Sudden outbursts of anger in a child. Children's anger

It's okay if your child gets angry sometimes, but it's not an emotion that should dominate their life. Due to the fact that children are not yet able to cope with many things on their own, a child’s feelings of anger may manifest themselves in situations that older children simply do not pay attention to. To overcome your child's anger, try - as much as possible - to protect him from situations that could make him upset, jealous, or make him angry.

Child's feeling of anger

Your baby may demonstrate his anger for the first time in relation to some concepts or ideas, which is much more complex than simple embitterment that arose as a result of grief that happened in his life earlier.

The simple dissatisfaction with the state of duality resulting from gaining independence and helplessness may be enough to generate anger and jealousy in the child.

Suppose a baby is trying to get a toy that is out of reach. His face reflects all his efforts, and his fingers stretch vigorously in an attempt to grab the toy. IN one year old he became frustrated and angry about his inability to reach the object. Now something else is coming. Wanting to help him, you take out a toy and give it to the baby, but instead of showing joy, you see that he is really angry: he begins to roar and throws the toy aside.

What happened? You prevented him from getting to the toy. In order not to upset him so much, it is better to first ask if he needs your help, and only then help.

Ways to Express Children's Anger

At the age in question, it is also possible various manifestations feelings of anger and jealousy in a child. As a result of developing independence, the child begins to understand that he is not always the center of attention of his parents. Often the birth of a brother or sister exacerbates this feeling of jealousy.

When you breastfeed your baby, your older baby may try to push him away from you by declaring, “I want your milk too, Mommy!” Or, when you are simply holding the baby on your lap, he may demand that you put the baby aside, shouting, “These are my lap!”

But not only the newborn is the cause of the object that caused the child’s anger and jealousy. He may try to separate you from your spouse, seeing that you are hugging and kissing. He feels discomfort in a situation where you pay attention to an older child, and tries to switch you to himself. Unlike the previous year, he is already able to remember his feelings of jealousy and transfer them to new situations.

For example, he used to be content with you hugging him immediately after hugging your spouse. Now he looks at your spouse with contempt even an hour after he hugged you.

Reasons for a child's anger

The root cause such anger and jealousy is the fear of losing a child mother's love. Possible loss parental love scares any child, but it is especially scary for a 2-year-old child, because his nascent sense of self is still very fragile and is largely determined by his relationship with his parents.

Having lost your love, he feels as if he has lost a part of himself. Since his speech skills do not yet give him the ability to say “Don’t forget about me - I’m important to you too,” the only way This fear is expressed through negative, attention-seeking behavior such as temper tantrums, hitting, crying, and even biting.

No matter how difficult it may be to be around an angry child, it is important that you give him the opportunity to cope with his anger (within the limits of acceptable behavior, of course), and also help him understand what this feeling - the feeling of anger - represents.

How to overcome a child's anger?

How to respond to a child's outbursts of anger?

Be flexible in your daily routine. Of course, it is important that children do some of the most important tasks themselves. simple steps but sometimes they don't want to do something in the usual way. If you start insisting on completing a task, you will only get involved in a useless war of characters. By agreeing to make occasional changes to your daily routine, you will not cause any harm to him and will be able to respond appropriately to your child's angry outbursts. One refusal to bathe in the evening due to the baby’s reluctance does not mean a complete refusal of this procedure if he knows that you will not allow him to dictate his terms in this way every evening.

Always reserve for every situation Alternative option. Sometimes distraction is the best way overcome the child's anger. A toy, book or some new object for the baby is suitable for this. If you don’t have anything like this at hand, use your imagination and help your baby direct his attention in a different direction. Look around and pick up some object that might spark your interest. It could be a person walking a dog, a colorfully painted truck, or a group of children playing nearby.

Watch out for the first signs of irritability and anger. A child's mood changes do not always occur as abruptly as you think. Most children first show some warning signs of an impending “storm”: stomping feet, clenched fists, furrowed brows. Try to identify what may have caused your child's anger and think about how you can manage your child's anger to avoid an outburst.

Make sure your child is not overtired or hungry. Children, like most adults, have difficulty controlling their emotions when they are hungry or tired. Make sure your baby eats properly every day and organize good rest.

How to deal with a child's anger?

Required organizational skills: managing emotions, flexibility. Age: any.

Helping your child accept changes in plans without anger or frustration takes advance work and a lot of practice. It is worth voicing plans before the child formulates his own. However, it is necessary to regularly communicate minor changes, gradually developing his tolerance for the unexpected.

Together with your child, create a plan of activities and tasks. You can create a daily plan or a list of events that happen during the day. Include mandatory activities (meal and bedtimes, etc.) and regular activities (classes and sports).

Try not to indicate unnecessarily exact time(except for sports and homework time), use intervals. For example, dinner should be around 17:00, that is, between 16:30 and 17:30.

Talk to your child about how changes and unexpected situations happen frequently, despite plans and schedules made in advance. Give examples: there will be pizza for dinner instead of fish, today you can play outside for an extra 20 minutes, today we need to go to the dentist.

Create for schedule visual image: Write the names of the activities on cards or use pictures and hang them in at least two places, such as the kitchen and the child's room. Make a “surprise” card and explain: when something changes, you will show it to your child, explain what has changed, and add it to the schedule (you can show the card and go through the whole sequence even when the changes are unexpected for everyone) .

Review the plan with your child the night or morning before.

Start introducing changes and showing the “surprise” card. First, the changes should be pleasant: Extra time for play, going for ice cream, playing with a parent. Gradually introduce “neutral” changes ( Apple juice instead of orange, some cereal instead of others, etc.). Finally, include less nice changes(inability to do anything planned due to bad weather).

Modifications-adjustments

If the “surprise” card and gradual introduction of change are not enough, there are several other options to consider for dealing with your child’s feelings of anger. Try to communicate changes in advance. Then the child will have time to get used to it. Depending on his reaction to unpleasant changes (tears, disobedience, whining), discuss ways to express your protest in another, acceptable way (for example, writing a complaint). The child can be rewarded for accepting changes. Remember: reactions are dampened by increasing frequency of change and by discussion. Since the frequency of changes will increase gradually and they will not initially be unpleasant or frightening, the child will be able to learn flexibility.

Crazy Mom (Guest)
Do you want to see him as an inquisitive guy?
See him for who he is. No need to sculpt children. They must be loved. And his laziness comes from the fact that no matter what he undertakes, everything is stopped or connected with negative emotions. As a result, he does not want to take on anything so as not to experience stress. To prevent him from becoming spineless, tell him more often that you love and accept him for who he is. No way, just because he's yours.
And love yourself. We don’t love children because we weren’t loved, so we don’t know what it is and how.
How to love yourself.. Lectures by Mikhail Labkovsky. Anastasia (Guest)
Good evening. Think about what is really causing your anger. Trouble at work? With parents?
The child is simply weaker, hands are reaching out to take it out on him. God... Save the children of the whole world from the cruelty of their parents.
You may have been treated the same way as a child. You don't know any other way. Please take care of your baby. Then he will have to live his whole life with a grudge against his mother... Which will torment him. I know it from myself. 30 years old, but I can’t forget. I want to go back and stop my stepfather. I want to scold my mother for allowing me to be treated like this.
Gulnaz (Guest)
Good evening.
Please. Let go of the situation. Find time for yourself. Choose one club with your older child and you don’t need any more, it’s a burden for you.
Children should be punished equally. There are always two people to blame in a conflict. If you give preference to any one, you will harbor a grudge for life. And don’t tell your son: you’re older, which means you should be smarter. No, he doesn’t owe anyone anything, he’s a child! It is his right to be carefree and happy. Don't take away your childhood.

Don't use violence. Don't insult those who love you as no one has ever loved you. And love them. If children say that you don’t love them, then this is their feeling. Don't demand to the point of frenzy what they don't want to do. It’s better to let these lessons burn with a blue flame, but the children will grow up and say that they had the best best childhood that their mother loved them and spoiled them. My son is 9 months old. I began to notice aggression towards him, I myself am a very psychotic person. I simply put him to sleep for half an hour and if he still doesn’t sleep or, even worse, he makes noises, I instantly start to become psychotic in a second. I can throw him from a height onto the bed and next to him I hit the bed with my fist and yell, sometimes I just want to hit him and hear how he cries and I want to scream and scream, sometimes I can give him a good slap in the butt and also scream at him for crying. And then this state passes and a feeling of guilt comes, I’m afraid to look him in the eye. I'm afraid for him, what I can do to him psychological trauma
that he will be afraid of me. The relationship with my husband is different, well, I think it’s because of our differences. Although he helps me, he doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore, and against this background we constantly have quarrels. There is time for himself and my husband willingly sits with his son on his days off. And there is help around the house. Gulnaz (Guest), and I don’t have a very good relationship with my husband, although he helps on his days off... sometimes it seems like I’m going crazy. I don’t belong to myself and I don’t have time for myself, and when I have it, I have no strength for anything! We are all living people with natural instincts. This needs to be understood. Whether we like it or not. Sometimes you have to be selfish. Tell yourself to stop and relax. A child will not die from screaming. The children will be closer to the husband if he spends more time with them. Find a way to release aggression: draw, write , where you give some hero and tell all your feelings in a language that a child can understand, tear up paper and make a craft, take a piece of dough and mold your anger. It's great that there is such a feeling that you need to make him your friend. Children are provocateurs, they are looking for ways to influence. The aggression is gone, all that remains is the guilt. And your mother. It is a trap. And when the child understands that he will not get anything from this, he will stop driving you crazy. scary tales orphanage, and sometimes I shout at her to get away from me, a breath of air, a piece of food - a passed and almost ineffective option. I went with her to a psychologist (free) I don’t know... in general, the psychologist didn’t succeed in getting anything from her, not Shoah She doesn’t have any contact with her at all... I feel sorry for my still damaged soul, I’m afraid to make it even worse, but I don’t know... thoughts have already begun to envelop me more often in order to give it away... but this is my little blood, desired and long-awaited? I am the mother of a 4 year old boy. And I have outbursts of uncontrolled aggression towards my son. I don't know how to control myself!?! There are times when he is just capricious, wants attention, but on the contrary, I push him away from me, scream, and can hit him in the butt... I understand that he is not to blame for anything!!! That these are problems in me, and they have been going on since my childhood... I want to turn to a psychologist for help! Because I’m afraid that, God forbid, I might cause serious injury to the baby in the next attack... I have two children. 8 years and 1.7. The youngest is fine. But with the older one I can’t control myself. My child is already says he will leave and will only call occasionally...and he’s only 8!!! My husband doesn’t work from morning until

late evening What to do with outbursts of aggression and irritation? How to learn to control your emotions? How many times in our lives have we asked ourselves this question... “I feel rage throughout my body, I need to learn how to deal with this anger and anger, but I don’t know how.” “I physically feel how in certain situations everything seems to explode inside me.”This is what people say when they are asked what exactly is going on in their head (or body) during an attack of anger. In this article, psychologist Mairena Vazquez will give you 11 practical advice every day about how to deal with your anger.

How to deal with anger. Tips for every day

We have all experienced anger in our lives as a result of something situations out of control, personal problems that upset us due to fatigue, uncertainty, envy, unpleasant memories, because of situations that we cannot accept, and even because of some people whose behavior we do not like or annoy... Sometimes failures and the collapse of life plans can also cause frustration, anger and aggression. What is anger?

Anger - this is negative emotional reaction violent nature (emotion), which can be accompanied by both biological and psychological changes. The intensity of anger varies from a feeling of dissatisfaction to rage or rage.

When we experience anger, it hurts the cardiovascular system, rises arterial pressure, sweating, increased frequency heartbeat and breathing, muscles tense, we blush, experience problems with sleep and digestion, we cannot think and reason rationally...

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On physiological level anger is associated with a number of chemical reactions that occur in our brain. To summarize:

When something makes us angry or irritates us, amygdala(the part of the brain responsible for processing and storing emotions) turns to (which is also responsible for our mood) for help. At this moment it begins to release adrenalin to prepare our body for possible threat. Therefore, when we are irritated or angry, our heart rate increases and our senses become heightened.

All emotions are necessary, useful and play a certain role in our lives. Yes, anger is necessary and useful because it helps us respond to any situation that we perceive as a threat, and also gives us the ability to resist any circumstance that disrupts our plans. It gives the necessary courage and energy and reduces the feeling of fear, which allows us to better cope with troubles and injustice.

Very often anger hides behind other emotions (sadness, pain, fear...) and manifests itself as a kind of defense mechanism. Anger is a very strong emotion that becomes a problem when we are unable to control it. Uncontrolled anger can destroy a person or even his environment, preventing him from thinking rationally and encouraging aggressive and violent behavior. Excessive anger can cause damage both physically and mental health, put an end to a person’s social connections and, in general, significantly reduce his quality of life.

Types of Anger

Anger can manifest itself in three different ways:

1. ANGER AS A TOOL: sometimes when we cannot achieve a goal, we use violence as “ easy way” achieve what you want. In other words, we use rage and violence as a tool to achieve our goals. Anger as a tool is usually used by people with weak self-control and low communication skills. However, we must remember that there are other methods of persuasion.
2. ANGER AS DEFENSE: We experience anger in situations where we intuitively interpret other people's comments or behavior as an attack, insult, or complaint against us. We get offended (often for no apparent reason) and feel an uncontrollable urge to attack. How? Through anger, which is big mistake. IN difficult situations It's better to stay calm.
3. EXPLOSION OF ANGER: if we endure for a long time some situations that we consider unfair, we suppress our emotions, trying to restrain ourselves further, we find ourselves in a dangerous vicious circle, from which we get out only when we can no longer endure it. IN in this case That very “last drop” is enough to “fill the cup.” In other words, in a situation where we have been patient for too long, even the smallest event can trigger an outburst of anger. Our patience “bursts”, forcing us to anger and violence, we boil... like a kettle.

People who experience anger frequently tend to have specific personal qualities , such as: (they cannot understand that their desires cannot always be satisfied at their first request, these are very self-centered people), because of which they are not confident in themselves and do not control their emotions, lack of empathy(they cannot put themselves in the shoes of another person) and high (they do not think before they act), etc.

The way children are raised also influences how they manage their anger as adults. It is very important from the very beginning early age Teach children to express their emotions so that they learn to cope with them as best as possible. In addition, teach children not to react aggressively to certain situations, and prevent the child from developing “emperor syndrome.” Family environment also matters: it has been noted that people who are less able to control their anger come from problematic families in which there is no emotional intimacy. .

How to control anger. Anger is an emotional reaction that can be accompanied by biological and psychological changes

How to get rid of anger and learn to control it? How to overcome irritation and attacks of aggression? The natural intuitive reaction to anger and anger is some kind of aggressive violent action - we can start screaming, break something or throw something... However, this is NOT The best decision. Read on! 11 tips to calm your anger.

1. Be aware of the situation or circumstances that may trigger your anger.

You may experience feelings of anger or rage at some point extreme situation, however, it is important to learn how to manage it. To learn how to manage anger, you need to understand in general what problems/situations irritate you the most, how you can avoid them (i.e. these are quite specific circumstances), how to do it the best way, etc. In other words, learn to work with your own reactions.

Carefully! When I talk about avoiding situations and people, I mean very specific examples. We cannot spend our entire lives avoiding absolutely all people and situations that make us feel uncomfortable. If we completely avoid such moments, we will not be able to resist them.

How to deal with anger: It is vital to understand that violence and aggression will get you nowhere, in fact, it can make the situation worse and even make you feel worse. Please pay Special attention to your reactions (you begin to feel anxious, your heart feels like it’s about to jump out of your chest and you are unable to control your breathing) in order to take action in time.

2. Be careful with your words when you are angry. Cross out the words “never” and “always” from your speech.

When we are angry, we can say things that would not have occurred to us in a normal state. Once you calm down, you won't feel the same way, so be careful what you say. Each of us is the master of our silence and the slave of our words.

How to deal with anger: you need to learn to reflect on the situation, look at it as objectively as possible. Try not to use these two words: "never" And "Always". When you become angry and start thinking, “I always get angry when this happens,” or “I never succeed,” you are making a mistake. Try by all means to be objective and look at things optimistically. Life is a mirror that reflects our thoughts. If you look at life with a smile, it will smile back at you.

3. When you feel like you're on edge, take a deep breath.

We all need to be aware of our limits. Nobody knows you better than yourself. Obviously, every day we can encounter situations, people, events that can throw us off track...

How to deal with anger: when you feel like you can’t take it anymore, that you’re on the edge, take a deep breath. Try to distance yourself from the situation. For example, if you are at work, go to the toilet, if at home, take a relaxing shower to calm your thoughts... Take the so-called "time-out". This really helps in stressful moments. If you can get out of town, allow yourself to do so, escape from the daily routine and try not to think about what makes you angry. Find a way to calm down. Great option- going out into nature. You will see how nature and Fresh air affect your brain.

The most important thing is to distract yourself, abstract yourself from the situation until it calms down, in order to avoid aggressive reactions and not do something that you may later regret. If you feel like crying, cry. Crying pacifies anger and sadness. You'll understand why crying can be good for your mental health.

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Neuropsychological

4. Do you know what cognitive restructuring is?

The method is widely used in psychology cognitive restructuring. It's about replacing our inappropriate thoughts (such as our interpretations of other people's intentions) with more useful ones. In other words, you need replace with a positive one. This way we can quickly eliminate the discomfort caused by different situations or circumstances, and the anger will quickly pass.

Example: you need to meet with a work colleague whom you don’t really like. You waited for an hour before he finally showed up. Since this person is unpleasant to you, you begin to think about how irresponsible he is, and that he was late on purpose to “annoy” you, and you notice that you are filled with anger.

How to deal with anger: you need to learn not to think that others are doing things to harm you. Give them a chance, put yourself in their shoes. If you allow the person to explain himself, you will understand that the reason for his lateness was valid (in this case). specific example). Try to act intelligently and objectively.

5. Learn relaxation and breathing techniques to better manage your anger.

It is important to once again remind you how important breathing is in moments of tension, anxiety, anger...

How to deal with anger: correct breathing will help relieve stress and put your thoughts in order. Close your eyes, slowly count to 10, and don't open them until you feel yourself starting to calm down. Breathe deeply and slowly, try to clear your mind, free it of negative thoughts... little by little. The most common breathing techniques are abdominal breathing and Jacobson progressive muscle relaxation.

If you still find it difficult to relax, imagine some pleasant, calm picture, landscape in your mind, or listen to music that relaxes you. How to stay calm?

Besides, try to get enough sleep at night (at least 7-8 hours), since rest and sleep contribute to better control of emotions, improve our mood and reduce irritability.

6. Social skills will help you deal with anger. You control your anger, not the other way around.

The daily situations we encounter require us to behave appropriately with other people. It is important to be able not only to listen to others, but also to be able to carry on a conversation, to thank if they helped us, to help ourselves and to give others the opportunity to give us help and support when we need it, to be able to respond correctly to criticism, no matter how unpleasant it may be...

How to deal with anger: in order to manage anger and better control it, it is important to be able to correctly interpret the information around us, to be able to listen to other people, to act various circumstances, accept criticism and not let frustration take over us. In addition, you need to be careful with unjustified accusations against others. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

7. How to control anger if it is caused by another person

Often our anger is provoked not by events, but by people. Avoid toxic people!

In this case, it is recommended to move away from such a person until you cool down if you feel that the situation is heating up. Remember that when you harm others, you first of all harm yourself, and this is exactly what you need to avoid.

How to deal with anger: express your dissatisfaction quietly and calmly. The most convincing is not the one who screams loudest, but the one who is able to express his feelings adequately, calmly and reasonably, identifying problems and possible ways their decisions. It is very important to behave like an adult and be able to listen to the other person’s opinion and even find a compromise (whenever possible).

8. Exercise will help you “reset” negative energy and get rid of bad thoughts.

When we move or do something physical activity, thereby releasing endorphins that help calm us down. This is another way to manage anger.

How to control anger: Move, do any exercise... Go up and down the stairs, clean the house, go outside for a run, take a bike and ride around the city... anything that can somehow increase adrenaline.

There are people who, in a fit of anger, begin to rush and hit whatever they can get their hands on. If you feel an overwhelming urge to hit something to quickly release energy, try purchasing a punching bag or something similar.

9. A good way to “let go of your thoughts” is writing.

It would seem that, How can it help if you start writing things down? Especially if you just had a serious fight with your loved one?

How to deal with anger: at the moment of anger, our thoughts are chaotic, and we are not able to concentrate on the situation that irritates us. Perhaps keeping a diary will help you figure out what angers you the most, how exactly you feel it, in what situations you are most vulnerable, how you should and should not act in response, how you felt after... As time passes, you will be able compare your experiences and memories to understand what all these events have in common.

Example: “I can’t do this anymore. I just had a fight with my boyfriend because I can't stand it when he calls me rude. Now I feel very bad because I yelled at him and slammed the door and left the room. I am ashamed of my behavior.” In this particular case, the girl, after reading her entry, will understand that she reacts incorrectly every time she is called “ill-mannered,” and will eventually learn not to respond with anger and violence because she later regrets her behavior. she's ashamed.

You can even give yourself some encouragement or advice that may be helpful and reassuring. For example: “If I take a deep breath and count to 10, I will calm down and look at the situation differently,” “I know that I can control myself”, “I am strong, I value myself highly and will not do anything that I will regret later.”

You can also burn off your energy by drawing, solving puzzles and crosswords, etc.

10. Laugh!

What better way to relieve stress and lift your spirits than with a good dose of laughter? It's true that when we're angry, the last thing we want to do is laugh. At this moment we think that the whole world and all the people in it are against us (which is far from reality).

How to deal with anger: although it is not easy, problems still look different if you approach them humorous, positive. Therefore, laugh as much as possible and at absolutely everything that comes to mind! Once you calm down, look at the situation from the other side. Imagine the person you were angry with in some funny or amusing situation, remember when you last time laughed together. This will make it much easier for you to deal with anger. Don't forget, laughter is very useful. Laugh at life!

11. If you think you have serious anger management problems, see a professional.

If you replace other emotions with anger, if you notice that anger ruins your life, that you get irritated by even the most insignificant things, if you cannot stop screaming or the urge to hit something when you are angry, if you are unable to control yourself in your hands and no longer know what to do, how to act in certain situations, with people, etc. … O seek help from a specialist.

How to cope with anger: a psychologist specializing in this problem will study the problem from the very beginning and will determine how best to help you. He or she may suggest that you learn to control your anger through behaviors (such as social skills training) and techniques (such as relaxation techniques) so that you can cope with situations that irritate you. You can even attend a group therapy class where you can meet people experiencing the same difficulties. This can be very helpful as you will find understanding and support among similar people.

To summarize, I would like to note that we need to learn to control our emotions, especially anger. Remember that anger, no matter how it is expressed, physical or verbal, is never an excuse bad behavior in relation to others.

You already know that it is not the one who shouts the loudest who is brave, and the one who is silent is not the one who is cowardly and cowardly. Unreasonable words or stupid insults should not be listened to. Always remember that by harming others, you harm, first of all, yourself.

Translation by Anna Inozemtseva

Psicóloga especializada en psicología clínica infanto-juvenil. En continua formación para ser psicóloga sanitaria y neuropsicóloga clínica. Apasionada de la neurociencia e investigación del cerebro humano. Miembro activo de diferentes asociaciones e interesada en labores humanitarias y emergencias. A Mairena le encanta escribir artículos que puedan ayudar o inspirar.
“Magia es creer en ti mismo.”

Teenager expressing anger or frustration by yelling, throwing toys, or hitting another child playground, causing pain to other children and adults or even to oneself; a child who falls to the floor in hysterics when he doesn't get something, shouting swear words or causing damage to surrounding objects - these are the children who pose the real problem.
Periodic outbursts of anger and irritation are considered normal occurrence among children aged one or one and a half to four years - in most children such outbreaks disappear by the time they enter school. Normal psychological development should provide most adolescents with better self-control and make them more responsive and teachable by school age. Even in times of distress, children school age are usually able to express their frustration and anger through words while being in reasonable control of the situation.
But this doesn't always happen. In some children, outbursts of anger and irritation persist into school years, appearing regularly. It is understandable that the parents of these children are very worried and upset about this behavior. They ask themselves, “Why hasn’t my child learned socially acceptable ways to express anger and frustration?”
To answer this question, pediatricians advise parents to evaluate what kind of role models they were for their children - how they themselves responded to manifestations of anger and how they taught their children to react. If parents are prone to excessive expression of emotions, destructive outbursts and fits of anger, most often the same tendency is observed in their children. If parents are very hot-tempered, showing their own outbursts of anger and irritation in relationships with other people, their children will also adopt this type of behavior.
Of course, other factors may also have an influence. Some parents, especially those with little experience with children, may have unreasonable expectations for their children's behavior. You ask the child to sit calmly and quietly for a long time, to perform tasks that he is not able to complete due to his physical abilities or developmental differences, or accepting responsibility or agreeing with parental decisions that are obviously unfair - these situations cause frustration in the child and can provoke an outburst of anger.
Due to their temperament or body type, some children find it much easier to express strong negative emotions than to suppress them. Stubborn children have a harder time managing their negative emotions and learning self-control. However, with proper guidance and support, they can learn to calm outbursts of aggressive behavior.
In some cases, a child's angry outbursts serve as a way to attract the attention of parents, who only react to him when he exhibits such challenging behavior.
If the family is in a constant state of stress and tension (financial difficulties, alcoholism, marital conflicts, poverty, physical or sexual abuse, moving away from friends and family), children may respond with more frequent outbursts of anger and irritation. In addition, some parents claim that children with chronic diseases or learning disabilities are more likely to have angry outbursts, perhaps due to the constant stress caused by these disabilities; however, not all children with these problems have temper tantrums, and in fact most of them do not have such problems.
In some cases, school-age children do not experience outbursts of anger and irritation for several years, fully managing their emotions and successfully interacting with others, but outbursts of anger appear later. If this sounds like your child, consider whether these symptoms were caused by a new stressful situation at school, at home or in the immediate environment. If the child is unable to cope emotional stress, he may begin to express his anxiety, fear, or anger accordingly. As a parent, it is your responsibility to identify the source of the stress and help your child cope with it. If necessary, talk to your child's teachers, babysitters, or friends who can help you figure out the cause of the problem.

Parents' actions

Many parents cannot decide how to properly respond to their child’s outbursts of anger and irritation. Here are some tips to keep in mind.

• Know that some children are simply more impressionable than others or have more challenges to deal with.
• Don't have too high expectations for your child. Compare your expectations with those of the parents of your child's friends, especially those whose behavior you admire.
• When your child has a temper tantrum, ignore his behavior so that you don't appear to be rewarding him for inappropriate behavior. The child may simply be trying to get attention, and any reaction, positive or negative, may only make the outburst worse. Instead, try ignoring her or simply walking away. This will give the child the opportunity to learn self-control.

But in some cases, you simply cannot ignore your child's outbursts of anger if, for example, he continues to run after you, breaks toys, or hits a brother or sister. In such cases, insist that the child go to another room to serve the punishment, away from everyone, until he regains control over his emotions. In this case, it may be necessary to physically escort him to this room.
In general, parents should remain as calm as possible and not engage in outbursts of anger, trying to control their own emotions. In addition, parents should avoid physical confrontations that can escalate to alarming levels and result in injury to one of the participants, usually a child.
Once you've both calmed down, sit down and discuss with your child what triggered the outburst. Emphasize the need to express negative feelings using words rather than actions, and suggest more positive ways to deal with such cases. You can use a reward system when you praise your child or receive a gift for being able to resolve conflicts without showing angry outbursts.

When to contact specialists

Some middle age children adolescence It may be helpful to seek advice from a child psychiatrist or psychologist regarding their outbursts of anger and irritation, but most children do not need such advice at all. Typically, your pediatrician can give you necessary recommendations and provide support in solving similar problem behavior. You should consider applying for professional help only when:

• outbursts of anger and irritation become a common pattern of behavior for the child if he feels upset or angry;
• outbreaks occur quite often, several times a day;
• child's outbursts occur outside the home;
• outbreaks result in property damage or harm to the health of the child or others;
• outbursts become unbearable for parents and interfere with normal relationships with the child.

In any of similar situations Seek help from specialists immediately. Outbursts of anger and irritation do not always go away on their own. You need to try to understand what feelings the child is experiencing, and perhaps change your own reaction to the manifestation of such outbursts, so that, with your help, he can learn to effectively control his negative feelings.
If these symptoms continue into puberty, this can be even more worrying. Hormonal changes plus more wide shapes Behaviors that become available to young men, together with an increase in body size, cause even greater anxiety during outbursts of anger, pose danger and difficulty in controlling.

Eco-friendly parenting: If you know what's going on in a child's brain when he starts one of those terrible scenes where you want to fall into the ground and give 10 years of your life for his tantrum to stop immediately, you can prevent a lot, or, at least, soften. Research by neuroscientist Douglas Fields can help us.

Understand, accept, experience

If you know what's going on in a child's brain when he begins one of those terrible scenes where you want to fall into the ground and give 10 years of your life for his tantrum to immediately stop, you can prevent a lot, or at least mitigate it. Research by neuroscientist Douglas Fields can help us.

Primal instincts

"Neurobiology has shown that neural pathways specifically dedicated to anger and aggression respond to specific stimuli," says Douglas Fields, a researcher at the National Institutes of Health in Maryland. This is part of the “alarm” that detects danger. Key concept“is that anger and aggression are evolutionary mechanisms necessary for a person to fight and defend himself.” Primitive times, when people were often hunted by predators, are long gone, and these defense mechanisms remained. Adults (not all) know how to control these primitive instincts, but children have not yet developed self-control: for them it is the same whether to defend themselves from a saber-toothed tiger or demand a cartoon here and now.

Anger Triggers

What causes outbursts of anger and aggression? The scientist says that there are 9 universal triggers, reacting to which, any person loses his peace of mind:

Life or death situation - protecting yourself

Insult - protecting your reputation

Family - protecting your offspring

Home - protecting your refuge

Partner - protection of your chosen one

Public order - protecting freedom and justice for all

Resources - protecting your property

Tribe - protection of people in your circle

Stop - protecting yourself from yourself

These are mechanisms that cause changes in people's behavior, in some cases leading to attacks and violence. Children's most common reaction to a stop trigger is when you tell them not to do something every 30 seconds.

Don't try to stop a tantrum before it starts.

If the “button” for a child’s tantrum is a ban, then maybe we should allow them everything? Dr. Fields says it's important to recognize that children can't control their anger, but adults can: "I think parents need to understand that telling kids not to get angry, to 'not freak out,' is appealing to the part of the brain that which has not yet developed. It's the other part of the brain that's angry and in control now childish behavior. All you have to do is wait until the child calms down and then you can talk to him to solve the problem.”

It’s okay to get angry, but you need to learn self-control

“Don't tell children they shouldn't be angry. It is more helpful for them to know why they are angry. After all, this is normal. There's no need to suppress anything,” says Dr. Fields. Remember that a child's brain is developing, and the environment in which children grow up affects how they learn to cope with aggressive impulses. It's not just about positive attitude in the family, but also that children need to be taught to neutralize reactions of anger, to teach self-control - first of all, by example.

Sports and gender

In Fields' book Why We Snap, skier Wendy Fisher talks about how her father extinguished her negativity, which manifested itself in the syndrome of dissatisfaction with their results, so common among athletes. This is not only unsportsmanlike behavior (breaking rackets, throwing ski poles), but also a sign of insufficient self-control. "The most great benefit from sports is the development of self-control under stress,” says Dr. Fields.

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Remember that hormone chemistry differs between sexes. Therefore, in terms of aggression and its types, parents need to be careful: girls and women, in particular, tend to direct aggression towards themselves, so if your daughter does not rush at you with her fists, this does not mean that she has good control over her anger. published