What are Tajik men like? What kind of love do Tajik migrants seek and find?

A Tajik woman, Savsan, lives with me in the same house. A woman of about fifty, speaks Russian poorly, wears robes, prays a lot and talks on the phone. Looks after grandma. To earn money, it seems. Savsan loves to chat. Today I told you about the Tajik custom of having several wives. She herself was a second wife for 26 years and gave birth to four children.

Many men in Tajikistan take second wives. Several conditions are required. First of all, the first wife should not object. E If he objects, you can hide it. If the wife is from the city, then it won’t work out; everyone in the city knows everyone, but a village wife goes to the city.She won’t go herself - she’s afraid of her husband. Secondly, it is necessary that the parents do not mind. Everyone knows everything, everyone knows everyone. IN-thirdly, the husband fully provides for the second wife and her children. Buys or rents an apartment, buys food supplies in bags, gives money.

The second wife can be a young girl who has never been married, and no one will even say a word to an adult with children. The husband sometimes lives with one wife, sometimes with the second. But the second one has more. Her husband Savsan lived with her for several months, then went to the village for a day to visit his first wife. And sometimes he took Savsan with him. He said the second wife smells bad. What should it smell like? In the village, life is simple: look after the cows, take care of the farm, bake cakes. If a daughter-in-law lives in her husband's house, all the household chores are on her. She gets up at 5 in the morning and begins to wash, do laundry, cook, and run the house. It's hard in the village. Savsan is a city girl, it’s easier for her. Flatbread is sold in the store, hot and cold water flows from the tap, gas is supplied, you can go to work - your husband won’t say a word. It’s clear who smells what.

I still don’t understand which wife is better to be: the first or the second. The second one is more jealous. The first one is also jealous, but silently, inthe heart, and the second is boiling.

Husband Savsan in the evening will come home later than usual, she quickly eats, cleans everything up and sits in her chair sulking.

Dzhanym...

Dzhanym...

Eh, janim, what is it?

What? Did you have a good walk? Were there a lot of girls?

Ay, dzhanim, what a walk? Allah sees!

And doesn't talk to him. And he walks around the apartment and doesn’t know what to do with himself. I'm tired, I want to sleep, but I can't. Lies down - that's it,War in the morning. So he walks around: either he turns on the TV, or the tape recorder, or he washes his drooping eyes with cold water. And sheHe doesn’t lie down on purpose and doesn’t say anything. Tormenting. As soon as he sits down in a chair, dozes off, his janim grabs a pillow and goes to sleep in the next room. Her husband is behind her, make peace.

Savsan had 2 admirers: a Tajik and an Uzbek. It seems like he loves one, and he seems to love the other. Something needs to be decided. Savsan cooked a cauldron of pilaf, gathered them together, and introduced them. I want, he says, an apartment. And a car. Whoever buys it for me, I’ll stay with him. The Tajik says: “There will be a car, but an apartment... I’ll try... I’ll have to see.” Apartments in Dushanbe are expensive, a two-room apartment costs 56 thousand dollars. "What do you think?" - to the second. “I’ll buy an apartment. And I’ll buy a car. I’ll sell mine, I’ll buy it for you.” And I bought it. An apartment and a car. Savsan married an Uzbek, lived in a new apartment, and raised four children. She was involved in business: she sold shoes at the bazaar and sometimes transported various goods from Moscow. Either vodka or something else.

Now Savsan lives two hours by train from Moscow. She separated from her husband a long time ago and found a new admirer here, also a Tajik, who works as a security guard in a store. He is jealous of her.

Run the house,” he says, “and look after grandma.” That's your business. Don't go outside. Why do you need to go outside?

Savsan calls for marriage, but she doesn’t go. The new husband would also have her as a second wife, but there was nothing to take from him. And Savsan doesn’t need anything: she has an apartment, left over from her previous husband. But being a daughter-in-law is not an enviable thing, and your health is no longer the same. No matter how much the entire groom's family tries to persuade her, she does not agree. Why does a free, wealthy girl need a husband? No need.

Tajikistan / Society / Seven habits of Tajik wives that any man will like

To be a real Eastern woman, it is not enough to be born in this part of the world and have a characteristic appearance; To meet this definition, a woman is required to follow strict rules of conduct.

Asia Plus partner Open Asia Online has collected some habits of Tajik women who in our region traditionally have Oriental wives.

Addresses husband as “you”

Almost all Tajik women, with rare exceptions, address their spouses as “you”, and call their husbands not by name, but “master”, “father of my children”, etc. However, in the north of Tajikistan, both men and women address everyone without exception, even their small children.

Any Tajik woman can cook well

A Tajik woman who does not know how to cook, and not just cook, but create real culinary masterpieces, is nonsense. Any Tajik woman copes well with dough and can prepare delicious pilaf. From childhood, mothers instill in their daughters a love of cooking, because if a young girl comes to her husband’s house without these skills, then shame will fall on her entire family.

By the way, Tajik women also masterfully cope with other household duties, be it ironing clothes or cleaning the house.

The bride's family buys clothes for the groom

Buying an outfit for the groom for the wedding ceremony is the responsibility of the bride's family. Moreover, all household belongings necessary for family life, including furniture, are also purchased at the expense of the bride’s parents; The groom is only required to provide housing. Therefore, often before the wedding, the girl’s relatives, inviting guests to the ceremony, order gifts for them. For example: the Iskandarov family - a carpet, the Ismoilov family - a food processor, etc.

Never stays alone with another man

Even if this man is a relative. A Tajik wife will only allow a man into the house if she is not alone. Otherwise, even the husband’s brother is barred from entering the apartment: “wait for the owner.” And to this day, at any event, women and men in Tajikistan traditionally sit at different dastarkhans, in different rooms. And men are responsible for serving the male dastarkhan (serving dishes on the table, clearing away dirty dishes).

After the birth of the child, he lives with the mother for 40 days

From the maternity hospital, a Tajik wife goes home to her mother, especially if her first child is born. Here she will live for exactly 40 days, during which the mother will teach her daughter all the intricacies of handling the baby; In addition, the woman’s family will purchase everything necessary for the first-born at their own expense. After such a master class, the husband will never see his wife’s helplessness in communicating with the baby, because taking care of the child is a woman’s direct responsibility.

Doesn't do anything without her husband's consent

Her husband, a labor migrant working in Russia, recently admitted that without marrying a Russian woman and obtaining citizenship, he will not be able to earn a living and legally stay in a foreign country. “For several years my husband insisted on divorce in order to marry a Russian woman. I didn't agree. But recently he came from Russia with virtually no money. He showed the receipts; almost half of the money he earned went to preparing documents and obtaining a patent,” says the interlocutor.

According to her, after her husband talked about all the problems that he had to face in a foreign land, she finally agreed to an official divorce. “Jealousy faded into the background, I felt very sorry for my husband,” Mavlyuda explained her choice. The father of the family has been traveling to work since 2006 and provides for his family and children. But recently it has become difficult for migrants to earn a living, and here the cost of a patent has increased and migration legislation has been tightened.

Recently, Mavlyuda’s husband left for Russia as a bachelor. A woman hopes for her husband's temporary marriage. But somewhere in the depths of the heart, no, no, and anxiety flashes, what if her husband does not return to her and the children?

12 thousand Tajiks get married in Russia every year

Marriages with Russian women have become commonplace for Tajik migrants, who in this way hope to establish their lives in a foreign land, as well as to legalize their stay in Russia.

According to the Civil Registry Office of the Ministry of Justice of Russia, about 12 thousand citizens of Tajikistan get married in this country every year. However, before entering into a marriage, the Russian authorities require the overseas prince to present a certificate confirming that he has no family in his homeland.

This certificate is issued in Tajikistan by the Ministry of Justice. Every Tuesday and Thursday, migrants, their wives, sisters and mothers gather at the department to obtain such a certificate and take another step towards obtaining Russian citizenship.

“I didn’t marry for convenience!”

However, we cannot say that all marriages of Tajiks in Russia are of convenience. The majority of Tajik migrants are young people aged 20-28 years, and there are cases of concluding marital unions out of great love.

Anvar Bakoev, a representative of the Tajik diaspora in Russia, married a Russian girl 14 years ago. “Many people think that Tajiks marry Russian women solely for the sake of citizenship or registration. But it is not always the case! For example, I married my wife out of great love. When I found out that she was carrying my child under her heart, we submitted an application to the registry office. Now we have three children and I’m happy,” he says.

Polina, Anwar's wife, said that despite the difference in culture and religion, she and her husband live in mutual understanding and harmony. She values ​​hard work, loyalty and calmness in her husband. As a sign of respect for their religion, the couple gave each other volumes of the Koran and the Bible.

Responsibility for fictitious marriages

Larisa Nikonova, deputy head of the Civil Registry Office for the Sverdlovsk Region, says that most Tajiks, after receiving Russian citizenship, divorce their Russian wives.

According to her, in the first half of 2017 alone, 38 applications were received from citizens of Tajikistan with a request to dissolve their marriage. Previously, such applications were extremely rare: 1-2 applications every 5 years.

At the end of last year, a deputy of the Kaluga region proposed a bill to the State Duma to tighten liability for fictitious marriages: in the form of fines in the amount of 300 thousand rubles or 3 years of imprisonment. But the draft law was not supported and if a fictitious marriage is discovered, it is simply annulled.

Residents of most large cities meet every day with Tajiks who work in our country at various construction sites, in minibuses, markets and other places. However, few people know how these people live in their homeland in Tajikistan. This post will tell you about the life of Tajiks in their native lands.

Here it is worth clarifying that this happened in October 2014, when the ruble was already falling in price, but not so rapidly.

We were completely running out of water supplies. The Pyanj River rustled and seethed nearby, but its waters were too muddy. And besides, they told us that it was better not to approach the river - after all, the border with Afghanistan.

In a small village, we stopped at an inconspicuous and only store in the hope of finding at least some water for sale. But the store sold all the wrong things - carpets, mattresses and kurpachas. They also sold washing powder and toothpaste, but there was no water. Behind the counter stood shyly, lowering her black eyes, a girl of about thirteen who spoke Russian very poorly.

We had a dialogue like this:
- Where can you buy drinking water in your village?
“Water is possible, a stream,” and the girl pointed with her hand somewhere to the northeast.
Quite logical. Water is not sold because there are mountain streams. Why didn’t we guess right away?
- Do you have a canteen or cafe where you can eat?
- Should I eat? Can! Dad will come and eat!

The girl confidently led me through the gate into the yard. She walked and looked around all the time, smiled shyly and seemed to be afraid that I would stop following. We passed some vegetable gardens, a field with potatoes, a large parking lot with a ditch and an old UAZ under a tree. At the end of a large plot, which was larger in size than a standard football field, there was a white one-story house.

The girl entered the house and called the father of the family, Davladbek Bayrambekov. Davladbek spoke Russian well, so our conversation began traditionally:
- Where are you from, Moscow, what area? I went to Red Square, I remember it was cold.
It is worth noting here that all the adult Tajik men with whom we communicated anywhere have all been to Moscow at least once and all have worked somewhere. Everything! The statistics are one hundred percent. That is, they were our guests, even though we are not famous for hospitality. But they don’t have us.

We met, began to talk about our journey, and that we were looking for water in a store in the village. Davladbek laughed, invited us into the house for tea and explained that we no longer needed to travel that day, because his wife was already preparing lunch, and after lunch the weather would turn bad and it would rain. And that sleeping in tents in the rain is a dubious pleasure.

We, of course, agreed to tea, but politely refused to stay overnight, citing the severe delay in the travel schedule.

After our trip, I can responsibly declare that Tajiks are very hospitable people. In Russia they are completely different from at home. In Moscow, these quiet and sometimes downtrodden guys behave as quiet as water, below the grass, but at home everything is different - a guest is always a great joy for them. Any home owner considers it his duty to welcome and treat a guest deliciously.

Each house has a large room called “Mekhmonkhona”, designed specifically for receiving guests. Family holidays and weddings are also celebrated here.

A tablecloth called “dostarkhan” is laid on the floor. Tea plays a big role in feasts. The youngest man pours it. They drink, as is customary, from a bowl, which must be taken only with the right hand, and the left hand held on the right side of the chest.

An interesting fact is that the person who pours the first bowl of any drink pours it not for someone else, but for himself. All this is just a custom so that others can be convinced that there is no poison in the drink. In normal everyday life, the eldest of the family takes the food first, but when there is a guest in the house, this honor is given to the guest.

Tajiks sit on the floor covered with beautiful carpets and mattresses stuffed with cotton wool or cotton, called kurpacha. According to their rules, you cannot sit with your legs stretched forward or to the side. Lying down is also indecent.

Portrait of young Davladbek during his service in the Soviet army.

The main unit that forms a person is the family. Tajik families are large, with an average of five to six or more people. Children are taught unquestioning obedience and respect for elders and parents.

In rural areas, girls do not complete more than eight grades. After all, according to tradition, there is no need for a woman to be educated at all. Her purpose is to be a wife and mother. For Tajik girls it is very scary and shameful to be an “overstayer”. Not getting married on time is worse than your worst nightmare.

Only women do housework. It is shameful for a man to do such work. According to established tradition, for the first six months a young wife cannot leave her husband’s house and cannot visit her parents.

Over tea we started talking. Davladbek said that Tajiks love Russians, and Russians treat them well. Then we asked about work. It turns out that in the mountain villages of Tajikistan there is no work for money at all. Well, except for doctors and teachers, although their salaries are ridiculous. Every doctor and teacher has his own garden and keeps livestock to feed his family - there is no other way. In order to somehow survive, all adult men go to work on the “mainland.”

So we smoothly moved on to the topic of the mechanism for delivering guest workers to Russia. After all, the entire male population of a sunny country cannot just go and come to work with us when they don’t even have money for a ticket...

Davladbek told us about the “companies”. Representatives of large “companies” (which we did not understand exactly) regularly come to all villages, even the most distant ones, and recruit representatives of various professions to work in Russia. Each candidate signs a contract. Then these same “companies” send Tajiks to Russia for their money and get them jobs. But at the same time, for the first month, each guest worker does not receive any money - he gives his entire salary to that same “company” for his transportation to Russia.

Tajiks spend their last month's salary on a ticket home to their family. Because of this, it turns out that it makes no sense to go for less than a year.

Davladbek is a professional welder. He officially works at a construction site in Yekaterinburg, has all the necessary documents, registration, permits and certificates. In 2014, his salary was 25,000 rubles, of which about 19,000 went for housing, food and travel. Davladbek sent about $200 monthly to his family in Tajikistan, and this was enough for his family to buy everything they needed that they couldn’t produce on their own in the village.

After enjoying tea and treats, we were about to move on, but Davladbek suggested we go to the water mill, which he built himself. We became interested, and we went somewhere up a mountain stream.

The metal structure in the photo is part of a ditch that encircles the hills and runs through the villages downstream of the Pyanj. A fragment of a huge irrigation system, built during the Soviet Union and operating to this day. Excess water from the ditch system is discharged into mountain streams using manual metal gates.

And here is the mill. Even if it is not as beautiful as we imagined, it is a real museum of technology. The design of the mill is the same as it was a thousand years ago!

Water from a mountain stream flows into the mill through turbine conduits and a wooden channel.

The water transfers hydraulic energy to the water wheel and spins it. In this way, a large round stone is untwisted, into the center of which grain is fed through a mechanical separator. The grain falls under the stone and is ground, and the centrifugal force pushes the finished product - flour - to the consumer.

Residents from neighboring villages come to Davladbek's mill. They bring their grain and also make flour from which they then bake bread. Davladbek does not take money for this. Residents themselves, as they see fit, leave a small amount of flour in gratitude. The door to the mill is always open.

Here it is, an ingenious hydraulic structure of the 21st century!

Davladbek turned out to be right. Heavy, gray clouds hung from the gorge, and soon we were driven away by the growing rain. The fog descended almost to the village itself, it became dank and chilly. The thought of spending the night in a tent triggered a chain reaction of pimply goosebumps throughout my body.
- Don't wait, go through the house. “Wife, dinner is ready,” Davladbek said, “Sleep at home tonight.” Get some sleep. Tomorrow morning with sunshine, you'll go well.

Davladbek was right once again. We stayed overnight. I would like to say a huge thank you to Davladbek and his entire family for sheltering us! In the morning it froze thoroughly, and until the sun rose, it was completely chilly. I was able to feel this well by running in a T-shirt to the toilet, which was located in the far corner of a huge area.

We had breakfast. Davladbek's children said goodbye to us and ran away to school. The school was in a neighboring village.

Upstream the river, fifteen kilometers from Ishkoshim, there were the ruins of an old fortress from the 3rd century. Until recently, there was a border unit in the ruins of the old fortress.

To the left, behind a narrow river gorge, Afghan houses and fields can be seen.

Outwardly, the life of the Afghans is no different from the Tajik side. Except there are no paved roads. Previously, these lands belonged to one people.

You should not assume that all Tajiks live like the heroes of our report. We lived in a Pamiri house, a hundred meters from the border, far from large cities. In the modern world, residents of Tajikistan began to build their lives in the image of the West. However, there are still many families who value their traditions.

I recently called Davladbek and wished him a Happy New Year. He asked how his health and family were, when he was going to visit us again in Russia in Yekaterinburg. I thought of visiting him there, bringing photographs from the Pamirs, seeing how he lives here in Russia, and comparing. Davladbek said that now a visa to Russia has become even more expensive, and work has become cheaper, and so far he cannot say when he will come again. But he promised that he would definitely return)

Tajiks do not come to us because of a good life. It seems to me that no Pamiri would ever trade his mountains for dusty Moscow. When they go to work, they don’t see their relatives or their children for months and sometimes years.

Now I often pay attention to Tajiks in Moscow. I immediately remember Davladbek, his home, his family, his hospitality and his mill. I talk to my janitors and vendors in the tent. At first they look away in disbelief, because they are used to the fact that only the police pay attention to them, but then they are very happy when they find out that I visited their homeland, that I really liked it there. And then it’s my turn to ask:
- Where are you from, what area?