Comic myths about women for March 8th.
The long-awaited spring holiday is coming - March 8, which brings each of us a truly spring mood. All women especially look forward to this holiday, because men on this day rush to beautifully congratulate lovely ladies on March 8th. The best gift on Women's Day will be not only flowers, but also beautiful congratulations in verse, or funny congratulations with humor.
You can send a cool congratulations on March 8 directly to your phone - for example, a call with congratulations in the voice of Vladimir Putin:
Or you can choose one of the ready-made congratulations below and send it to your phone or social media. networks.We offer you the best funny congratulations on March 8th in verse. Congratulate your beloved women and friends with humor and they will certainly appreciate it. 
Fair sex!
Oh, you are not weak at all!
Just a little bit - foot on the floor -
That's how you are, women!
But we still appreciate you,
So let's take a breath
And we congratulate you on your feminine
International Day!
The eighth of March has arrived
We have to congratulate you.
To wish for something like this
What no one could wish for.
Let out the champagne bottle
A wonderful gin will appear,
Will fulfill all your whims,
And will move into a jug.
So that every day your dreams
He performed (plus mine).
But most importantly, about this gin,
Don't tell anyone!
I want to congratulate you with all my heart
Happy International Women's Day!
Have some more fun
A gentle joke, but with fire!
I wish you in the sea of flowers
Can't find your bed.
With your loved one soon
You'll have until the morning to crush the flowers!
And let the soul from pleasures
Yells like a skinny cat in March!
I wish you new sensations
- March 8th, all year round!.
Things are abandoned, I can’t sleep well at night,
There is absolute bedlam going on in the male soul,
And in it frolics either a poet or a brave knight...
As they say, here it’s already Cherche la femme.
Happy International Women's Day, beauties!
Tender natures, filled with dreams,
Let our passionate feelings give you goosebumps
Along the slender legs and to the ends of the hair,
Everyone's dreams and plans come true,
Be drunk with happiness, our young ladies!
And may for you, beautiful, affectionate, desired,
This day of spring will be the threshold of a fairy tale! I look at the calendar in the morning,
He's blushing, what's wrong?!
So it's already March, not February,
And the number eight...
A! It's time to congratulate women!
Well, dear ones, Hurray for everyone! Today is a girls' holiday,
We need to give them gifts:
Flowers for some, earrings for others,
For someone a fur coat and boots.
This one is a prince, and this one is a macho,
And a house outside the city to boot.
So that I could do everything I wanted,
And so that my head doesn't hurt.
So that every year you get younger.
And silkier skin.
To be understood and loved,
And they always carried it in their arms.
There is always spring in my soul, and so that
March 8th all year round!
On the eighth of March I wish you
Nice car in the garage
I respect you very much, friend.
I only want to drive a Porsche.
So that there are green bills in your wallet
They rustled pleasantly every moment,
To Seryozha, Sasha, Kolya, Yura
We immediately fell in love with your beautiful face!
I wish you a wonderful day
To be carried in their arms.
To iron, wash, clean,
And all this every day, just like that.
A woman's happiness is sometimes so unreliable,
But may you be very lucky
So that March 8th in your life
It was just celebrated all year round.
There are girls in Russian villages
They are affectionately called bunnies
They love green cabbage,
They save it for their fur coats!
Bunnies and kitties today
We are not too lazy to congratulate you,
We will fulfill your every whim
On a beautiful and feminine day!
High heels, bright lipstick,
A languid, languid look,
Chanel top and Prado bag,
There is a long line of cavaliers.
You flutter like a butterfly,
Smiling to everyone around.
On holiday you outshine again
The beauty of all my friends!
Into the world with a confident gait,
You walk proud!
And you don't care
International days!
I wish that March 8
Everything was very good:
To have a table, food, gifts,
So that my husband comes home sober.
And so that I prepare everything myself,
And finally took out the trash
I bought a bouquet and arranged everything,
And he was great in bed!
So as not to watch football stubbornly
And I didn’t ask for any more beer,
To run the household, rule the house
And he carried you in his arms! Happy Women's Day,
So that everything in life goes the way,
So that relatives do not get sick,
So that everyone wants you!
Let your life be sweet
So that everything goes smoothly in business,
Happiness, joy and luck,
Congratulations on March 8!
On this day for all men
There are a hundred reasons for excitement.
Is it the right type of perfume given?
Is the tea well brewed?
How long do soups take to cook?
How much cereal to put in porridge?
How should dishes be washed?
What else can be useful?
Even children know this:
There is a beautiful day in the world,
Red - according to the calendar,
I'm giving it to you!
On this day - March 8 -
You accept my gifts:
Round dance of spring dreams,
Lots of sun and flowers!
Be loved, be beautiful!
Like a dream, simple and clear,
And please your eyes with a smile
Many, many days in a row!
How little a woman needs to be happy:
The banknotes rustle pleasantly in the wallet,
About five men, sighing with passion,
And a scarlet sail, somewhere in the distance...
On a March day, when spring, playing,
Raises feelings above the clouds,
I wish this little thing for you,
And there is also mutual love for her!
I didn't have time to wash my face
I didn't have time to shave!
I didn’t really have time to get dressed!
Finish a bunch of different things!
I didn’t have time to buy a gift,
Arrive at the feast on time!
Accept for who I am,
I will drink, I will eat.
I'm really really sorry -
I... didn't buy a gift.
I was in such a hurry, I was flying so much,
What... didn't even have time to do that.
Let me just hug you
And kiss me from the bottom of my heart.
I would like to compare you with a lush rose -
But a rose is nothing compared to your beauty.
I would like to compare you to a tender mimosa,
But it seems like an empty idea.
On Women's Day, let the stars fall from the sky,
They will cover the roofs of houses with snowdrifts,
And I'm under the rubble of starry snow
I’m ready to sing songs to you all day!
I spent a week running to the shops:
Rocher, Lancome and Latoile.
Spent half a day on paintings,
He scratched his head at the crystal.
I looked at the manicure set
With the strange name “Solinger”,
I noticed the openwork handkerchief...
Not that... Not that... Not that at all!
Then I thought about tights
And, not deciding on them either,
I bought her three bottles of vodka!
Let there be a holiday for two!
Congratulations to you today,
With all our hearts we wish you:
Happy days and tender caresses,
And the sweet prince from a fairy tale,
A difficult victory in the struggle -
Let everything go to you!
The card lies differently -
It happens that you are unlucky.
And only on March 8th,
Any queen beats an ace.
And the kings are in a humble pose
They lie on the edge of the table.
March 8th - Queen trump card!
Whatever the color!
Funny congratulations on March 8 in short verses
Thank you for your kindness
For your friendship, devotion and even
For an extra non-working day in a year
Thank you, you are our sorceresses!
March 8! Ladies enjoy!
We give you kisses, festive fireworks!
Today rest, relax,
Dirty dishes can wait until tomorrow!
I secretly, so that no one knows,
I chose a gift for you.
Of course, my wife had to too.
But it’s more expensive for you!
Darling, hello, hello!
I'm incredibly lucky
That I got through, I got through
And that I met you.
March 8. Wait, I'm flying!
I want to love you all my life!
Happy spring day, not frosty,
Happy merry and mimosa day,
Happy cloudless and snowy day,
Happy excited and tender day,
Happy spacious and surprising day
Our glorious Women's Day!
Congratulations on the Eighth March,
I wish you to be healthy
Graceful and beautiful,
Smart, kind and obstinate.
So that the entire peasant regiment
Was always at your feet!
It is a holiday today!
Women's Day!
All the men are with flowers.
And I'm too lazy to get up from the couch.
And waste money.
The chicken burned in the oven
Milk is running around the kitchen.
With one awkward movement
Everything pours straight onto the floor.
The children went for a walk without asking,
They made tea for the dog.
Dearest in the world!
Congratulations!
Everything today is for beautiful ladies!
Flowers, trips to Amsterdam,
Love, gifts, congratulations,
And there are all the treats at the table!
We all tried our best
With love! Your men!
I wish you the eighth of March -
Live easily, like a butterfly fluttering.
Let the husband purr contentedly, like a cat,
And by summer your tummy will be flat!
For a woman to shine
Never lost heart
And lived so that without annoyance,
Need sex and chocolate.
And it’s like doping to her,
Need quality shopping.
Congratulations on March 8th!
I wish you all this!
Luxurious life and men's hugs,
Hot nights and champagne on ice,
Triumphs of bright, elegant dresses -
On the eighth of March and other days of the year!
Short congratulations on March 8th in verses with humor
Congratulations on Women's Day!
We wish you happiness and joy,
Beauty, goodness, success
And more laughter, laughter!
I wish you girls
Live beautifully and richly.
Let your husbands give you affection,
They love you like princesses from a fairy tale.
Sadness, sadness, burn with fire!
Happy Women's Day!
This day is wonderful
We will sing you songs!
And forget about diets,
Eat cakes, sweets,
You are always beauties,
We will like you! On March 8, dear friend,
I wish you a tub of grooms!
Let them sit in silence, quietly wait,
Then you can choose who you like best!
We were and remain wonderful
But our beauty is not in the curves of our bodies.
Let those who didn’t get us cry,
And everyone who didn’t want to join us will die out.
May the day of March 8 give
Lots of luck, lots of happiness.
More smiles, joy, excitement
And millions of scarlet roses.
I wish you health, a cheerful gait,
More gifts and fashionable clothes,
Eternal youth in a warm heart
And I wish you a cool guy to boot!
You are a cook, a designer, and a housewife,
Mom, woman, wife, sometimes lazy.
You deserve roses and applause
And today, on Women's Day, only compliments!
How the perky horseshoes knock!
How beautiful the eyes and lips are!
Angels and cute little devils,
I congratulate you all from the bottom of my heart! The roof slides to one side,
We are celebrating Women's Day.
And I'm any of the lovely ladies
Ready to lay the whole world at your feet!
Wife to husband:
- I’m not your Frog Princess, so I can go out of my way at night!
Aerodrome.
- Earth, earth! I'm on board 37, making an emergency landing! Clear the lane!!!
- And who ran from me to Ninka? The airport does not accept!
- Svetka - stop joking, I’m running out of fuel!
- I told you that you would jump with me - so jump!
You're in the well, friend, don't spit - it might come in handy.
Don’t insult other people’s wives, in case you marry them!
Children:
- I am a purple, ripe, garden plum!
- And I’m an apricot, I grew up in the south!
- And I’m a tomato! Together we are an orchard!
A girl runs in:
- There are no fruits, drink “my family” juice.
Director:
- Girl, how many times can I repeat this? “And I’m a feijoa, drink the juice “My Family.”
The girl runs in again:
- And I’m a fairy without x%, drink juice “my family”
Director:
- Girl, not without x%, but simply - feijoa!
Runs in again:
- And I’m just without x%, drink juice “my family.”
Let's do something crazy today!
- For example?
- Let’s download Valeria’s discography in torrent and start sharing!
Is your marriage proposal still valid?
-Yes Dear.
-I reject him again.
Why did the first squirrel fall?
- Because I fell asleep.
- Why did the second squirrel fall?
- Because I held on to the first one.
- Why did the third squirrel fall?
- Because I thought it was a game.
Dear, look how the birds have preened their feathers, so bright and beautiful!
- Come on, I’ll buy you a dress for March 8th!
By the way, yesterday I chewed love is and blew bubbles. I thought for a long time, “What’s wrong?” Then it dawned on me that when I was a child, the bubbles didn’t cling to the bristles.
My husband went on shift and took my photo with him... He says it’s muddy, rainy, cold there... And when he looks at my photo, the thought immediately pops into his head: “LORD! IT’S GOOD HERE!!” !"
A man hugs his car, kisses the hood and doors. He cries, well, he can’t, in short, he roars. Another man asks him:
-Are you selling something?
- Yes, no - my wife got the right!!!
You need to be able to lose. You should gradually accustom all your opponents to this thought.
When I'm with you, I don't want to think about work or career...
- The quarry will not dig itself out! Petrovich, don’t freak out! Try starting the excavator again!
Doctor, when I drink, I can’t finish!
- What's the problem - don't drink...
- And then I can’t start!
- So drink and drink until you sober up...
Mommy, Gleb said that I am a wonderful girl. Can I invite him to visit?
- No need. Let him continue to think like that.
Yesterday, an unknown person parked his yellow Zaporozhian car at the gates of Gazprom; the company has not experienced such disgrace since its founding...
I wonder how office plankton gradually grows into small crustaceans and then into business sharks?
- Just becoming a crustacean is a very important stage of evolution!
An angry woman rushes into the gynecologist and “runs over” from the doorway:
- Doctor, why did you write in the certificate: “Healthy”?! !
- What do you think I should have written? - the doctor is indignant.
- Well..., for example: “small” or “like everyone else”...
7 vertical: General trend in the global economy since 2008. Four letters.
- Ass.
- Hm. . . fits. . . Weird. . . And I thought “recession”.
You have no brains at all!
- I may not have brains, but I have libido!
- And what's that?
- That's what!
- Wow!
- And you thought!
- Actually, to hell with them, with their brains...
The grandmother realized that the compote had fermented when the grandfather approached her with the phrase: “Beauty, are you in a relationship?”
When I meet a girl, the first thing I look at is her boobs... her boobs... well, her life support systems.
Night... bed... on the eve... March 8th.
She:
- Honey, I can’t sleep... maybe we can make love?
He:
- Sleep! It is not customary to give gifts ahead of time!..
A desperate sex shop saleswoman, trying to improve her personal life, climbs into a rubber woman...
In the bus:
- Woman, take your elbows off my shoulders!
- These are not elbows, these are chests.
- Then leave it.
I heard you sometimes have sex without a condom?
- Well, yes, it happens...
- How do you get rid of the sperm that gets into you?
- Oh, it's a piece of cake!
There is no more paradoxical phrase than “I gave him my best years!”
On the one hand, the lady laments the years spent married to “this goat,” and on the other hand, she admits that these were the best years of her life.
Teacher:
- Children, make up a sentence with two words “wonderful”.
Masha:
- Yesterday dad bought mom a beautiful dress in which she looked great.
Vovochka:
- Yesterday at the table my sister announced that she was pregnant, and dad said
"Wonderful, f%%%b, simply Wonderful!"
In the spring, a children's drawing competition on asphalt was canceled, not because there was no chalk, but because there was no asphalt.
I'm looking for friends with similar interests. I’m not particularly interested in anything, but I like to drink to get to know each other.
Girls, it’s better to go see a man in the spring: the body is weakened, but the hormone is playing.
A traffic cop brakes the car:
-Have you seen the “40” sign?
- Saw!
- So why did you fly 100 bucks faster?
If a person had a tail, then the Kama Sutra would be twice as thick.
Grandma on the minibus:
- Son, you’ll stop near the market!
- There is no bazaar, grandma.
- Why not? Yesterday there was...
I came to the kitchen and forgot why. While I was remembering, I opened the refrigerator, ate a piece of sausage, then some cheese, then more sausages, then some candy, and washed it all down with juice. Then I remembered that I was on a diet, and I remembered why I came! Water the flower!
There are still advantages to virtual sex. While you're fucking, you can go put the kettle on and eat a couple of pies.
Horoscopes are complete nonsense! And don’t even think about arguing with me, because it’s impossible to argue with Libra!
If there is unlimited Internet in hell, many will not even notice that they have already died.
Women's holiday March 8, as a rule, is celebrated several times: with colleagues and classmates, with relatives, with girlfriends and friends. And at any feast, especially if it takes place in close company, in addition to solemn congratulations, there is a place for jokes and anecdotes about the holiday, which will both amuse and give rise to discussion at the table.
Offered here table jokes and toasts for March 8, full of love and irony, kind and not so kind, lyrical and funny - choose those that are suitable for your company. This collection is collected from various sources (thanks to the authors) and everyone can find something of their own in it.
1. Comic alcoholic horoscope for ladies on March 8
And on horseback, in short, everything is ok!
And the pulse is faster, the sparkle in the gaze,
But it wouldn’t hurt to drink quickly.
And the stars for each lady are according to their sign,
In short, under which we were born,
They will give advice on what and how much to drip,
Madams don't get too drunk.
Aries
Depending on what time you start,
But cognac is still preferable,
Just pour a couple of drops into yourself,
The world will turn pink - like this!
And everyone will seem surrounded by men
Pretty cute for you
And if the drink brought doubts into the soul,
Add beer, Aries - just right!
Taurus
Taurus should not be charming
For libations stronger than wine,
Of course, if it's trash, then it'll suit you,
Vodka and tequila - it's all the same.
As a last resort, you can Madeira,
A couple of glasses is enough
And you leave the rest to the gentlemen,
And everyone will understand that the truth is in wine!
Twins
Cutie Geminis will become happier,
If they allow themselves at the table,
Champagne, they won’t get tired until nightfall,
And they will have fun, and moreover,
Shampoo will add charm to you,
And it will add a little charm to Gemini,
But only in the morning - there will be a cry of despair,
Do you agree? Well, then we drink to the ladies.
Square bottles of Amaretto,
For Cancers, it will be cute for the eyes,
And to conquer men at the same time,
Stick out your little finger then.
And drink, Cancers, one sip at a time, knowing
That liquor quickly knocks you off your feet,
Don't lose the thread of the conversation,
Have a snack, in general, the stars know.
For Lionesses, of course, tequila,
She will allow you to be sweet,
And white teeth, plunging into the lemon,
Don't forget to shoot with your eyes.
And the whole world will submit to the Lionesses,
Tequila will allow you to turn around,
And ask him to buy kefir
Someone for you to move in the morning.
Virgo
Lagrima white port - now for Virgos
Ideal for drinking
Olives, meat for a snack, and you, boldly,
You will charm everyone instantly, high
Virgos will have self-esteem right there,
But you don't need to turn your nose up too much,
Port wine is port wine, but control is still needed.
And it is undesirable to drink cognac.
Scales
Libra for feelings of fullness,
Nowadays you can indulge in gin,
Not by the fact that it will fulfill all your dreams,
And alcoholic, with tonic.
You won’t feel anxious, don’t be afraid,
Just stock up on more snacks
And that’s it, calm down, relax on the 8th,
Have fun, in general, hang out.
Scorpion
And Scorpios will prefer beer,
Of course, not the Baltic Nine,
And Guinness, for example, or Ale will be brought in,
Give you some mystery and it will become sweet
Today is life for gentle Scorpios,
And your laughter will become mischievous after beer,
Eat your fish casually,
A complex problem will turn out to be simple.
Sagittarius
Chablis Grand Cru - great for Sagittarius
A little expensive, but...
Any man is ready for this,
Anything will happen, nothing
He won’t feel sorry for Sagittarius,
Drop a little bit into his glass,
And after dinner, good luck on your plate,
Everything will be great for you, in general, let's go!
Capricorn
And Capricorns will stop now,
Beat yourself up and cry about fate,
And so that your determination does not become less,
You order some vodka for yourself.
Yes, mix well with the juice,
Tomato or orange will do,
Fry the meat and don’t skimp on the mustard,
If you like it - the horoscope doesn’t lie!
Aquarius
Marsala is suitable for Aquarius,
One bottle is enough
Well, if you think it's not enough,
Let me try some vodka already,
But just give me a sandwich with sausage.
And if you are not afraid for your gait,
Then drink boldly, Aquarians, here you go!
Fish
Strike or Jaguar, Pisces should avoid
Beer, for starters,
But don't drink vodka.
The best option would be
Cahors, a couple of bottles for you,
Chocolate, meat on a platter,
Give the Fishes a hard time!
(Source: novyy-god.ru)
2. Toast - monologue for March 8 "Let's be women!"
Recently an interesting thought occurred to me: what if men had the same psyche as women? On the one hand, they would be morally stronger than they are now, perhaps even the number of men drinking would be reduced. On the other hand... Will we be ready to endure their whims? “I want it,” the men would constantly whine and burst into tears for a new fur coat. Although no, for the sake of a new fishing rod, for example. They would freeze at store windows and, turning to you, bat their eyelashes and, smiling, say: “Honey, I have always dreamed of such a ring (a suit, a shirt, a boat, finally). Are you going to give this to me?” And there would be nothing left to do but buy this thing. Men would make eyes and wait for that pretty blonde to come up. They would flinch and cuddle up to women while watching a horror movie together - and this is with male dimensions! Just imagine how they would drive a car! It’s good if you don’t close your eyes in front of oncoming traffic. We would have fun, to be sure! In the meantime, men don’t have the female psyche, let’s get “stuck” in front of stores, crying because you’ve had a fur coat for two years now. Be afraid of everything you can. Let's be women!
3. Table joke "To lovely women..."
Wishes for lovely ladies today,
A flurry of compliments, an ocean of attention,
Clear smiles, boundless love,
Different gifts, different gifts
Various gifts, tender words.
Songs and bouquets for ladies today
Chains, rings, sweets, cosmetics...
Men run around and smile
And dear women, and dear women,
And nice women like him for it.
Men are all so attentive on our holiday,
Prudent and obligatory
And everyone is so polite and tries so hard!
And dear women, and dear women,
And nice women like it all.
Spring has come and the sun is shining brightly,
And the most wonderful time of the year.
Everyone is smiling, everyone is in the mood
And dear women, and dear women,
And congratulations are sent to lovely women.
Oh, if only a miracle of miracles happened
And this happiness was repeated tomorrow!
May it remain like this forever:
Men run, men run,
Men run to please us.
4. .
One day the February Cat was cooking compote in the kitchen,
When suddenly the unshaven but affectionate March Cat showed up.
He brought a bottle of valerian and a piece of fresh mouse
The Cat melted when she heard his inviting voice.
She warmed up the newcomer, poured milk for the “stopar”,
And throwing off her striped robe, she gave away all her girlish passion.
This unexpected caress made our cat slightly stunned,
He rolled his gray eyes, straightened his mustache and began to sing.
And the Cat? Having powdered her nose a little, she briskly left the bed,
She sat down with the “cat” on the roof and began to sing along with him.
A bouquet of edible aromas has already reached from the kitchens,
But for a long time the spring cat duet was heard.
Since then, on this day, dear ladies of all shades and stripes
Men bring gifts all over our planet, all over.
Why is this verse incompetent? Any idiot can guess
That the best gift for the Holiday is the March Cat.
(Source: forum.ffclub.ru)
5. “How does a wife keep her husband?"
GERMAN - food;
ENGLISH - by upbringing;
CZECH - by power;
SPANISH - passion;
KUBINKA - dancing;
POLKA - affection;
CHINESE WOMAN - flattery;
MEXICAN - revenge;
ITALIAN - singing;
GRUSINKA - patience;
GREEK - beauty;
ARMENIAN - fullness;
FRENCH WOMAN - body;
AMERICAN - by deed;
RUSSIAN - love!
For RUSSIAN women!
6.
"Let there be a holiday for two!"
Waking up in the morning after drinking,
He glanced at the calendar:
It's time to think about gifts
Look - February will end
Coming up with ideas is not a matter of moment...
Why not buy, say, a cake?
Or maybe looking for a present
Should I go to Yuvelirtorg first?
Diamonds sparkle
A golden chain flows...
Diamonds? For my infection?
Eighth of March? Holy shit...
Or maybe some kind of handbag...
That one with the De&Ge emblem...
How much...? HOW MANY??? Am I freaking out???
Well, the prices... wow.
I spent a week running to the shops
Rocher, Lancome and L'Etoile,
Spent half a day on paintings,
Scratching the back of my head at the crystal
I looked at the manicure set
With a strange name "Solingen"
I noticed the openwork handkerchief
Not that... not that... not that at all.
Then I thought about tights
And not deciding on them either
I bought it for her
FIVE BOTTLES OF VODKA!
Let there be a holiday for two!!!
(Source: anekdotikov.net)
7. "Goddesses are bitches"
God gave us beauty... and the devil - intelligence... We don’t need to be carried in our arms... we will sit on your neck... and you don’t need to kiss the ground on which we walked... and if you really want it, then stand in line... With us no delusions of grandeur...great people don’t suffer from this...We are not selfish...we just didn’t care about the opinions of others...We don’t need compliments...we already know about our perfection...We never argue.. .,because we are always right anyway...We are not vindictive...we are just bitches and we have a good memory...We are not aggressive...just cute fluffy cats sharpening their nails...We are not jealous...because there is no one to be jealous of... After all, we are goddesses or just... girls!
(Source: arbuziki-tut.ru)
8. “What a woman really needs...”
What a Woman Really Needs
We more or less seem to know!
And everything that you would like to wish for yourself -
This is exactly what we wish for you!
Good luck in job! The weather is pleasant!
Love - pure, tender and repeated!
Children of different sexes! The coat fits your figure!
Neighbors in the compartment - they don’t drink or smoke!
Silky hair! Snow-white teeth!
Husbands - wealthy! Sponsors - gentle!
Lovers - smart! Spouses are in law!
Mothers-in-law - living in another region!
Submissive daughters-in-law! Dishes - washed!
Husbands who don't snore and are shaved at night!
Colleagues - not fixated only on women!
Enemies - weak! Enemies - very weak!
Lunch to bed! Impressions - polar!
And... these... well... in general, that... regular ones!
Stocking - no puffs! Not a day without a new thing!
Husbands are on a very long business trip!
Love - burning, like in the series!
Five series - on each channel!
Romanov - resort! The impulses are crazy!
Neighbors both below and above - silent!
A trip - not to the garden, but to the sea!
The pie is delicious, but without the calories!
The cars are foreign, but the steering wheel is on the left!
Perfume - from Dior! Flowers - daily!
Intentions - different, but better than serious ones!
Housing - five-room and five-star!
A well-deserved vacation - on the beaches and waves!
Trolleybuses - on time and incomplete!
Tickets on buses - only happy ones!
Friends - not boring ones! Friends - not jealous!
Husbands - wealthy! (As the saying goes,
If you really want it, it’s not a sin to repeat yourself!)
Love - so that it ignites like gunpowder!
(When it's important, don't mind repetitions)
Washing machines, vacuum cleaners, combines -
Both functional and stylish designs.
Passions - exhausting! Difficulties - brief!
Diamonds - no less than 40 carats!
Plumbers - imported! Childbirth - without pain!
No problems! Chiffoniers - without moths!
And... it seems... we forgot something else...
Oh ok! Love!!!
And sideboards - without dust!!!
And the dream of becoming a great artist will come true!!!
And Women's Day - at least 300 times a year!!!
Of course, dear.
Will I like him? - If you don’t like it, return it to me, I’ve long dreamed of such a fishing rod.
I finally got the suede coat I've been dreaming about for a long time!
Did your husband give it to you on March 8th?
No, I shaved my mink coat!
It seems that everything has worked out: I got a job, bought a car and an apartment, I got money for my mistress, and bam... and you’re 80 years old!
March 8. The husband sits in a chair in front of the TV, reading the newspaper, while his wife scrubs the dishes. Suddenly it dawned on him that today was March 8th, and he still hadn’t prepared a gift.
Husband (without looking up from reading):
Leave the dishes, dear, today is the eighth, you will wash them tomorrow.
Somehow a man decided to make a real holiday for his beloved on March 8th. Woke up early, cooked breakfast, sent my partner out for a walk, washed the dishes, cleaned up, started laundry, started a grand holiday dinner, finished the laundry, met my beloved, set the table, washed the dishes, ironed, cooked, fed, washed, washed, put to bed, fell on the bed, huddled against the wall and thinks:
Will it really start to climb? Really, Lord?
The husband turns to his wife.
You don't have a shred of conscience. If you make lovers, at least clean up after them, don’t leave traces. Whose tie is this? - Darling, have you forgotten? This is my gift for February 23rd! You better tell me whose lipstick is lying on the floor? huh? - Honey, have you forgotten? This is my gift to you for March 8th!
Oh, what a wonderful dream I had! It’s as if you gave me a diamond necklace on March 8th! What would that mean?
Husband kissing her:
Wait, you'll find out tonight! In the evening, the wife came home from work early, set the table, put the bottle, lit the candles... The husband comes and hands her a beautiful box tied with a bow. She opens it and sees the book “Interpreter of Dreams”.
Economic miracle!!! The Uryupinsk cannery was revived thanks to a brilliant idea - the production of “lip seaming machines” for the holiday of MARCH 8.
The men are sitting in the sauna, in the relaxation room, and they have spilled vodka. Just as they were about to say a toast and clink glasses, the cell phone rang. One of them answers the call:
Yes, honey... what? Did you like the diamond ring? For one and a half thousand? Dollars? Just? Well, of course, take it, dear...
They were about to clink glasses again when the phone rang again. The same guy replies:
What, honey? Did you like the fur coat? From mink? For 20 thousand dollars? Just? Do you like it? Well, of course, take it, dear!...
Again they were about to clink glasses, and again the mobile phone rang... Again the same man answers:
Yes, dear... Mercedes? Six hundredth? Match the color of the stone in the ring? Just 100 thousand dollars? Well, of course, take it, dear!
After hanging up the phone, he addresses his comrades around him:
Guys, take this phone somewhere! I forgot some idiot, and I’ll take the rap for him!
On the eve of International Women's Day, I decided to write you this letter. I hope that you will treat him with understanding. I love you very much, but some things make our life together somewhat extraordinary, and sometimes I really want it to become more traditional and calm. So:
1. I know how much you love your dog. I know that he is the smartest and kindest creature on the planet (after you, of course). I know that it was you who taught him to howl when I hum and even find it funny. But, honey, please lock the dog in another room when we make love. Because every time “during” he runs around the bed, I get the impression that he is waiting for his turn….
2. I know that you cannot live without a computer. I understand what all these “shooters”, “bombs” and “washers” mean to you, but please make sure that I no longer wake up at night screaming: “Bitches! They’re bombing!” because I hope that when you said that you wanted me to become blonde, you didn’t mean gray hair...
3. Finally, explain to your mother (who for some reason has the keys to my apartment) and who mysteriously appears at our house every time I’m not there, that the trash that she is taking out into the street for the second time, and which I miraculously The second time I save it is a Japanese vase from the reign of Emperor Sujin, donated by Japanese partners, the cost of which exceeds the cost of all the rubbish in my mother’s apartment (along with my mother).
4. I understand that you are very conservative when it comes to socks and are very suspicious about changing them, citing the fact that “I only wore them for a week!” But be so kind as to at least place them in the bathroom, and not by the bed, because... every night I have the same nightmare - the Germans and the gas chamber...
5. Friends are everything to a man. But when in the evening, when I’m sleeping, and you’re drinking beer in our kitchen, you don’t need to tell them out loud and in all the details “what position we recently tried” (by the way, so does the dog). And one more thing... From the excursion after the tenth bottle of beer: “Bath. Toilet. My computer. My wife – she’s sleeping now” - please exclude the last exposition, because... its central exhibit is not embalmed and is almost certainly not particularly interesting to your friends (even after your stories, I am still far from Lenin).
That's probably all. With love. Your Snake.
This scenario is suitable for men who want to congratulate their female colleagues on March 8 beautifully and with humor. The holiday scenario is simple to implement, but requires a little preliminary preparation. Exciting competitions, creative ideas, funny jokes - all this is in the presented script.
Decoration: We decorate the room festively. Beautiful tablecloths, bouquets of fresh flowers on the tables, and posters on the walls with holiday greetings would be appropriate.
Holiday paraphernalia:
- Quiz chips(you can use any objects as chips: beautiful buttons, paper flowers, circles cut out of colored cardboard);
- Medals “The smartest of the smartest”, “The most intelligent”, “Woman of mystery”, “The best dancer”, “Jack of all trades”, “The most caring”, “The most sensitive”, “The best housewife”;
- Whatman paper, to which children's photographs of the participants are attached;
- White sheets of paper for making airplanes;
- Real or paper flowers for the “Dance Floor Star” competition;
- Large posters depicting various characters for the “Who Am I?” competition;
- 20 round caramels and 5 handkerchiefs or napkins for the Princess and the Pea competition.
Progress of the event
2 presenters (men) appear in the hall and tell the parable “God created woman.”
Presenter 1: Dear women, you are the best among us. And when you walk along the corridor (office), busy with everyday affairs, you just want to exclaim: “Oh, what a woman!”
Presenter 2: Today we have gathered in this hall to congratulate our lovely ladies on an amazing spring holiday, and to give a wonderful mood this evening.
Presenter 1: Every woman on March 8 wants something unusual, interesting, and we guarantee that everything will be exactly like that today, but first we suggest filling your glasses and drinking to our most charming and attractive colleagues, to our lovely ladies (you can make any toast in a poetic uniform dedicated to Women's Day)!
Presenter 2: And now the floor is given to a man who can do almost everything (the toast is given by the director, deputy department, enterprise).
Presenter 1: Dear women, now the most courteous man on our team, who can charm any woman with his smile, will congratulate you (in this style, all men of the team who want to congratulate their female colleagues on March 8 are given the floor).
Competition program
Quiz “Testing erudition”
The presenters conduct a quiz consisting of 8 questions. For a correct answer, participants receive 1 chip. The one who collects the most chips wins.
Quiz questions:
- Name the films the name of which contains the word woman.
- Sing a line from a song which mentions a woman's name.
- List the wines named after women.
- Name the plants which are reminiscent of women's names.
- What is a girl's name? mentioned in the nursery rhyme about the ball?
- Name the films which have female names in their titles.
- What grape varieties named after women?
- What kind of chocolate named after a woman?
- Name the only lady among the zodiac signs.
The hosts count the chips and determine the winner of the quiz. She is awarded the “Smartest of the Smartest” medal (if the team is large, then you can award medals for the first three places).
Musical surprise from men: male colleagues prepare a musical number based on their abilities - you can sing, dance, play the guitar).
“Send an Email” Contest
The presenters suggest finding out which of the participants can work with both their hands and their heads. At the presenter’s signal, you need to make an airplane (file) out of paper and send it by e-mail (throw it into a box standing at a distance of 4 m from the participant. The winner is awarded the “Jack of All Trades” medal. In a large team, medals can be awarded to all participants who threw airplane in a box.
Competition “Find out from the photo”
The competition includes children's photographs of the female half of the team. All participants of the holiday bring their children's photographs in advance and carefully attach them to a large Whatman paper. Men are invited to carefully look at the photographs and determine who is depicted in them. The winner is the participant who was most difficult to recognize in the photo. She is awarded the Woman of Mystery medal.
Competition "Star of the Dance Floor"
Women are invited to stand in a circle and show off their dancing skills. For this competition, you need to make a selection of dance music of different styles in advance. Male colleagues act as the jury. They carefully watch the dancers and give a flower to the one who, in their opinion, dances the best (you can give both real flowers and flowers made of paper). The winner is the participant who collects the most flowers. She is awarded the “Best Dancer” medal.
Competition "Who am I?"
To hold the competition, large posters with some characters drawn on them are prepared in advance. These can be cartoon characters, fairy tales, famous actors, singers, animals. A circle is cut out in the middle of the sheet so large that the player’s face fits into it. You can use two men or wooden stands as poster holders. The participant is blindfolded, the poster is turned to the side with the pattern facing the audience, then the eyes are untied and the player is asked to insert his face into the cut hole.
Task for the player: Using clarifying questions, find out what is drawn on the poster. Viewers are only allowed to answer questions with “yes” or “no,” “you can say that.” To make the task simpler, you can immediately suggest which category the character you want to solve belongs to (for example, it is a bird, a pet, a plant).
Examples of wording questions:
- Am I a cartoon character?
- Am I he/she?
- I am fat?
- I'm tall?
- I am old?
- I'm small?
- I am a girl?
- Do I have a friend Mishka?
- Do I have a pink sundress?
- Am I Masha from the cartoon "Masha and the Bear?"
The one who completed the task best and fastest wins. The winner is awarded the “Most Smart” medal.
Competition "Princess and the Pea"
5 chairs are placed in the middle of the hall. Several round candies (from 1 to 5) are placed on each of them and covered with thin napkins or handkerchiefs. These manipulations must be done so that the guests of the event do not see how many candies are on each of the chairs.
5 women are invited to participate in the competition (it is advisable to take those who do not have medals). Assignment for participants: sit on a chair and use your soft spot to determine how many “peas” are hidden under the napkin. Those who complete the task receive “Most Sensitive” medals.
Competition "Caring Wife"
Men and women participate in the competition. They are distributed in pairs. A belt, tie, shirt, jacket, glass, and water bottle are laid out on a chair next to each man. Women's challenge – “get your husband ready for work”: put all the items on him, fill a glass with water, give the man a drink and kiss him on the cheek. Whoever completes the task faster will win. The winner is awarded the “Most Caring” medal.
Dance break.
Competition "Little Tricks"
All women present take part in the competition. They need to answer questions. For each correct answer, the presenters award 1 chip.
Questions:
- What is the name of the magpie-crow's signature dish (porridge)?
- What is one word for fruit kefir (yogurt)?
- A dish that can be prepared using chicken and cow (omelet)?
- A bird that ended up in soup for its thoughts (turkey)?
- An apricot that has been on a dry diet (dried apricots) for a long time?
- How to peel an onion without crying (hold the knife and onion in cold water)?
- What needs to be done to make over-salted soup tasty (add peeled raw potatoes to it)?
- What should be added to the water so that the egg does not burst during cooking (salt)?
- How to quickly boil potatoes (after the water boils, add a piece of butter to the pan)?
- What needs to be done to ensure that beets retain their color during cooking (add a little vinegar to the water in which they are cooked)?
- What can I do to make egg whites whip faster (use chilled eggs with a pinch of salt)?
- How do you know if the cake or pie you are baking is ready (pierce it with a wooden skewer or match: if the dough sticks, it means it’s not ready yet)?
The participant who receives the most chips is awarded the “Best Hostess” medal. It is also necessary to provide for the option when several participants scored the same number of points. In this case, you should have a few additional questions in stock to determine one winner, or to make several additional medals.
