Fear of meeting girls. How to overcome your fear of girls: psychology tips

Hello!
Briefly about yourself! I’m 25, I’m healthy and full of energy, I don’t drink or smoke, I work out in the gym for myself, I keep in shape, without fanaticism, of course. I am a handsome, cheerful, kind, intelligent, loving, caring young man, without problems or complexes, I would probably say that he is ideal for girls;) like normal guys at my age, I am attracted to girls and constantly want sex with them. Now I’ve been dating a girl for half a year and 26 days, we almost live in a place, I try to be the perfect guy for her, I cook food for us, I run the house myself, flowers are rare, but they exist, gifts and compliments, of course! After work I don’t stay anywhere and go home to my girlfriend, I love and respect her. at the beginning of our relationship we had passionate sex, almost every night we kept our neighbors awake, I really like having sex with her, she constantly has orgasms, and says that she really likes doing this with me. but 4 months have passed and regular sex will turn into once a week, this is not enough for me, I am constantly hungry and have already started looking at other beautiful girls, I’ll clarify just to look. since I’m a man in the prime of life and my testosterone is off the charts, I’m passionate and insatiable, but I don’t understand why my girlfriend doesn’t want me. More precisely, she does, but not like before, I clearly hint to her that I want her, she answers, but not like that actively as before, as if I was forcing her, I understand this and give reverse gear, and she, as if nothing had happened, goes to bed, if it’s before bed or in the morning when we wake up, I’m all on fire, but she’s very passive and responds to my passionate kisses with simple kisses, if it’s during the day, she knows that she can’t get away with it, as if she’s trying to satisfy me (she herself won’t break down and will get a couple of orgasms), but I see that it’s not from the bottom of her heart, without love somehow! I can’t do that, for me sex is direct proof of love and fidelity, I have mastered the language of sex, and I see when they are being disingenuous and when they are not, when there is true passion and pleasure, and when “somehow” as if with “a girl I’ll call” who earns her money. Since she and I work, we see each other mainly after work in the evening, two days off and we spend them in the place. I tried to talk to her and said that I don’t have enough and I want her all the time, she turns on her feminine tricks and the conversation remains in the air, when she sees me sad, she asks what the problem is, I gently hint to her that I want her, she smiles sweetly and says that now we’ll eat, I’ll wash myself and go to bed. when it comes to the bed again passivity, I see that he doesn’t want to. I’m leaving, but she’s not interested in why I changed my mind, it seemed like I was on edge, but then I changed my mind, she knows that this is important to me, but... I tried it in different ways, both gently and with a little rudeness, rudely to her I don't like it, says tenderness is better! Another important factor, we began to quarrel not about sex, but about all sorts of little things, to which I had not previously attached importance and freely resolved them through simple dialogue with other partners, but with the current wild quarrel, she does not try to understand me, although I I clearly express my thoughts and actions. in general, I’m tired already, I don’t want to leave, but I don’t want to break off either, please advise me what to do!!! I have plans not to harass her at all, two or three weeks will pass and if she doesn’t pester me even once, break up!!! not enough time has passed yet and we won’t suffer much!!! in my opinion this is the best solution!

Vitaly, I can’t clearly tell you why your girlfriend wants sex less often than you. Maybe her need for sex is just a little less than yours. People are different. In sleep, in nutrition, in sex, they have different needs, in quantity and quality. You don't want to have sex for a while after sex. For a girl, “it’s been a while” a little longer.

You probably made the right decision.

But then, when choosing the next girl, you prioritize that she loves to have sex, so that the need for sex is the same as yours.

Just don’t forget that as you age, your need may become less and she will leave you, because she will need it when you don’t need it.

Women and men have slightly different bodies that deal with sex. 20-30 years is a period when a man needs a lot of sex - this is predetermined by nature and instincts, in order to continue the human race, so that a man can impregnate as many women as possible. For a woman, this is the period of finding a man who can protect her and the child born to her. So all this is more due to nature than to the individual. your girlfriend, let's say. Don't forget about it. Well, once a week is certainly not enough. for a healthy female body, something is probably going on between you and her emotionally, since you write that you are swearing.

But you still think about it, that choosing a life partner only based on the need for sex is somehow irrational, or something.

Of course, if she doesn’t “stick” for two or three weeks, then she simply doesn’t want you, you can safely break up. Only if everything was good at the beginning. For yourself, for the future, try to determine where things have changed in you or her, so as not to repeat the same thing.

Sincerely, Irina

Hello, Vitaly! You yourself write that your testosterone is off the charts. In this regard, your temperaments do not match with your girlfriend. What is normal for you is too much for her. This is the difficulty. Your unsatisfied desire results in quarrels and misunderstandings. As for the fact that sex is an indicator of love, I don’t agree with you. Sex is ONE of the indicators of love, an important and necessary part of a relationship, but you should not choose it as a measure of love. A reasonable approach is needed everywhere. If a girl doesn’t want you for two weeks, then, of course, you should think about it. If she doesn’t want to go there every day, then this could simply be talking about her sexual constitution, which differs from yours by an order of magnitude. You can choose how important sex is to you, that you are ready to change your partner because of this, or is it still worth finding some reasonable approaches to this issue, for example, increasing physical activity in order to direct testosterone in a safer direction. You can go to a sexologist, maybe they can tell you something. Good luck to you!

Vitaly, no other person, girl, will always coincide with you in everything in terms of desire. For starters, men and women have different sexual development peaks. You have it now, she will have it later. And a girl at that age may (and this is normal) not want you for 2 or 3 weeks. And this will not at all be evidence that she does not love you. Sex is not an indicator of love, it is one of its possible manifestations, but one of. In addition, she is already accustomed to the fact that you are “slowing her down” and will most likely wait for your initiative. It’s better not to start such games, but to talk honestly and openly (not with hints) about the fact that you don’t have enough sex. Flirting is a good thing, but sometimes it is worth backing it up with words that CLEARLY express your intention and desire. So that she has the opportunity to face reality: you want this. And this is a fact voiced in words. And then she will have to do something with him, and not let him go on the brakes. And if it’s “no,” then she’ll have to voice that too and present arguments. And in this “presentation of arguments” you both will have to think about what is actually happening? And perhaps she will be able, by voicing some of her arguments to you, to understand herself more deeply. And explain to you. But “includes feminine things” and the conversation hangs in the air - this is already your responsibility too. You can gently say that you intend to clarify the situation and ask her not to shy away from answering. It’s your job to insist on continuing the conversation.

Further. Can't get people interested right away and through touch? - plan. Yes, many people say that sex according to plan is “not right.” But in our lives, when there are a lot of things to do and little time, we have to include sex in time management mode. Arousal is, after all, not a mystical process. And it is quite possible to call it “according to plan.” This is a banal physiological process, you should not “deify” it. Your emotions of love are divine, not excitement.

One more moment. A woman first experiences emotion, spiritual intimacy, resonance in terms of her moods and experiences, and then all this can successfully turn into excitement and desire for sex. Perhaps, as a foreplay, we need not only caresses, but also conversations, and just “sit next to each other, hold your hand, talk about love”? For you, the language of love is touching and sex, but what about her? Perhaps her love language is different. And she will be able to turn on desire only when she receives an emotional impulse on her tongue. And these can be gifts, romance, and conversations. Read the book "Five Languages"

What to do if she doesn't give.

Reluctance to have sex is always a consequence of some problems. If a girl refuses intimacy, you need to look for the reason: the problems can be both physical and psychological.

If you want to know what to do in such a situation, read on.

1. She doesn't like you

   What to do: Jerk off and cry. Then you need to talk to her. Do not attack her with claims and do not interrogate her. Ask a question in a friendly way: “Are you okay? I'm worried, let's talk. I want to understand and help." But if you really don’t like you, then expect the phrase: “You make me sick.”

2. Your girlfriend is emotionally "raped"

   What to do: Support her, okay. She has stress, PMS, and is overwhelmed at work. This all affects libido, and the only thing she wants is to sleep. Give her compliments and praise. Maybe after this she won’t want to sleep alone.

3. She thinks you're sad shit

   What to do: Develop yourself. If you are not interested in a girl as a person, there will be no intimacy. Chicks like men who have a favorite business, passion, hobby, who can tell her something new or teach her something.

4. It hurts her to have sex

   What to do: She's probably embarrassed to tell you, so ask yourself. This happens with all kinds of thrush, disruption of the vaginal flora due to nerves and bad weather, whatever. And there are also all sorts of vaginitis - this is when there is inflammation and everything hurts.

   If she is afraid to go to the doctor herself, then go with her.

5. You've turned into an idiotic animal in her eyes.

   What to do: You offer to have sex so often that she is now not interested at all. She refuses out of principle. Give her a break from yourself for a couple of days.

6. She likes another guy

   What to do: Welcome to the friend zone, where sex doesn't happen at all. A girl may view you as a backup option or as a vest she can whine into. By the way, the friend zone also happens after marriage. What to do in this situation - I don't know. Dump her.

7. She doesn't trust you

   What to do: Say “we” and don’t be afraid of the future tense. Make joint plans for the future (of course, not for decades in advance, we are talking about the near future). Perhaps she is afraid that after sex you will screw up. And if you really want to get screwed, then God will be your judge.

Most men, or rather it should be said, probably everyone at least once in their lives was interested in this question: WHY doesn’t a girl/wife want to have sex?

There may be several reasons, but today I want to consider the issue of frigidity, when a girl does not enjoy sex, when, on the contrary, it is unpleasant for her, as the woman herself claims.

“Who doesn’t like sex?” many will be indignant. But it exists and it is a pressing problem. More and more frequently, acquaintances of women and men whose wives are “frigid” complain about this problem. Clients address this issue and ask

Let's first look at the concept of frigidity itself: Frigidity is female sexual coldness, lack of excitability.

There are 4 types of frigidity:

Constitutional form, this is when a woman lacks libido towards the opposite and her own sex, that is, there are no erotic dreams, fantasies and desires, erogenous zones do not respond to stimuli (caresses, etc.);

Retardation frigidity- this is a temporary disorder associated with the late maturation of sensuality, that is, sexual life began earlier, before all the sensory zones of the brain had matured, when the ability to experience orgasm is formed only by the age of 23-25;

Sympathetic frigidity occurs in painful conditions such as spinal cord disease, endocrine disorders, intoxication, drug addiction. Frigidity develops when a woman’s reproductive system is underdeveloped, when she seems to need it, but doesn’t want it yet. The mental state of a woman also influences here, therefore the presence of depression, and especially prolonged depression, as a rule, completely deprives a woman of the desire to make love.

And psychogenic frigidity, when sexual inhibition of sexuality occurs in the female psyche, due to aversion to a certain specific partner, hostility arises towards him, due to previously inept actions in sex that failed. In other words, complete disappointment in your partner.

Here you can also add a puritanical upbringing, girls who consider themselves unsexy, ugly and have problems with self-esteem.

As for me, with the exception of perhaps the only physical disorder described above, everything else is a consequence of psychological problems. And therefore everything is solvable. The main thing is the presence of desire and again desire.

If you are depressed and want to do nothing, what should you do?

-Consult a doctor who will prescribe a course of complex vitamins and necessary medications. After which, it is PROVEN, not only does the desire to love yourself and your partner appear, but also your mood in general, your daily routine and life itself improves.

BUT! There are girls/women who “like” to be frigid, or they seem to like it, in any case, many of us “hide behind” the concept itself. And all questions and inquiries are answered ambiguously and vaguely. No, they are not deliberate speculators, everything happens for a reason. For example, many of us are simply not used to discussing such things; it was not customary in the family. It was considered shameful, purely personal and closed.

And that’s all, that’s how we live. Joyless.

What to do?

-Discard stereotypes. Realizing and accepting the presence of a problem will serve as the first step towards solving it. Because there are no frigid women! There are people who don’t know something, who are incompetent, and that’s normal! It’s impossible to know everything, and there are also lazy ones (here I’ll compare that there are men like that too:), so that it won’t be offensive). Give joy to yourself and your loved ones. Nothing is impossible, because everything is possible!

Professional help from a psychologist will help you understand the reasons. Your individual situation will be considered. You will learn what to do, how to change the situation for the better, and receive recommendations.

Best regards, Maria G.

Your girlfriend doesn't want sex with you? We sympathize, brother - I don’t even want to share such a problem with a friend. However, your friend is also insured against it: girls can begin to be capricious both before the first time and before the hundred and first time. Therefore, today we will look at the 7 most common reasons why your girl may not want to have sex.

She's on her period

Or she's not wearing the nicest panties. Or she has a headache. And other 100500 million one-day reasons. They all have one thing in common - they do not have any deep cause-and-effect relationship, they will soon end, and you will receive your desired HAPPY END. Yes, we know, such antics sound like banal excuses and it seems that she is just being capricious, but it is quite possible that she really has a headache. Give her some aspirin and pet her. Are you a gentleman or not?

She doesn't trust you

If she kind of likes you and allows you to touch her, but you haven't had sex yet, here's our advice: take your time, don't be persistent and don't force her to do anything, because no matter how sweetly you smile at each other, she won't - she may still not trust you and with your tank pressure you will only intimidate her. But even if it breaks, just to gain value, sometimes it’s better to take a step back. Seriously, distance yourself from her, you can start acting more cold and casual. You won’t even notice how her feminine pride will be perplexed - and now, she herself is trying to woo you.

You're acting like a nice guy

You are too kind, good, sympathetic. You try to satisfy all her whims, constantly seek her approval, exhaust yourself to help and serve. You shower her with gifts and ask for forgiveness first. In other words, you are completely, completely unsexy. You don't exude either desire or masculinity. We don't know if you've been acting this way since the beginning or since you realized you like her, but don't think that kindness is enough to get her into bed.

She has sex with someone else

Wait, she's a normal girl, she has a healthy libido, and she also wants sex... you know what we mean? It is quite possible that she is already getting the dose of orgasms she needs, just not from you. If your romance began quite recently, you may not even suspect that she has a living husband or a current boyfriend, and you are assigned only a minor role as an irritant of jealousy. If you’ve been together for a long time, and then she suddenly lost interest, changed her VK password and started buying expensive stockings, then, brother, didn’t you think that she was cheating on you?

She is under 25 years old

Don't be alarmed - we do not consider cases with sixteen year olds and/or virgins. It’s just that some young ladies have cotton candy walking around in their heads, and rose-colored glasses are put on their eyes. In other words, they have so many cockroaches and sudden principles that it will be difficult for you, with your clear-eyed logic, to comprehend them all. Some believe that sex is the highest point of human relationships, others say out of the blue, get married, others are waiting for you to just come and take it, and still others have some kind of inferiority complex with masochistic tendencies. Some are better to run away from immediately, seriously.

You don't respect her as a person

You are not at all kind, good or sympathetic. You are trying to control her behavior, constantly asking where she went, why she went there, who called her, who Vasya is, and then to “I don’t want you to go to work” and “I want you to stop communicating.” with Vasya" is not far away. In other words, you consider her your property and have absolutely no respect for her as a person, not to mention her personal space, interests and values. We are, of course, talking about extreme cases, however, the more you tighten the noose around her neck, the more she will move away from you.

She's asexual

This option should not be ruled out. She may not tell you so that you don’t get scared, but she herself delays your first time as far as possible. Moreover, you could even have had sex before, because many asexuals make concessions just so as not to offend their partner. In case you don't know, asexuals are people who do not experience sexual attraction. They are simply not interested and do not like sex, just like you, for example, do not like ballet. This is not a disease or a disorder, so there is no need to try to prove that “just try it and you will like it.” That's just the way she is. But you need to have a serious conversation and decide together what to do next.

The girl said she doesn't want a relationship? This is complete nonsense! From childhood, the female sex is accustomed to the family hearth: dolls, daughters and mothers, plastic dishes and much more. For the most part, their main goal is to build successful relationships: some only care about money, while others care about love and mutual understanding.

Therefore the problem is with you! As Pushkin said: “ The less we love a woman, the more she likes us!"You're just not 'asshole' enough for her:

Yes, there are girls who are looking for a good guy, but not everything is easy with them either. Let's look at the reasons!

Why a girl doesn't want a relationship - 4 reasons

Of course, circumstances may be individual, but based on women’s logic and millions of guys who are in a similar situation, the reasons are always the same. After all, in fact, it’s not so difficult to understand a lady.

Read also:

Reason #1. Consequences of past relationships

After a recent breakup, girls need time to snot. For some, a few hours are enough, while others remember past relationships for years. This happens quite rarely these days, but it still happens.

Vulnerable girls are afraid to open up to a new person, and in this situation you need to prove that you are a worthy choice and are ready to achieve her: do things that her ex did not do.

• Give her flowers and all sorts of trinkets.
• Sing her a song or record a funny video, maybe a serious one.
• Offer your help and insist on participating in her plans.
• Let others know that this is your future girlfriend (by actions).

In this case, it is enough just to be a man, show your courage and not be embarrassed by public opinion. She must realize that you are different and worthy of trust. Be arrogant, stubborn, persistent, and even if the girl doesn’t want a relationship, she will have no choice to refuse.

Reason #2. You're just a friend (friend zone)

She walks with you, trusts you with her innermost thoughts, flirts... but as soon as it comes to relationships - does she immediately bury her head in the sand? Congratulations - it's the friend zone! Probably the most thankless task for guys is to endure and suppress the feeling when a lady chooses a groom and sometimes asks for your opinion. What to do in such a situation?

• You need to make her need your communication! Stop spending all your time with her and looking for a reason to meet. Make it clear that if the girl does not change her attitude, she will lose you.
• Let him be jealous - start hanging out with other girls, take pictures with them, upload photos to social media. network - she should see that she is not the only one in your life.
• A frank conversation is ideal if she herself wants to talk to you, but sometimes you have to make the first step yourself. To do this, you need to take a rather long pause, supposedly time has passed and you are already a different person - here you will decide everything for each other.

Reason #3. She's using you

• She only needs you as a driver: give her a ride, drop her off, pick her up.
• They remember you when she needs something.
• She demands gifts from you, trips to restaurants, cafes.

Do you recognize yourself? Guy, you are being used, there is no question of any relationship! It’s good if you sleep together periodically, otherwise run away from her with your heels sparkling. She will suck all the money out of you and will take advantage of your kindness until the very last moment, and when you cannot offer her anything, she will disappear as if you did not know each other.

Reason #4. You're not serious!

Have you ever heard these words from girls? Understand! Irresponsibility is the scourge of men from time immemorial; ladies will not be with you until they are convinced of your seriousness.

1. You need to stop treating girls lightly
2. begin to notice small details unique to her,
3. remember her birthday
4. know her favorite flower,
5. stop drinking and flirting with everyone,

Then you have a chance!

How to get a girl who doesn't want a relationship in 5 steps

Initially, you need to understand whether the girl likes you or not. Read about signs of sympathy. But even if everything is bad and she doesn’t pay attention to you, the situation is not hopeless! But is it worth your effort?

• Step #1. First you need to find out the reason why nothing works for you.

We put forward a theory why she wouldn't want to be together. There is always a logical explanation, but you need to understand that sometimes they themselves cannot give a clear answer.

• Step #2. Next, think over an action plan and identify the goal you need to achieve.

You must set a specific goal, for example: a kiss. And move and act based on the position: will it bring you closer to the goal or not.

• Step #3. Make it clear that you are serious and determined (so that it is noticeable from the outside).

All her girlfriends and friends should understand that you are courting her, this will prove that you are not afraid to show off your feelings (they love this kind of thing).

• Step #4. Make attempts from less significant (going to the cinema) to larger-scale (a serenade under the window).

Always increase the pressure; if one approach does not work, you need to use a heavier arsenal.

• Step #5. You should continue until you start dating or the goal is fulfilled, or until you hate each other.

The essence of the method is: “Either yes, or total no.” If you haven’t achieved your goal, then you’ve tried everything and now it’s no longer possible to achieve it. Only in such a final will you feel like a winner, regardless of whether you got the girl or not.

I guarantee you, if a girl doesn’t want a serious relationship, then by acting according to this scheme, you will completely change her opinion, or yours!

What to do? How to proceed?

When a girl says that she doesn’t want a relationship yet, it means that you are not suitable for her, or she doesn’t want to date you!

You need to change your attitude towards yourself, and therefore change yourself:

1. change wardrobe (),
2. practice your diction and voice,
3. sign up for a gym
4. read a book on psychology

Anything that will make you more organized, restrained, courageous. After all, a girl wants to see a responsible and cheerful guy next to her, and she needs to work on this every day!

Surprise! You need to be spontaneous, you need to amaze a girl every time you go for a walk or see each other, always have an ace up your sleeve. Plan your events in advance and present them as a surprise, let her feel like she’s the one and only!

In reality you both want serious relationship, she just hasn’t decided yet, but this is a girl - she needs to be pushed to such a decision. Go for it!

For practical advice on relationships from a psychologist, watch the video: