was in their heads.

In the first case, the couple tried to get pregnant for three years, although we did not find any physiological reasons for infertility in the partners. It turned out that during this time they experienced a serious illness of a loved one, took out a large loan and experienced severe stress at work. We advised the couple to take a long vacation and generally have no contact with the outside world for some time - without the Internet, calls from work and communication on social networks. It helped! Literally immediately after returning from vacation, the patient found out about pregnancy and subsequently gave birth to a healthy baby.

In the second case, a lot of work had to be done. During a psychotherapy session, it turned out that the wife suffered a severe psycho-emotional trauma at a young age, which none of her loved ones even knew about. After this psychological trauma, the woman herself began to consider herself unworthy to have children. After lengthy personal and family psychotherapy, the long-awaited pregnancy occurred.

Therefore, in each specific case the decision will be individual, but it is better to start with a consultation with your reproductive specialist. If he understands that the reason lies in the head, he will make an appointment with a psychotherapist.

Eleonora Kozlova, psychotherapist at the Center for Reproductive Health “SM-Clinic”.

Where do so many childfree come from?

Often we condemn the callousness and rudeness of the people around us. And it’s not for nothing that all psychologists say that in order to get to know a person, it’s enough to understand how his childhood went.
I began to wonder why such a huge number of women voluntarily give up motherhood? Why the reluctance to have children? Why are there so many cynical and sometimes downright cruel statements? Ordinary selfishness, narcissism, unwillingness to bear responsibility? Or have women finally begun to wise up and realize that it is better not to become a mother at all than to become a bad mother?
Immature boys and girls who create fragile families, selfish, hysterical fools - what kind of education can you get in such conditions? And is it any wonder to see a huge number of moral monsters? Is it so scary not to give birth at all, or is it more scary to give birth and not cope?!

Traumas that come with us from childhood for the rest of our adult lives are masks:
The rejected one is a fugitive.
Abandoned - dependent.
The humiliated is a masochist.
The survivor of betrayal is controlling.
A person who has experienced injustice is rigid (setting strict limits for himself).
A fugitive complex occurs when a child is rejected by a parent of the same sex. Subsequently, such a person tends to alternately behave like a rejected person, creating similar situations himself, or like an abandoner. The fugitive seeks loneliness, solitude, because he is afraid of the attention of others - he does not know how to behave, it seems to him that his existence is too noticeable. The fugitive does not believe in his own worth; he does not value himself at all. And for this reason, he uses all means to become perfect and gain value, both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others.

An abandoned complex is formed if a child is not accepted by a parent of the opposite sex. Anyone who experiences an abandonment complex constantly experiences emotional hunger.

An addict may appear lazy because they do not like to be active or work alone; he needs someone's presence, even if just for moral support. If he does something for others, he expects affection in return. An addict is most likely to become a victim in order to gain attention. This meets the needs of an addict who constantly feels like they are getting too little attention. When he seems to be trying to get attention in every possible way, he is actually looking for opportunities to feel important enough to get support. It seems to him that if he fails to attract the attention of such and such a person, then he will not be able to count on him.

The formation of a humiliated complex, otherwise a masochist, occurs at the moment when a child feels that one of the parents is ashamed of him or is afraid of shame, if the child gets dirty, ruins something (especially in front of guests or relatives), is poorly dressed, etc. The humiliation only intensifies when the parents explain to the guests the reasons for the little scandal. Scenes like these can convince a child that he is disgusting to mom and dad. Since the humiliated person strives to prove his solidity, reliability and does not want to be controlled, he becomes very efficient and takes on a lot of work. As long as he helps others, he is sure that he has nothing to be ashamed of, but very often later he experiences the humiliation of being used. He almost always feels that his services are not appreciated. A child feels betrayed by a parent of the opposite sex whenever that parent fails to keep a promise or abuses the child's trust.

The controller controls in order to ensure the fulfillment of the tasks undertaken, to maintain fidelity, to justify responsibility, or to demand all this from others. Because Controllers have a particularly difficult time accepting any form of betrayal, either someone else's or their own, they do everything in their power to be responsible, strong, special, and significant.

The child feels it is unfair that he cannot be whole and inviolable, cannot express himself and be himself. He experiences this trauma mainly with a parent of the same sex. He suffers from the coldness of this parent, that is, from his inability to express himself and feel the other. At least that’s how the child perceives him. The child also suffers from the parent’s authority, from his constant comments, severity, intolerance and from his conformism.

Rigid seeks correctness and justice at any cost. Striving for perfection in everything, he thus tries to always be fair. He believes that if what he says or does is perfect, then it is therefore fair. It is extremely difficult for him to understand that, while acting impeccably (according to his own criteria), he can at the same time be unfair.

Everyone around me is kind and good (I’m talking about real life).

If a child is encouraged, he learns to believe in himself.
- If a child is praised, he learns to be grateful.
- If a child grows up in honesty, he learns to be fair.
- If a child is supported, he learns to value himself.
- If a child is criticized, he learns to hate.
- If a child lives in hostility, he learns aggressiveness.
- If a child is ridiculed, he becomes withdrawn.
- If a child grows up reproached, he learns to live with guilt.
- If a child grows up in tolerance, he learns to accept others.
- If a child lives in safety, he learns to believe in people.
- If a child lives in understanding, he learns to find love in this world.

Women who can give birth, but do not want to, are biotrash offended by nature.

I treat the world the way I want the world to treat me.

Childfree has a new humane excuse for his irresponsibility and immaturity: “I don’t want to be a bad mother, so it’s better not to be one at all.”

Why is infantility bad?

Nothing until the age of 18.

And then?

What is good about immaturity in development, the preservation in behavior or physical appearance of traits inherent in previous age stages?

Not everyone wants to lead a completely adult lifestyle. For what? Why is it necessary to take responsibility? Why can't you do what you like?

There is no concept of “absolutely adult”, there is a concept of “advanced by age.”

When I was 10 years old, I told my parents that I wouldn’t get married and therefore didn’t intend to have children. So they are prepared. And the opinions of others don’t interest me at all.

You can be developed, aware of many things, which is why you can consciously make a decision to give birth or not to give birth. Or is development now determined by the presence of a child?

The reluctance to have children is a consequence of psychological immaturity or egocentrism, in my opinion.

Everyone has their own reasons for this. It’s better to make a balanced decision not to have children (at all or for some time) for one reason or another, rather than - I want a child, everything is as people need!

Then drunks and rednecks are very developed, because they breed like rabbits.

A lot of text, in a nutshell, these are purely my objective observations. The whole root of the problems of some men and women is in the family. The absence of a father and mother's love turns a man into a "woman", I would even say into an "it". And, a woman - a “whore”. Everyone is yelling that “family” is the most important thing. But no one really knows the meaning of this word.

I grew up in a full-fledged family. Loving and friendly. I’ve had my own family for a long time, and I’m quite old, but the question of children doesn’t even arise. I don’t call myself childfree or whatever, I don’t prove anything to anyone, I just live and enjoy life. I wish the same for everyone. Stop harping on this topic. Author, it was necessary to remove the first part of the text, it is very provocative. They will pay more attention to it than to the main content of the article. And the article is good, by the way!

Let him provoke, this is just my opinion.

The desire not to have children has nothing to do with it.

Drunks and homeless people usually don’t think at all about whether they want children or not, they simply breed, by inertia, because they only heard about contraception through the address “hey you, you bastard, what do you have?”

Marginalized yes. But people who are simply uneducated or susceptible to the influence of public opinion want “ditachka” simply because everyone lives like that. And they don’t look at whether they can feed and raise them with dignity or not. In short, “bunny, lawn” and all that.
In my opinion, if a person understands that he does not have enough money or is not ready for children and does not have them, then such a person is good. Because he understands that this is a huge responsibility, and not a toy.

So. I began to wonder why such a huge number of people pry into other people’s underpants, into other people’s families and into other people’s heads, trying to dig out psychological problems there that preceded the emergence of any beliefs? Why are there so many arrogant, self-confident and anti-scientific statements? Ordinary stupidity, narrow-mindedness, lack of one’s own personal life?

It is no one’s business why a child appeared in a particular family.
Everyone is responsible only for themselves and their actions.

Well, I know why I don't have children and where my reluctance to have children comes from. I hate women who dream of children when they themselves have nothing. But if everything is fine with her, then that’s another matter.
I have no idea what I care about them all.

I think it’s easier to admit that there are people who are simply not interested. There are other interests, science, career, loved one, travel. When everything is great, you don’t want to change it. Hence the reluctance to have children.

Everyone loves to make life difficult for themselves and other people. Honestly, I didn’t get through more than half of this “writing”.

Let me guess, the Americans are to blame again? It is not the economic difficulties of the majority of Russians.

And everything can be solved easily with the help of contraceptives. But not so long ago, by global standards, everyone gave birth. Whether they want it or not. What’s worse: giving birth to a person you don’t want, or ending this misunderstanding on yourself - an arbitrariness of nature?
Is nature stupid or people?

If they paid salaries for raising children (this is a huge job that needs to be controlled and financed, like any other). And so, men don’t want to provide.

What nonsense. There used to be the same problems in families as there are now. Previously, parents beat and humiliated their children in the same way, fathers also drank and beat their wives, nothing new. It’s just that now you don’t have to love children, you don’t have to get married because before it was frowned upon, but now no one cares. Don’t worry, women will procreate and men will get married, there are just more people who can now live as they want and that’s good.

And I also have a friend. He's a little younger than me. For 2 years. He's 25 now. He already has two children. When his first one was born, he had problems with his wife. With misunderstanding them. He was always cheerful, the life of the party, doing something, having fun. I could always call him at 12 o’clock at night, and we could walk around the area or do other nonsense. It’s clear that we have grown up a little since we were 18 years old. But the essence of a person often remains the same. He wants to sit and play computer games, hang out with the guys, with me. Just take a break. But he can’t! And it's scary. He complains about all this, then starts telling me about the children that this is good. It's time too. I'm not married and I don't have children yet. And they envy me that I’m so calm at the same time, I’m cool, I do what I want.

My parents raised me well, instilled respect for elders, love and care for animals, and taught me responsibility very early. But I’m 36 years old and the genetic time hasn’t come for me to want to have a child. I have a wonderful husband, madly loved by me, we have all the conditions for a great life, but I can’t bring myself to turn everything upside down and want to walk around with a huge belly, fainting, I don’t know what it’s like to want to give birth to a child . Apparently, everything in my life is cool, and in general I don’t want to have additional love in the form of a child. The only thing that clicks somewhere now is that, in fact, you probably still need to give birth before you’re 40, then, that someone will need to leave an inheritance. But when I give birth, let the nanny sit with him, I will live no matter how I live, I will never trade freedom. Oh, how I piss off women who are ovulating and just those who have children with my straightforward statements.

I agree with the post.

For me, my children are the most important thing in my life. They gave me a lot. It is next to them that I feel truly whole and happy. And I am very grateful to my parents for the fact that, by their example, they were able to form in me the right attitude towards family and motherhood.

Doesn't your husband make you absolutely happy?

I’m not offending you, I just often notice that women find delight in children, this is a kind of vacuum that they fill instead of what was previously between two loving hearts. I think that children are just cool for a certain time, but then what? They will grow up and leave, and we will die old with our thoughts and thoughts of returning to the one with whom it all began. I don’t understand the concept of happiness in children, hence the reluctance to have children! Happiness can come from a dog or a cat, and there is also a return.

Well, what a vacuum, don’t tell me. A husband is a husband, and children are children. There seems to be no competitive principle here, these are different disciplines.

Children, in principle, may well be replaced by an infantile spouse. The same responsibility and trepidation. Although the spouse may be much more important than the children, closer, this also happens. Happiness comes in different forms. And it is not limited to children. Peace for everyone.

Well, hello, how is your little son different from an adult child?

Why immediately infantile? Mine, for example, is a thunderstorm for those around me, but I care about him, like..., like myself, or like a child, maybe I don’t understand why I need another one, in the form of a child.

I don’t understand, what does a small son and an adult child have to do with it? I don’t have little sons either.

Well, pardon me, so happiness is only in children? And you don’t seem to care about your husband?
There are men like children.

Why the reluctance to have children? And I’m just scared to give birth to children in this reality. You look around what is happening - medical errors taking children's lives, nannies beating babies, pedophiles raping children. In general, the standard of living in the country, the environmental situation. No, I am not ready to produce new people under such conditions.

Hello! I have a question for Alexandra Budnitskaya with the following content: I myself don’t want to have children (I’m 32 years old). And this didn’t bother me until I met and fell in love with a man who loves children, really wants to have his own children and is very serious about raising them, etc. And now I don't know what to do. Should I get rid of my reluctance to have children, fight it, persuade myself for the sake of this man, or break up with him and not ruin his life? Let him find a woman who will become a good wife and mother of his children? Thank you."

Answer from theSolution psychologist:

In your question, I distinguish two aspects: your attitude towards motherhood and your own children - and your attitude towards marriage and your husband.

My colleague, interested in your question, agreed to help me and covered the first aspect in great detail and clearly. I'll concentrate on the second one.
Speaking about your husband’s love for children, you are not describing his true feelings, but rather your superficial impressions and fears. (I judge the superficiality of your impressions by the fact that throughout your marriage, you and your spouse, apparently, did not discuss the childish topic in detail; therefore, your impression of his feelings was formed on the basis of infrequent observations of how your husband reacts to strangers children).

I find it important to admit the following: your husband’s true feelings towards children in general, and especially his own children, may differ significantly from the feelings he conveys to the outside.

Child-lovingness is probably the most socially desirable quality. “Good people love children” is a very common stereotype. Not far from him were the conclusions: “All women love children” and “All women love men who love children.” Guided by these stereotypes, many young men, wanting to look like a “good person” in the eyes of others, and especially wanting to please a certain woman, demonstrate love for children that they do not actually feel.

Proof of the correctness of this assumption can be seen in the numerous complaints of young mothers about the “sudden change” in their husbands.

Men who were touched by the sight of advertising babies, willingly played once a year with their little nephews and competently discussed pedagogical trends, “suddenly” categorically refuse to bother with their own newborns.
It is likely that until your husband has children of his own, you will not be able to find out what his true feelings are towards his children. Perhaps he himself does not know this yet.

It would also be interesting to understand what exactly repels you about motherhood.

If these are practical, organizational problems (lack of sleep, visits to the pediatrician, walking with a stroller without a ramp or elevator in the house, a career break), then they could be solved with the help of financial preparation, several nannies and a grandmother. This is a more common solution to this problem.

There is also another solution to the problem, it is less common, but according to the law it has the right to exist. This is a way in which all responsibility is shifted to the husband. For example, your husband could take maternity leave instead of you, spending the first year with the child, and then finding him a nanny, kindergarten, etc.

I believe that you should, in any case, talk to your husband about children, without telling him the “final decision” yet and focusing not on romantic feelings, but on the purely practical side of the matter.

Perhaps your husband, having learned about his upcoming participation in courses for expectant parents, in childbirth, that he will have to take a break from his career, visit a pediatrician, be responsible for feeding the child himself, give up his work office in favor of the nursery, etc. . will hasten to inform you that he is not in any hurry to have children. Perhaps, on the contrary, he will willingly agree - and you will have to decide whether you are ready to make an exclusively physical contribution to your parenthood by carrying and giving birth to a baby and actually handing him over to your husband to raise, preserving, with a few exceptions, your usual way of life.

In any case, it is important to remember: you are not responsible for your husband's feelings.

You can't "ruin his life." He is solely responsible for the quality of his life. If you are determined never to have children, it would be fair to inform your husband about this. He, as an adult, will deal with his feelings himself, asking you for help if he feels the need for it.
But, I believe, before making a final decision, you should carefully consider and discuss some points regarding both your deepest motives and emotions, your ideas about an ideal marriage and ideal motherhood, and the purely practical side of parenthood.

In your case, it is also important to understand your deepest motives for not wanting to have children.

Sometimes it happens as a consequence about what story to make of your life. For example, a person who was hated and bullied by his own parents may accept as a child negative decision not to continue one's family line.

In some families, parents and children change psychological roles.

This can be understood from the strange pattern of interaction between them. A forty- or fifty-year-old mother (or father) begins to behave like a child in communication. Asks his children for advice, talks about infidelity, asks his son or daughter to resolve their marital conflicts, demands care and money. If children play the psychological role of parents for their parents, then they may not have the desire to give birth to their own children. Because the appearance of a small child would radically change the existing family psychological situation. Parents would have to stop using family members to solve their psychological problems and turn to a psychologist.

Sometimes the reluctance to have children hides personal immaturity, which manifests itself in an unwillingness to take responsibility and live only for oneself.

This happens in the case of incongruent personal development. Incongruent personal development is uneven development, with internal conflict and mismatch between parts of the personality. In such cases, some parts of the personality are developed according to age, while others are severely delayed in development. This means that a person can be many years old, everything is fine with his intellect, but his psychological development is more likely to correspond to adolescence (everyday example - touchiness or the habit of not speaking for a week in a quarrel or saying “he/she made me angry”).

The main parameters of adulthood and personal maturity are the ability to take responsibility, overcome difficulties and the ability to achieve long-term goals.

When a person quickly lights up and goes out just as quickly, avoids responsibility and difficulties, under stress reacts with helplessness(throws up his hands and does not know how to solve problems), then we are talking about disharmony of personal development. In this case, a person may not want to have children precisely for the reason unwillingness to work, bear responsibility and care for many years in a row every day about kids.

In your situation, it would be useful to analyze your true motives and the causes of the problem.

This may be negative early childhood decisions, inverted psychological roles in family subsystems, personal immaturity, financial and organizational unpreparedness. Once you understand your true motives, you can make psychologically intelligent decisions about the best way to solve the problem.

They are sure that in old age they can easily do without a glass of water, which there will be no one to give it to them. And they know that humanity will not die out, because not everyone will follow their example and stop giving birth. From their point of view, life without children is joy. Let's try to figure out who these people are and why they think so?
Childfree are men and women (not just women) who deliberately refuse to have children. Contrary to idle speculation, for the most part they are adequate and do not have mental disorders. If you ask the most ideological supporters of the movement - very intelligent, successful and educated - why they made such a choice, in response you will probably hear lengthy discussions about the reluctance to worsen the demographic situation on the planet and their personal contribution to the fight for the environment. But one should not think that there are no more real (and not far-fetched) reasons. There are at least six more good reasons not to give birth.

1. “Thank you” to parents

Behind the reluctance to have children there are always family stories - very different, but at the same time similar to each other. These are stories in which there were problems with parental love - either there was none at all, or, on the contrary, there was too much. It’s a paradox, but mom and dad ignoring children who grow on their own like grass, and overprotection when parents literally strangle the child with their love, can give the same result. Grown children do not want to give birth to grandchildren. Some are afraid that their children’s childhood will also be unsweetened, others are not ready to turn their entire lives into an endless feat of self-denial for the sake of the next generation. In addition, thanks to “greenhouse” upbringing, reason number 2 can easily arise.

2. Infantilism

Many childfree people are residents of the same country as Peter Pan and the Tinker Bell fairy, even if at first glance they seem completely grown-up and independent. Their psychological age does not coincide with their biological age. It is clear that the desire to have offspring and take responsibility for the child. such immature adults lack it. For what? After all, they already have the most beloved, beloved and dear child who needs to be pampered, cared for and cherished - it is themselves.

3. Fears

Pregnancy deteriorates your figure: your breasts sag down to your knees, stretch marks make your stomach ugly; giving birth is painful and scary, you can end up crippled. Children mean sleepless nights, unkempt hair, circles under the eyes, screaming, yelling and endless problems, a sure way to say goodbye to inner freedom, an end to professional growth... The list of such arguments - both true and frankly ridiculous - can be endlessly long . And any of them can become one of the reasons for refusing to procreate. Finding out why this or that argument has become the basis of a child-free worldview can only be done through an individual consultation with a psychologist. But, as you understand, they are not in too much of a hurry to get to this meeting.

4. Selfishness

Many childfree people are afraid that having children will no longer allow them to fully enjoy life the way they do now, it will confuse all their plans, make it difficult to climb the career ladder, force them to change priorities, etc. That’s why they prefer to live “for themselves,” without denying themselves anything.

5. The desire to be trendy

Where is the fiery revolutionary Clara Zetkin, who dared to say that a child is a man’s leash, compared to today’s stars who openly and boldly promote life without children. Celebrities, who are often role models (note that there are no frankly ugly losers among them and by default cannot be), are not shy in their statements. So it turns out that some are delighted with Renee Zellweger, who is confident that children are voluntary slavery, others - with Kim Cattrall, who is the most she can do - “to be a good aunt”, and still others are inspired by the example of Eva Mendes, who prefers healthy sleep and a quiet life communicating with “cute assholes.”

6. Concealing infertility

Among those who do not reproduce on a “voluntary” basis, there are also those whose statements about not wanting to have children are a kind of psychological defense mechanism, with the help of which it is easier to cope with the presence of problems in the reproductive sphere. The principle “I didn’t really want to” sounds in this case about the same as “Green grapes,” but it eliminates the feeling of shame and awkwardness that arises when you have to admit to others your own sterility.
Despite the fact that the childfree movement is gaining momentum year after year, many people are in no hurry to talk about the fact that they share this ideology. They do not seem to be against procreation, they simply “postpone” the birth of children “for later.” At some point, they understand that they need to choose between “now or never” and choose “never”, without entering into confrontation with society.

What are CAUSES such a trend?
Having studied the information on the Internet, I got the impression that people who flatly refuse to become parents are often selfish, and/or their own childhood was not the most rosy. A person simply does not want to relive his childhood years/having not received enough maternal love, he does not find it in himself to give it.
Other reasons are reluctance to part with one’s freedom and a life full of entertainment, fear of responsibility, careerism, lack of a life partner, overpopulation of the planet and, of course, financial insolvency, although the last factor is not one of the first.
On the contrary, sociologists argue that this type of people is often highly educated and has a prestigious job, therefore, it is the desire to realize themselves professionally that is most important for them in life, and children will only interfere with this desire.
However, my opinion is this: it is better to consciously refuse motherhood than to give birth, because “it’s customary” or even worse “to save the marriage.”

Let's move on to astrology. As in a horoscope, you can see how much a woman subconsciously strives to become a mother. To do this, you should analyze the indicators of the children’s “house” and the position of the Moon.
- The sign of Taurus on the cusp of the 5th/executive 5th in Taurus/Venus in the 5th/Moon in Taurus or the sign of Cancer on the cusp of the 5th/executive 5th in Cancer/Moon in Cancer in a woman’s horoscope makes her want to become a mother in the absence of serious damage to these elements.
It is worth paying attention to the Moon, which is discussed in more detail below using examples from celebrities.

The most difficult signs, cold towards motherhood in my opinion, are Capricorn, Virgo and Aquarius. If they are associated with the children’s house in the natal chart, it is very unlikely that a person will become a parent of many children.
For example, Capricorn in this position is not only a late child, but also “children are too important a step.” If at the same time the ruler of Capricorn, Saturn, is damaged, this is already a serious reluctance to have children.

Let's look at a few examples.
Kim Cattrall- an actress best known for her role as Samantha Jones in the television series Sex and the City, despite the fact that she was married three times, she never wanted children. Kim admits that when she comes home after a hard day, she wants to get enough sleep and not sing a lullaby.
It would seem that the cusp of the 5th house is in the home sign of Cancer, but the Moon in the 12th area of ​​the horoscope is square to Saturn (at least a cool relationship with the mother, a feeling of being unloved, unmet children's needs) and in opposition to Pluto (a feeling of threat from the mother - a subconscious fear of destroying that , what do you like).
Plus the Moon in opposition to the Sun is a symbol of the father - often problematic relationships between parents. I couldn’t find information about the actress’s childhood, but with Luna like her, there is no doubt that everything was not easy.

The next actress who does not regret not becoming a mother is Renee Zellweger. “Children are voluntary slavery,” Renee is sure. It’s not for nothing that the 5th house is in Capricorn, children are perceived as a limitation. The Moon is also in the 12th house, although quite harmonious.

Patricia Kas has a conjunction of the Moon and Pluto in the 8th, the Moon in a square to Venus, which often gives rise to an internal conflict between two female images - maternal and sexual; for owners of this aspect it is difficult to understand how one can be a mother and a sexually blossoming woman at the same time.

And finally, the man’s horoscope - Jorja Clooney, who claimed to be an animal lover. It is not surprising that he became a father only this year at the age of 56.
The Moon is also the ruler of the house of children, but in exile in conjunction with Saturn and in opposition to Mars.