How to support a man when he feels bad? How to support your beloved man? Women's support How you can support a man during a difficult period.

A woman who truly loves her chosen one should contribute to his success in life whenever possible. And this requires sensitivity, coupled with a focus on results. I present to your attention a few recommendations: what to do and what not to do to help your husband achieve success.

Yes!

1. A loving wife who cares about the success of her husband should tactfully and unobtrusively help him increase his self-esteem and self-confidence. Of course, boundless praise is as unhelpful as aggressive humiliation. It is necessary to find a balance: maintaining his self-confidence, tactfully remind the man that luck rarely comes by itself - most often it is the result of accumulated knowledge, experience and determination. It also wouldn’t hurt to tactfully, casually remind you that “real men” usually don’t give in to difficulties.

2. Do not neglect the everyday component: for a man to be active, cheerful and successful, he needs to create comfortable conditions. Rational, high-quality nutrition, order in the house, timely rest - these “little things” can become not only support, but also an inspiring factor. After all, it is much easier to go on a feat, knowing that warmth and comfort awaits you at home.

3. It is very advisable to involve your man in a healthy lifestyle, to help fight bad habits (even such seemingly “harmless” ones as smoking or an addiction to coffee). Try to involve him in morning exercises, and even better, instill an interest in morning jogging and evening walks in the fresh air, and perhaps in visiting the pool or gym.

4. If possible, help your chosen one expand their knowledge. There is no success without learning, and in today's fast-paced world, adequate, useful information is of great value. Don't overdo it: no one likes people who teach others how to live. Instead of a lecture, share with your man a book on a topic that interests him or provide a link to a useful article. If he wants, he will read it.

5. A smart life partner will help her partner in every way to tune in to luck, victory and success. Perhaps this is the most important task: constantly, but unobtrusively reminding your life partner that unlucky people simply do not exist - it is we ourselves who attract failure and create luck.

No!

1. A smart woman will not stop her partner from being himself. Don't make it fit the image you like or think is ideal. A man must develop qualities that contribute to the realization of his main interests - this is his path, have respect and support his individuality.

2. You should not rush a man, wanting to see the end result as soon as possible. The secret of success is in the sequence of actions: you need to go from step to step, not running ahead, but not falling behind. Remember: hysteria on the topic “everyone already has it, but we have a full paragraph” can lead a person astray from the intended path.

3. Dictatorial methods almost always generate rejection in a man. Therefore, your task is, first of all, to eradicate the tyrant and despot from yourself and become the person you want to see yourself: caring and loving. Only with love, tactfully and carefully can you help a man determine his goals in life and find the roads that lead to their achievement.

4. A perspicacious and far-sighted woman will not suppress the creative impulses of her husband: let it seem to you that organizing hot air balloon flights over the Moscow Ring Road in winter is not the best business plan. But it’s still not worthwhile to sharply “cut from the shoulder” and criticize a man. Search is one of the stages of realizing success, and everyone has the right to it.

5. Don’t start a family tradition of crying into each other’s vests. Sympathy is a feeling that does not have to be expressed in words. Easily, almost jokingly, stop a man’s attempts to whine and lament that “everything is bad” and “there is no chance”! Such conversations switch the brain to justifying its own failures, which can gradually become the norm. Failure is a temporary phenomenon that will soon pass, so is it worth wasting energy on whining?

Men only in appearance seem strong and capable of any feat. But there are situations when you cannot cope without proper support from the weaker sex. When everything around begins to collapse, troubles arise at work, health fails, or any other difficulties appear, then anyone, even the most persistent person, can give up. At this moment, a wise woman should be nearby who can find the right words and support the man.

Mutual help

Any relationship should be based not only on love and trust, but also on mutual assistance, not so much physical as moral. A woman is a reliable backbone that you can rely on in any situation. In order for the fairer sex to provide the necessary support, they must be prepared for anything.

This article will talk about how to support a man in a difficult situation, what words to choose, and what a woman should do.

Basic rules of behavior for a woman to support a man

When a beloved husband or boyfriend came home upset, with a thoughtful look, and refused the offer to eat, although he always ate with appetite upon returning from work, and at the same time wants to be left alone, then the conclusion follows that something happened to him, knocked him out of the usual rhythm of life. In this situation, it is important to choose the woman’s behavior very correctly, regardless of what problems the couple is faced with.

Of course, all men have different characters, and each will have to find their own approach. But there are basic methods for everyone:

How to support a man in a difficult situation? You need to listen to him, create a favorable environment for relaxation, give him a feeling of inner peace and a positive attitude towards the future. Under such conditions, a person will gain some self-confidence, will be able to cope with his thoughts and find a solution to the problem. A woman cannot always tell you a way out of an unpleasant situation, but she can point you in the right direction.

Problems at a distance

It’s easy to understand that a man feels bad when he’s nearby, but how can you support a man from a distance? If a lover leaves for another city or country, and troubles arise there, then it becomes difficult not only for him, but also for his other half. Of course, a woman begins to feel sad that she is far away, but showing this to a man is strictly forbidden. Otherwise, it will become much harder for him, because it is his fault that a loved one suffers.

How to help if your loved one is far away?

Far from your loved one, you can find words of support that will help him. Therefore, it is important to know what and how to say.

1. When receiving unpleasant news, it is very important not to fall into a state of panic, otherwise how to support a man in a difficult situation if a woman cannot even cope with personal emotions. When talking on the phone, the main thing is to let the interlocutor speak out, then, while maintaining your own calm, answer. If a man hears sadness or fear in his partner’s voice, this will only add to his worries. But a calm dialogue will help you tune in to finding a solution to the problem.
2. During video communication, a woman should hold back her tears and not show even the slightest upset with her entire appearance. And if you can only talk to your boyfriend or husband through messages or letters, then it is important to think through every word, fortunately there is time for this, unlike a direct conversation on the phone or Skype.
3. From the outside you can always look at the problem differently. Therefore, after receiving information about it, you should voice it in your own words and show understanding. You can cite several positive aspects of this situation and suggest possible ways to solve it.
4. Men do not always want to share their troubles with their significant other, so as not to upset her, or they believe that they can cope without anyone’s help. Knowing this character trait of your husband, you don’t need to question him, but it’s better to tell the positive moments that happened to the woman, or just talk about something else without touching on the problem. In this case, the man will relax, be distracted and be able to think calmly.

If you are thinking about how to support a man from a distance, then know that the best solution here is to distract him from negative thoughts, from immersing himself in himself. He needs to be helped to relax, to be made to understand that everything is not as bad as he thinks.

Low testosterone and self-esteem. What is the relationship between them?

How to morally support a man when he feels bad? A person can feel bad not only when his health fails, but also when his self-esteem decreases. How to support a man in this case? Help you regain your former self-confidence.

Men are designed in such a way that when self-esteem decreases, the concentration of a very important hormone - testosterone - drops along with it. It helps to increase the strength of guys and attraction to the opposite sex.

When the level of the hormone decreases, discord in relationships can occur, which leads to infidelity on the part of the man and to divorce of the spouses. In such a situation, the husband begins to think that the family is burdening him, and he is no longer able to support it, and the best way out is to remain alone. To prevent this from happening, there must be a clear understanding in his head that they are waiting for him at home and will accept him for who he is.

The second situation that a drop in testosterone leads to is the search for a mistress to raise its level. At the same time, there is an opinion that the wife is not capable of doing this.

As soon as a woman notices that her loved one has fallen into a state of depression, then she should immediately begin to increase his self-esteem, no matter for what reasons he became sad.

Raising a man's self-esteem. How to do it right?

How to support a man and raise his self-esteem? Everything is very simple:

1. It's not just women who love compliments. For the male half of humanity, they are also very pleasant and important - it’s worth saying them more often.
2. Nothing increases self-esteem more than success in business, which a woman notices. Therefore, you need to praise as often as possible, even for small things.
3. If a man thinks that he is not capable of anything, and the family can cope without him, then the best option is to show his indispensability. To do this, you will have to artificially create situations in which the help of strong hands will be required. For example, you can screw the lid on a jar of cucumbers as tightly as possible and ask your husband to open it, citing the fact that no one else in the family can do this.

To raise self-esteem and vitality, a man will have to make an effort. But this is important not only for him, but also for the woman. Because in a depressed state, her husband will stop paying attention and helping her.

A crisis

It happens that a man is fired from his job, he loses his source of income, and a difficult time comes in his life. Therefore, it is important for a woman to know how to support a man in a crisis. Having lost his place, he may not only become depressed, but also begin to abuse alcohol.

Therefore, a woman needs:

1. Listen to the man, find out about the reasons for his dismissal, his future plans.
2. Start searching for suitable vacancies together.
3. Don’t put moral pressure on a man, don’t humiliate him, don’t compare him with other people’s husbands, don’t nag him, but kindly and calmly support him, offer solutions.
4. Talk to your husband's friends so that they can also support him.
5. Don't build relationships on finances, you need to base them on love and support.
6. If possible, a woman can find temporary additional income for herself.

Women's mistakes

When a woman begins to think about how to support a man, she can very often make the following mistakes:

1. There is no need to show pity; it is better to replace it with affection and care. A man must understand that he is strong and able to cope with any adversity on his own. And if you start to regret, your self-esteem will certainly fall. But if a woman becomes more affectionate, gives a massage, strokes the back, etc., then this will play the opposite role.
2. You cannot joke or speak sarcastically. This may be interpreted incorrectly by emotions.
3. You cannot harbor anger and resentment for lack of mood. It is better to leave a man alone so that he can be alone with his thoughts.
4. If help is not asked for, then there is no need to impose it.

What should you say to support a man?

It is important not only to behave correctly, but also to be able to say the right things. How can you support a man with words? If you are looking for an answer to this question, then pay attention to the following phrases:

1. Dear or beloved, you are (any compliment follows).
2. I am very proud of you.
3. I didn't doubt you.
4. I believe in your strength.
5. I'm with you.
6. We can handle it.
7. You can rely on me.
8. I appreciate everything you do.

This is an approximate list of words that can be used to support a man. The main thing is to show confidence in him, care, that he can count on someone. Words of support are very important for a man; if you say them in time, then a difficult situation will no longer be so insurmountable.

A little conclusion

In order to support the strong half of humanity, a lot of work needs to be done. But if a woman loves, then she is capable of anything for the sake of her other half.

First, understand and accept one thing: even though you have known each other for a long time and you know the person inside out, now this does not mean at all that his behavior will meet your expectations. “There are certain general stages of experiencing grief. You can easily focus on them, remembering, of course, that each of us still needs an individual approach,” explains psychologist Marianna Volkova.

Our experts:

Anna Shishkovskaya
Psychologist at the Gestalt Center Nina Rubshtein

Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology

How to support someone if they are in shock

Stage No. 1: usually a person is completely shocked, confused and simply cannot believe the reality of what is happening.

What should I say. If you are really close friends, it is best for you to be close without relying on the phone, Skype or SMS. For some people, tactile contact and the ability to see their interlocutor in person are very important. “At this time, conversations and attempts to express condolences are not necessary,” Marianna Volkova is sure. - None. Therefore, if your friend asks you to stay close and refuses to communicate, do not try to get him to talk. Contrary to your expectations, things will not get easier for him. It’s worth talking about what happened only when your loved one is ready for it. In the meantime, you can hug, sit next to, hold hands, stroke the head, bring tea with lemon. All conversations are strictly on business or on abstract topics.”

What to do. The loss of a loved one, sudden terrible illnesses and other blows of fate require not only reflection, but also a lot of worries. Don’t think that providing this kind of help is easy. It requires a lot of emotional investment and is very exhausting. How to support a person in such a situation? First, ask how you can help. A lot depends on what condition your friend is in. You may have to take on organizational issues: calling, finding out, negotiating. Or give the unfortunate person a sedative. Or wait with him in the doctor’s waiting room. But, as a rule, it is enough to at least deal with everyday issues: clean up, wash the dishes, cook food.

How to support a person if he is acutely worried

Stage No. 2: accompanied by acute feelings, resentment, misunderstanding and even aggression.

What to do. It is clear that communication at this moment is difficult. But right now, a friend needs attention and support. Try to come more often, to be in touch if he is left alone. You can invite him to visit for a while. It is important to clearly understand whether you are mentally ready for this.

Words of condolences

“Most people, when expressing condolences, use common phrases that do not carry any meaning. Actually, this is a manifestation of politeness and nothing more. But when it comes to a loved one, something more than formality is needed. Of course, there is no template that fits every situation. But there are things that definitely shouldn’t be said,” says Marianna Volkova.

1. If you don’t know what to say, be silent. It’s better to hug one more time, show that you are nearby and ready to help at any moment.
2. Avoid expressions like “everything will be fine,” “everything will pass,” and “life goes on.” You seem to promise good things, but only in the future, not now. This kind of talk is annoying.
3. Try not to ask unnecessary questions. The only appropriate one in this situation is: “How can I help?” Everything else will wait.
4. Never utter words that could devalue the importance of what happened. “And some people can’t walk at all!” - this is not a consolation, but a mockery for a person who has lost, say, an arm.
5. If your goal is to provide moral support to a friend, first of all you yourself must be stoic. Sobbing, lamenting and talking about the injustice of life is unlikely to calm you down.

How to support someone if they are depressed

Stage No. 3: at this time the person becomes aware of what happened. Expect your friend to be depressed and depressed. But there is good news: he is beginning to understand that he needs to somehow move on.

What should I say. We are all different, so the best thing you can do is ask what exactly your loved one expects from you.

1. Some people need to talk about what happened.“There are people who, in a difficult situation, vitally need to speak out loud their emotions, fears and experiences. A friend doesn’t need condolences; your job is to listen. You can cry or laugh with him, but you shouldn’t give advice or put in your two cents in every possible way,” advises Marianna Volkova.
2. Some people need a distraction to cope with grief. You are required to talk about extraneous topics, to involve a person in resolving some issues. Invent urgent things that require full concentration and constant employment. Do everything so that your friend has no time to think about what he is trying to escape from.
3. There are people who, in difficult life situations, prefer loneliness - this makes it easier for them to cope with their emotions. If a friend tells you that they don't want any contact yet, the worst thing you can do is try to get under their skin with the best of intentions. Simply put, to forcefully “do good.” Leave the person alone, but be sure to make it clear that you are nearby and ready to provide all possible help at any time.

What to do.

1. In the first case, help of a domestic nature is often required, especially if your loved one is not one of those who easily negotiate, communicate and can easily choose the best of several proposed options.
2. You must help your friend move a little away from what happened. If you are connected by work issues, you can carry out distracting maneuvers in this direction. A good option is playing sports. The main thing is not to torture yourself and his grueling workouts, but choose what you like. You can go to the pool, court or yoga together. The goal is to try to have fun.
3. In the third case, you only need what is asked of you. Don't insist on anything. Invite them to “go out and unwind” (what if they agree?), but always leave the choice up to the person and don’t be intrusive.

How to support someone when they have already experienced grief

Stage No. 4: This is a period of adaptation. One might say – rehabilitation.

What should I say. It is at this time that a person re-establishes contacts, communication with others gradually takes on its usual form. Now a friend may need parties, travel and other attributes of life without mourning.

What to do. “If your friend is quite ready to communicate, you don’t need to try to somehow behave “correctly” in his company. You should not try to forcefully cheer up, shake and bring to your senses. At the same time, you cannot avoid direct glances or sit with a sour face. The more familiar you establish the atmosphere, the easier it will be for a person,” Marianna Volkova is sure.

Visit to a psychologist

No matter what stage a person is in, friends sometimes try to provide help that is not needed. For example, forcefully send you to a psychologist. Here you will have to be especially careful, because sometimes it is necessary, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary.

“Experiencing trouble, sadness is a natural process that, as a rule, does not need professional help,” says psychologist Anna Shishkovskaya. – There is even a term “grief work”, the healing effect of which is possible provided that a person allows himself to go through all stages. However, this is precisely what becomes a problem for many: allowing oneself to feel, to face experiences. If we try to “run away” from strong, unpleasant emotions, to ignore them, the “work of grief” is disrupted, and “stuck” may occur at any stage. That’s when the help of a psychologist is really needed.”

Cons of support

The tragedy they experience sometimes gives people a reason to manipulate others. We are, of course, not talking about the first, most difficult period. But you may be required to be present continuously for a long time. Your personal life, work, desires will not be taken into account. Let's say you invited a friend to stay with you for a while - a fairly common practice. But all the agreed upon dates have long passed, and the person continues to visit. You are silent, because it is impolite to talk about inconveniences, but the natural result will be a damaged relationship.

The financial issue is no less important. It happens that time passes, everything that was needed has been done, but the need for investment does not disappear. And you, by inertia, continue to give money, afraid to refuse. " I noticed that you are starting to sacrifice yourself and your interests, which means there is a reason to talk and clarify the situation,” recalls Anna Shishkovskaya. – Otherwise, the accumulated resentment and indignation will one day provoke a serious conflict with mutual claims. It would be good not to lead to a scandal, but to define the boundaries in time.”

Personal dramas are just one of those very troubles that friends find themselves in. And your behavior during this period will certainly affect your relationship in one way or another. Therefore, you should rush to help only if you sincerely want it.

Support the man you love morally. During periods of illness, he especially needs your understanding, care and sympathy. You must not only care for the patient and be interested in his well-being, but also show affection and tact. The more serious the situation, the more sensitivity your partner expects from you.

Be tactful. If your boyfriend is not ready to discuss his health status with you in detail, do not insist.

Avoid topics and situations that are sensitive to your loved one. When your man is ready to talk about his illness, listen carefully to him.

Show your partner that you still love and appreciate them. We must not allow him to begin to feel useless, inferior and useless to anyone. Show that you consider your boyfriend strong and courageous.

Be patient. A sick person may become moody and irritable. Get into the situation and be patient. Make allowances for the illness and do not judge your loved one harshly. You should not be offended by his words during attacks of illness.

During your partner's illness, you need to forget about yourself a little and focus more on him.

Remember that your man, due to his natural restraint, can withdraw into himself. If your loved one withdraws into himself, it will be quite difficult to support him. Don't demand that your boyfriend share with you, and don't impose your concern. To prevent a man from thinking that you feel sorry for him, present your wishes and recommendations in the form of advice, not lamentations.

Try to distract the man

Your man’s state of mind largely depends on your mood. When he's sick, it's especially important for you to project optimism. Be positive and make the young person believe in a speedy recovery. Dejection and sadness will not benefit the patient.

Try to find fun for your boyfriend. If the illness limits his physical activity, you can watch a comedy together or read an interesting book out loud to each other. Perhaps you will be able to push your loved one to find a new hobby that will distract him from gloomy thoughts.

Be natural. There is no need to pretend that everything is fine and constantly joke with the patient. You shouldn’t turn a blind eye to your man’s illness, but you shouldn’t be dramatic either. Don't hush up the problems that exist.

Create the most comfortable conditions for your boyfriend. This applies to both life and atmosphere. Delicious food, a comfortable bed, the opportunity to relax, kind words, hugs will make him feel better.

“How to properly support a man during a period when he has difficulties with professional self-realization? My boyfriend has a good job, but he doesn't feel happy there. And now he is always in a state of depression.

I see how he despairs, trying to come up with an interesting use for himself in life. He has been looking for more than a year and has not found his favorite activity. A depressed mood has a bad effect on everything else. He is constantly sad at home, depressed. I worry about him and that I don’t know how to help him find what he loves.

I understand that a man’s favorite job in life is very important, so my soul is also restless because of his dissatisfaction in life.

Tell me how to behave correctly in such a situation? To love more, pay more attention and warm? Should I look for and advise something for him? Leave him alone? I really want to understand what a wise, experienced woman would do in my situation...”

​​​​​​​How to properly support a man in this situation?

To do this, it is worth understanding what is happening to him and not denoting “difficulties with professional self-realization,” but promiscuity.

And you need to shake your man up and not condone the debauchery into which he has plunged headlong.

What is clear from your story?

With the help of some thinking, your man decided that he could sit down and quickly figure out an interesting activity for himself. And everything just doesn’t work out. And now he is in anguish so that everyone can see how important it is for him to have an interesting activity in life! What is his number one goal! That is why suffering is so bitter and lasting!

Yes, this, of course, is passion, how important it is to burn, so that everything can be easily and brilliantly argued and society will pay a lot of money for this activity. Who doesn't want this?

And now you need to somehow, sitting by the window, turn around and discover a talent for something and instantly shine there.

Is this real?

From the point of view of an experienced woman, this is an empty idea. You won't be able to shine anywhere instantly. Only where you have systematically invested. And you need to invest ten years to achieve brilliant results. And it takes three or four years to get to the good ones. Therefore, it won’t be interesting anywhere right away. It’s interesting - this is interpreted in many people’s brains as “easy.” Right?

And on any path you will have to work hard, getting practically no results (recognition and money) for a long time. And only the most stubborn people who are ready to painstakingly improve their professionalism over the years and decades will reach the results (an interesting activity).

Has your man ever moved long and hard towards a goal?

Most likely he did not have such experience. Because stubborn men don’t get depressed throughout the year. They sit down, evaluate their capabilities and prospects at their place of work, and if they understand that both are zero, then they make a decision and move to another place. Yes, at the first stage it is lower paid, because the skills are not there yet, he still needs to study, but it is more promising for his abilities.

This man’s depression suggests that he would like to painlessly exchange some life opportunities for others. Doesn't work out painlessly. Then he sits and is offended by life, pretending that he is searching for something in agony, but he just can’t find it. Yes, he won't find it. He is looking for a way to ride so deftly and without pain (without difficulties) into a new life on a white horse and in sparkles. And this, alas... At moments of fateful, drastic decisions in our lives there are almost always setbacks, because we have to follow not the path of evolution, but the path of revolution: reject the old and create a new one from scratch. It's scary. I would like to somehow add a closet to the side and make the house immediately become a palace. Yes, it doesn’t fit in. And so you spin this fantasy project and so on in your head. And everything doesn’t work out. You keep sitting on your butt straight and, in order for at least some work to be visible, you betray your suffering. A familiar Russian game. We need to stop her.

The advice is this: Offer him, like a wise woman, to end his suffering - it is of little use, but causes great harm. Suggest spending your energy on building professionalism in your work. Grind your teeth and build up. Then it will become more interesting there. Not in two days, of course. If the job is completely overwhelming for him, then let him assign himself another one in three days (no more). I repeat once again - three days to decide! After this, he will sit down and analyze what he needs to get this other one (it is quite possible that retraining, preparing a springboard for two to three years), and begin this preparation.

How can he determine whether he will love another? No way. We can fall in love with what we have seriously invested in, where we have become aces.

For this, to become an ace, the best choice is to hammer at one point for more than one year. And spend less time suffering. This does not add skill to a man's life. So convey to him that this is the most unmanly thing to do, to sit and rot, believing that it looks like “a man is thinking seriously.” He rots, but doesn’t think! Tell him this.

Tell me with love.

Men think in action. Everything else is not thoughts, but an escape from life. And the more a man withdraws from life, the more he gets used to being a coward.

Don't support your man's cowardice! Don't nurse his melancholy and depression. There's no way he'll like this game. Remove the beautiful name “depression” and explain that this is ordinary cowardice, an ordinary fear of a difficult fate, resentment against life for a difficult fate.

So that he is less offended and fantasizes about a difficult fate, let him read books about those who lived at the end of their lives - read Bulgakov, Solzhenitsyn, Frankl. Then his life's tasks will seem like a cakewalk to him.

In general, you have a serious and demanding conversation with your man. I wish you luck in this conversation, from the bottom of my heart. Don't be afraid, talk. And if he doesn’t hear, doesn’t understand, and continues to “sour” and “rotten,” then again, don’t be a coward and end your relationship with the weakling. You have more children to give birth to!