How to overcome the fear of approaching a girl. Fear of meeting a girl - How to overcome? Is it possible to get rid of it without a specialist?

Hello!
Briefly about yourself! I’m 25, I’m healthy and full of energy, I don’t drink or smoke, I work out in the gym for myself, I keep in shape, without fanaticism, of course. I am a handsome, cheerful, kind, intelligent, loving, caring young man, without problems or complexes, I would probably say that he is ideal for girls;) like normal guys at my age, I am attracted to girls and constantly want sex with them. Now I’ve been dating a girl for half a year and 26 days, we almost live in a place, I try to be the perfect guy for her, I cook food for us, I run the house myself, flowers are rare, but they exist, gifts and compliments, of course! After work I don’t stay anywhere and go home to my girlfriend, I love and respect her. at the beginning of our relationship we had passionate sex, almost every night we kept our neighbors awake, I really like having sex with her, she constantly has orgasms, and says that she really likes doing this with me. but 4 months have passed and regular sex will turn into once a week, this is not enough for me, I am constantly hungry and have already started looking at other beautiful girls, I’ll clarify just to look. since I’m a man in the prime of life and my testosterone is off the charts, I’m passionate and insatiable, but I don’t understand why my girlfriend doesn’t want me. More precisely, she does, but not like before, I clearly hint to her that I want her, she answers, but not like that actively as before, as if I was forcing her, I understand this and give reverse gear, and she, as if nothing had happened, goes to bed, if it’s before bed or in the morning when we wake up, I’m all on fire, but she’s very passive and responds to my passionate kisses with simple kisses, if it’s during the day, she knows that she can’t get away with it, as if she’s trying to satisfy me (she herself won’t break down and will get a couple of orgasms), but I see that it’s not from the bottom of her heart, without love somehow! I can’t do that, for me sex is direct proof of love and fidelity, I have mastered the language of sex, and I see when they are being disingenuous and when they are not, when there is true passion and pleasure, and when “somehow” as if with “a girl I’ll call” who earns her money. Since she and I work, we see each other mainly after work in the evening, two days off and we spend them in the place. I tried to talk to her and said that I don’t have enough and I want her all the time, she turns on her feminine tricks and the conversation remains in the air, when she sees me sad, she asks what the problem is, I gently hint to her that I want her, she smiles sweetly and says that now we’ll eat, I’ll wash myself and go to bed. when it comes to the bed again passivity, I see that he doesn’t want to. I’m leaving, but she’s not interested in why I changed my mind, it seemed like I was on edge, but then I changed my mind, she knows that this is important to me, but... I tried it in different ways, both gently and with a little rudeness, rudely to her I don't like it, says tenderness is better! Another important factor, we began to quarrel not about sex, but about all sorts of little things, to which I had not previously attached importance and freely resolved them through simple dialogue with other partners, but with the current wild quarrel, she does not try to understand me, although I I clearly express my thoughts and actions. in general, I’m tired already, I don’t want to leave, but I don’t want to break off either, please advise me what to do!!! I have plans not to harass her at all, two or three weeks will pass and if she doesn’t pester me even once, break up!!! not enough time has passed yet and we won’t suffer much!!! in my opinion this is the best solution!

Vitaly, I can’t clearly tell you why your girlfriend wants sex less often than you. Maybe her need for sex is just a little less than yours. People are different. In sleep, in nutrition, in sex, they have different needs, in quantity and quality. You don't want to have sex for a while after sex. For a girl, “it’s been a while” a little longer.

You probably made the right decision.

But then, when choosing the next girl, you prioritize that she loves to have sex, so that the need for sex is the same as yours.

Just don’t forget that as you age, your need may become less and she will leave you, because she will need it when you don’t need it.

Women and men have slightly different bodies that deal with sex. 20-30 years is a period when a man needs a lot of sex - this is predetermined by nature and instincts, in order to continue the human race, so that a man can impregnate as many women as possible. For a woman, this is the period of finding a man who can protect her and the child born to her. So all this is more due to nature than to the individual. your girlfriend, let's say. Don't forget about it. Well, once a week is certainly not enough. for a healthy female body, something is probably going on between you and her emotionally, since you write that you are swearing.

But you still think about it, that choosing a life partner only based on the need for sex is somehow irrational, or something.

Of course, if she doesn’t “stick” for two or three weeks, then she simply doesn’t want you, you can safely break up. Only if everything was good at the beginning. For yourself, for the future, try to determine where things have changed in you or her, so as not to repeat the same thing.

Sincerely, Irina

Hello, Vitaly! You yourself write that your testosterone is off the charts. In this regard, your temperaments do not match with your girlfriend. What is normal for you is too much for her. This is the difficulty. Your unsatisfied desire results in quarrels and misunderstandings. As for the fact that sex is an indicator of love, I don’t agree with you. Sex is ONE of the indicators of love, an important and necessary part of a relationship, but you should not choose it as a measure of love. A reasonable approach is needed everywhere. If a girl doesn’t want you for two weeks, then, of course, you should think about it. If she doesn’t want to go there every day, then this could simply be talking about her sexual constitution, which differs from yours by an order of magnitude. You can choose how important sex is to you, that you are ready to change your partner because of this, or is it still worth finding some reasonable approaches to this issue, for example, increasing physical activity in order to direct testosterone in a safer direction. You can go to a sexologist, maybe they can tell you something. Good luck to you!

Vitaly, no other person, girl, will always coincide with you in everything in terms of desire. For starters, men and women have different sexual development peaks. You have it now, she will have it later. And a girl at that age may (and this is normal) not want you for 2 or 3 weeks. And this will not at all be evidence that she does not love you. Sex is not an indicator of love, it is one of its possible manifestations, but one of. In addition, she is already accustomed to the fact that you are “slowing her down” and will most likely wait for your initiative. It’s better not to start such games, but to talk honestly and openly (not with hints) about the fact that you don’t have enough sex. Flirting is a good thing, but sometimes it is worth backing it up with words that CLEARLY express your intention and desire. So that she has the opportunity to face reality: you want this. And this is a fact, voiced in words. And then she will have to do something with him, and not let him go on the brakes. And if it’s “no,” then she’ll have to voice that too and present arguments. And in this “presentation of arguments” you both will have to think about what is actually happening? And perhaps she will be able, by voicing some of her arguments to you, to understand herself more deeply. And explain to you. But “includes feminine things” and the conversation hangs in the air - this is already your responsibility too. You can gently say that you intend to clarify the situation and ask her not to shy away from answering. It’s your job to insist on continuing the conversation.

Further. Can't get people interested right away and through touch? - plan. Yes, many people say that sex according to plan is “not right.” But in our lives, when there are a lot of things to do and little time, we have to include sex in time management mode. Arousal is, after all, not a mystical process. And it is quite possible to call it “according to plan.” This is a banal physiological process, you should not “deify” it. Your emotions of love are divine, not excitement.

One more moment. A woman first experiences emotion, spiritual intimacy, resonance in terms of her moods and experiences, and then all this can successfully turn into excitement and desire for sex. Perhaps, as a foreplay, we need not only caresses, but also conversations, and just “sit next to each other, hold your hand, talk about love”? For you, the language of love is touching and sex, but what about her? Perhaps her love language is different. And she will be able to turn on desire only when she receives an emotional impulse on her tongue. And these can be gifts, romance, and conversations. Read the book "Five Languages"

The intimate side of life is considered quite natural for relationships, which is clearly demonstrated on television and discussed by psychologists. Many online forums even offer advice on how to attract a partner intimately.

However, sometimes the opposite happens: a woman does not want sex, sometimes giving a reason, and sometimes not. What can motivate the female gender to do this? The reasons for refusing sex can be completely different. Conventionally, they can be divided into physical and psychological.

Psychological

If you have been dating a girl for a long time, but she does not want to have intimate contact, then pay attention to how she generally behaves. Does she allow herself to be hugged? How long do you kiss and do you kiss at all? Does she allow you to just lie down next to her or even, for example, put your head on your knees? If not, or if this happens quite rarely, and the girl also shows signs of nervousness, then the reason may be in her past.

Not all girls have that “first time” as pleasantly as they would like. Often they receive deep psychological trauma either because of the partner’s attitude, or because of the conditions themselves (in particular, when the “first time” was without the girl’s consent). Such mental pain remains for many years, and even when the girl internally understands that you will behave normally and will not offend her, a picture of that very “first time” appears in her head.

Naturally, talking about this may simply be embarrassing or even uncomfortable, so the girl will prefer to remain silent and carefully remove your hand from her breast, or find dozens of reasons not to be alone with you in the evening. To overcome this, try to show with all your appearance that you will never hurt her. Often such girls are vulnerable and have a penchant for romance, so try, for example, to arrange several romantic evenings for your beloved, constantly emphasizing how much you love her. Not one hundred percent, but it can still help, and she will at least temporarily forget about her psychological trauma, euphorically allowing herself to trust you.

Another reason is when a woman or girl simply does not perceive you as a sexual partner. Let's say you've been on friendly terms long enough without crossing the line. Then it’s harder for her to accept that you and she can end up in the same bed, even though she loves you. In this case, just try to wait it out. Sooner or later she will accept the new reality, and your intimate life will improve.

It may also be a matter of how the woman or girl perceives herself. Most female representatives develop an inferiority complex, and even when a girl is beautiful enough, and everyone tells her so, she still may not consider herself beautiful enough to completely undress in front of a man. Sometimes intimacy in the dark is allowed, but often a woman tries to avoid it altogether, until, finally, you convince her that even if there really is some kind of pimple or wrinkle, you like her body.

If you have been together for a long time, then perhaps the refusal occurs due to the routine of family life. A woman doesn’t see the point in having sex with you, because she doesn’t feel the same emotions, and in general, intimate contact years after marriage doesn’t seem very necessary to her. In this case, try together with her to add some novelty to your intimate life, study the relevant literature or watch a thematic film, visit a specialized store.

It also happens that a woman refuses sex “on a dare.” Let’s say she wants to ask you for something or punish you for something, so she prepares the ground in advance (sometimes, however, she can directly set the condition “you will do this, otherwise there will be a month without sex”). Practice shows that this method for achieving a woman’s goals is not effective in all cases, but if it can really work on you, it’s better to talk to her in advance and try to reach the maximum compromise or even give in on something.

Physical

First of all, it is worth mentioning the correspondence of physical parameters. If the manhood is too large, then it can cause a woman physical pain during penetration, which she will not always agree to endure. At the same time, she may not talk about it directly, but reduce intimacy, say, to once a week or a month.

In second place among physical reasons is the lack of physical pleasure. Even if a woman is not in direct pain, she simply does not experience an orgasm, sometimes allowing herself to simulate it, evoking the corresponding images in her memory, but sometimes, especially if there are other problems, she prefers to simply refuse sex.

Sometimes intimate relationships are interfered with by severe headaches and migraines. The reason is quite banal, and many men already perceive it as an excuse, but the fact remains a fact.

The next reason smoothly transitions from the previous one: general physical fatigue. After all, sex is a kind of physical activity, so if a woman is very tired at work or from other activities, she simply may not want to exert herself again until she has rested or even gotten enough sleep. In that case, just wait.

The fifth physical reason is a woman’s gynecological problems. These include diseases that cause pain in the lower abdomen, regardless of origin, menstruation, or a disease that you don’t always want to talk about. There are other reasons why women refuse intimacy, but we paid attention to the most basic ones.

What to do if she doesn't give.

Reluctance to have sex is always a consequence of some problems. If a girl refuses intimacy, you need to look for the reason: the problems can be both physical and psychological.

If you want to know what to do in such a situation, read on.

1. She doesn't like you

   What to do: Jerk off and cry. Then you need to talk to her. Do not attack her with claims and do not interrogate her. Ask a question in a friendly way: “Are you okay? I'm worried, let's talk. I want to understand and help." But if you really don’t like you, then expect the phrase: “You make me sick.”

2. Your girlfriend is emotionally "raped"

   What to do: Support her, okay. She has stress, PMS, and is overwhelmed at work. This all affects libido, and the only thing she wants is to sleep. Give her compliments and praise. Maybe after this she won’t want to sleep alone.

3. She thinks you're sad shit

   What to do: Develop yourself. If you are not interested in a girl as a person, there will be no intimacy. Chicks like men who have a favorite business, passion, hobby, who can tell her something new or teach her something.

4. It hurts her to have sex

   What to do: She's probably embarrassed to tell you, so ask yourself. This happens with all kinds of thrush, disruption of the vaginal flora due to nerves and bad weather, whatever. And there are also all sorts of vaginitis - this is when there is inflammation and everything hurts.

   If she is afraid to go to the doctor herself, then go with her.

5. You've turned into an idiotic animal in her eyes.

   What to do: You offer to have sex so often that now she’s not interested at all. She refuses out of principle. Give her a break from yourself for a couple of days.

6. She likes another guy

   What to do: Welcome to the friend zone, where sex doesn't happen at all. A girl may view you as a backup option or as a vest she can whine into. By the way, the friend zone also happens after marriage. What to do in this situation - I don't know. Dump her.

7. She doesn't trust you

   What to do: Say “we” and don’t be afraid of the future tense. Make joint plans for the future (of course, not for decades in advance, we are talking about the near future). Perhaps she is afraid that after sex you will screw up. And if you really want to get screwed, then God will be your judge.

Why a girl won’t give, only she can say for sure, but we will still look at the most common taboos about sex.

1. The girl does not want to give because of her beliefs

   Don’t be surprised, there are still those girls today whose upbringing or beliefs do not allow them to have an intimate relationship before marriage. There is a more modern option - the girl decided to lose her virginity only when she was 100% sure that you have the most serious intentions towards her. In this case, you can say that you are very lucky. You will know for sure that the girl had no one before you and that she will only be yours. If the prospect of being the only one and not being married doesn’t excite you, it’s better not to ruin the girl’s life. Appreciate her purity - this is such a rarity now, let her meet a person who will appreciate her.

2. The girl just doesn't like you

   Perhaps she is dating you because she has nothing else to do. When there is no spark, there is no good sex.

3. The girl is worried about her appearance

   On the contrary, the girl really likes you, but she is not confident in herself. Afraid that seeing her naked will make you disappointed and leave her. This is a purely psychological problem that needs to be solved together.

   In this case, you just need to compliment her more often, try to make the girl feel like a queen with you and not have a shadow of a doubt that you like her.

4. The girl is having her period

   Such a reason should not even be discussed, wait, she herself will tell you when it is possible.

5. The girl is worried about the appearance of her underwear and clothes

   Of course, for a man, such a small thing as the color and style of panties does not matter, but for a woman, everything should be perfect. If she didn’t wear beautiful erotic lingerie on a date, it means she’s not yet ready in her mind for an intimate relationship with you. Bid your time.

6. The girl doesn't like your sexual preferences

   A girl doesn’t give in to the ass, she doesn’t like rough sex, she doesn’t like oral sex - the reasons for sexual incompatibility can be different. If you have already entered into an intimate relationship with her, and the next time there was no continuation, you need to frankly discuss what you like and what she likes. Find a compromise and respect each other's feelings.

7. The girl is not feeling well

   Not like in a joke, when a headache is always an excuse, but in reality, each of us can feel unwell. In this case, offer your help, give a massage, hot tea, show attention and understanding, and next time your beloved will reward you for your care.

8. The girl is selling herself

   Most likely, if a girl leads you by the nose for a long time, hints at intimacy, but at the very, very moment finds reasons to refuse, she is selling herself. You are a hunter, she is playing with you. Play with her too. Every serious hunter always has a couple of tricks on how to catch prey faster. When warming up interest and passion, do not overdo it - you can burn out from excitement without waiting for the climax.

9. She's afraid of being used by you

   Most likely, evil tongues tried their best and gave you a not very flattering description. The girl wants it, but she is afraid that you will use her and leave her. Your salvation is to gain authority in her eyes.

An emotional, burning, sensual woman is the dream of every man! And this is not surprising, because sex occupies a very important place in the lives of men. Men perceive any problems in this area extremely painfully. And one of these problems is when the woman you love doesn’t want sex.

A man, having received a refusal, as a rule, experiences not only physiological discomfort, but also psychological discomfort; he immediately develops bad suspicions about the woman’s attitude towards him - she has fallen out of love or has taken a lover. Of course, this is also possible, but, in fact, a woman does not always refuse sex because she does not love a man or cheats on him with another. There may be other factors.

Reasons for a woman's refusal to have sex

The beginning of a relationship If we are talking about the very beginning of a relationship, then a woman may refuse sex because she does not want to seem easily available. It is also possible that the woman does not trust the man and suspects that he is not serious about her. In this case, if a man really likes a woman, he should not rush things, but try to prove to her the seriousness of his intentions and the depth of his feelings with the help of beautiful courtship. Resentment towards a man If a woman categorically does not want sex, although previously everything was fine with this, a man should think: has he offended his beloved in some way? For women, intimate life and emotions are very interconnected, therefore, if problems arise at the emotional level, this immediately affects the sexual sphere. If the resentment towards a man is strong and unexpressed, then a woman may completely lose all desire to make love to him. Some problems have arisen at work or in the family. It happens that the wife does not want sex against the backdrop of even minor worries. Women are very emotional creatures, and often what seems like absolute nonsense to a man, for example, a quarrel with a colleague or a child’s troubles at school, can cause her to become tearfully hysterical, or even depressed. Well, what kind of sex can we talk about if cats scratch your soul? Severe fatigue has accumulated. Sex requires strength and energy, and many women get so tired during the day that they no longer dream of love pleasures, but only of rest. Think about it: not only do women often have to work as hard as men at work, but they also have a lot of things to do at home! Many men, coming home from work, immediately collapse on the sofa to rest, while their wives fuss around with housework all evening. Therefore, at the end of a hard day, many women are only able to crawl to the bed and immediately fall asleep, while a rested man is full of strength and ready for exploits.

The problem is physical illness If a woman avoids intimacy, then she may have health problems and constantly feel unwell. In this state, a woman will definitely have no time for sex. A woman has a weak temperament (low libido) It often happens that at the beginning of a relationship, a woman, in order to make a man fall in love with her and tie him to her, pretends to be an African passion, although in reality she does not want to make love to him several times a day . For a woman with a weak temperament, sex once a week is enough, or even less often. But then time passes, the relationship becomes stable, and the woman gets tired of pretending, and the man’s persistence begins to cause her annoyance and irritation. Unfortunately, it plays one of the main roles in relationships, and a large difference in temperament often turns out to be the reason for a couple’s breakup. A woman fell in love with someone else. Alas, this also happens... Often, when a man and a woman have been married for many years, romance - and both are to blame for this. Even if a wife does not dare to cheat on her husband with her beloved, her passion for marital sex, in any case, noticeably weakens. If a man loves a woman and values ​​his relationship with her, he can try to treat the situation with understanding, find his fault in it, and try. True, it is not always possible to reanimate faded feelings...

In this case, the man should:

• Have a serious conversation with the woman, explaining to her how worried he is about her refusals, and ask her to explain her behavior. It may turn out that a woman is just waiting for such a question from a man in order to express to him her accumulated complaints or tell him about the problems that have arisen.
• Don’t be too lazy to take on at least some of the household responsibilities if your wife doesn’t want sex precisely because she’s very tired.
• Try not to offend a woman with rude words and reproaches, do not take out your anger and irritation on her, and do not forget to thank her for her love and care.
• Don't forget about the romantic side of relationships, which is so important for most women. So that everyday life does not kill love, a man should at least sometimes arrange romantic dates, do not forget to congratulate his beloved on the holidays and often tell her how beautiful she is and how much he loves her!